Emotionally unstable,need advice

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Kligor, Jan 1, 2020.

  1. Kligor

    Kligor Fapstronaut

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    Hi people,best solution is maybe going to psychologist i know and i have planned that.
    My main problems is:
    1.I feel better when i m alone(all alone nobody around me).I don't say i hate people,but people in my surrounding just have unnecessarily behaviors and comments,they hardly say something nice to you,they brawl instead of finding solution,they enjoy whining.
    2.I have hard time during arguments or brawls(When they happens for stupid reason or unnecessarily things)i feel like a moron when i m part of that but i m on job at that time and there is nowhere i can go,if you let them to say whatever they want and do whatever they want(i mean ignore them)they will behave like they have no limits.When conflict is about important things i have no problems but i don't like that.
    3.When i m around people who have negative attitude,who always judge books by cover,who always think they are right no matter how stupid they are(Probably unconscious)i feel sad,i feel like problem is in me,i feel like there is no help for me.All that happens at job,private i avoid that type of people.
    4.I always try to not start conflict,is things and reasons are not important i avoid conflict,but when anybody tell to me something that can insult me i will try to be nice and explain if that don't work i will tell him he is a idiot( if i m right in conflict).
    5.Sometimes i get things personally,even if person didn't do that with purpose to insult me,sometimes even joke sounds to me personally(that is my problem which i must solve).
    6.I care about people feelings,sometimes i put others to go ahead of me(i must stop that)MY BIGGEST PROBLEM IS I DON'T CONFLICT BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO HURT ANYBODY,even if they don't give a sht about me or anyone else.
    -I don't know m i emotionally unstable or is this all in my head but i must fix this if i want to live.
     
  2. alpha.buddy

    alpha.buddy Fapstronaut

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    don't worry about it man, you are totally fine. Maybe you just have not-so-bright people around you. I am by myself a lot, and I prefer that.....it's more peaceful, and I can do whatever I want, when I want. besides, who better to have meaningful conversations with than yourself, haha, everyone can agree with that!
     
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  3. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

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    worry about it man! I can attest that most people are not worth spending time with, however that is no excuse to not socialize with them. If I didn't talk to the people I don't like i wouldn't be talking to anyone. When you are at work/school etc. where you are surrounded by people with whom you don't have any choce, just do smalltak and pleasantries. You need not to go into deep philosophical subjects or personal problems. Once you have weeded out the people you can trust you may do it with them. Also you must assert yourself and stand your ground. Don't agree with everything just because you are part of the crowd. You'll get backlash, but you won't use your identity. The therapisdt/psychologist will only hel;p if he understands the social fabric of human nature. Most psychologists are freudian and reductionists saying it's all in your brain and stuffing you with pills.
     
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  4. TheHeavy

    TheHeavy Fapstronaut

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    Yeah this is definitely something you SHOULD worry about. Look up the symptoms of CPTSD. Im no doctor but what you're describing sounds pretty similar. And even if you don't have it, learning those skills (found in CPTSD workbooks) will help you be less reactive and strengthen your sense of self.
     
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  5. Kligor

    Kligor Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for support people.
    With people who i don't like(Reasons is not much important)i don't like to talk but i don't avoid them,i think that is problem i was like that my whole life.
    I search about CPTSD symptoms,i think that is not my problem but thanks anyway.
     
  6. Mithras

    Mithras Fapstronaut

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    Have this one sometimes. I think it's due to a lack of self-confidence that leads to paranoia. You think you are worthless and people around you (even best friends) are making fun of you and jokes seems to resonate with you in a kind of sarcastic way, not direct. Some sentences may resonate with what you think of yourself and appear as directly addressed to you even if the person who said it didn't even think about you. It's a weird feeling.

    I experienced that in an extreme way for the first time in my life during an acid trip, I was hearing voices which I thought came from around me and I was thinking that was my friends' ones but they simply came from myself talking to myself with voices sounding like coming from out. I was in a state of psychosis, where I could no longer trust my friends, thinking that they were in my mind, raping me from inside...that was a terrible experience, Thought I was becoming insane.

    Since then I keep experiencing it at a lower degree, especially while smoking marijuana. My lack of self-confidence, bad inner dialogue are mixing with elements from the outside world making me think that people around me want to hurt me with sarcasm and tricks, but it's just paranoia.
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2020
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  7. Kligor

    Kligor Fapstronaut

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    You right man,i hate this feeling,it is more like my mind telling me bad things even if i know nothing wrong is happening.
     
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  8. pokershark

    pokershark Fapstronaut

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    Hi, king

    Okay. So. No, I don't think you've got psychological problems. All I see is environment / life setup problems. I'm a 25 year old incel, I experience none of the problems you listed but it's not because I think differently, it's because my lifestyle doesn't arise any of those problems. I'm probably more lonely than you, but I also haven't had a single person disrespecting me for over a year for sure. Not that I couldn't take it, but that's a statistic (!!)

    I'll just rush through your questions real quick:
    0)psychologist. Dubious. I haven't had success w/ them myself and from what I know the overall success rate is quite low. More benefit is gained from changing your lifestyle. Unless you want to get psychologist -> psychotherapist -> get prescribed pills, but then you have to buy the pills and may become semi-dependant and then have to manage your tolerances to certain stimulants or whatever and it's all this little game on top. Do you want it?

    I've tried online therapy and 2x live psychologists, was of no value to me. I've never used said pills so I don't have experience, but pills (stimulants, depressants, etc. are the standard approach if you want to change your emotions through working with your psychotherapist). I don't think a single psychologist can help you, most of them don't really know their craft and are too busy with too many clients and their own life (which is also unsorted, typically) and it's mostly mere talk with no benefit, from my experience
    1)don't surround yourself with such people, ideally. How do you have such people in your life in the first place?
    2)tell me more about those brawls. Fist fighting is dangerous. You don't have a mouthpiece, get clipped, you can lose teeth on worse occasion. Or the opposite, you do that to them and then they want to kill you as a revenge (at least that's my image of a violent environment and fighting, not sure if that's close to reality).
    3)how do you get in this situation? Are they in your job or at home or at friend's house?

    5)sometimes this personal insult is true. E.g. it unveils and you really have a strong weakness. The question is, can you improve on those things?

    6)it's not your biggest problem, actually people like that are the bread and butter of the society and I've got massive respect for them, for helping us others and doing their job properly and cleaning up and caring about nature and etc., you shouldn't change it, you should find people who appreciate your hard work there and value what you do for their and the overall benefit of everybody. On the edge case, if they don't give a shit. Make a goal, say, you won't help Igor (who doesn't respect you). Break the goal down, do it, checklist it. Repeat it, then move to another person. You don't have to change your habits in one day. It can start with simply not helping / not wasting your energy on one person in your cycle who doesn't care about you.
     
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  9. Kligor

    Kligor Fapstronaut

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    Hi buddy and thanks for your time.

    1.Yeah i don't surround myself with those people by my choose,i work in store there are too much people,customers is not to bad with behaviors but my coworker is sociopath we work year+ everyday.
    2.When i said brawls i didn't mean fist fighting,i mean stupid comments from coworkers or customers which should insult you(in their mind).I like to avoid those situations,arguments and brawls without any need just because don't have smarter things to do.
    3.I work at store,i personally have seen the boss few times.
    5.I hate that feeling.
    6.That causing me big problems,sometimes i feel like there is no help for me.
     
  10. pokershark

    pokershark Fapstronaut

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    Np, my pleasure. It costs nothing to me to write.

    Oh. But fighting skill is good. It makes you quite unafraid, in general. You've been punched in the face, you've punched others. So, I still recommend taking boxing classes and, ideally, doing some 'real' amateur fights for an amateur record to ground the skill being more real. Plus some BJJ or at least MMA if you actually plan to get into fights, because ground game is needed some of the time.

    3. I think, you should eye a way out of the store. It's an entry level job meant mostly for people who didn't develop their career. Do you have skills in any other professions? Can you train yourself for a change in profession? Doesn't have to happen overnight, but changing the profession in under a year would be good. Software development is good, but you have to get good at it and then improve even more. Everyone wants a good software developer but being a legit good software developer is hard.

    5. don't hate it. List it, embrace it. These are the areas where fixing them gives you the most improvement and most happiness if you've managed to change them. So, say, you have 10 flaws. If you keep track of them. Either now or after a month you can find a way to improve in one of those flaws. Once you've listed the flaws, this might even happen naturally, because you know what your flaws are. If you know, they become something you can work on. A radical example, let's say, I dunno, you lisp, for example. That's terrible, right? Oh, this is why you don't get respected? Etc. this is why people can't understand what you say and then they ask you to repeat and you can't and everyone thinks you've got autism or something. Most lisp(s) can be cured up via voice training. Get cash, voice training, real improvement in less than 80 hours of effective training. Same if you think you're skinny and weak, for example. Via training properly you can get in better shape than 93% of other men.

    6. For sure. It's a tough life. You can't fix it right now, in one go, unless you see an option to (say, you can withdraw $10000 of debt, run away and never pay the debt, that might solve all at once in 2 days). But else, it takes time. You can only pick one or a couple of fixes at a time, deploy those fixes and then go from there. There's a reason these piece-of-shit people around you exploit you, they've sensed they can get away with it. The easiest solution, in my opinion, is don't try to fix it, move away, get more successful than them, eventually. For being threated bad, if it repeats in new place, you know it's from how you carry yourself or the local culture or both. If it doesn't and it's fixed out of the box via moving, great, you fixed a core issue and it was the piece-of-shit people around you, not some universal thing.
     
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