Ended 3 year relationship today (super long, possible triggers)

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by CMarie102, Jun 4, 2019.

  1. Starchild5x

    Starchild5x Fapstronaut

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    Your story & many others just makes me cry because they all sound too familiar & make me have to admit that my nearly 20 year relationship is just a bag of lies,deceit & heartbreak,how am I supposed to ever trust him again,lie after lie,and if I feel unattractive & upset seeing all the half naked girls outside & splashed across every advert,it is apparently "my problem" and nothing to do with the fact he'd rather touch himself to to images of girls & women then be with his long term girlfriend,I feel so stupid for not finding it sooner & even more stupid for wanting him back! It seems either choice will cause me pain so I don't know what to do,I know what I probably should do.I too have wondered if I should call the police or tell somone,as one time I had been at my mams & knew he'd watch it while I was out (although me been asleep next to him never stopped him before) I checked & found a video called "children of the village" the thumbnail of the girl looked quite young but I've seen grown arsed women trying to look like little girls its horrendous,he really never seemed to the type to even watch anything like that but what do I know what people keep hidden,he may of always liked younger girls or wanted to fuck his sister,maybe youjust never truly know anyone.
     
  2. Starchild5x

    Starchild5x Fapstronaut

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    But if its your partner what are you supposed to do then? Not give a shit,leave and let them deal with it alone (probably to spiral further into the deep dark world that is Internet porn?
     
  3. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

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    Yes. Asking a spouse to help is like asking her to lift herself up in her own shoestrings. It's setting her up to a task she can't master and is not only cruel, but ineffective.

    On this forum you occasionally run in to PAs who are dead set on the idea that their issues are somehow their partners responsibility. "If she was more supportive...", "if she wanted more sex...", "if she was more like this person..." These men fail, because they don't recognize their own strength and responsibility, which is what being a man is all about.

    The PA needs to stop using his partner as a crutch (he has done that enough). Sometimes the best you can do as an SO is to walk out. These men won't learn to swim unless someone removes the comfy arm pads that has kept them afloat for waayy to long.

    Does this sounds cruel? He will probably tell you that, because that's how narcissistic PAs mentally choke their victims slowly to death. By guilt, by lies, by projection.

    An active PA doesn't give a shit about his SO. So please, give a shit about yourself and walk proud, even if that means that you walk out of that prison door that he built for you.
     
  4. Starchild5x

    Starchild5x Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I actually get were your coming from now and agree,its unfair to expect me to stay when he has betrayed me,changed my view of him,myself,sex,men,women,teenage girls and love in general,iam expected to never bring it up because its embarrassing for him even though I have so much I want to say and ask,iam not supposed to check up on him because its wrong even though he continues to lie,iam supposed to trust him even though he's betrayed me in the worst way & again continues to lie,iam not supposed to see him differently even though I know he's watched teenagers and incest porn & iam supposed to forgive & let it all go even though he was so cruel to me while he watching all that disgusting shit! I've struggled with how its changed me,like many others tried to be more sexual always available scared to leave the house,its all just too much iam so tired,my head and heart are very heavy! Seems I too will have to come to terms with leaving at some point.
     
  5. Just came here to respond, but @Lilla_My said it better than I ever could. This addiction will destroy everything if we let it. If the addict will not stop, the best possible thing the SO can do is to get out before it destroys them, as well.
     

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