Ending a friendship with a girl who likes me

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by asbgca, Mar 28, 2018.

  1. asbgca

    asbgca Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys, I need an opinion. I saw this girl casually for a few months last summer/fall. We went out about a dozen times and slept together 5 or 6 times. For me it was never going to be anything more. It turned out she wasn't very experienced and I'm pretty sure she developed feelings for me. At that point I told her I was going through some stuff and wanted to just be friends. She said okay sure, and since then she keeps asking me out for coffee, movies, dinners, etc. She is extra nice in her texts and keeps paying me compliments and trying to make herself seem special.

    I don't like her sexually anymore and I feel like she is stringing along hoping for something to happen. I feel like I'm giving her false hope by staying friends, and I don't want to do that anymore. It feels like a burden and I want to let her go. Has anyone dealt with this kind of thing before? What's the best way of doing it? I don't want to hurt her more than necessary. But I want to be clear that the friendship is over. How do I give her the signal that I'm not interested in her without hurting her feelings too much?
     
  2. There’s no polite way of telling someone you are not interested in them. Just be honest with her. It’ll save you and her a lot of drama and time.
     
  3. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    Just put yourself in here shoes and make your decision based off that I think you can't go wrong with that. It sucks being let down but that's all a matter of perception and time heals all wounds. However, it would be a lot worst to sugar coat the situation and to hold her hear and feelings hostage. It's funny I recently got a call from this girl in college who was really interested.But most of the time I was a dick about it,and we fooled around once.After that it got a little weird we stayed friends, but deep down I thought I could mess around with her anytime I wasn't getting from girls I was actually really interested. Idk why she called me I barely hear from
    her and we live an hour away from each other. It was interesting because she was with her friend that also hooked up with.She was at the bar with her and they called me to see if I was in the area. But long story short I tried to reconnect with her and texted her on Monday and said how was the rest of your night and we should meet up but never responded back lol Idk if this is off topic but let this person go and give her the respect of being honest with her. Some things in life aren't meant to be and tell her that she will get over you and find someone that will reciprocate the same interest.
     
  4. Well there is no easy way but you have to be honest with her about it, so what if feelings get hurt it happens I know of plently of women who were not shy about telling me over the years they didn't like me it happens, women are not as thin skinned as you think tell her its not working out and you have moved on
     
  5. Whatever you do, do not ghost her! I’ve done this before in the past and I’ve had it done to me.. that’s prolly the worst thing you could do to someone
     
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  6. SheMonk

    SheMonk Fapstronaut

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    Just be honest. Explain what you explained here. That you don't want to lead her on because you don't see a future with her romantically or friendly, and therefor you want to end it.
     
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  7. Rocky Rock

    Rocky Rock Fapstronaut

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    I think you should keep her as a friend and said to her that nothing more will happen but don't put her out of your life cause you never know what can happen maybe one day when you will be in a big trouble she will be here to help you and help you recovery from you problems. Everybody that's not against us is with us never forget that bud :)
     
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  8. asbgca

    asbgca Fapstronaut

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    Thanks guys, that's what I needed to hear. I've been dragging my feet ending this friendship. I've been half-ghosting her, taking a week to reply to her texts. Basically a bit of a coward, it's time to man up and do the right thing.

    Two things scare me, that's why I've been putting it off. First I'm worried about hurting her feelings. It gives me a guilt trip that I'll probably make her sad and she might feel shitty about herself. But even more I'm worried about not having her to fall back on in the future. It feels good knowing I have power over her, it's like a safety blanket. Truth is my nofap streak is making me needy.

    @Rocky Rock I hear you man, it never hurts to have another spinning plate right? But there's more to it from my perspective. I know that she's hanging on and hoping for more in the future. I don't want to give her that false hope anymore. The longer I do it the harder she'll crash when she finally sees there's no future for us. (i've been on the other side myself) Knowing all this makes me feel like shit and is affecting my state. It's karma bro, I don't want to be causing unnecessary suffering. If I was attracted to her it'd be different.
     
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  9. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    You fear the unknown just like the most of us but you all that matters is here and now and what steps you can take now to rectify it. Also hurting her is out of your control that's her job to pick herself up and keep on going.This is a harsh truth Ive learned is that no one is gonna love you more than you love yourself so do yourself a favor and just let her know how you feel. Also keeping hear around as an option is a lost cause imo it's kind of like an ego boost thing I can have her whenever I want which is manipulation and it seems like you don't want to do that
     
    asbgca likes this.
  10. She will hurt a lot from this but she will hurt more if it drags on. Rip the band aid off! You got this bruh
     
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  11. absolutely. i think that women are in many ways actually more thick skinned than men. there was a study recently that it takes a man longer to get over his ex and move on after a break up while alot of girls are already in the market after a couple of months.
     
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  12. hey man ! dont want to be harsh on you, but isnt it a bit selfish to have her as your fallback when you already know that you are not attracted to her.
    i guess the counter argument here could be that women do this kind of thing to guys all the time. they keep on leading a man just so they have a fallback.
    but that does not make this practice ethical.
    i dont think you should keep her hanging.
    just make up your mind and then end it with her.
     
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  13. MetaGame

    MetaGame Fapstronaut

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    I agree dont ghost. That is bad for her and you psychologically. Tell the truth as much as you have to. You may not even have to end the friendship if you make it clear you think the relationship side of things has run its course. That you appreciate the time you spent together and shes great but not great for you. that you cannot really control your emotions and you dont want to hurt her. Be honest as much as u can without hurting her.

    Thats all.
     
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  14. asbgca

    asbgca Fapstronaut

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    The deed is done, friends. Thanks for the advice and support.

    Yeah, you hit the nail on the head. I've been careful not to use her for the material things she's offered (dinners, movies, etc.). But it was emotionally selfish of me not to end it. Nofap is really bringing up my separation anxiety, being alone, all that sort of thing. Glad I took some action about it.
     

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