Endless relaps as result of wasted life?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by TimetoGrowUp, Aug 13, 2019.

  1. TimetoGrowUp

    TimetoGrowUp Fapstronaut

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    Hello,

    I’ve relepsed... again.. today even twice. My record was 14 days of abstaining but my life looks meaningless that I always return to that and say to me - but whatever.. I am 26 y.o., suffering from loneliness, chronicall sickness and chronic pain, depressed or feeling anxiety, living in isolation in unsuitable in connection to my health problems flat driving my nuts and have no family who could help me. I’ve tried meditation (and keep trying on), reading, some stretching yoga, being in touch with girls and lots of other things. My best friend has family already and no more time for me as before. It is like some vicious circle of finance shortage, illnesses etc and can’t make real progress worth a word.
     
  2. sasuke03

    sasuke03 New Fapstronaut

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    Before coming on here, I've relapsed like a 1000 times each time saying myself that this is the last. It's been 10 days on the Hard mode and though I get urges, I think it's about what we choose. I hold myself responsible for the life I want to create and I know that there will be some hard choices, but that's what separates us, right?
    Just choose better, my friend! You're like everyone else. A gem.
    There's no starting or stopping, there's only doing. So, do whatever is right for you. Hope it helps! :)
     
  3. Davinblake

    Davinblake Fapstronaut

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    Well, you decide when to put an end to your life. If you really think that fapping is your only problem go for a month in a place so desperate and far away from everything that you won't even have the possibility to do so.
    Now that i've adressed the iperbole you created in your mind, i can adress how between the people whom are around you, you are the ONLY one who is having the vibe to get out of a wasted life. So is your life wasted? Absolutely not. Could it have been better? Maybe, but probably not since you still have 60 years (at least) in front of you to live and since you are here fighing. So stop using your pc at home, stop using the browser on your phone and everytime you feel like something might lead you to fapping go around doing it (even if deep inside you you want to do it so that you can fap). Have a good one
     
    IbrahimViking, Nugget9 and Omeed like this.
  4. thedarkbird

    thedarkbird Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry to hear your life isn't going so well. That - of course - is the reason why you resort to porn, your way out. I don't know where you live but where I live there's financial support for people with illness. I would look into the options that are available to you.

    There is no way around but if you want to successfully drop porn (or any other addiction) you'll have to work on feeling better, physically and psychologically. Reading and practicing meditation is a good start but I would also strongly recommend a good therapist. Yes, those cost money; life is unfair for many who don't have financial means, unless you live in a country with a good social security system.

    I think it is more important at this point to give your life meaning, in small steps, and getting physically better, than quitting porn. I encourage your will to quit though, but if you're not in the right condition and you keep failing, your attempts may actually make you feel worse. Drugs numb pain, if the pain is not managed in another way it's next to impossible to quit anything.
     
  5. Feelslikezoom23

    Feelslikezoom23 Fapstronaut

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    You and I have a fair bit in common..... we should stay in touch
    I have a chronic debilitating illness and can't work at the moment.
    I have depression, anxiety and loneliness too
    I just relapsed today after 9 days. My longest was 17 days.

    Your not alone here...
     
    Mr. AndLF, Omeed and Casey54 like this.
  6. Feelslikezoom23

    Feelslikezoom23 Fapstronaut

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    Your totally right about the attempts making you feel worse.
    My life is a mess right now and every time I fail and relapse, I just get more depressed and punish myself emotionally for feeling like such a failure
     
    Omeed likes this.
  7. thedarkbird

    thedarkbird Fapstronaut

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    Yes, I've been there. We all have I guess.

    Try and be not so hard on yourself. You were given a set of tools - mainly by your parents - to cope with life. You may have been taught the wrong tools, or they are not adequate enough. Either way, it's not your fault that you became who you are, basically it's your parents'.

    That's not to say you're stuck with your life how it is, but it takes time to make changes. You can start by finding out why you feel so bad. It could be anything, and it's not easy to find out because you're used at being you. So, it's very helpful to get another perspective (think: therapist).

    In the mean time, quitting porn shouldn't be your priority. If you can, by all means, but if you keep relapsing and beating yourself up because of it, that's going to do more damage than anything.

    I have allowed myself to continue an addiction in the past because I was in no condition to quit. It's porn we're talking about here, not heroine or methamphetamine that will literally physically kill you over time. So, no rush right?

    I've known a few smokers that were always feeling bad about their smoking. Feeling guilty, apologizing, etc... I always tell them that if they're going to smoke, they better enjoy it, otherwise, what's the point? I know that I enjoyed smoking when I did, and I quit when I did not enjoy it anymore. (I realize this is an oversimplification of addiction, just trying to make a point).
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2019
    realmineralsalt likes this.
  8. Feelslikezoom23

    Feelslikezoom23 Fapstronaut

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    Wow, I'm very impressed from your perspective. You hit the nail on the head in so many points.

    I feel depressed after PMO because I want to please Jesus.

    Everything I do in life I want to walk with him. I feel like I'm letting him down massively.

    I feel I am abusing his creation. Abusing was sex was made for..
     
    Chappo030891 likes this.
  9. thedarkbird

    thedarkbird Fapstronaut

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    Some interpretations of any religion have made countless of people feel miserable, worldwide. If your belief is causing you to feel bad then it's a faulty belief, not a faulty you.

    Religion is one of those things that are drilled inside our heads from childhood on. It's difficult to shake for that reason. If you really believe that sex exists for procreation purposes only, and anything else is evil, then I'm afraid that I will not be able to convince you otherwise in 5 minutes on a forum like this.

    Keep in mind that it's a historical fact that religion has always been (and still is) (ab)used to keep people in check. It's a means of power. You need to make up your own mind and not let it be clouded by whatever others want you to believe.

    Religion can be great because it teaches people to be kind, forgiving and helpful. But if it's being used to keep you down and limit yourself, it's a bag of bricks holding you back from your full potential.
     
  10. Feelslikezoom23

    Feelslikezoom23 Fapstronaut

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    So do you believe its pointless for me to keep smashing my head against the wall after PMO.
    That I should just enjoy it whilst I am doing it?
    And I should try to get my life in check..
     
  11. thedarkbird

    thedarkbird Fapstronaut

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    It is pointless to keep smashing your head against the wall, that's for sure. And if you do PMO you might as well enjoy it yes.

    Are you addicted to porn? Or/and is it that you have religious reservations against it? Those are 2 entirely different things.

    Know that there a lot of people out there just enjoying PMO without being addicted. There's inherently nothing wrong with it. Most of my friends enjoy porn in moderation and they're just fine. I, on the other hand, was/am addicted to porn, so I had to quit.

    Only you can know what category you belong to. But if your belief is the main problem and you're not addicted, then I don't think this forum and methods are the solution for you.
     
    Feelslikezoom23 likes this.
  12. Feelslikezoom23

    Feelslikezoom23 Fapstronaut

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    How do you know if your addicted.?

    Right now I am using porn every 10 - 15 days or about twice a month. I used to be 3-5 times a week. So I can go quite a bit of time now without it. But if I'm feeling horny after 2 weeks, I can't resist and say no to porn

    Yes, also it is for religious reasons. I have alot of guilt afterwards.
     
    Last edited: Aug 14, 2019
  13. TimetoGrowUp

    TimetoGrowUp Fapstronaut

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    Well, I am in state I cannot read every post I have gotten here but I am very pleased and grateful for them. Especially today when I have failed, again. Even despite it hurts me.
    Of course, PMO errant circle is not my only problem altough it has very strong debilitating potential and can deplete rest of my very low energy bar and it takes lot of time which could used in other way of course. And there are many others dependent variables from my premature birth across some traumas to loneliness and poor social life... My IQ is also considered as above-average and people like me are more sensible and feel everything intensively.
    My Maslow pyramid is unfilled in every aspect you can imagine. I am trying to understand my problem and educate myself in many ways. Recently I was in library for book Disconnected Man by Phillip Zimbardo for additional information about this phenomena.
    I am from Czech Republic and because of fraud of my former lessor I have ended up in very old nasty flat next to noisy mainroad and that worsen my tinnitus too and my health overall.
    In winter I got chilled here and got 2nd permanent tinnitus because of it.
    I also suffer from strong back/spine pain, CFS, vertigo, probably PTSD, allergies,... one has correlation with another. I have invalid pension but it is insufficient income. This year was great succes I got rid of opiates prescribed by neurologist.
    My general practitioner gave me a receipt I need a normal flat but city council is corrupted and do not anything.
    Years back I have wanted to study university but my parents said no these days and I worked for one year in cinema as technician.
    Another thing is that masturbation itself some eastern cultures comprehend as sth to cultivate your sexual energy. It may sound absurd and crazy but f.ex. I felt effects of mindfulness meditation that are beyond todays comprehension of west scientists and have contacts to people who have experience with both sides of barricade. Their perspective on sex is very different from ours (west) and they see it as a desire (and one method) to achieve wholeness. I would like to not give up these activities entirely (if there would not be ever girlfriend for me). Absolute restriction of masturbation has one’s own adverse effects.
    I am completely exhausted, hoping I have written at least glimpse I wanted to.
     
  14. TimetoGrowUp

    TimetoGrowUp Fapstronaut

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  15. Feelslikezoom23

    Feelslikezoom23 Fapstronaut

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    Sorry for the later reply....

    Have you tried a cochlear implant. My father has bad tinnitus and the ringing noise reduces when he wears his device. One of Australia best ENT's have advised this.

    I have chronic fatigue syndrome as well. Its quite bad at the moment. I can't work.

    I know how you feel about not giving up masturbation and porn. I have not been with a woman for 7yrs, and I am very lonely. It helps with the loneliness....
     
  16. TimetoGrowUp

    TimetoGrowUp Fapstronaut

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    Cochlear implant is not suitable for me according to my doctor. However, he told CI may result in lowering tinnutus. In fact I have already two tinnituses - one for approx. for 4 years and second almost one year because of cold flat and water. I am losing will to fight with that... now I cannot withstand a day without porn altough it hurts me even physically. It is taking control over me. I am down.
    In previous post I had on my mind masturbation in sense of tantric taoist practice. You can lead your breath and experience different orgasms.
     
  17. Feelslikezoom23

    Feelslikezoom23 Fapstronaut

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    If porn is hurting you, why are you using it. Why do you want to hurt yourself.

    Why don't you want to help yourself?

    How does tantric toist practice help you?
     
  18. TimetoGrowUp

    TimetoGrowUp Fapstronaut

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    I think your assumption is not in the place. Do you really think addicts to alcohol or some drug want to really hurt themselves? Some of them may feel unworthy or guilty but the truth is quite opposite. Every addiction may be interpreted as reply to unsatisfactory life. There are several proofs for it. Very nice and simple explanatin of this mechanism you can find here -
    Do you know work by neuroscientist D. Eagleman or Michael Gazzaniga? The notion you are main "manager" of what are you doing and how do you behave, think is pure illusion. Free will maybe exists but there is no absolute evidence for that claim. I am convinced that without proper spiritual training we are just a little bit more than are our close relatives - animals. Not speaking about our true unfulfilled potential. Tantra is much more than thing of sexual desire (prevailing misconception). Its purpose and tall order is to master your own body, your urges. Pleasure which comes from, let’s say, "classic" masturbation is very short and depleting. Tantric way is more profound and trying not to make you exhausted and deplete your semen. It’s very broad topic.
     
  19. Feelslikezoom23

    Feelslikezoom23 Fapstronaut

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    Firstly, I would like to say I really liked the video. It helped me to understand addiction more better. Everything about the video is totally true, especially when it goes on to talk about the cages we live in.

    When I was referring to you hurting yourself, what I meant was if porn and masterbation are painful for you, why would you do it?..

    For example, I have chronic fatigue syndrome. If I masterbate 3-4 time in a day, I become extremely weak and lethargic, that my chronic fatigue becomes worse. So I try not to do this any more. If I masterbate, It will be just 1 time. So I don't hurt myself.

    I would like to learn more about tantra, can you provide me with more information...


    So now...... Like in the video about addiction, what are you doing about your life situation?

    What are you doing to improve the cage you live in?
     
  20. TimetoGrowUp

    TimetoGrowUp Fapstronaut

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    Hello,

    as I mentioned earlier, it is not matter of will anymore. I think my PMO neuronal circuit is too strong. In my situation I see it as maladaptive coping mechanism and know that it brings no true relief, no peace.
    My life is literally falling apart. Today I got news about my housing situation and it is looking very bad for me and really lots of suffering lies ahead of me. I have CFS too and damaged spine, muscles, even pelvic floor as well. Problem is the pain is much worse after masturbation and the feelings seem at first pleasurably (during self-pleasure). Intelligence of my body is against me and I am trapped.
    I have masturbated today for many times. I regret of it. Porn addiction is basically illness and should be treated like that. I represent textbook example of young man who live life he should not have but there are influences I cannot make a difference. The video showed it very nicely - my Maslow pyramid is disfunction from the top to down. Financial paucity, insecurities, no family, friends have their own families now, illnesses etc and f. ex. stronger anxieties because I am lowering antidepressant dosages.
    I am not mystic guru and I am trying to practise some basic yoga stretching poses, mindfulness and Wim Hof breathing. I have found mindfulness in its original format very powerful tool. Only issue is that you need quiet comfortable place which I do not have. :-( Mindfulness mainly consists of functional core of Zen Budhism and Hatha Yoga. I believe that old yogic authentic teachings have true power. These systems are thousend years old and are verified. Yoga for pain relief by Phd Kelly McGonigal is more than just good introduction. The book offers practices and that is crucial. Own experience and progress is crucial. Tantra may be considered as another way or level. It is impossible to get advance skills without guru and personal training/counselling. Probably my favourite guru is Sadhguru (not only tantra). Be aware of false gurus. There was one in my country- so called guru Jára (not sure if he claimed he is guru of tantra) and raped a few women. He misled them. These streams are not mainstream in our western culture and without good assesment many people may fall into false teaching program.

    If you really want to know more about Tantra, buy a good book (in my mother language is one pretty impressive, for English lang use Goodreads), and search on - put maximum effort on the internet (at least).
    I will be nice and sending you one hypertext link - http://www.allabouttantra.info/en/
    I don’t want to give up and want to fight. The truth is I am fighting for very long time and my strength is going away. I have too much problems and rest of my motivation to solve this Sisyphos problem-situation taking away.
    I am totally exhausted writing this post, hope you enjoy it.
     

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