Escort challenge

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by need4realchg, Nov 14, 2019.

Are you struggling with paid-sex?

  1. Yes— and I would join the challenge/group

  2. No, but I would like to join too

  3. Yes— but not interested in a challenge or a group

Results are only viewable after voting.
  1. WilBil99

    WilBil99 Fapstronaut

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    it just goes to show this shit isn’t one size fits all. Has anyone discussed their addiction/habit with their MD? Mine doesn’t even ask about my sex life so he certainly doesn’t know about my 20 year PMO addiction.
     
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  2. have you experienced when
    Often times escorts turn on the tv to a porn channel?

    why do they do this ? Why show porn if the girl is literally in front of you?

    Sometimes they put on music and I would find either distracting.

    Then they sometimes make it really dark , no lights. Which always is more confusing. Like ... the idea is to not show themselves?
     
    Anubis Rises likes this.
  3. WilBil99

    WilBil99 Fapstronaut

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    Yesterday my mind wondered to the last visit to a massage parlor (days ago,new place, too close to work that could be trouble) and it was a let down. Money grab but the end result was satisfactory. Thought if I was done going to these places didn’t want to go out with a whimper, not when my favorite is a slam dunk and half the cost. Decided to go to gym instead. Double edged sword because part of the intrigue for me is (in my mind) giving these ladies a good show. I keep my body tight and I like the attention and feel as though they will give me extra attention for not being the usual slob. Totally warped but I feel like if I am going to keep myself in shape, I want to show it off to more than just the wife. I get off on creating a story in my mind of how hot these ladies must think I am. This coming from a guy who had zero self esteem for 25 years and chain smoked because I thought I was going to die alone anyway, I can’t kill myself but I can chain smoke and that will eventually do the trick. What my life has always been missing is balance. It’s always been extremes. Anyway, no acting out for this guy yesterday and I’m expecting some action from the wife this weekend so I should be set for the weekend until my Mon-Wed temptation days pop up. Good day today gents!
     
  4. i know what you mean here. I have argued for a while that sex addiction has very little to do with sex. It’s about all kinds of other things. Power, anger, loneliness, boredom, frustration, hurt, trauma, pain, etc.

    jumping out at me is the need you have for admiration, attention, etc which is totally normal. I think because it’s normal it should be given a place to function. The question is where ??

    I think the gym is a good example of this. Having also struggled with the similar needs I find I want admiration more than self respect. Which leads me to give in to women I don’t even like. It drives me nuts. I want their respect and admiration more than I value my own rules sometimes.

    it’s definitely upside down and needs to be fixed some how. I have found sharing and opening up before I act is frightening but helpful.

    good for you for sharing.
     
    Last edited: Nov 22, 2019
    rut66, Anubis Rises and WilBil99 like this.
  5. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    Keep hanging in there guys, this is very possible to beat!
     
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  6. WilBil99

    WilBil99 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the feedback! For me it’s absolutely about control. I was probably a good 2 PMOs a day PMO until I stopped watching porn. I feel like I can control that lure (for now?) and have replaced it with a new one that I don’t have total control over yet (outcome of massage parlor visit) but I do have control over how I prepare myself for each visit and that gives me same rush as watching my favorite scene or waiting for my wife to take the kids to an activity knowing I’d have 90 minutes of debauchery ahead of me. My motto has always been “control what you can control” and let the rest go but I feel like my controlling tendencies create other unhealthy behaviors that I didn’t recognize because they are “healthy” (diet, gym, grooming). My routine is pretty strict each day and it stresses me out when I veer away from it (get pissy w wife if I can’t go to gym, we run out of MY breakfast cereal). If you can’t tell, I don’t think I’ve had a spontaneous day/event in my life. I am going to try something new today and say “yes” to everything the family asks if me today. My rigidity doesn’t just impact me so today is a “yes” day. For a control freak this is incredibly frightening but for a dad, husband, and son I’m excited to see how it plays out (hopefully lots of happy faces and one dude who’s blood pressure will probably need to be checked). I was
    Going to say don’t sweat the small stuff and control what you can control fellas but I think going forward I need to focus more on being ok w going w the flow so, accept the day as it comes and if it seems to be going to hell, have ice cream. It’s delicious.
     
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  7. TicoFapstronaut

    TicoFapstronaut Fapstronaut

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    Guys, I had PIED for years from early age porn use.
    I one day decided to pay for sex. I thought I just needed to have sex in order to come out of this PIED.
    I wasn't watching porn anymore but I was looking for paid sex ads which is pretty similar.
    I couldn't get it hard for a several months. Until one day it just happened.
    Before I realized I was hooked! I couldn't stop paying for sex.
    It was like that for years until it really affected me financially.
    I haven't paid for sex in like 3 months. And I would say less than 7 times this year (before it was like twice a month or more).
    Even went to a few SAA meetings.

    I think I'm fine now. I get triggered every now and then but not like it was before...
    My question is, am I free from PIED? Or is having sex with a prostitute really that different from sex with a real girl?
    I'm afraid to have sex with a real girl and not get hard.
    I've thought it through a lot and I fear my brain got wired to hookers but not real life women.
    It's the thrill of seeking in websites, in the streets at night, at the pubs and stripclubs, etc...
    And I'm not scared if I don't get a boner with a prostitute because I paid for the service. So who cares, right? She doesn't even know who I am.
    But in real life, not getting hard frightens me!
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  8. @TicoFapstronaut you should join us. I recognIze some similarity in your story.
     
  9. Veritech

    Veritech Fapstronaut

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    I have experienced the television and the music on. I also found that distracting. This is usually to drown out the sound of the sex.

    I have been asked what kind of porn I like; not watching porn. I have never been asked to turn the lights off.
     
  10. Veritech

    Veritech Fapstronaut

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    There is no story when you are paying somebody money.

    Those escorts have seen young and old, slim and fat, strong and week, rich and poor, well hung and puny.

    They are only validating you because of the monetary exchange. If you were weak and shy, she would tell you that you are cute and that she prefers week and shy. Different story for the next dude who pays her. If you do not give the ladies a show, somebody else will.

    Congratulations on the weight loss, the increased strength, tight body, self-esteem and quitting smoking. Your wife and kids have something to be proud of.
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2019
  11. Veritech

    Veritech Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like me; it will be a one time thing. I think I even posted that somewhere on NoFap. Many escorts later and thousands of dollars poorer.

    Porn was a gateway to escorts. At least the porn was free.

    I understand your fear of a real girl. Sex takes planning, dinners, courting, timing, emotions, etc. With escorts; put the envelope on the table and you are already making out and touching each other. It is already a forgone conclusion that your encounter will lead to sex. Not so if you are taking your date out to dinner.

    The escorts are deceiving us to part with our hard earned money. Then "Times up!!!" and she is fucking the next dude that pays her; totally leaving you behind and you are no longer relevant.
     
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  12. AndyShyGuy78

    AndyShyGuy78 Fapstronaut

    I am in with this. Struggled with porn and paid sex addiction for years, and am now at the end of a 3 month binge on paid sex. Time to change and would love to be part if thus group. Hopefully we can learn from each other - a big part is learning to spot the early signs of the subconscious making plans to conveniently create a situation where a paid sex encounter can take place...and then like the earlier poster who offered to take his kids home with him rather than be home alone we must make damn sure not to end up in those situations.

    I have realised that the same way a recovering alcoholic can never go into a bar, a recovering paid sex addict needs to be very careful not to put themselves in situations where it is all too easy to go and see someone "just one last time"...
     
  13. well said man. 3-month binge of daily paid sex ? I have a fear that I could become this exact guy. It would be easy, cheap and accessible, legal. I would worry about my increasing risk factor and feel powerless to control it. For some amount of time. I am encouraged to have you here man!


    Welcome my bro.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2019
  14. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    I've been keeping strong for few weeks now. I'm determined to end this junk. See i don't have a family or kids but when that day comes, no way am i going to be a bad
    father figure for my wife or kids when I meet her/them. I am just going to put this junk as far away as possible. Not even giving it a chance to grow. Cut it off!
    No maybe, or this escort was nice to me, or this escort was sweet and actually nice. I'm an addict, and I haven't experienced the real deal enough and escorts
    have almost always have led me to feeling more depressed. It's basically porn substitute by browsing there online listings for hours, on and on!

    Now perhaps escorts can be ok but only for very distinct situations?
    but I know for myself, it's not ok period!

    There are some escorts who are not clock watchers who will hang with you for your whole hour or whatever even if you cum quick and you can cum again or whatever.
    Yes that is much nicer experience and better lady who is nice to her clients or guys, hopefully she is at least being respectful and same with the guys, they should be nice as well, I mean think, you were seeing a stranger for sex!
    but ok I know my mind is a bit wired wrong due to this addiction but hopefully what I am writing is true and not all false so feel free put some feedback,
    but in general, almost as a whole, for us, addicts, escorts isn't the way!, never!, especially if your married!
     
  15. JPMich2020

    JPMich2020 New Fapstronaut

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    Hello, everyone, I started today this NoFab, I am 36 Latin American, here living in the USA since March last year. I am here with my wife and my little daughter. I got addicted to porn since 12 years ago aprox, and then moved to frequent scorts like 4 years ago, paid sex is pretty easy to get in my country. Since I moved here, I have not seen Scorts, but rather started sexting with scorts I have seen before, sexting and sex video calls, got obsessed with that, and I like the feeling of doing something I know should be doing, and feel the power of paying for what I want. Three weeks ago, I contacted a girl, initially It was only for a video call, It turned out that she is a webcamer and have performed several porn videos, so I got trapped by the sensation of being directly interacting with a porn actress, I offered her to pay a monthly fee, for her to became a kind of virtual girlfriend, she said that we might start with 100, but in the next months she will expect I to give more than 100, because she deserves it. She confessed me she does that with other guys, for sure she must get good money. I struggled with anxiety and panic attacks this year, I am doing much better in my job now and with my family now. Seeing a therapist and get medicated. I have also stop drinking, which for me is a huge thing, I don't enjoy drink anymore. I am trying to change bad habits, and the next thing is to stop this porn, sexting, affairs, paid sex (in any flavor). I am mainly ashamed of throwing money on those things instead of spend that money in good experiences with my family. I know it's not gonna be easy, but I truly want and need a change. I for the first time talked to my therapist about this thing, I felt release, and then decided to try a change. I am really happy I found this web page, please give me any advice or encourage, I hope I can also help others. Thanks for read.
     
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  16. AndyShyGuy78

    AndyShyGuy78 Fapstronaut

    Just to clarify my earlier post...my “3 month binge” I referred to wasn’t daily use of escorts - more like on average at least every other week with a lot of the intervening time spent either browsing listings sites for who to see next, or time on forums that review sex workers. Plenty of porn and latterly phone sex in the mix too.
     
    GA93JDeereboy and WilBil99 like this.
  17. a_man

    a_man Fapstronaut

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    Hi,guys.I'm struggling with paid-sex addiction too.
    I spent my last money in summer of 2019 and I hadn't money to EAT then I took a loans just to survive and NOW I'm paying that loans and my financial independence is impossible.
    But I built a plan to get free from the loan slavery and I want to make a lot of money and live free from a paid-sex addiction.

    I wish you to win,guys!(sorry for my English).
     
    WilBil99 likes this.
  18. JPMich2020

    JPMich2020 New Fapstronaut

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    First day report:
    Today I made a draft of a plan, mainly focus on actions to take and stablish goals, actions as simple as stop taking my cell phone to the restroom at work, and goals as have a better sex with my wife, be more engaged on love her and my family, or have better results at work, star looking for a hobby etc. I also cleaned my cell phone and install and app to block certain websites and apps, I made a calculation of how much money I have spent just in this last 3 weeks, it was around $200, maybe not much for someone, but for me that's easily money to help my family, instead of burning it on fake girls personalities. I will keep trying to get more motivation to do different things not related to PMO, but to improve my life quality. Hope all you get positive results today.
     
    WilBil99 likes this.
  19. JPMich2020

    JPMich2020 New Fapstronaut

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    I hope you get debt free soon, have you heard about upstart?
     
  20. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    My advice to those struggling is just read read read lots of motivational and inspiring books. Audiobooks. They have a lot of hidden things written to help tap into your
    limitless self who will beat this. Youtube or audible or whatever, maybe invest that escort money in some education that will forever change your life. You don't have
    much to lose.
     
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