Escort challenge

Well, I been doing well. Still holding strong and ready to challenge myself to make it Thru April as well without fapping or escorts. Whose with me?!!
Something that I remind myself is a lady wants a strong man. Like a man who can control his self. We need to be able to control this. It’s difficult. I was in the cycle for sooooo long and you can probably scroll back and see some of my posts
Here where I messed up. Then you see o started to find a way out. Here I am, with you guys and we’ve grown into quite a few of us all having like minded issues and we are bonding on whooping this things a###%. We are stronger as
a group. That therapist certainly helped. Now I haven’t seen him in maybe 3+ weeks. But I still feel good. I still have his number incase I need help. I’m not going to slip again. I’ve just about beaten my record of 108 days soon!
Carry that momentum guys!

 

Hey, congratulations for deleting WA! That surely is a commitment for sobriety. Had to do the same with some apps, I know they can easily be reinstalled yet ... it takes a few more thoughts to do so and especially WHY. Then over time as we become more and more conscious of our intentions, the motive behind the action, we become more aware of your behaviors and what's in the light cannot fool us any longer.

One of my "problems" was, still is to some extent, that I like to believe, wish to believe that the world, the ambiance, the forbidden, the taste of no inhibitions, letting go of all conventions, diving into the night ... would set me free. Whereas now (on an intellectual level) I totally know this is not true. It's the addict in me that wishes to ignore, romantices the suffering, the misery it led me into.
I still have to remind myself, whenever these thoughts come up: Nope. That's an illusion, a wish. Some specific events were fun ok BUT in the sum of it all ... it was sad and humiliating. Boy ... you are a sex addict! Face it!!! And it is all too expensive, haha!
In my case it brought me the absolute opposite of what I was trying to find. Instead of setting myself free it enslaved me brutally.

Yeah, stay strong and let US make it through April. No escorts, no fapping. Get those hormones wondering what's going on now.

We are. I can honestly say that all alone I would have lapsed many more times than I actually did. And it would have taken me much longer to come to the point where I am now, to commit and give my best to walk the talk.

My last relapse was a binge ... some 30 days ago. Was it worth it? Of course not. I was a desperate man on the hook seeking to escape the worm.

Yesterday I caught myself thinking that ... hm ... it's been quite some time now since the last time ... hm ... it's about time to check stuff out and get some nice adventure rolled up ... haha. NO!!!!!

Thank you guys for sticking around, for being such great recovery buddies.

 

Hey Guys!
Newcomer here,just signed up....Ok so here's my story i'll try keep it as short as possible but I doubt I'll be able. I've read over 70% of this forum before I've posted so I've an idea of whats going on and can relate to a lot of things here.

Currently Addicted to porn, escort sites, escort review sites and seeing escorts. Started watching porn in my early teens and looking back was always very captured by it and fascinated and over the years have been watching more and more extreme genres of porn to get that same dopamine hit and shock factor. over the last 2-3 years my porn genres have been very extreme and I didn't even like the fact I liked these genres if you get me, fucked up I know.

I started seeing escorts then like 4 years ago, oh Fyi I'm a 26 year old male. At first I guess I was lonely or fascinated by porn and wanted to try that stuff out with escorts as I was too timid/afraid to bring this stuff up with non-escort girls/GF's as I was worried they would think I'm weird ect....this probably stems from my anxiety I go through aswel.

fast forward to last summer and I was still watching porn everyday and seeing escorts periodically, the bigger thrill for me with escorts like a lot of ye was the build up and planing stage the thrill of picking what girl i'll get, what I'll do with her, the research on the escort sites/review sites and the phone call/messaging. It was Insane what I was doing, I knew it was destructive to my life and I knew it, but I didn't want to stop. To give an example of how insane it was I was by the end of my 'punting' days had a very selective fetish which was hard to find a girl to fulfill it and would get a day flight to london from Ireland (1hr flight) to see an escort that would fulfill my fetishes.

I got into a relationship then with the most amazing girl, before this I hadn't been in a relationship with a girl in like 3.5 years due to low self esteem issues and my anxiety getting worse. I kept watching porn most days and looking up escort sites/reviews and seeing escorts but less often (congratulations me, I know right). I truly do feel shit for what iv'e done to this girl and whats even worse I couldn't wake up and stop these addictions until I was caught by her in late January.

Since then we have broke up and have been going through the motions but are still friends and talking and working towards the future where I'm working on myself and she is working on herself, having been through a lot of shit that I have put upon her. I hope and she does aswel that we have a future together but time will only tell if we can build that trust and honesty and connection back up as friends to get back into a relationship.

Yes we are in tough times indeed right now with Covid19 but one good thing is that its keeping with away from escorts even more now. I still get urges tho and have in recent weeks even got as far as ringing escorts to book appointments but havn't gone through with it once because I decided not to go and once because an escort was finishing up her work day.

right now I'm doing CBT for my addictions over skype. I've in the pass used CBT to help my anxiety but this is my priority right now. I've also put site/browser blockers on my phone and laptop as of yesterday as porn and escort sites/review sites are a big addiction with me. I've been exercising a bit more the last year and I'm aiming for 4-5 days a week to do some physical exercise as of now. I've been 4 days with no explicit content/fap hopefully this is the start for a better beginning. My aim right now would be to go 2 weeks abstaining from everything as my first Goal.

I'd love to message a few of you guys and just talk about my experiences/troubles/triggers/ ect... even just share stories on the forums. I also saw on the forums about a whatsApp group ye were trying to set up i'd love to get in on that and have a support group of people I could talk to when things are getting tough and to just talk to people struggling with the same stuff as me.

anyway peace and I hope to be an active member here in the forums for the next while.

 

Hey @heroesroses and welcome, thanks for sharing this bit of your story here. If you haven‘t done already why don‘t you copy and paste it in New to NoFap forum as well. That‘s where newcomers are greeted first usually ... (like on Alcatraz when they were marched down „Broadway“ naked Here it‘s more bare soul, remorseful with shame flag up.)

And as you‘re here already why don‘t you join us and commit to „No Escorts in April“? In my case I need to include the escort-site as well, that‘s where trouble usually starts.
If you stay an active member in this community, read and share, do the work, I am pretty convinced you will get back to sanity. Accountability/recovery partners will help, tools, practice, try and error, stamina ... but that you have ... flying from Ireland to London for a ... proves it. Now, just use it more wisely hehe. Feel free to ask and most important: You are not alone, we‘ve all been there in one way or another.

 

Cheers guys will post in the newcomers section there now.
Thanks for the warm welcome!
'No escort April' sounds good to me! I'm in!!

Its nice to hear people have gone through similar lengths to fulfill there addictions @need4realchg I'm not the only one that has done insane things. Yes its good to have support from other people besides my EX (who I am so greatfull is even still talking to me after the cheating and lying) and my CBT counselor.

I also have PIED which has really scared me and made me so embarrassed on many cases. Really does feel shit when your super horny and with your GF and it just doesn't work you feel like you've let her down and she feels like its her fault and makes her insecure. Can anyone relate to this? or has anyone here seen a turn around in there PIED from abstaining? it would be nice to hear stories of people turning it around. I must say tho some of my ED could stem from anxiety/performance anxiety so that I need to work on also.

On day 5 now of abstaining from everything and I feel OK today apart from the morning wood and high Libido but no massive urges as of yet or haven't thought about trying to get around my blockers on the phone/laptop YET....time will tell, I feel confident tho and honestly as weird as it is feel excited for the road ahead and the changes but I would guess Its going to be very tough on some days and drive me crazy.

Peace guys, stay strong!

 

Day 7,
feel fresh just back from a run, decided to place a bet with a friend of running 20km a week for every km not done a week its 15 euro to the other guy so a little motivation/fun for us to keep at it and keep me busy and release that dopamine my brain wants.

Found a AP also and we've been talking a bit, seems like a guy who is really determined to do this and has some experience in the pass with Abstaining so even more motivated to take this serious and change to a better life and rewire my brain!

In terms of urges or temptations there not that bad as of yet, I think setting up those blockers on my phone and laptop were a big step as I don't think much about logging on anymore as I know ill have to jump through hoops to get around them, Its all about risk management my CBT guy tells me and this defo helped me.
Been keeping busy and making out to-do lists daily so I have structure to my day and don't have those moments in the day where I lay down on the bed and become bored which is a big trigger for me to watch porn or log onto escort sites.

anyway I'm out
peace

 

That's a good way to keep accountable. Keep it up, it's so worth it!

 

Hey guys,
I am currently on my Honesty Tour, telling Sponsor, AP and apps I lapsed yesterday. Yup. Not proud of it and not feeling (too) bad cause of it. An event is an event. Then there is the whole picture. Looking at the whole picture, looking at where I was not so long ago I am doing fine on my path of Sobriety.
Boredom, lack of discipline are still traps. Working on them. Dis-illusion is helping me to get out of denial, out of doubt. Both the inner addict needs to survive.
One thing that I could clearly notice is that the event itself was (again) disappointing yet the phase before, the thinking, the looking, the planning, contacting ... that is what now needs to be addressed.
I am lonely, bored, have the time, the means ... and need to connect. Out of bad habit, a long lived pattern I look for connection at the wrong places. One thing that is for sure is that: True connection is not something money can buy.
The day is near where I no longer foolishly step into the dog poop. The old record that keeps playing itself is slowly losing its momentum.

 

Wow! @need4realchg, thanks a lot my friend for those motivating, encouraging, insightful words of experienced wisdom. Embrace boredom, cleansing the need for excitability, resetting expectations of dopamine receptors ... Embrace the isness of the moment and surrender the Ego. Connect here, spend time with nature

 

Bro I can totally relate to your story...
Like I said in another post, I just got married (right before the Covid-19 pandemic). I love my wife (she is an amazing person to me) and our sexual life is enjoyable (we have sex about twice per week). However, when she's not around I'm still watching porn on a regular basis which drain me from my energy and lower my self esteem. To make it worst and I didn't mention it to anyone before coming on this forum, up until the Covid-19 situation I was also seeing escorts. She doesn't know any of that (the PMO and the escorts). Seeing escorts was a true addiction and it got worst over time: Like you man, I was looking for more and more extreme experiences (things that I wouldn't dare to try with my girlfriend out of respect for her) and I was so crazy that I have even started traveling in neighbour countries for the sole purpose of experiencing something new sexually (last september for example I went to Germany for one week just to try as many FKK places as possible). I feel stupid and pathetic for what iv'e done to my girlfriend and I truly wanna change. Since partial confinement has been imposed in my country (right after my wedding) I haven't seen any escort as a married man, which is kind of a positive thing for me at the moment. However, not seeing any escorts during these last few months have translated into watching more porn and in longer duration and I'm convinced that if I keep doing this I will go back to seeing escorts after the confinement is over. I need to stop this right now before I destroy everything i have built so far.
Therefore here I am. It's Day 0 once more and I'm starting my 90 day challenge all over again. My goal is to abstain from PMO AND seeing escorts.

 

You can change. Whenever you get an urge come here and read and post. Do not be ashamed, but just look forward. You can do it.

 

@HerosRedemption


congrats on getting married. I suggest you get help, you can get some help here but you really need to sit down and talk to someone. Look into a therapist or coaching group or someone who is safe to tell this stuff to is my suggestion one that works with sex addiction. You can look them up online and send them emails.
Learn your triggers and keep away from them. Read literature on overcoming, YouTube, etc


Perhaps make a bet or have someone charge you $50 or whatever amount if you mess up to keep you accountable.
Bet us you ain’t going to mess up?

I’m going to hold myself accountable now.
Hey everybody, I bet you all $50 each I won’t relapse at all for the rest of the month. If I mess up I’ll let you know and you can pm me and I’ll find a way to send you all the 50 bucks each.
How that for accountability?