Every day I feel like I can't do this but I have no choice

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by fapachino, Aug 23, 2020.

  1. Day 31 and I still feel like death would be a relief. Every day I feel like I can't do it today but I have no choice but to keep going. I have to keep at it and hope that I feel happy again soon. I normally feel better as the day goes on but the mornings are horrific.
    SpaceElephant and OhWhenThe like this.
  2. DayOne44

    DayOne44 Fapstronaut

    You have 31 days! That's remarkable!

    Your despair reminds us of the dark depths of the PMO pit.

    Still, you also know that, however terrible the process of recovery, you must keep going!
    fapachino likes this.
  3. Thanks. The PMO pit is right. I can honestly see how people kill themselves as it is so painful and seems like it'll never end. I keep hoping it'll be better tomorrow but I've probably had 4 OK days and the rest have been pretty horrific. However I just need to do each day and one day it'll be better. Hopefully not too far away.
    DayOne44 likes this.
  4. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

    You're so strong, every time the hopeless I just want to die phase hits I crumble and give in. Well I say every time, I managed to get through it once but getting through it again a 2nd time seems even harder. Also the urges for porn make me feel physically sick, not in a disgust kind of way but more in a I'm actually going to puke kind of way. Like this feeling of impending doom deep in the pit of my stomach.
  5. I just don't feel I have a choice. I was depressed 6 years ago for 6 months and only came out of it after stopping PMO and I'm basically back in that place at the moment. I either keep pushing through it or I feel this way (with maybe a minor post PMO reprive) until I do. I'm 31 days in, hopefully tomorrow will be better, if not, hopefully the next day will be better and so on until it is better. Surely it has to come at some point and if I relapsed now the last month of pain will have been for nothing.
  6. You're a goddamn trooper man. 1 month is a great achievement!
    fapachino likes this.
  7. To be honest I thought I'd feel better by this point than I do but I don't so we can you do? Just keep my head down I guess and resist the urge to take the "easy" short term way out.

    As is often quoted on nofap threads:

    "If you're going through hell, keep going" - Churchill
  8. Basically yeah, it's tough but the alternative is to give up and return to bad habits which you know isn't going to help you. If you're not already seeing a therapist I would reccommend it, a therapist who is experienced in sex/porn addiction can really help you get to the root of your issues because usually something causes you to be like this. For me it's a fear of rejection and perfectionist mindset that led me to isolate, act out and avoid romantic connections so I have resolved to address those things.
  9. Srisurya

    Srisurya Fapstronaut

    Well I have been through it. Back then I use to have it in back of my mind that I should go through today.. there is another day tomorrow which I have to stay clean too. Oh man still 85 days left .. Still 80 days left... Still 70 days left.. omg still 50 days left. When I use to think like this it is use to be very difficult being on nofap having streaks. With time I learn to not to think of all those. Just I think of present day and how to make it better....so at the end of the day when i look back into my day I feel happy for what all I did for myself...for my health..for increasing my discipline... For career. This changed my streak difficulty levels to low drastically. Still I relapse but with atleast huge streaks.
    I hope you can take something from my story.
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  10. UnitedWeStand

    UnitedWeStand Fapstronaut

    You can do this and you WILL do this. Its the only way, even if it is hard, even if you relapse you must stand up and keep walking on this road. Fall 7 times stand up 8. Strive for a better streak everytime and dont binge.

    Just dont see nofap as a cure for all as this is a delusional state ive been through. Real progress will occur when you focus on your life in all aspects. Of course at first those withdrawl symptoms will make this near to impossible but as you move through this you will see that these symptoms will be less and less and you will experience clarity and energy to focus on your life again. You always have to give more than you have in this fight cause you got more than you should with porn. Be patient, be humble, dont give up and dont be afraid to fail. You have or will fail thousand times in your life.
    Im 3 years on nofap with countless ups and downs but for sure im happier following these tips above! Best wishes!
    InkDoMink and fapachino like this.
  11. UnitedWeStand

    UnitedWeStand Fapstronaut

    I just quote this because this is real talk here. Dont give meaning to the number of your days, give meaning to the days.
    Srisurya likes this.
  12. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

    I was reminded of when I had hand pain. I called it crippling hand pain when talking with friends and loved ones. My doctor was leaving towards surgery and I wasn't so sure, I met someone who had had that same surgery and said they had more pain afterwards because if the nature of the surgery and the recovery from it, your supposed to deliberately break up the body's healing over where they cut over and over every day. So I wasnt chomping at the bit :). I was doing some internet research and came across an article on the nature of pain. This doctor wrote that many times when he asked patients to rate their pain on a scale of one to ten they would give high numbers. He felt there was a misunderstanding and said ten is when the body shuts down due to pain such as being tortured to death and nine he described some of the torture a famous prisoner of war had been subjected to and said that is what nine looks like. My pain immediately went from a nine to a two just by reading that article :)
    That same mindset has helped me with my wife many times. She sometimes calls me very upset, hardly coherent, and I ask "is anyone bleeding". Same with my kids, they scream in a way that I start having for my phone in case I need to call 911 and I ask if anyone is bleeding. So far not. The kids have a weird definition of bleeding. To me the fact that the word ends with ing means it is an ongoing active thing. They often show me small areas where the top few layers of the skin have been damaged but no blood is pooling or dripping and I say I put band aids where there is blood.
    So to sum up, you can definitely live through this without giving in if that's what you choose. I know that it can be uncomfortable,, so is hand pain (I had and still have a job in which I use a computer 100% but I no longer have hand pain). I didn't have physical symptoms of getting sober, I'm sorry if you do I heard a tape by someonewho did and he swore by pamprin, obviously that depends on your symptoms but it's over the counter
    fapachino likes this.
  13. Thanks for the encouragement guys. I know the battle is really in my mind and I need to work each day to focus on that and win that day.
  14. I think this is really fundamental in all of this. Nofap won't sort all your problems and in fact it highlights many you may have been masking with it. I need to work on doing things that are good for me, make me feel I am achieving and doing well.
    UnitedWeStand likes this.
  15. livebytruths

    livebytruths Fapstronaut

    a month!!! THAT IS AMAZING.

    I'm proud of you man. I hope I can perservere like you did and make it to a month. There's much to be celebrated here. You can do this. Don't give in. Do it for yourself and this community. Do it because there is an entire industry out there that wants to see you fail and cave in. Stay strong.
    fapachino likes this.
  16. Thanks, had a better day today and really working to keep my mind positive. Great to know I have a load of you guys behind me cheering me on!
  17. After a better day yesterday I'm struggling a bit more today. Anxiety, restlessness and negative thinking are high today but I don't have much of a sore head which seems to have been a very common issue for me over the last month. Just trying to stay positive and remind myself I'm doing OK. Nice to have better days but then hard again when you feel rubbish after having a good day. Hope you guys are all well
  18. Honestly don't know how long I can keep doing this for. Life just seems so hopeless and what is going on with the world with the crazy coronavirus restrictions doesn't help. Don't feel like I'll ever have contentment again. I know I have been here before and made it out but your brain tells you what if this time is different.
  19. Had a better day on Thursday but today, Saturday, day 37 really struggling. Not sure I have the strength to keep going but I know that PMO will actually make me more unhappy if I do it so I'm not going to. Just so tired of feeling tired, having a headache, struggling to sleep and feeling hopeless!

    Great encouraging post eh!? Sorry guys, just tired of this and thought I'd be feeling better than I am by this time

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