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Escort challenge

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by need4realchg, Nov 14, 2019.

Are you struggling with paid-sex?

  1. Yes— and I would join the challenge/group

  2. No, but I would like to join too

  3. Yes— but not interested in a challenge or a group

Results are only viewable after voting.
  1. I know I was fortunate. Every situation is different. Other partners find out and stick with there OH. I’ve learnt that my actions were a result of my addiction and mental health problems. It was wrong absolutely, but I needed empathy and love, not anger. It’s not ‘woe is me’ but an understanding on what addiction and mental health issues are would be helpful.
     
  2. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    I find when I'm in the middle of a streak, I become completely obsessed with the idea of seeing a sex worker. I sometimes spend hours and hours online looking at options and even sometimes even messaging them to arrange appointments. I have not caved into this lust recently almost solely because of covid19 fear.

    In the past, I did pay for sex in the middle of NoFap many times. I think paying for sex just takes the edge off and allows us to live out some of these fantasies.

    I have managed to restrict porn use but I find myself going crazy with the lust and thinking it needs to be satiated. I do not believe I can 'be the best version of myself' and attract women. I am an introvert with incredibly low self-esteem and I just strongly disbelieve that I'll ever change. Yeah I might build some extra muscle and look better and be more confident but I think there's something wrong with me fundamentally that means no matter what I do or how I change, I'll still be a total loser at my core. Also, I'm balding, emaciated, stooped and have fucked up teeth so I can't really change these defects. Most of this has been caused by neglect caused by depression.

    It is a horrifying feeling in the middle of NoFap to think 'I'll never have sex ever again.' I wonder how many Fapstronauts earnestly believe that this is going to make them more attractive?

    Anyway, I don't have any regrets about paying for sex. To be honest, it's better than one night stands at a night club and you actually get to have sex with an attractiveness of woman who would completely blank you if you ever approached her in the 'real world.'

    But if I wasn't doing NoFap, I probably wouldn't have overcome my overwhelming fear to go through with it. There is fear of everything, going to a hotel, being seen walking in, but a big part of it is pre-emptive guilt. I know I will hate myself after, but I am also aware that in the moment when I see what I've been fantasizing about for sometimes months in the flesh, everything else will melt away. The anxiety, the self-hate, the thoughts of 'no one will ever fuck me again.' It almost feels like a bit of revenge, I have to say, for all the times I've been rejected or people have joked to me about me not getting laid. I almost feel like I'm gaming the system and getting hotter chicks than the ones who turned me down or did not even see me a sexual being. It's an experience that for a brief minute (sometimes less) obliterates all negative thoughts, but they come back 10 fold.

    After I get super paranoid thinking about the repercussions (so far none). The shame is pretty bad. It's hard to talk to a family member and at work, I get this horrible sense that everyone can see through me as well as imagining how they would reject me if they ever found out.

    One thing I always try to remind myself is that every time I have sex, once that itch has been scratched, I am reminded that all of the things I did to distract myself from sex are actually things I'm truly proud of. Making music, writing stories, reading books - these are things that last. Even though the entire time I did those things I was almost 100% of the time distracted by sex and thinking I would rather have sex than do this. It's like a weird broken mind that massively overvalues sex and undervalues skills and hobbies. Or I would in the back of my mind think that somehow this would lead to sex and that motivated me, even though being good at something has never meant anything to a woman I've had sex with for free.

    Every time I start a new streak I find myself back in a text back and forth again despite my knowledge that I won't go through with it due to covid. What the hell is wrong with me? How can I be so fucking insane?

    I actually do not want to start a new streak since I know it will re-ignite this sex worker obsession and the more days I go on the less likely I am going to be able to resist seeing one.

    If anyone has any advice, please let me know.

    I am watching some YouTube videos about monks and celibacy and maybe that's my only option now, to try to lose the attachment I have to sex and lust.
     
    BobbyBaccala1987 and Semaphore like this.
  3. RDucky

    RDucky Fapstronaut
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    When I found out, after being married to someone to over 30 years and putting up with so much bad behavior (but not knowing about the escorts), I gave him love and empathy for YEARS. And what did I get in return? Lies, manipulation, cheating etc. And the answer is to give him MORE love and empathy? Nope. It's time for him to take responsibility for what he has done. And I haven't seen it yet.
     
  4. RDucky

    RDucky Fapstronaut
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    This seems to be a huge part of this. As a woman who found out her ex-husband was seeing escorts for years, I believe that this is a huge part of him not wanting to take responsibility for being in a real relationship and dealing with real life issues. I can look back and see how much it must have been about "gaming the system" and "getting revenge". I think although this is almost subconscious, I think it is the driving factor and less about sex and more about gaming the system and not having to deal with real life. I would like to hear thoughts from addicts about this and how you feel it applies to you and addicts in general. I would also like to know more about the negative thoughts coming back 10 fold. I am in women's groups and we are all so full of pain for choices we didn't make and he seems to get off scot free. In our minds, it is like he got everything and laughed all the way. What is it like? Do our ex's feel like they "won"? Mine's whole life has been about win/lose instead of win/win.
     
  5. So your situation is different then if your Husband never bothered to accept his issues and never wanted help and had other behavioural issues. Sounds like he never wanted to change.

    Plenty of people, as you can see from this site are working on becoming better humans, whether that be journaling there day or having Accountability Partners or even therapy and SAA Groups.

    Every situation is different. I’m sorry about yours.
     
    kammaSati and GA93JDeereboy like this.
  6. RDucky

    RDucky Fapstronaut
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    I hope that my experience can help people here who want to quit because if they choose to stay in this lifestyle...this is the end result. You not only take yourself down, you take everyone else with you. It's grossly unfair to those of us who never even had a choice in any of it.
     
  7. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    I hear you Rducky! I hear you! I am sorry you feel so much pain and though it wasn’t your fault. I’m an addict, been clean over a year from the escorts. I can’t go back again. I won’t. I am fixing myself for the true one for me. One day! I really am thinking of developing something to help us out. To find healing with this. I’m proof that it is possible to quit. However Everyone has different experiences and are in different stages. Some don’t really want it. Anyhow wish you well and happiness to get ahead with your problems!
     
    RDucky and kammaSati like this.
  8. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    To me it sounds you lack a
    Lots of confidence. Your not a loser.
    You can overcome this if you want it.
    You can’t be stuck in the thought that you can’t handle the urges or whatever with withdrawal. You have to accept you have a problem. You do that, then you need to understand sometimes with that your addicted mind may be tricking you. It’s easier to fall into the mindset that your no good, you can’t meet women, you can’t have whatever it is your looking for from a regular woman.
    That’s all nonsense. Hair balding, that’s all nonsense friend, think positive.

    you can improve yourself, your physique, you need to stop doubting.
    Depends on what you want in yourself in your life? Look into a sex therapist or coach or someone to help you.


    Send me pm I’ll be an AP for you.


    It starts with what you want. That’s all I’m saying.
     
    kammaSati and Luvspin68 like this.
  9. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    kammaSati likes this.
  10. Afternoon Guys

    I’ve had a rough few weeks personally and with that have allowed myself to fall into the trap of logging into AW and messaging for dopamine highs. Thankfully that’s all I’ve done (no txting or calling) and deleted my log in again.

    Ive understood that negative feelings and moments of depression can cause me to act out and need to work on sorting those triggers
     
    GA93JDeereboy and kammaSati like this.
  11. Thanks for asking @GA93JDeereboy, doing fine lately, no strong urges, thoughts and memories keep popping up but they do not come with a pull. Seems the worst is over ... but ... never feel too secure I know. Cause it can come and hit me out of the blue, so better be prepared. Hope for the best, be prepared for the worst hehe. What about you?
     
  12. Sorry to hear you've had a rough few weeks, been there, too. Can be pretty nagging. Glad to hear you could put on the brake in time and delete account. Well done. Stay strong.
     
    BobbyBaccala1987 likes this.
  13. Cheers @kammaSati appreciate it mate.
     
    kammaSati likes this.
  14. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    im doing good, thoughts come and go, kinda just been bummed out on my new life situation. That’s been my main issue lately. Some days I’m feeling good, then others I feel a bit down. Good to see your doing well!
     
    kammaSati likes this.
  15. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    Well good job on not pushing it to the next level. Now just need to back off of it. You know some of your triggers. So that’s good to know to stay away from. Keep strong!
     
    kammaSati and BobbyBaccala1987 like this.
  16. Semaphore

    Semaphore Fapstronaut

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    That site of the devil isn't it. I did this recently too and found that my mails weren't even being read. This has discouraged me from doing it any more.
    It struck me that I must be effing mad to think that visiting an escort with Covid being as it is was a good idea.
    A reflection of just how powerful our urges can be.
     
    kammaSati likes this.
  17. Hey @Semaphore your not wrong. The problem with our addiction is down to how we use sites like that as a coping mechanism. The problem is that it can lead to incredibly stupid decisions been made.
     
    kammaSati likes this.
  18. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    Really tempted....lockdown cabin fever setting in just need some sort of a release.
     
  19. Don't. Temptations will pass and you will remain happy :)
     
    GA93JDeereboy and Semaphore like this.
  20. Semaphore

    Semaphore Fapstronaut

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    This is the Escort Challenge thread - of course you're tempted - we all are!
    Talk to us before you give in!
    Use this site as your distraction from your demons.
    Challenge the challenge from your temptations!
    Be strong - you'll cherish the feeling of overcoming the lure!
    Keep us posted
    :)
     

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