Emptiness: the double edged sword of irony

Do you felt empty when you hit puberty and watched porn? When you first started watch porn the main cause was emptiness or strong animal sex urge when testosterone is at highest in prime age? For me it was the second, fantasies 24/7 about sex about naked woman, about their legs in stockings, their beatiful tits and how they react in these movies, how they scream. Its natural in young male. The problem is with ecsessive porn that can do damage and it blocks many aspect of life, missed opporunites to meet women, low confidence and then emptiness. My theory is that porn can be addicted more to person with very high libido.

 

i do believe that urges and attachments are not the same as void or emptiness. Being lonely is not the same as being alone at all. If you have some time I recommend those two to listen to:

 

We live in the gold age of entertainment and all addiction may create more confusion for you. Emptiness happens after the addictive act. Such as after ejaculation you feel shame - that is emptiness of the expectation of comfort. That expectation creates an illusion so thats why you have to keep yourself ready for any sort of urge.

Hope this helps

 

Totally agree. I feel the emptiness inside me right now. for me, the Saturdays evenings are the worst because I feel like having someone around me...

 

I once had a similar thought too @lekasenor. Especially regarding addiction. In my case, I realized it when I was doing some self-reflection about obesity. Your description feels spot on on a lot of points.

I once heard that in a certain European country (I forgot which), instead of prison, illegal drug addicts were remitted into therapy sessions. There, they let out their problems, met new friends, and stuff. Then as a result, the cases of drug abuse had significantly dropped since the time that new law about drug abuse penalty was effected.

Eventually I figured, if only I can deal with the root cause of PMO (which might be similar to the void that you said), I'll be able to break free of this habit once and for all. But alas, the last boss lives up to its reputation. I personally feel like I've made good progress though.

I've tried to find more meaning in my social life, and I no longer relapse as often as before. But yeah, that's another story.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

 

I struggled a lot with feelings of inner emptiness since puberty, too. But it got better. Having had suicidal thoughts years ago, I can now say that I embrace the tiny little bit of time that was given me on this planet, as a gift.

 

I concur @lekasenor, this is what a I feel also. I feel lonely in some respects, but the emptiness I experience is appalling!

 

I'm on my second day and my god am I feeling it. It probably started out as normal teenage emotions when I was young. You're right it was probably some combination of seeking behaviors, "I want to be popular" "I want a beautiful girlfriend" "I wanna be good looking, tall, be admired, invited out". These beliefs didn't have a healthy opportunity to resolve themselves through normal avenues like sports or hobbies. Then I found porn and it felt like a shortcut, instead of solving my problems I got to bypass them with a high. Even now 13 years later whenever I stop for even a day it feels like all of it comes rushing back to me. So instead of just the initial teenage angst and loneliness it's like I took a mental loan out to pay for those problems every time I pmo'd which compounded in interest over the years leading to the absolutely horrific, shocking, and mind/body numbing experience that is this withdrawal.