Escaping BDSM OCD

For literally as long as I can remember, I've been into BDSM. Dom. I've watched sooooo much hardcore BDSM porn throughout the years.
In adulthood, I read a post talking about how if you liked self bondage you might want that domination and merely have trust issues. I had experimented with self bondage when I was younger. My mind hyperfixated (I have OCD tendencies) on this despite my trying and disliking submission in various mediums and this began my almost two year series of intrusive thoughts where I'm a sub or switch. I experimented with self bondage when younger under the influence of adderall (hyper strange sex drive and I stopped). I did this for several years but stopped and upon trying it years later, I did not like it. When I was younger, I had almost experimented with cross dressing which makes me think I merely sexually imprinted on images of women tied up and wanted them to be me.

In the background over the few years, the porn of women in bondage had grown a bit stale so now it was more male/transwoman bondage. I've experimented with men and I don't like it. Women have tried domming me too, ones I trust. I don't like it.
I think I genuinely burned out my dopamine receptors for my usual fetishes. I watched femdom porn for the men getting dommed (burned out on women being dommed) and ever sense I developed this fear, I can't stop seeing women in this dom light.

Why I stopped watching porn is because I get these intrusive thoughts about being dominated. Now I AM transposing myself in these situations where once I wasn't. Wondering how it would feel. I read a post here speaking on how over time, they did the same with their type of porn where this wasn't at all the case. I have to will myself to imagine what I DO want and because it's forceful, it at some level feels fake. But I imagine that's because I've been masturbating multiple times, upwards of 3-10 a day for years. A side note. Along the time when my OCD thoughts took over, I was dealing with insecurity regarding my masculinity, manhood, competence, and ability to deal with both my own emotions without being soothed. So I think this has also affected things my incentive to assume that role again.

This is all extremely distressing. I want to know I can go back to enjoying BDSM, being a dom. I know Nofap is about more than abstaining from porn, sex. A lifestyle if you will. But man, ever since I was a literal child (without porn), BDSM and being a dom has been a part of my psyche. I don't want it perverted. Even the vanilla innocent thoughts of a girl holding your head while you kiss or initiating physical contact is tinged with the ideas of femdom. Can't do this, man.