@TimetoGrowUp I've read your original post and some of the follow-up posts. I believe the hardships you are going through in life are interlinked with your addiction. When I was trying to quit smoking I saw a number of conferences by Dr. Gabor Maté on addictions. It helped me put some aspects of my addiction in perspective. I don't necessarily agree with all of his views on addiction, but there are a lot of things he says that I can relate to. This is a 3 minute video about his thoughts on addiction. I believe you should watch it and think about what he says. I did and it helped me at the time. I'm not saying that it will magically cure your addiction or that you'll necessarily relate to everything he says but it is definitely worth watching. You can find several conferences and interviews on Youtube. He has also written a few books on addictions.