Escalation? Porn to prostitute?

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Deleted Account, Mar 28, 2018.

  1. The prostitute thing only came out a few days ago so I'm still in shock. I don't know exactly when it was but it was definitely after he'd been addicted to PM for some time. I'm sat wondering now if it was a natural escalation part of addiction. He didn't visit her with a group of mates cheering him on, he didn't even go drunk or high. It was a planned solo visit - he even made sure the parking was private. "Massage" parlours (that have never seen a back rub) are kinda obvious in the UK. So if it was in secret, stone cold sober and premeditated - is this escalation?
    I knew porn addiction got weirder as they get desensitized. Isn't this the same thing?
    He's in bed now asleep, I can hear him snoring from down here. I'm tempted to wake him up to call him all the bastards-under-the-sun again, so please forgive me for venting - this is my alternative and I'm more likely to get the truth from other SOs.
    Opinions really welcome. Escalation or co-incidence?
    Thank you XX
     
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  2. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

    It sounds like escalation. Usually it can go porn, cam girls, strip clubs, prostitutes, full blown physical/emotional affairs. Some guys stop at porn and others continue for the next high
     
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  3. Thanks Anna, I didn't think it was paranoia. Hope you're good today X
     
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  4. CrimsnBlade

    CrimsnBlade Fapstronaut

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    I never got to that point in my addiction thankfully, but I know people that have. Not prostitutes but intentional sexual encounters with other people outside of the relationship. I'm not sure which is worse, but I know it was devastating for them. Fortunately they made it through, they have a great relationship now after they worked through everything, so if you want to fight for it, and he does too, you can do it!
     
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  5. Reverent

    Reverent Fapstronaut

    @TinaK 1st let me say I am so so terribly sorry you are going through this. Your So has a problem. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. You are pretty enough, smart enough, attractive enough, delightful and pleasurable. It sucks that you are dealing with this. I hope that you can somehow find peace and safety in through this awful turmoil. You deserve honesty, respect, and love.

    The reason I respond is because you pose an interesting question, that I hope to hear opinions on as well.

    For us pathetic Porn Addicts, generally we don't consider watching Porn as harmful as physical affairs. We often rationalize and believe "well at least I didn't sleep with her", as if that's somehow better. I know to the woman the soulless gutwrenching heartache of betrayal feels the same whether we are physical or not. Choosing any other "Her" over You in any form is cheating and deplorable.

    My questions, like yours, are Prostitutes or Physical affairs an escalation to Porn use and sexual addiction? For me I would say yes. But I read so many journals of women that say it's all of the same. It cuts deeply either way. So I suppose it is only another form of sexual deviance as bad as porn.

    The important thing is that you stay safe. You need to confront him for the possibilities of STDs, and have an accounting of your finances.

    Again I am so sorry you are dealing with this. We men can be downright wretched. But there can be hope and healing.
     
  6. Cheers Rev! Thank you for your kind words. As a PA I can tell you've done a lot of growing. I hope my PA can get there in time but at the moment, he's still in a post P&M fog. The ultimate, disclosure DDay is coming up and he needs to tell me everything. Including when this was and, worst still, what else? I need it all at once if there's a remote chance of us saving us. Thanks again X
     
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  7. TryingToHeal

    TryingToHeal Fapstronaut

    I think it is escalation for them.
    I also am on the side that considers porn cheating, but I think there is a spectrum of cheating, so like physically cheating with someone to me would be worse than porn. A long term affair would be worse than a ONS, etc. That's just how I think of it.
     
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  8. Just me

    Just me Fapstronaut

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    I'm some people escalate and some people don't. Think about other addictions-alcoholism for example. Some people get into drinking and they just drink a few nightly or weekly. Others become binge drinkers who are physically dependant. Others delve into harder drugs.
    I think those who abstain from porn/alcohol are far more likely to abstain from the more hardcore. Does that make sense? However, I also tend to think of it as an excuse that men are trying to hide behind for their affairs. Porn is terrible and destructive but I definitely think things get worse the more intimate they are.
    I still reeling from the last disclosure- a few days short of a year ago and it was "just porn." I can't imagine the devastation when it is more than that.
     
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  9. Just me

    Just me Fapstronaut

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    Yes, but progression doesn't mean switching to something entirely different. This would be the equivalent of saying all alcoholics will eventually try heroin if they don't stop drinking.

    I believe an alcoholic would be more likely to try heroin than someone who doesn't drink, but to me porn and a physical act with someone are completely different. Obviously both harmful like the substances that I mentioned, but different all together.
     
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  10. dwalk77

    dwalk77 Fapstronaut

    As a PA that has crossed that boundary, I'd say it's escalation. It was for me. It was only P for about 16 years, but then I chose to seek out strip clubs and escorts. I think the 3 main reasons were (a) tolerance - even though I recognized that taking that extra step was more harmful both to me and to the other women involved, doing it gave me an extra rush that porn didn't give. Porn didn't feel like enough anymore (b) my self-image has got worse. I've gained weight and aged, which makes me feel less desirable. (c) Lack of hope. I've been addicted now for about 20 years, with little sobriety to show. If you have little or no hope of overcoming this, I think it's more likely your behaviors will escalate.
     
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