Empezar de nuevo.

I had a great conversation with our parish priest recently. Somehow the subject happened upon marriage and I stated that Christ was an equal partner in all Catholic marriages. Our priest agreed and went on to say that when choosing a partner, people must ask themselves if their choice will help build their faith and devotion to God or not? I admitted that I was far too young and too smitten to ask such a question when I got married but fortunately (probably at the behest of my devout parents), God was looking out for me.

 

Good job with the sacrifice! God notices these things.

 

¿Cómo te fue? ¿Cómo estás ahora? No tienes que preocuparte por nos decepcionar o no ser buen ejemplo. No te vamos a juzgar o pensarte mal. No podemos; somos igualmente pecadores. ¡Fortalécete!

Tienes razon que hemos de evitar esos pequeños deslices, porque se añaden a una gran desliz. Por ser honesto con nosotros mismo y con otros, incluso y especialmente con Dios, tendremos éxito.

 

I am deeply humbled when I consider the excruciatingly slow process which brought me to the point I am at today. I don't suggest that Our Lord wants others to be as slow to finding freedom from this sin as I was but I can see that a certain amount of failure along the way was necessary for me and so it is likely to be for others. Underlying my failures was a keen sense of pride in myself. It took a long time for this to be eroded away, so that I might fully come to rely on Our Lord. Ultimately, it was one very ugly day of sin that opened my eyes to the level I had sunk to. At the same time, it took a very long time for me to change my prayer routine from a sporadic perfunctory one to a faithful daily routine of real fervent prayer from my heart.

Let no one despair of breaking free from the chains of this sin. We are all meant to enjoy such freedom but Our Lord knows there are things within us that need change and improvement, sometimes through humbling falls. All He asks is that we not give up.

May these words of St. Benedict help us: "Vade retro Satana! Nunquam suade mihi vana! Sunt mala quae libas. Ipse venena bibas! (Begone Satan! Never tempt me with your vanities! What you offer me is evil. Drink the poison yourself!)"

 

Keli, I am sure that God hears each and every one of your prayers. I think the barrier in understanding His reply is our readiness to receive his messages. It is hard to hear God's replies to our prayers if we are seeking a selfish outcome for ourselves.

I suppose in my case, I had a selfish desire to quit PMO so I could tick a box on the questionnaire for eligibility for heaven. It is only since I came to desire a clean heart to love God more dearly that I have found freedom from PMO and had my eyes opened to other sinful ways of mine. I am sure that God doesn't change His plans to suit a selfish request, it is our role to learn to accept and appreciate His will out of love and trust in Him.

 

I am sure if one truly desires a clean heart, they can obtain it. It seems my heart is being cleansed incrementally. Removing PMO from my life opened my eyes to other things which were polluting my heart and mind, like pride and anger. Fortunately, God is capable of anything and I believe that even my soiled heart can be cleaned by Him. So it must be, the first step in obtaining a clean heart is learning to desire it and flee from desires that soil it.

 

So glad that you have a good and kind priest to confess to! Love is what overcomes evil.

 

Hmm, that is definitely how I think about things. Never thought of it as a selfish desire... but in a sense I guess it is... it's the spiritual analog of the high-school "I just want to pass the exam" mentality vs "I absolutely love this subject and can't wait to learn more".

 

Please let me note that we are each walking this road/climbing this mountain, in the right and in the same direction. Together we are striving to know God's peace by finding freedom from this sin. We help each other along the way with insights and encouragement. Isn't it an incredible privilege to know that we have been chosen from the millions, perhaps billions, who are yet to see a reason to quit this sin. It is also a privilege to walk along side each of you. Thank you one and all for your encouragement and your insights. May God bless each of us today.

 

He experimentado lo que dices sobre la dificultad de encontrar placer y alegría afuera de la adicción. Cuando estoy cerca de caer, en medio de las tentaciones me pregunto cuál placer falto o cúal placer inocente puedo buscar para cumplir ese deseo. Comer unas dulces, aunque por lo general no lo hago, es mucho mejor que caer en PMO.

 

It seems to me that you both are doing the right things. You are praying. You are seeking wisdom and seeking God. You are receiving the sacraments. We are humans with flaws and weaknesses as well as strengths and talents. It is hard to accept but we are all working on God's time frame and His time is not ours. As long as we don't stop striving, God will help us progress to the next plateau as we climb the mountain albeit in His time. It is not prideful to recognize your efforts even if they haven't yet brought all you hope to achieve. You are doing good work, congratulate yourselves on what you doing and keep striving. God has great things in store for you both. I am praying for you both, please pray for me.