Escalation - Public Masturbation

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by Darwin Kemper, Jan 13, 2019.

  1. Mattsfreedom

    Mattsfreedom Fapstronaut

    To be honest I have not been to one of my local face to face meetings in sometime. It is a good support line though and sometimes it's much better to call someone when you have a urge.

    What it really comes down too is porn and sex are the same thing. No one watches porn because it is informative. We watch it to masturbate and that is sex with ones self. In my experience a lot of the people in SAA are there for porn addiction. Everyone on this site whether they want to admit it or not are sex addicts.
  2. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    Certainly not my intention preparing for a 'session'.

    It is informative, but in a bad way like when that kid at school showed you the secret peephole to spy on the girls locker room or more frequently the 'I never thought of sticking that–there' kind of Monkey See, Monkey Do learning I fall prey to.
    Mattsfreedom likes this.
  3. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    Watching Porn in the Car
    This certainly falls under the category of 'You might get caught' kind of behavior. Has anyone here gotten rid of their 'smart phone' so as to not be tempted?

    I downgraded to an older phone and it helped a lot - I don't look at porn anymore and it helped cure my addiction to my device, playing video games, Facebook, Twitter, etc.

    Upon reflection, up until now I never thought about exposing myself to another person in real life, but it would not be uncommon to be watching masturbation videos online that I posted of myself in the car where someone might see. Slight modern technological tweak on the classic 'Flasher' scenario.

    "Honest officer, I wasn't texting..."
  4. Capt. U

    Capt. U Fapstronaut


    I'm tempted to downgrade my phone, but sadly I need my phone to work well for my job. I'm debating whether to quit my job and find another one because even if I'm not tempted to watch porn, I notice I waste a lot of time on it, only because I know I can get away with it.
  5. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    Certainly sounds like you are not being challenged. Boredom is one of my triggers to watch porn. Sometimes I even have it on in the background and I am not even paying attention to it. It is a huge waste of time.
    Capt. U likes this.
  6. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    Not Getting in Trouble, Not the Same as Not Getting Caught
    Thinking about my behavior of looking at porn in the car in the past, I always thought I was so stealthy by hiding my phone/tablet out of view of other drivers or pedestrians. Last night on my way home from work, I saw a driver watching porn (a compilation that unfortunately I recognized a lot of scenes) and although his device was out of direct view his windshield lit up from the reflection and I could see it perfectly. He would have gotten away with it in the summer but now that it is dark when I commute–not so much.

    How many times have I been seen, but nobody did anything about it? Have any of you caught someone in the act and pretended not to see? I have to think if any of you work in IT, you probably could write a series of books of your X-Rated adventures.
  7. lif3

    lif3 Fapstronaut

    Hate to say it but getting caught and facing the consequences might be the cure.
    Darwin Kemper likes this.
  8. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    I Wish
    If only I had been caught back then, I could have straightened out my life and saved my family from extreme heartache. Things have progressed from being a perv to full blown sex addiction. I mentioned earlier in this thread that exhibitionism and voyeurism aren't my only issues. My wife knows and is the one who helped me figure out that I have a sex addiction instead of a guy who just really likes porn.
    I am really hoping getting caught and facing the consequences will be the cure.
  9. John_K

    John_K Fapstronaut

  10. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    This is horrible. I hope this guy gets some help.

    I may be having issues but luckily I still have a moral compass. Off by a few degrees but works.

    My headline would more likely read "Super Nice Local Guy Doesn't Fully Understand How a Happy Ending Is Supposed To Work...Gives It To Himself at Local Spa. LOL".

    You bring up a good point in posting this article. He must have accelerated in his behaviors over a period of time. I can't imagine he was a pantsless kid riding around the neighborhood park knocking other kids off their bikes in order to show off his dingle.

    I am thankful to this community for helping me work through this. Discourse, Meditation, and Reflection. Day 4, No urges to act out.

    Fighting my addiction and winning.
  11. John_K

    John_K Fapstronaut

    Just pointing out the potential repercussions of this behavior. Ignoring his past conviction, this is a guy who gets off on the thought of being seen. He probably started off with less extreme behavior, but things escalate pretty easily when you think with the wrong head.
    Personally, I've been close to this. Years ago on the way to work I would pull next to a semi while masturbating. One driver paced me, obviously watching and I ejaculated. All over myself. On the way to work. This is totally f'd up! Even so, that thrill made me keep exposing myself, hoping for a repeat. This could have been me. Just one driver getting my tag number is all it needed.
    Luckily I got help before that happened. I had no intention of doing anything this stupid, but when the thrill of lesser things wore off I moved on and it led me to some pretty horrible stuff. Don't kid yourself.
    Darwin Kemper likes this.
  12. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    That is a common trap - The addict's brain is always chasing the original high it will never achieve.

    On a lighter note, I am glad you overcame your '18 Wheeler Habit'. You are old enough to appreciate this joke - Your post sounds like the beginning of a gay fantasy episode of BJ and the Bear. This of course gives the show's name a bit of an obvious entendre.

    On your way to work? Did you bring extra clothes just in case? Damn! Poured my latte in my lap again this morning...
    ryan23 likes this.
  13. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    Just a quick clarification - I was caught for something else recently - that is why I am here. I was rereading some of my earlier posts and realized my phrasing is awkward.
  14. John_K

    John_K Fapstronaut

    Worked in manufacturing, changed into a work uniform when I got there. And yes, I've had gay fantasies too. Gay porn, Craigslist, more stupid acting out. This s**t will ruin your life! While I still struggle with PM ( I rarely take it to O), having the catastrophic stuff I did behind me is a relief.
    Darwin Kemper likes this.
  15. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    I am encouraged. Thanks for sharing. PM certainly seems like the lesser of two evils.
    Also glad you didn't get hurt driving while masturbating - I have to imagine self driving cars of the near future will save a few lives since you won't need two hands on the wheel anymore.
  16. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    Fun Mind Hack - Sims
    Tried this today, just for fun, and it worked–Controlled urges to get naked and masturbate at the gym today. Dealing with porn and sex addiction is exhausting. Thought it would be fun to lighten up and play with my perceptions.

    When I started getting aroused, I imagined I playing the Sims 3 and my little sim (looks like me) was sitting in a mini jacuzzi and sauna. The scene is just a miniaturized version of my gym and locker room. I was so focused on the details of my virtual world, that my urges passed before I 'loosened the drawstring'.

    There was one moment when a stunning girl in a two piece distracted me for a second and I got an erection, but then I imagined that my sim is playing a sim game of his own and his little sim is also in a mini jacuzzi... Kind of like the Rick and Morty episode M. Night Shaym Aliens where there is a simulation inside a simulation of another simulation. "This is going to be such a mind fu..."

    Crazy. Success. Distraction worked. No relapse/reset
    John_K likes this.
  17. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    Avoiding the spaces that trigger you is much easier than trying to control your urges when you are having a relapse/binge. Thought I was on top of it but hit the sauna today and failed. Reseting my counter. Not feeling too down on myself as the previous 3 weeks I was doing it every day (sometimes multiple times a day. I would finish at one location and then go to another gym owned by the same club and repeat) and I made it almost a week this time.
  18. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    Simple Pleasures
    For those that have issues with public masturbation or similar exhibitionist behaviors, I have found that refraining from following through on my urges has had an amazing side effect–I can start to enjoy those activities again.

    This summer I was masturbating in public a lot. In car, on boat, sunbathing naked on back porch, pool, jacuzzi, and sauna. All of these activities were pleasurable before I sexualized them. When I add masturbation to the equation, I am so focused on not being seen, I completely lose awareness of my surroundings.

    An example would be in the sauna - if I wanted to masturbate I would obviously have to wait for everybody to be out of the locker room and sauna first. I would find myself getting extremely frustrated when someone was taking too long to get dressed or taking an outrageously long shower (depending on which gym I was at, each had different layout and view). The worst was when it was so busy, you never get to follow through and you have been sitting in a hot room with a half erection for an hour. You leave grumpy and are pissy and anxious for the rest of the day until you can get back to your computer and find some porn to help release your pent up sexual energy.

    There was a point when going to the sauna was the most relaxing space were you could meditate, zone out and leave refreshed. I am looking forward to enjoying the simple pleasures in life again.
  19. ryan23

    ryan23 Fapstronaut

    You think getting caught is the only thing that will help?
  20. Darwin Kemper

    Darwin Kemper Fapstronaut

    In this case "getting caught" was that my secret online porn habit was exposed to my wife earlier this summer - not getting caught masturbating in public. I am working hard on eliminating porn from my life for her.

    Seeing a therapist and having an AP has helped and luckily now I am having small resets instead of huge relapses. Desire to act out in public slowly getting easier to predict and avoid. Hoping talking about this in a public forum will help others struggling with similar behaviors.
    ryan23 likes this.

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