Every. Single. Person. Can. Change.

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by ReclaimedLife, Feb 1, 2019.

  1. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Bonjour Everyone.

    take a coffee, get some snacks and sit back. This is a long one. Get ready for a ride.

    I want to show you that every single man and woman can change their life around if they want to.

    Here is my Story.

    I had a really, really shitty youth. You can probably imagine getting bullied heavily in school. But can you imagine getting bullied more or less every day, up to the point where 4 other students grab your arms and legs and put you into a trashbin?
    Probably not. Nobody can truly understand how it feels to go through something like that if you never experienced really heavy bullying yourself.
    That fueled a social anxiety that was unrivalled. Of course i had no relationships with girls at all.
    There was more then one occasion where i seriously considered suicide.
    I just wanted to go home and play videogames, at least they made my life bearable at the time, ironically making everything worse then better. But as a teenager, you have no idea what videogames and porn will do to you in the long run and frankly, i didn't care. I just wanted to stop the mental and often physical pain i had experienced in school. And of course, Porn came into my life this way as well.

    And due to porn, i exhibited extremely horrible body issues, with me being "only" around 5'7"(169cm) and having a below-then-average sized dick, especially in girth.

    Now, combine my already non-existent self esteem with looking at porn, where every single fucking hot woman got orgasms and seemed to really enjoy herself, being fucked by a guy that represented everything i wasn't.

    Because of that, I thought i wasn't supposed to sleep with women at all. Nature just put me here to work, and never to either have sex or produce any children. I wanted to kill myself, because i was thinking that i wasn't worthy while still having the urge to sleep with a beautiful woman, which is detrimental for the mind.

    And then, being fully out of options, having never had any attraction towards girls or managed to get a kiss, and at the age of 25, i just couldn't take it anymore.
    I wanted to know what it feels like to have sex, so i did the one thing i swore to myself i didn't want to do. I went to a beautiful girl, and payed her for making my first time as amazing as she can. For some awkward reason, she actually did. I know i paid. But there was no second involved where she made me feel bad about it. I got the "Girlfriend Experience" with a lot of eye contact and kisses. And let me make one thing clear.
    I NEVER wished for this to happen. Having to pay to experience my first time. And that is probably the only thing i would love to scratch from my Life. But i can't, and it will always be a part of me. And whatever lead up to this, my first time was still nice. For all the wrong reasons anyone can list on this planet, but nothing said here will change how i felt when it happened. I did not feel bad for one second, knowing that my first time was with someone who took her time, made me feel comfortable and was never pushy. I am also fully aware that i just got lucky. The chances of finding a girl like that who, despite the situation still made me feel good about myself is a miracle in itself. I am grateful to this day that it happened like this. It could have easily been the worst first time anyone could possibly imagine.

    Of course, it didn't change one bit of how i was feeling about myself, my life or women. No sex in the world will magically give you any kind of boost in confidence if it wasn't earned. And my first time was not earned. It was paid for.

    A few years later, I made a vow to myself to never pay for sex, ever in my life again.
    And to this day, i do not count this as my real first time. If people ask me, i am happily telling them that i was a virgin until 31.
    Because technically, i only count losing my virginity with someone who actually really wants to sleep with me.
    I technically more or less lost my virginity twice in my Life.
    While the first girl got my body, the second got my body, heart and soul. (More on that later : )
    You have to decide how you want to look at this yourself.

    And i knew, if i wanted to overcome my issues with women, i needed a more drastic change.

    And i needed a strong push. And when my brother decided to go to Australia for a year, i said to myself... "AH FK IT! I AM QUITTING MY JOB AND I AM GOING AS WELL"

    Keep in mind that i was 29 years old at the time and still living with my parents, spending the days with playing videogames on the PC after work and watching porn more or less every day, and trust me, i have seen probably seen almost everything that is out there.
    Everything.

    But going to Australia to do work and travel was the best decision in my life to date.

    In Australia i learned to take care of myself, nobody was able to dictate what i had or didn't have to do and i was fully responsible for my life, for the first time ever.

    Next to working, I went Skydiving and bungee-jumping against my fear or heights(My fear of heights is MUUUUUCH better now. Its not gone but compared to before, Ye-Haaaaaa!)
    I dived with Great White Sharks in a cage(Best moment of my Life to this day!!!)
    Went in a Cage and met a Saltwater Crocodile in a pool directly in front of me
    Saw Crocodiles in a river in the Wild
    Tackled my fear of Dogs and actively surrounded myself with them as much as i could.
    (My fear of Dogs is almost 100% gone now)
    Did a 4-week-Acting-Class (always wanted to do that)

    And the most important part of all in regards to my personal development...

    I had three relationships with girls, dated them and eventually seduced one of them,
    had my first Kiss with a girl i seduced by myself, and asked her if i could come to Bali with her. When she said yes in the end, i knew i will sleep with her later as well.

    I was watching porn while i was in Australia on and off, but WAAAAAY less. And i stopped watching porn the second i knew that i was able to go to Bali with that girl.

    I knew by then what i had to do. I had to take responsibiltiy for that time with her. I couldn't "just go". i wanted too make that time of my life to be as beautiful as i could possibly make it, and i would make damn fuking sure that i did every single preperation that you can think of to give us both a good time... Here is my "Battleplan":

    1) No Porn, no masturbation
    (nobrainer for me, didn't know about Nofap but already knew how bad porn is for my brain),

    2) Looking up every single sexposition i could find on the internet which is dedicated to my smaller sized dick, so we can both have fun with each other,

    3) Looking up EVERYTHING i could find on how to make a woman happy and relaxed, both mentally and physically.

    4) I fully dropped my confidence issues.
    For all she knows, i had a too much of it.
    I never mentioned my dick and just saw it as a part of me.

    The best part was, i finally got the confirmation that dominance towards a woman is in no way related to a man's height or dick-size.
    Due to porn i thought all my life i wasn't supposed to be dominant or assertive, even though my whole body knew that deep within me, that is who i am.
    And low and behold... i am. 1 faking Girl was enough to confirm this.

    The time we spend was magical and every aspect of it made me grow exponentially.
    It really was the female-relationship equivalent to a Bungee-Jump.
    1 Experience that changed everything in my life in that area
    Suddenly, my brain flipped the switch.

    I am able to seduce a beautiful Girl.

    I am able to say "No!" to a girl and am willing to walk away if i have to.(Most important lesson at all!!!!)

    I am not just able to have amazing, fulfilling sex that is just beautiful, but also create that on my own. Fkn amazing feeling.

    I am confident in my ability to be with any girl i am interested in.

    I learned to love and cherish having a connection with a girl before sleeping with her.

    It's probably not needed to have sex, but it improves the quality of the sex exponentionally.

    I still suffered from a light form of PIED while i was with her. I couldnt get hard whenever i wanted and also couldn't stay hard all the time.
    But considering how much porn i watched before, and that my sexuality was "build" from porn it went so amazingly well, it didnt really matter.
    I already knew how to work around it and made sure she was feeling good every day, whether we had sex or not.

    Of course, i was an extreme case of social awkwardness, wrong believes, terrible body-image, wrong thoughts about sex, shyness and having literally 0 confidence in myself towards woman.

    But everyone can change. It's just important that you learn to live.
    You can't just go Nofap and expect your life to be beautiful after 90 days if you have other issues going on as well.
    You need to tackle fucking everything.

    BAN PORN FOREVER!!! NO EXCEPTIONS!
    Ban social media like twitter, facebook and instagram.
    Face ALL of your fears.
    Work on your career.
    Work on yourself.
    Become an amazing lover.
    Become a great and reliable Friend.
    Be genuinly interested in people.
    Kick out people that aren't helping you grow and aren't making you feel good about yourself.
    Start reading every day.
    Exercise regularly.
    Take cold showers.
    try to learn something new whenever you have time.
    Start to (learn to) dance
    Enjoy singing

    I knew what i had to do with my problems.
    And i know that i am still flawed and have areas that i need to work on.
    There is still a LONG road i have to walk until i get where i want to be.
    But compared to what kind of person i was before...
    My old self is crying with tears of happiness after seeing what i managed to accomplish.

    NEVER GIVE UP!
    FIGHT FOR YOUR HAPPINIESS!
    TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIFE!
    LIFE GIVES YOU WHAT YOU DESERVE AND WORK FOR!
    Not what you THINK you deserve...

    My Story can be yours as well.

    But you have to want it.
    INGITE YOUR FLAME FOR THE LIFE YOU WANT.
    And you have to put in the work.
    So, put in the faking work.



    EDIT: After around half a year, i had my first encounter with a woman i really enjoy being with and who really only likes vanilla-sex.
    And i was able to sleep with her the first time she came home with me.
    We took our time, never made it a priority and in the end, i was able to sleep with her. And the second time she came over i was able to go more than once while she was there.
    Sneaky Edit 2: She isn't vanilla anymore. Sex is like dancing. If you work together well, she will feed off your confidence and relax and open up more.
    Never complain.
    Always empower.
    Complaining leads to less and worse Sex.
    Empowering always leads to more and gradually better Sex.
    Be patient and be rewarded : )

    I never thought this would be possible, and i am attributing EVERYTHING in this regard to quitting porn entirely and my ability to rewire my brain to regular women.

    And for everyone on this Journey, all i can say it that it is definitely worth it.
    Of course i have had severe depression in the meantime. I was down and felt that Life has no meaning. We all go through this. But i was armed with knowledge.
    I knew that the flatlines will come.
    I knew that i will sink into a depression because of it.
    I knew i will have urges.
    I knew I will still get flashbacks from porn, even after all this time.

    But i knew that my will to be able to be with a regular women is stronger than all of the above.

    Guys. The bad times will come to an end.
    But you gotta push through them to get the reward.

    And the reward is a beautiful sexuality that can be shared with someone else. But it switches from a necessity to a bonus. I am at a point where i see women literally as just a bonus in my Life. I have no right to be with them and also no obligations towards them either.
    I let it flow like the water when it comes to them.
    The only thing that is my responsibility is to pick one where I am pretty sure that i am going to have a good time with. Choosing responsibly is the first priority in my Life. With the right Person, there is no bad Sex, because its about the intimacy you share.

    You can all do it. I did it. Which i never thought i would. But since i made it this far, so can you.

    Beat this fucking shitty addiction that screws over your Life.
    DON'T DO IT FOR ANY WOMAN! YOU MUST DO IT FOR YOURSELF!
     
    Last edited: Mar 22, 2020
  2. oh yeah yeah, oh yeah yeah yeah yeah!
     
    Deleted Account and Silver36 like this.
  3. Reborn_

    Reborn_ Fapstronaut

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    Read the whole thing in what felt like a second. Haha.
    Fantastic post! Very inspired
     
  4. You're in the shitty committee
     
    LordReshi7121999 likes this.
  5. SaveMeBeforeIFall

    SaveMeBeforeIFall Fapstronaut

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    Cool. Great Job!
     
  6. I'm in the witty committee oh yeah yeah yeah yeah, you'r in the titty committee oh yeah yeah yeah yeah.
     
  7. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    I must have missed something on the Internet. Someone please help me out here :emoji_grin:
     
  8. letter

    letter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    Glad to hear your success :)
     
    888Konichiva888 likes this.
  9. Very inspiring. Thanks for your honesty :)
     
    ReclaimedLife likes this.
  10. GigglingTrout

    GigglingTrout Fapstronaut

    Congrats my friend~

    I have a terrible fear of heights too. I'd love to get rid of it, but I don't know if I could ever skydive honestly...
     
  11. Summer Son

    Summer Son Fapstronaut

    Amazing post! Thank you for sharing.
     
    Majik and 888Konichiva888 like this.
  12. Patillitas

    Patillitas Fapstronaut

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    @ReclaimedLife thanks for sharing this post with all of us. I found too many phrases I hope to keep in my mind and start to apply in my daily life. Regards
    Here just some of them:
    Work on your career. - Work on yourself. - Become an amazing lover. - Start reading every day. - Exercise regularly. - Take cold showers. - try to learn something new whenever you have time.
    TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIFE!
    LIFE GIVES YOU WHAT YOU DESERVE AND WORK FOR! Not what you THINK you deserve
     
  13. PeterBE

    PeterBE Fapstronaut

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    keep it up! i need to change big time and i want my network marketing business started, but i can only do that when i quit relapsing every week!

    also need to workout more... i do intermittent fasting but need to get my work outs together as i already do cold showers.
     
  14. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Cheers for the kind words, i have an update...

    Even though it has been over 7 months since i have been with a girl, i never gave up on them.
    And since we talked all the time after we have been together, technically i was without any contact to girls for around 2 months now.

    And when i went to see a different city in our country, i saw a cute girl entereing the train with me.
    I ignored it at first but then decided to talk to her. She was fine with me sitting next to her, we talked, had some fun and after one hour we were kissing each other in this reasonably full train.
    I've never had any experience like this ever in my life. And i had only kissed one girl prior to that one, and that was a whole seduction, instead of "going for it" after 1 hour of knowing her.

    Guys. NEVER, EVER FUCKING GIVE UP!!!

    I may still not have a lot of experience and i don't know if that was just a 1-off thing.
    But i know for a fact that it wasn't a coincidence we ended up kissing.
    I got my shit together for the courage to talk to her, wanted to get to know her, and after i started liking her, made it VERY clear that i am not a friend, and want to kiss her.
    Now of course, this won't always happen. But that fact that it happened is undeniable.

    I am writing this here as an encouragement for everyone on this forum who thinks he is about to relapse. (And of course, to brag, that i am so awesome, having had kissed the second girl at age 31 :emoji_grin:)

    This is not about that. It was the personal development that i went through that allowed me to do it. I literally did not care about anyone who was around us. And i made very sure that i liked her before kissing her and not just going for it because she was pretty to me.
    We had a good time together and the 3hour trainride felt like 5 minutes.
    I have no contact information and she had to take a different train and carry on.

    After i left the train, i went "WTF!" WTF!" "WTF!" for around 1 hour straight, because i couldn't believe what just happened. I understood why, but couldn't believe it.
    I had become the guy i was always envious about. The guy who walks up to a girl in public, talks to her, makes her laugh, has fun with her and eventually kisses her.
    Couldn't fucking believe it.
    On my way back, i had a cute girl sitting in front of me as well, i chose not to talk to her. I only looked at her, smiling with a smirk. She smiled back, a bit shy at the start and gave me a full smile back later.

    Only hard work on yourself will get you there folks. Nothing else.
    Especially if you arent good with girls yet. And with me, that is the fucking understatement of the year. I was a new league in how bad people can be with girls before i started to work on myself.
    They really should have invented a new word for my level of shittyness.
    "Cratzldoing" sounds good.

    NOTHING WILL GET YOU THERE BUT HARD FUCKING WORK.

    EVERY FUCKING ONE CAN DO IT IF THEY PUT IN THE FUCKING WORK.

    (I am drumming on my chest while i am screaming this at my screen.)


    EDIT: And i honestly can not say whether or not i would have talked to her if i wouldn't be on a strict born ban for well over a month and roughly 2 weeks without MO either.
    But i do know it happened while i was on Nofap. Take that as you wish : )
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2019
  15. fapequalsdeath

    fapequalsdeath Fapstronaut

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  16. Asgardian36

    Asgardian36 Fapstronaut

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    that speaks out to me, man! Thanks for posting!!!
     
  17. CoolKyle

    CoolKyle Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your story! I leaned a lot! Let's fight together!!!!
     
  18. GigglingTrout

    GigglingTrout Fapstronaut

    Had she been drinking? Lol. I'm surprised a girl would start smooching a stranger on a train in such a short amount of time...

    Not to be a party-pooper or anything, though
     
    0111zerozero11 likes this.
  19. Turkish Delight

    Turkish Delight Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for posting this. I got so motivated from reading your post and found some parts of it funny too. I need your sense of humor bro I'm too much of a serious guy. Also I Couldn't believe it when you said you used to be a socially awkward guy with low self-esteem. Even though I don't know you, reading your post convinced me that you seem to live a more fulfilling life and being more charismatic than most people. Mad respect for going from 0 to 100 in such a short amount of time. Keep up the good work!
     
    CaptainFranklin and Nugget9 like this.
  20. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    This is exactly the mindset that keeps you from experiencing something like this. Thinking it is impossible.

    When i started talking to her, i actually just wanted a nice conversation with a cute girl. I never once thought about kissing her.
    That just developed over the time we were talking and had fun with each other.

    We were teasing each other, i made fun of wamen, she made fun of me in general and we talked about ourselves. I was geniunly interested in that girl without expecting anything in return from her. I was just there to see if i can make the trainride more fun for me by talking to her.

    And she wasn't drunk or on any drugs. I actually don't like girls that are under any kind of substance. They literally are repelling for me.
    It feels to me, she isn't her true self anymore if she is drunk or has taken something. I actually want to get to know her and have a nice conversation, just to see if we like each other or not. That can lead from just being a conversation at first, to kissing and maybe even to sex later, becoming a fuckbuddy, friends with benefits, a girlfriend or a wife.

    The most important thing that i implemented for myself is that i literally don't care what happens. She owes me nothing and neither do i owe her anything.
    I haven't been in that situation, but i don't think i would enjoy kissing with a drunk girl, let alone sleeping with one.

    Fk. That.

    To me, Sex is sharing and being present with each other, with a connection, a lot of eye contact and a lot of kissing.
    I wouldn't even sleep with her if i dont have the feeling she is 100% comfortable.
    I really don't need to have sex, and i am willing to give it up at any moment if the situation requires it, no matter how much i would crave it or i am in love with her.
    My integraty is worth more to me then having sex, no matter how beautiful she is.
     

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