Escort challenge

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by need4realchg, Nov 14, 2019.

Are you struggling with paid-sex?

  1. Yes— and I would join the challenge/group

  2. No, but I would like to join too

  3. Yes— but not interested in a challenge or a group

Results are only viewable after voting.
  1. Samadhi Pañña

    Samadhi Pañña Fapstronaut

    Wow, you have my respect hehe. I had night long sessions with 2 at the same time while taking and smoking crystal and other drugs, drinking booze. Summer 18. I went to work with two open bleeding knees, difficulties walking ... That‘s when I realized can‘t top that without harming myself really badly.
    (Not that it makes a difference really just to be open, I was with male escorts ...)
    Have some codependency issues on top, so easily feel sorry and want to help. That cost me another bit of money in this whole process lol.

    That‘s it. DON‘T debate, don‘t start arguing, don‘t start the negotiation. There‘s the confirm bias, cognitive dissonance factor of the brain. We always find reasons, the brain will ALWAYS find reasons for why it‘s ok to do it once more.
    I wasn‘t sure either if maybe I am not determined enough. But the addict brain will always win in arguments over the reasonable part. Then it‘s hormonal on top. A lot comes together. That‘s why I alone am powerless. Cause I am addicted and I am needy. How can I stop I, how can me stop me? Not by arguing, by getting quiet. Listen. And learn not to react to thoughts.
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2020
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  2. Veritech

    Veritech Fapstronaut

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    When I contact the escort agency, I can see the escorts' schedule.

    There is somehow a misconception that I so want to believe is that "this woman truly cares about me". Because we had sex and cuddled after, she will remember and appreciate me for who I am.

    In reality, when I make an appointment and meet a new escort; she has already fucked two dudes before me and will be fucking three more after I leave.

    Everything is fake. From the dirty language, her alleged orgasms and her telling me what a wonderful human being I am - all fake. She tricked the two guys before me and will be tricking the three guys after me. Then on to the next day for her. Girlfriend Experience my ass.

    I was just money to her and she was just T & A to me.

    We had sex. Yet, she and I viewed each other as objects; neither of us seeing the other as a human being.

    Each experience has been a waste of time, waste of money and a hit to my character and integrity.
     
  3. Samadhi Pañña

    Samadhi Pañña Fapstronaut

    Yup! I slightly suspect WE think more about that one or them than they do about us :). A gambling addict in Las Vegas is not loved by the City either nor by the Casinos. And still we go back. That's why it is an addiction. Like any drug addiction. Sex as a drug with the purpose to alter our mood state, escaping the discomfort of being us. That's why it is necessary to dig deeper.
     
  4. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Ok, so I’m really just super curious as to how you guys spend money on escorts without your wives demanding to know where this money is going? I have our income/outgo money spent down to within a couple of dollars per year! We follow a budget, and I would know if more than $5 is going out that wasn’t accounted for. I’m also the one who monitors our credit ratings so would see if he had a “ private” credit card. I already know that many places that take your debit will lie on the receipts, ie strip clubs call themselves sandwich shops, lol. I mean I guess my husband could save up his cash for eating out, but he’d be awfully hungry.
     
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  5. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    just disclaimer ... I dont mind the question although in this group I am hoping for those who struggle with sex addiction so that there’s a place to discuss this openly.

    On the forums there is a thread about the $2000 sex doll a guy bought. Then he bought a hollow bookcase just to store it in a room. So it cannot be discovered

    So that his PARENTS won’t find it.

    he’s 19. How about is that ?

    Are you sure your husband cannot hide 100$?

    I don’t know if you have a PA for a husband, but if he couldn’t hide things from you then he wouldn’t be an addict... right?

    Where there’s a will , there’s a way.
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2020
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  6. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Oh he’s a pa- we’ve had a full disclosure with polygraph just for that reason. He hid his pa very well. But, no way he could hide $100. He could save up his lunch money lol. But I budget to the penny. He could easily take out a loan, or cash out some 401k but then I would find it in the statements. He doesn’t pick up mail, I take care of all our finances. I monitor our credit. Now, I could easily hide thousands, because he has no clue about what bills get paid etc. He didn’t even know how much his monthly pay check was when we went to a financial advisor last month! I guess I should be happy that he wants me to manage all our money? I’ve made him a very rich man because of it, lol. He could easily have an affair and I wouldn’t know, but I’m neurotic about our finances and investing etc.
     
  7. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    And , even though I didn’t know about his pa, I definitely knew something wasn’t right! So I would think eventually your so would become suspicious? Maybe I’m just more cognizant because I’ve known about his porn for so long. Before that, I did t monitor our credit, but I did still handle our money. My guess is your so is aware that something isn’t right, but not suspicious? It just seems if you are spending thousands like some guys say the so would wonder at least?
     
  8. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    For disclaimer, although we are separated we have joint accounts. I travel and manage my normal job travel expenses plus my own business and its expenses.

    I have tried for years to get my wife to take more ownership but we usually end up arguing about money so she just gave up. Honestly, I was really immature despite earning well.

    As a business expense you can easily spend hundreds on a client outing in a night and write it off. It’s very normal for execs at my level sadly, so I have made it a point to go to the gym after business meetings otherwise we are going for drinks and the clubs.

    I don’t have to spend as much as guys here since I do it when I travel abroad. It’s not so much a financial issue as it is one of integrity.
     
  9. Samadhi Pañña

    Samadhi Pañña Fapstronaut

    You could easily hide thousands? There you go. That‘s the answer to your quest. So can I.
     
  10. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Yes, but I can do it because he doesn’t even know how much he earns much less how much our mortgage is, or what it cost to run the ranch.
     
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  11. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Lol! This actually makes sense. I was looking at it through my life/his life. I could see if you had your own business, or had to take clients out, or travel a lot. My husband works for the government, so he has a very set amount of money coming in. Plus, when I first discovered his porn addiction, I told him that one condition to me staying, was he never travel alone because hotels have porn in the movie selection. That was almost 23 years ago. Hahaha, that was my reaction to just discovering his porn! He could easily hide an affair, but spending money would be very difficult. Did your wife ever ask? Or catch you? I had a friend who had her husband followed. She had no idea, but she also couldn’t figure out why they were going through so much cash.
     
  12. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I, too have tried to get my husband more involved in our finances. He just has no interest. He even said one time “ I’ll earn the money and you can just spend it”. I told him” and what if I sock it away in a private account and steal it from you, or I don’t pay our bills and ruin your credit and lose the house?” He’s like “ you wouldn’t do that”. Ugh. Of course, he’s right, but still.
     
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  13. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    If your real question is how do men cheat... I do not pretend to be an expert. This will be my last response on this cause I think It is best fit inside a new thread , no offense my friend.;)

    The desperation of the heart guides the way through the most difficult obstacles into the arms of a lover who soothes, affirms, or makes you feel respected.

    Sex addiction is NOT about just sex...
    It includes it of course but it’s not both the cause and the result.



    Anyone who travels discover this fairly quickly. Unless you travel to uninhabited parts of the country, trouble can be found.

    On my first business trip to Mexico City in 2012, while staying at the intercontinental in Polanco, I got out of the elevator on the 11th floor and in the lobby a woman asked me for a cup of water. She was a fellow guest at the hotel which I was paying $300/night. I thought nothing of it and went inside My room to offer her the free water bottle.

    When I opened my door and reached the desk and got the bottle I heard the door close, I turned around to find the lady had entered my hotel room. I felt angry as I saw her proceed to sit on my bed. I remained standing and crossed my arms. I had been tricked. I Describe this and many others in my first journal in full technicolor but I try to be less provocative for the sake of new/struggling PA’s when writing in the forums.

    Bottom line, I did not entertain her ideas but she was not an escort —-she was a surgeon attending a medical convention nearby. My sex addiction began where I didn’t want it or ask or need it. I didn’t go out looking for it.

    I was shaking and my wife called moments after I got her out of the room. I had the driest mouth ever trying to sound collected.

    The first person I called was my colleague to tell him what has happened. He encouraged me Saying he would have taken the bait. I told him I was (at the time) not going to do something that went against my commitment to God. I saw myself as Joseph.

    It took me 3 months to tell my wife how ashamed I felt at being tricked like that. I was able to tell her since my conscience was clean as I did not d anything. BUT— I could not resolve my internal conflict—- I LOVED the idea of being desired. That idea stayed with me long after the temptation had been successfully rebuffed.

    The reality that I denied the lady revealed my pain at being denied for years as a young man, and it became a new pleasure. To know she wanted me and I could deny her.

    When I first started acting out Sexually on trips this is how it started. Customers would take me to strip clubs and I would resist to create mystery then become uninhibited. I would dance and strip for the lady assigned to me to provoke her by reversing the roles, then leave at the peak of their interest—-I succeeded to where strippers would ask to come with me to my hotel without any money or asking. I would enjoy converting them into the one who asks to continue at my place. I enjoyed denying them like I had been denied.

    Once alone sex wasn’t guaranteed either. On a few occasions I would allow them to sleep without any interaction— just to be a gentleman by offering them an escape from the world they had chosen.

    Today, Im here because I see this has little meaning long term. I’m trying today to face my desires/emotions not simply abstain from extramarital sex. Like bettyford says... there is a deeper level to this.

    I am sure you know that women have needs just like men. Some monetize this for cash but it easily can be converted to other tradeable, untraceable items.

    I have bartered my way too using gifts like Bluetooth speakers, alcohol, clothing, tickets, gift cards, sometimes just to be with me, no money at all.

    hope that helps. Sounds like you want to know if you have been cheated on?

    I would challenge you to ask yourself: would he trust you with the most damning of truths?

    or :
    why wouldn’t he trust you enough to share?

    Im assuming you have understood disclosure is only complete once fear is vanquished.

    In other words, The fear of losing you is real and may stop him from being 100% honest if he has something he fears will hurt your relationship. It may become a deathbed confession. Fear cannot coexist with love.

    sorry. I’m trying not to derail my own thread. If you want we can discuss separately.
     
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2020
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  14. Samadhi Pañña

    Samadhi Pañña Fapstronaut

    Thus, you could go and spend money on escorts with him never finding out?
     
  15. Brohime

    Brohime Fapstronaut

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    I have been seeing massage parlour women for probably 5 years. Went as far as CBJ but never crossed the line into sex. Since December I started seeing escorts and it is like the imaginary line is now gone. I'm basically looking for who i will fuck during my lunch when others are looking at what they will eat!!
     
  16. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

    yeah I have been there man. I would have sex instead of eating for days at times. Sometimes an occasional drink and just the excitement of finally getting sex.

    for me it was the only way to get sex, I didn’t have an opportunity at home. But I understand.
     
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  17. WilBil99

    WilBil99 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing this. I’ve been to a handful of massage parlors and never went past a handy. It’s been since before Thanksgiving since my last visit although tempted many times. I’ve been on my way and veered off and went to gym instead each time. It’s a tough lure to ignore BUT it’s one I have to. What I have to lose is my family and I put pictures of my kids On my dashboard so if I’m in a zone and planning on acting out, so far the pictures snap me out of it.
     
  18. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    Well I’m hanging strong, I’ve really been urged a lot today. I’ve been instead of seeing escorts been getting out a bit, you know trying to meet someone for something real. The escort just isn’t good.
    I hadn’t had the balls to walk in a massage parlor to get a happy massage before. I always found it easier to text an escort then walk in a parlor and it be a regular parlor.
    That’s a good thing though bc I don’t need to be addicted to something else. anyways I’m set to make it seeing “0” escorts this year. Let’s not fall off in February but make it through the whole year!!!
     
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  19. need4realchg

    need4realchg Fapstronaut

  20. AndyShyGuy78

    AndyShyGuy78 Fapstronaut

    Keep strong...look past the rush you think you are going to get from seeing someone and see yourself on the other side - full of regret and emptiness not only that you have broken your streak, but lost money and valuable time on something that is futile. Go for a walk or do whatever will distract you and remind there is a beautiful world out there waiting for you to live your full life in it.
     

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