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Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by need4realchg, Nov 14, 2019.
Hang in there man.
the hardest part about forgiving yourself is to actually mean it.
If you fail at a good habit once- its not the end of the world. If you fail everyday, then it the start of a bad habit. Don't beat yourself up for a slip!
The good news is that you know what you did, and you're picking yourself up again. Well done for your five months; that hasn't all gone to waste.
Did you use porn to masturbate to? If so, this has been a significant relapse, so watch out for enhanced temptations over the next 3–7 days. If you didn't use porn (I know that you watched YouTube prior to masturbating), it is likely only a small relapse.
So, pick yourself up, figure out what you can learn from this episode, give yourself encouragement (not criticism, because that doesn't help anyone), and know that we're all on your side.
No porn, yea I’ll be ok, little hiccup in much better today, the posts really help in courage me. Thanks everyone
Well, everyone, how are you doing? It's gone quiet. I've been good, that mishap was just a bump in the road, part of the journey through overcoming this. I've been battling some things which seem like they are triggers for me like being unsatisfied with my career and being unhappy, feeling lonely at times, being stressed out, things not going as fast as i'd like.
These I notice are triggers as i've been having alot of thoughts about going back into see escorts and the porn and M. But I know if i do, for me, i'll be unhappy. I won't keep my promise this year which was to see 0 escorts. I almost made it half way guys! We will get through this.
Does that mean that you've already seen a prostitute?
How about making your goal, "Not another prostitute this year."
If that's too big a goal, try this: "No prostitute today." Repeat this tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that…
No, I hadn’t seen any, sorry I must need to rephrase my post but I meant if I had relapsed and seen an escort, then I would have broken my promise or my new year’s goal. Thanks though and appreciate you checking in and feedback!
That's great! Well done
June 1st ... a new month has started, was totally absorbed in family of origin, past, codependence stuff, angry, realizing more and more the cause and effect, need someone to blame ... ok, I know, I‘m the one. Working on Step4, inventory ...
However, lifegoal still valid: liberation, peace, love, joy, intimacy.
Two retreats I will attend this summer, can‘t wait. - Stay strong my friends.
I am encouraged to this. I have not been counting the days of sobriety but they are mounting up. Wow. We can do this y’all. Let’s continue to reshape our minds and hold captive thoughts.
engage your conscious mind. Harness the inertia of quarantine and don’t simply abstain from self-harm through sex— recognize you are free to DO something positive as well.
I have started writing a book myself; definitely a new challenge but I’m ready!
awesome! Good job!
Personally, I was in the US Navy and was pressured to go to brothels overseas. After hearing similar rehearsed stories from multiple women, I decided it was likely they were all trafficked, and stopped paying for any sex after 2009. I regret my actions, and would now rather have no sex then paid sex. If I could go back and give myself a good smack, I would. It messes me up good knowing that I was a monster in my early 20's. I would like to do something as some sort of penance for my sins, and I believe that while I don't deserve forgiveness, I have recieved it.
thank you for sharing mate. I can understand how you got pressured to go to brothels as I had something similar in my first strip club experience in bogota.
As for penance , consider your gratitude and voice all the penance that other men need. Not to avoid doing it — but to know even if they do it, they have a friend who is still there.
I simply understand that while there might be the extremely rare freelance woman, the vast majority of women in prostitution were brought there through deception, coercion, or desperation, and I don't want to be the third party to a woman being degraded to enrich a pimp or madam. Many sex workers turn over their entire earnings to their handlers, and while the financial price you pay may be high, they are more than likely recieving a meager financial incentive to experience mind breaking abuse. I have to think now, most of those trafficked women aged out of prostitution by now. Are they even still alive after their experiences? What is the future for someone that has been used in such a way? Were they in a position to save money and open their own operation, thus perpetuating the system of abuse? What is the long term damage of having what is basically nonconsensual transactional sex with thousands of men? These are questions I have to live with because I posess empathy.
Hey everybody how are you doing? Thought I would reopen the thread again. I’m doing good, keeping away from the junk. Just wanted to see how your doing?
I just been mainly keeping on this thread on this forum and checking back with my AP which has been working out well. Actually almost 8 months now so that’s great! Anyways let us know how your doing!
Wow ! Good to hear bro. Yep. I’m doing good in abstaining too although I think it’s a faux improvement. Still. No porn or sex has been great.
Doing ok, haven't been back to escorts since April . Online I was at times a bit in a grey zone, chatting along. Have to watch that. Soon my retreat season starts. Will be gone 8 days at the end of this month then later in July again for 10 days. Meditation retreat, service, practice servitude in a healthy way hehe.
Hi everybody, I am here because I think I am a sex addict. I am still virgin by I feel I am in a slack line. I was addicted to porn but that is not a problem for me anymore (some sitations helped me get rid of that and also the book of Allen Carr), I haven't entered a porn website for more than 150 days. And I think I am a sex addict because now that I don't watch neither desire porn I have discovered or awaken something I had time before, the desire or maybe need for real sex (I even think that this desire is what brought me to pornography).
This moment is not the 1st time I have been searching escorts. There have been two times (interestingly in the same month, one time in 2018 and the second in 2019) in wich I feel not valuable, weak, lonely and I start to look for escorts. I haven't arranged a date (or at least in 2019 the woman I called didn't answered me the second time I called her, if she had answered me I wouldn't be virgin) yet, but now I am close to the threshold to conclude an appointment. What has detered me is the amount of money I'll have to pay and a little bit the fear of a disease but I know that at the end the disease stuff is not going to matter me (as what you say about fear Need4). I'd also like to discover what sex is with the woman that will be my wife. I fear more, of opening a door I am not going to be able to close after I have made a mess, in other words I fear I am entering a path that is not going to be easy to go out of it.
This quarantine has made the things really difficult for me in the emotional aspect. I've been feeling unworthy, low in self steem, not valuable, but my mind wants to find it in sex. As you say, sex addictions few times are because of just sex. I want to feel appretiated, admired, that I am important for somebody (these feeling were stronger yesteraday, but today I am resisting to call an escort). And I also fear that beeing with an escort is going to become this "need" of feeling good bigger. Maybe it is just matter of time until I see an escort (I also have to add, that if I see a beautiful woman in the streets I feel the need to talk to her, to seduce her or tell her what I want to do, but I haven't gone that far because she could be married, or I don't want to show that I am interested in her and beeing accused), this feels like unreal. What I want, is to know that I can make a woman happy, that I can make her feel good, to know that she cares of me. I want to prove myself that I can get the attention from an escort.
So what do you recommend me, is it worth to see this (or "an" of any) escort?
I am 23 years old, just finished my univeristy studies, and I am looking for a job while I find professional practices.
Hi @Branchman, welcome and thank you for your share. You seem to be well reflected and giving it all some good thoughts.
I am not sure if I understand this correctly. If you are saying what I think then let me say that most likely you will get an escort's attention cause she is interested in the money. It's her job. Any shop assistant will pay attention to you if you want to buy something. And forget you when you left the shop.
You are still a virgin, then don't spoil it with an escort. A real strong man can show his vulnerability. If you want to talk to a girl, don's stress yourself with having to lay her, rather look into her eyes, see her beauty, smile and ask her how her day is going so far. Then you can always say thank you, wish her a good day and move on. The next time you might wanna ask a girl how her day is going so far and then maybe what her plans are for later. Then again, be grateful and smiling and move on.
An escort is a sex worker not a love giver. And if they seem to like you and flatter you then it is because they want you back and pay more. If you pay you will get their attention.
I hope to read more of you here, and again, thank you for being so open about yourself. This shows you are a brave man.