Establish Boundaries - Bullied around?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by pranav02, Apr 26, 2019.

  1. pranav02

    pranav02 Fapstronaut

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    Alright so I have been pondering hard on whether I should be posting this but I decided that I need. So I had gone for Endgame with my friends and as we came out of the movie theatre towards the food court, we were stopped by a bunch of people asking us for some money for drugs. A very small amount but we all refused. Eventually this escaped some threatening, people started to give in to their demands. They came to me and asked me how much I was willing to give, I said nothing at all and eventually they swore at me and threw some verbal assaults and this is where I caved in and gave them around 3 bucks. I was visibly pissed and then when he had the money he needed, he comes asking for high-fis and I refused. He says “either my hand meets your hand or my hand meets your face” and I have never felt more powerless at any instant. My ego was bruised badly and I took it to heart. I gave him a high-fy like I had no choice. Though everyone around me couldn't do nothing, I felt even worse. It's been two days and it hasn’t been any better. I told my parents and they gave me splendid advice and I was fine for a day but my feelings of inferiority and powerlessness are springing back up. I hate having failed to establish my boundaries and for the fact that I was scared at that instant. I could have threatened at least and stood my ground but I didn’t at that moment, I feel like I froze up in fear and every incident where I’ve been dominated and controlled has added up and I’m feeling terribly shit at this point.

    I hate being bullied around and losing power in situations like this where injutice prevails. I hate the social hierarchy. I hate people who have emotional holes in their life and attack others to compensate for their insecurities. I haven’t been able to think about anything and this is the only thing running through my mind. Please help!
     
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  2. 220woof671

    220woof671 Fapstronaut

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    Difficult situation...…. you seemed to resist for a long time -- which is good.

    Sounds like you met some homeless POS's (piece of sh***)… who like to intimidate. They are scum.

    NoFap.com is part of the answer.
    Each day you do No PMO you get about 1% stronger.
    It quickly adds up.


    Robbery is force -- or threat of force.
    Homeless people can be scum... ex military... and often carry knives.

    If you choose, you could be proactive :) (And help this not happen to others.)
    You can contact Mall security -- if at a Mall -- and tell them.
    You and your friends can also tell the police. With your friends help... you could make a video [pretend
    to be filming your friends...… but actually have your phone or digital camera on zoom so the police
    know who to look for]
    . Take it to the police...…….. or email it too them.

    Get with your friends...……… make a plan...…….. film the scum...……. tell the police where the pos's like to threaten & intimidate & rob people..... and you can get some justice...… and help others...….. and yourselves.

    GOOD LUCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2019
    IceRocket likes this.
  3. IceRocket

    IceRocket Fapstronaut

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    Wow I think that was brave of you to say no at first. If some crazy drug-addict homeless guys came to me and asked for some money I'd just give it to them and get out of there Idk, what if they have knives or start a fight or something like that? I care more about my life than being able to stand against some homeless people. I think it was brave enough already, you shouldn't be ashamed of not having said no, lol.
     
  4. pranav02

    pranav02 Fapstronaut

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    There weren't homeless people. I'm about 17 and so were they I'm presuming. Everything else is correct. I feel like it would've been a traumatic situation regardless of what I would have done at point. Least I don't have them following me around and I don't have to live with fear anymore I guess :/
     
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  5. andi1987

    andi1987 Fapstronaut

    Without knowing the excat situation, I think you actually made a pretty smart choice. I mean you say you have feelings of inferiority. Is it superiour to threaten that guy; maybe even risking getting into a fight? You gave this guy high five; that doesn't make you inferiour or? Why do you think of yourself as inferiour in this situation?
     
  6. pranav02

    pranav02 Fapstronaut

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    I feel like he was able to impose his will onto me and it's not about the high five (only now do I know the spelling haha), but rather how he spewed those words like I was his slave and all I could do was give in to his demand. I obviously wouldn't want to have gotten into a fight but maybe intimidate him? Or even threaten him by using the police as the excuse here?
     
  7. I think being bullied and embarrassed by someone could make a huge impact on the victim. I remember some years ago I was harassed by two guys who was staring at me while laughing and ridiculing me. They yelled and pointed at me and I had no idea what was going on. I didn't know who they were and still don't. When I got back home I just burst into tears. Never felt that humiliated before. This was right before my HOCD started to flare-up. Don't know if that had anything to do with it.
     
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  8. andi1987

    andi1987 Fapstronaut

    yeah I know its not about the high five. :D
    But I wanted to know what your thoughts and emotion in that moment were. Did you feel ashamed and anxious afterwards? And if so why?
     
  9. Probably the best thing to do in this situation is to keep walking in some direction if you're not completely blocked in, and joke around, be a bit crazy and unpredictable and make your way somewhere safe.
     
    pranav02 likes this.
  10. Dr.LoveLength

    Dr.LoveLength Fapstronaut

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    Its never a good idea to get into a altercation with someone who has nothing to lose. Pride doesnt count for much if you end up with a knife in the gutt. Chalk it up to a character building experience
     
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  11. pranav02

    pranav02 Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry you had to go through that as well
     
  12. pranav02

    pranav02 Fapstronaut

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    I've recovered decently from the incident now and when the clarity struck back, I've realized that you're right
     
    selfimprovement8008 likes this.
  13. selfimprovement8008

    selfimprovement8008 Fapstronaut

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    so a good next step would be to judge situations where you can get away without getting hurt and at the same time giving in at times you cant , also to invest in self defense training the confidence boost will help you deal with those types of people and it will also help you because even if you give money some people still will hurt you but with those skills in self defense you can help yourself and others. Taking it step further would be to train in attire too like (suits, etc)
     
  14. mcp8419

    mcp8419 Fapstronaut

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    Intent to display dominance and power is ultimately weakness disguised as strength - these kinds of 'difficult' people aim to confuse, intimidate, manipulate and set out to pressure into making a decision quickly. It was a tricky situation you were in and there is no right or wrong here, your safety was the main concern so don't be so hard on yourself. Perhaps if you find yourself in a similar situation again, concentrate on your breathing to slow down your thinking and reduce fight/flight/freeze response. Make eye contact but don't glare. This way you stand up to bullying behaviour through non-violence and try not to provoke by speaking too much as that can be perceived as weak too. Learn to appear unaffected then they will lose patience and find another target or realise their stupidity unless they are a stubborn narcissist resistant to change. They should realise they are wasting their own time when they could be making a few bucks elsewhere. It rarely escalates into a physical fight, as you said, you know to establish a boundary next time.
     

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