Endless relaps as result of wasted life?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by TimetoGrowUp, Aug 13, 2019.

  1. Dave G 123

    Dave G 123 Fapstronaut

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    Hi TimetoGrowUp,

    Right now I think your best way forwards is to get all internet enabled device out of your life, and make quiting porn your life's priority as a matter of urgency. It does sound like you are at a point of crisis, and with a lack of support from anywhere / anyone else, I think this may be your only realistic option.

    PMO absolutely messes your mental and physical health, and it ruins your ability to make rational decisions. I realise you've said you have complicated circumstances, but most people do. I honestly believe that with a significant time without PMO (or at least no P, and as little MO as possible) you will feel calmer and more energetic, and thus be better able to start to deal with all the other problems in your life.

    Good luck, whatever you choose to do.
     
  2. TimetoGrowUp

    TimetoGrowUp Fapstronaut

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    I was off because of my catastrophies in my life including damage of coccyx due to exccesive workout and masturbation. Unfornately, even this did not stop my addiction for long. I had hope that this forum will help to sort out my problem. The idea proposed above is not possible. The internet connection is almost the only connection to world and society I have.
    Some time before I mentioned one program that can decrease sexual desire and it really can. You have to be just strongly persuaded you want benefits in long run instead of the short time pleasure in form of ejaculation. I can say this program really works - you are inputting command into your subconscious mind. Body will consequently behave on the command.

    https://hemi-sync.com/product/sex-drive-album/
     
  3. TimetoGrowUp

    TimetoGrowUp Fapstronaut

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    I am relapsing in cycles but have at least partial success with MBCT program.
     
  4. Motiv3

    Motiv3 Fapstronaut

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    I got the same symptoms, and depressed as damn fuck.
    If you find the cure, please tell me.
     
  5. thelitfit1

    thelitfit1 Fapstronaut

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    I'm 25 bro. You're not alone! But I promise you, you will feel different at 7 days, 14 days, 21 days, and 30 days. Gotta get through the first few days which will feel like hell! I myself, am about 5 days into my streak. This video may help:
     
  6. TimetoGrowUp

    TimetoGrowUp Fapstronaut

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    I think there is no other option than trying to be as conscious (mindful) as possible. You may then see if the action is actually your will or just a whim of your mind. Attend program a be consistent like your life would depend on that. (Zinn, Ariely, Williams) And in fact, it really does. There is no easy trick. There is need of deliberate attention - as I see it so far. I have chosen this path and trying to stay in. However, there is no guarantee and you may slip down again and again. It is the process. Maybe you can ask yourself a question - is this my way? What has taken it away from me yet? You can try so called prefrontal exercise which neuroscientist D. Eagleman succesfully applied with drug addicts.


    Btw: My housing situation is still the same. :-(
     
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2019
  7. TimetoGrowUp

    TimetoGrowUp Fapstronaut

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    It’s also your case when you relaps once, days afterword it is almost impossible to resist?
     
  8. kosoyey

    kosoyey Fapstronaut

    You are a young copy of myself. I've done all you have done, just more, worse and for 36 years.

    I managed to get out of this derangement. It's not easy, it's not quick and you are in for a lot of suffering. But it can be done.
    All these sympthoms are related and they are both a cause and a consequence of (P)MO.
    To start getting out of this, you have to stop, think about what's the weakest link in your illness and work on it. If you break the weak link, then the chain breaks and you can start working on the next weak link. Over time, hard links become weak and then you open them.

    Example: imagine you have all sorts of problems but can "be in touch with girls". Go and get more in touch with them, because a girl is a key to the solution.
    Only after I managed to be with a girl and have real sex with her, I could finally have an idea about what normal sex even is.

    You can't really recondition your brain to normal, if you don't know normal. Yes, a reboot will realign you with an healthier setup, but with no reference, it's then easy for you to relapse or just go again in a wrong way.
     
  9. TimetoGrowUp

    TimetoGrowUp Fapstronaut

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    Very interesting insight. First of all, difficult to judge who has it worse and it does not even matter in the end.
    I am trying to be in touch with girls but there is one huge catch. Society is aimed for material success or at least some basic standart which i do not meet. I have no sufficient income for me nor for some date where is assumed you are paying the bill f ex.. Also when girls get know I am not healthy person, interest in me is gone. It is in their nature they are looking for strong, healthy, well-situated and of course good looking men. And that is really a tall order I think.
     
  10. TimetoGrowUp

    TimetoGrowUp Fapstronaut

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    Failed again. Just overhelming desire I could not resist. However, it is strange sometimes and I am more spectator than participant
     
  11. kosoyey

    kosoyey Fapstronaut

    Don't take what I am about to say in the wrong way: I've been in your same situation. My PIED and PMO in the end were not the cause but the effect. They were the effect of a depressed and self defeating minset. You sound so much like I used to and that's not a good thing.
    Because you can NoFap for 90 days but you cannot NoDepressedBrain as easily.

    I really healed after I realized I was killing myself and after I have had some sex with a real woman. The former helped me draw a line between a terrible "before" and a good "after". The latter teached my brain how real sex, pleasure is meant to be. It worked as a "railroad" to recondition my brain to normal.

    I don't know how I managed to escape the depression labyrinth, I had a lot of luck and external input and help (for example, I went to live on a peaceful, warm trophical island! It really helps at attitude!). Perhaps you could seek help from a specialist. If he/she suggests anti-depressants, dump him/her right now.
     
  12. TimetoGrowUp

    TimetoGrowUp Fapstronaut

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    You are really lucky one. i am on the opposite side of the spectrum. I do not have even appropriate housing. Island. Pfff. I am in old communist house which did not see reconstruction since Stalin’s speech. Leakage of gas or waste gases are my daily bread. And the noise. For my tinnitus extremely unpleasant. Sometimes (or maybe too often) is compulsion soo verhelming there is no time to think or act conciously. And I am in. Then I realizare another hour and my faculties are gone.
    I tried AD and now I am on very little dosage. These drugs are shit, man. I do not need them or how to say - they do not solve my problem. I failed last two days in a row. I partly blame issues with my family. They are indifferent to my life suffering. I think my housing problems and my illness, invalidity and so forth. I am very angry to them and do not want to see them for very long time.
     
  13. Ogikubo

    Ogikubo Fapstronaut

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    Just to say that I do hope you are able to find some kind of help, and soon. You reached out here, and people responded, so the world is not such a bad place after all. You are not alone. You do have a lot going on. If you have not sought help (preferably from a professional of some kind) I would urge you to do so. That has been the #1 thing in my recovery, and I would continually relapse if I did not have face to face help. I am convinced that most of us have the answers to our problems inside ourselves, but we need help in getting them out.
    Finally, I am 56 years old. Do you really want to be this age and dealing with PMO? I'm not saying my life is a waste, it's not, but I could throw up when I see the time, money, thoughts, energy, all lost, lost forever, because I was jerking off to images. I would have killed to wake up at 26.
     
    Last edited: Oct 13, 2019
  14. TimetoGrowUp

    TimetoGrowUp Fapstronaut

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    I am trying, constantly. I am now in 5th week of MBCT program. Cold showers are unfornately not suitable for me from medical reasons. I consulted that with my physician.
    If I may ask, Marek, where are you from ?
     
    MarekRutyna likes this.
  15. TimetoGrowUp

    TimetoGrowUp Fapstronaut

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    My last strike which ended today.. it was 11 days. I think this approach may finally mean success Today I failed, of course... I thought that I can handle it just as junkie does. No way. My system is untrained and I was done too soon xD. I regret it. Extreme stresses of my situation unfornately weakend my awareness, but this is not the end. These mindfulnes programs make can make you really consider what are you doing and what are consequences. I hope these first 11 days of seeing compulsion just as something I need not to do but I can choose is little miracle for me. The book could be helpful for you too. https://www.amazon.com/Craving-Mind-Cigarettes-Smartphones-Love-Why-ebook/dp/B06VSPVRQQ
     
  16. TimetoGrowUp

    TimetoGrowUp Fapstronaut

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    I have an idea. I think lots of people in here are suffering cause of their social isolation, anxiety, traumas.. etc. Getting out of this spiral of despair and find real life partner is really tough job. "Normal" people can see us as some porn or sex maniacs or whatever... which make things even worse. I am not any exception.
    What about NoPap dating website page? And not just a romantic type, to find friend or someone close you can confide.. Here are woman signed up too. Community here is amazingly helpful but the issue of porn addiction is becoming a global problem and maybe there is a need of closer connection. If you were ever going to sport with your friend, you might know what I think.
    Pacients from alcohol addiction centers are in similiar relationship after ending of therapy.
    Men present is still prevailent percentage but it could hypothetically help to solve out the problem of part of users.
     
  17. Ronaldo Machuca

    Ronaldo Machuca Fapstronaut

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    Go 7 days again and go out and meet people. you went over a week and never bothered to go out? wasted chance. Just go 7+ days again and this time go out and meet people.
     
  18. Ronaldo Machuca

    Ronaldo Machuca Fapstronaut

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    finding someone isnt hard dude. go out to a library, bar, park, mall. You can find someone but you chose not to go anywhere. Once I hit a week. Imma actually go out more. Go jogging, go outside. buy my own workout equipment. And on the weekends. Go out to nice bars or libraries. and find someone special.
     
  19. TimetoGrowUp

    TimetoGrowUp Fapstronaut

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    I am not that hang out type. I do not have even funds for that. And trust, in library I did not find anyone interesting. Never ever.
     
  20. TimetoGrowUp

    TimetoGrowUp Fapstronaut

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    It is much harder than it looks, especially for me.
     

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