Encouragement and hope: my reboot journey

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Jesus Loves You, Jul 9, 2020.

  1. Jesus Loves You

    Jesus Loves You New Fapstronaut

    First of all, I want to offer encouragement and hope to everyone here on this forum and trying to make a difference in their lives. I thank my Lord Jesus for seeing light in darkness and giving me the strength to write about this. There's a bit of detail missing as I want to focus on the main points. To secular/agnostic people, I understand you may not get all the stuff about my Christian faith but I guess, there's only one way to write this. Christians are still very much human.

    I first came across the NoFap site a few years back but didn't take real notice of it. It was only until COVID19 hit and I was stuck in isolation that I, for some reason, took NoFap very seriously. From becoming Christian in my early 20's I knew watching porn was really wrong but accepted that constant and frequent masturbation is ok. Now in my mid 30's, I slowly got off hard porn (tons of stop, starts and failures) but never really killed it completely and resorted to soft porn or scantily clad women. Occasionally I'd still watch the hard stuff and even when I didn't view any stimulant material, all this time I justified my frequent masturbation to myself that it was ok as it was a "bodily need". The truth was I was in denial and I had a problem. My PMO deceptively and fundamentally screwed up my perception of women even though I was taught all the right things at Church. For those wanting to know my theological standpoint, occasional masturbation is ok only if you absolutely need to release but constant, impulsive and at times uncontrollable masturbation, and that it was all lust, is clearly problematic. I went to great lengths to find Christian articles that justified masturbation and so it gave me permission to do it almost as much as I wanted. The truth was I was in denial and to be honest with yourself is half the battle. To admit your failures is going to hurt but it leads to freedom.

    I prayed and did a lot of introspection or "soul searching" and realised there were underlying spiritual issues such as fundamentally deep fear and insecurity. Everyone is different but I believe at the base level, PMO addiction is a symptom of an underlying spiritual or developmental issue. When you deal with the underlying issue, then the symptom goes away - if you constantly battle the symptom, it will grow back over time so you have to destroy the root.

    So I gave NoFap a good go. 75 days PMO free but relapsed on the 75th day though there were times I almost relapsed (or technically did depending on who you ask). I know I'm starting again but 75 days without masturbating is a big deal for me and the longest I've gone without masturbating since my teens. I felt this uncomfortable freedom but nevertheless, it was freedom. During this time, there were times of sexual urge that came and went and it was a struggle sometimes. My real emotions came out and I sometimes cried. But the real struggle is when I faced what I was avoiding all this time, my fears and deep insecurity. Don't want to get into it too much, but I had a relatively hard/difficult upbringing to which the practical real-world consequences affect me deeply till this day. But I know that with Christ, everything can be conquered. Everyday, there is new hope and I'll keep fighting and trust God with all I have till the end. Hope this offers some encouragement and hope to anyone reading this.

    Last edited: Jul 9, 2020
    Buddhabro and Asdor22 like this.

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