Every ounce of help needed

P

preseverer

Fapstronaut
Hi, trying to nofap for the past 6 months and moving slow and steady. Have been at it for over 18 years.

Have only fapped 38 times in the last six months from once or twice a day for the past 18 years. Had a longest of 28 days and now I'm in my 11th day.

Using high speed internet porn for the past 2 to 3 years. When I quit for 28 days last month, I was able to withstand the temptation of yielding to high speed internet porn or to fap seeing the tv or imagining real women.

But, there is this relative of my wife whom I have been seeing for 3 years to whom I have never had any sexual thought about her. Somewhere out of the blues, I saw her cleavage and got provoked and this particular temptation has a different kind of magnitude unlike that of tv or high speed internet porn.

Was able to withstand only for one week after which I fapped imagining her. Still very much tempted towards her and feeling very guilty and let down and it adds salt being a relative. As I told you I'm in my 11th day, still the go circuit is so strong that I want to masturbate imagining her.

Also, this has given a bad opportunity like never b4,in this house, it is very easy to look at her directly and masturbate without any one knowing and my brain says why not go for it, atleast once or twice. But since I am a person who has never been confident and having had social anxiety for the greater part of my life, dont want to fall in and feel guilty again as I want to get rid of this habit and achieve something important in life.I feel that by overcoming this, I'll be able to overcome anything in my life since I have rewired a well botched up circuit for 18 years.

I'm in my 11th day and usually I have refrained from fapping by watching my brain when it asks for more dopamine, but in this case I think it is more than I can take
Even now my brain says... you will get someone answering to go for it :-) .... now I dont even know if it is true or not.... but because I took a strong resolution that Im never going to fap again, I'm still able to withhold.

If anyone has some good suggestions .....pls
 
I've definitely been in that place before, where fantasizing about someone I know made me feel shameful and conflicted.

It does tend to strain the relationship you have with these people. Remember, fantasizing is a part of the PMO habit. Your lizard brain just wants the goodies, and in truth I actually think that fapping it away helps to suppress the urges. But that is no way to deal with and conquer them.

What I remember with my situation was just cutting off all fantasy. It's a hurtful experience and not worth it in the end. The urges do subside.
 
Those fantasies aren't bad by themselves, but relying heavily on them is, to the point of shame, social anxiety and such; that's what we all are curing now. Suppressing might work for a little while, but that only lasts as much as your "reserves" of willpower.

An infinitely more beneficial approach I've found is accepting them for what they are: products of an over-excited, over-indulged brain; a brain that doesn't require constant constraint, but an alternative. Instead of fighting out looking at her, why not try spending time away from your place? If you cut yourself off from the cue that triggers your old habits, you'll start forging new ones.

Hope that is of some help!
 
Hi Kosh... thx for your reply. just couldnt get ur last sentence since it is ambiguous. "What I remember with my situation was just cutting off all fantasy. It's a hurtful experience and not worth it in the end. The urges do subside. "

U mean to say that in your case you cut off the fantasy,Fapping abt someone i know is a hurtful experience and not worth it in the end?

think it is a very useful thought thats why want to clarify
 
Thx for your reply too Phoenix. definitely it was of great help, since we tend to forget things. u reminded of one useful tool, as was mentioned in YBOP "The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old but on building the new"- Socrates
 
I meant that fantasizing about girls I personally knew always seemed to affect my relationship with them compared to when I wasn't fantasizing. I think it has to do with controlling your concept of them (this is a bit speculative), and by controlling them in your brain they no longer have any humanity. This at least for me was causing some guilt.

I cut off fantasy and it helped. I always thought it was like imagination porn anyway.
 
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