Escort challenge

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by need4realchg, Nov 14, 2019.

Are you struggling with paid-sex?

  1. Yes— and I would join the challenge/group

  2. No, but I would like to join too

  3. Yes— but not interested in a challenge or a group

Results are only viewable after voting.
  1. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    Wanted to say something.


    Well I met a escort again. And had a blast. I know, it’s all so contrary to everything in this thread about quitting.
    I been struggling a lot these few days not doing anything really with myself. I been down, depressed unhappy. I been screwed over by some. And then I met this lady. I’m not sure but she wasn’t like the others. She was like the most bubbly kind of girl you could meet. I don’t want to say all the details but this wasn’t like any other time I’d had. I don’t feel bad about it.
    This is probably a 1 in a million. Cause we all know how shady the business is, how shady the people are. But this girl had something about her. I’m done now though. Like I feel I got what I was looking for when I first wanted to see escorts. A good time with no pressure. Anyhow I’m single. If I was married or something that would be a different story. That wouldn’t be ok unless they were ok with it.


    Anyways I wanted to share this. I feel good. But it’s time for me to move forward with my life. Cause this is definitely a bad addiction for many and has been for myself. I don’t know why things happen the way they do.

    So ok back to nofap now. No more seeing escorts for the rest of 2021. I had my fun, time to move on.
    Let’s do this!!!
     
  2. Seems like you belong to those guys who can control it. And as it helps you to stay sane ... why bother? Not all have to stop paying for sex hehe. So, don't worry too much and have fun.
     
    GA93JDeereboy likes this.
  3. BobbyBaccala1987

    BobbyBaccala1987 Fapstronaut

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    Evening mate

    It’s a long road for all of us. It has many twists and turns and ups and downs.

    Try and make sure that is a point you can look back on and think ‘yeah I felt good but ultimately it was a soulless experience’ and move forward without that need to fix a buzz.

    I think you’ve acknowledged that already in your last paragraph as well.

    Onwards mate
     
    Semaphore likes this.
  4. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    I can control it way better now. But it’s still one of my vices.
    She was like the 1 in a million I would say.
    I’m not going to pay for anymore this year.
    Because most ladies don’t really take care of you. I don’t wanna deal with all that and
    I’m a thrifty person in general so I’ll just save my money.


    Maybe we’ll keep in touch maybe no idk? Maybe next time i check to see if she is ok she may have an bad attitude or who knows?
    I’m not the guy who needs them to stay sane.
    Do I have issues? Of course, do I understand why or whats going on with me?No, I’m a pretty confused person in this whole matter really.
    I pray to God for help.



    But overall
    I think I got what I wanted and am through. I mean a girlfriend would be what I really am needing. Since for me I haven’t ever had one.
     
    need4realchg and kammaSati like this.
  5. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    I’m moving forward! Ups and downs and forward. I’m not sure it would be soulless though. Maybe the act cause I paid her.


    But yep, I gotta move on.
    Thanks for feedback!
     
    kammaSati likes this.
  6. BobbyBaccala1987

    BobbyBaccala1987 Fapstronaut

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    It might not be soulless to you and that’s fair. Everyone’s ways of dealing with situations are different and see situations in different ways.

    But like you say, you want a GF, which is meaningful. I think everyone would agree with that and seeing E is just papering over cracks.
     
    kammaSati likes this.
  7. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    yes, a GF fo sho!
     
    BobbyBaccala1987 and kammaSati like this.
  8. @GA93JDeereboy I want to say thank you for reaching out. I have been meaning to get back in here and encourage the soldiers fighting this battle. I think I'm caught up. I decided to make some huge choices and changes in my life. I have maintained to stay away from porn and escorts, but I need to start a new challenge.

    Nofap helped change my perspective and give me hope where I thought I was stuck in a cycle of sex and shame. While I'm free from it, its grasp on my memory is strong.

    I totally relate with the "I just wanna fuck something". OMG. Not my words but absolutely my feelings. I get you bro. It's 13 months for me in the forced abstinence, and I STILL don't enjoy knowing I haven't hit it.

    I have stayed away from the apps and really am struggling with one in particular. TIKTOK. it wastes so much time and it leads me edge. Today WHILE I was doing that I heard an audio that said "when you masturbate to a girl you are actually having sex with 600 demons".

    You might say--"creepy"? Yes. Definitely.
    You might assume " So you stopped and deleted the app?" ---NO. I finished. THEN I deleted the app. I wish i had more self control on this but once the train starts going it's not stopping.

    So NOW, I'm going to kick that parasite and time-wasting nuisance out of my life and hold myself accountable here. I don't even know if I believe the demon thing or not, but I don't want to find out.

    I have improved my financials so much since deciding this, and not shelling out money to chicks around the world. I want to buy a house, buy a car this summer and I have been tracking my time and my money spend to see that I keep to that. But-- I have a HUGE hole for love and just basic attention and encouragement. what I have in my marriage is really the opposite... and it's my fault. I want to reconcile because (as a friend told me) "it's JUST AS EASY to reconcile as it is to divorce."

    So reality check--I am the one pushing for us to decide what we want to do... and I MAY end up divorced this year but I won't be crawling on my hands or knees. I have realized, that I want my wife to encourage and admire me. Not remind me about all the mistakes I've made indefinitely.

    I absolutely would prefer to be married to her, but I have tried pleasing ppl for so long I'm done living to please someone else, or just in fear of disapproval, hiding from life's challenges and joys by engaging my sexual slavery to my pornified imagination and my sexual addiction.

    I STILL have the redhead itch. Not going to lie. I haven't pursued it but it's there. Watching, waiting.

    Valentines was hard as hell. Here in Texas we just got power back today and being with my kids helped; but ultimately, it's time to stop bitching and go forward.

    I can imagine myself as a single dad in a house and having friends over and providing for my kids by working and building us a nest egg, or I can imagine a nice house together where my wife looks at me in approval and encouragement and hugs me; in this scene I can hug, kiss, or squeeze her whenever I want to.

    Ultimately my fantasy is not sexual, it's relational. This is the cure for all addiction---real (intimate) connection. Where we don't wear these god-forsaken masks anymore, we can be our hideous, ugly, angry, repressed, sexual selves and STILL be loved for our honesty.
     
  9. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    Glad to hear from you! Thanks for your update! Hope you keep us updated brother!
     
  10. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    Saw an escort today. Have no guilt about it. It needed to be done.

    Planning to keep this habit down to about once every month or so to keep it under control.
     
    bjorkstadski222 and need4realchg like this.
  11. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    Start with a plan that’s the start if this is something you want to quit.

    I had my fun the other day. I’m through, I just looking for something more serious. Had a great time, great conversation, great time going out, just long run not something i want to keep doing.
     
    BobbyBaccala1987 likes this.
  12. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    Why would anyone quit this though ...as long as it's in moderation and just taking the edge off and not a life ruining addiction?

    That's like quitting having a once a month steak and fries. Maybe worth it for some but now and again you deserve a treat.

    You yourself said the last visit was just a bit of fun and seemed to help you relax.

    It's not like alcohol where you can indulge in escorts in all of your waking moments if you have a problem with it.

    It actually has quite a few physical and psychologically off putting elements which stop it becoming an insane addiction. I mean physical barriers in terms of location and just all the mental games you have to play in regards to expectations and going through with it and the after effects.
     
    need4realchg and GA93JDeereboy like this.
  13. BobbyBaccala1987

    BobbyBaccala1987 Fapstronaut

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    Afternoon

    @Kowe - sounds like you are quite happy with how you are living your life then? No?

    What is the issue then? If you are happy to spend money and see escorts then cool.

    Do you believe you have any Porn or sex addictions?
     
    need4realchg likes this.
  14. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    One reason I'm quitting is because I want to find a girlfriend.
    I don't know if i'll chat with that escort again. I mean maybe, I could get attached to her, and she not really want me. You don't know, she is a person as well. I just am working on quitting because I'm a sex addict. I admit.
    I would look for escorts instead of girlfriends, I'd spend hours online looking through the escort sites, i'd even spent some money that was given to me to see an escort, kinda dirty.
    I'll admit before I found the last one I spent hours looking through the sites. I was immersed in my addiction, kinda like when your looking at porn for hours. It wasn't good at all.
    So that's a bit about why i'm quitting if that helps you out.

    To some, sure, have fun, have some moderation, your a bit depressed, you know this lady is a decent lady and treats you fair, and your not cheating on your significant other, she's what your looking for, so I mean in that sense I'd say that's ok. Of course I'm far from perfect.
    Maybe I got lucky with meeting the last one as hey we kicked it off. It's something I'll remember for the rest of my life, a threesome with 2 beautiful ladies, I mean, you know...
    I just gotta get myself together. I got to overcome my shyness, my fear of talking to girls, those things.
     
  15. Whoever can enjoy and keep it under control ... wonderful. I couldn't. At my best times I went to three escorts on one day, lol. OMG, was I hooked. So glad I am out. It really controlled me, was compulsive and lost. So, I know for me it's high risk to peek and sneak. I am a sex addict in recovery. Definitely so.
     
  16. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    Has seeing escorts had a positive or negative effect on this? Or neither?
     
  17. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    I’m not sure to
    Be honest Cause I can be shy to anyone not just girls. I think maybe seeing the escorts could have been negative in ways that rather then going out, I’d be with an escort. And at that point you don’t need any game to pickup girls.
    Just some money, sure you want to look decent regardless. This dang internet, I got to get off of it, get off social media, leave the house, go out. Talk to people!
     
    bjorkstadski222 and kammaSati like this.
  18. BobbyBaccala1987

    BobbyBaccala1987 Fapstronaut

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    It’s interesting reading the last couple of posts. The sense that it’s under control for some people and that going to see an escort is ok and that it’s not part of any addiction is almost admirable.

    For me, it’s the ultimate ‘unhealthy’ high that is so far the other way from trying to be a better, more well-rounded person.

    I guess it’s what I keep saying, that everyone’s addiction levels are different. Our pasts shape our present so what we do and what we like and how we get to satisfy our dopamine are vastly different from one person to another.

    For me, as a newly single man, I feel I can use chat apps to date and create healthy situations in the short term. Porn and escorts are still going to be unhealthy even as a single person and will not plunge to those depths just to get a fix. Nor will I use social media to search for women and porn.

    I know what i won’t do and know my limits, but as I’ve said, we are all different.

    We are also here to discuss and assist and ask questions. Thats support IMO
     
  19. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    The reality is that most of the women are taken up by men with most confidence/best looks/highest up in the dominance hierarchy.

    That leaves us unfortunately 'lower quality' men (sad to even type that) to either work on ourselves relentlessly to better ourselves so we are level or better than the competition OR we can just take a break from that exhausting world and get some sexual relief from escorts.

    I wouldn't say it's 'the easy way out' in the sense at least for me, there is an enormous amount of fear and anxiety I have to conquer to go through with it.

    However, I agree it requires no skill. But you know what? There are enough things in life that take a ton of skill and effort.

    We need that to maintain our jobs and work on our passions outside of that. In a fair world, the fact we excel professionally or at certain skills would make us attractive but I feel like this isn't the case if you are insecure and shy.
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2021
  20. Veritech

    Veritech Fapstronaut

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    Totally disagree!!!

    Anybody (even insecure and shy men) can find a satisfactory relationship.

    Also, 'high quality' men can pay tens of thousands of dollars on escorts (see Hugh Grant and Eliot Spitzer as some examples).

    Today I seek more out of life than paying a woman to have sex with me and provide me with insincere compliments; then 15 minutes after I leave the hotel room, she is fucking another dude and providing him with the same exact insincerity she gave to me.
     

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