Every. Single. Person. Can. Change.

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by ReclaimedLife, Feb 1, 2019.

  1. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    Some great stuff in these posts and a must read for people on this site struggling with starting relationships later on in life. I only started relationships and dating at 31 and up to then I was also living at home, playing too many videogames and watched too much porn etc..

    But you've hit the nail on the head - it's all about hard work and you get out what you put in.

    So for anyone who wants to change their lives it really needs to be, in the words of Winston Churchill, "Action this Day", to start to make the necessary changes, as life is short.
     
    PeterGrip, Mickeybro23 and recon117 like this.
  2. GigglingTrout

    GigglingTrout Fapstronaut

    I wouldn't say impossible, but rather... unlikely.
    Again, trying not to rain on your parade here. Enjoy your accomplishments, my friend.
     
    0111zerozero11 and ReclaimedLife like this.
  3. Jack519

    Jack519 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing
     
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  4. aggressive turtle

    aggressive turtle Fapstronaut

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    This is encouraging! I believe that one day I'll get there!
     
  5. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Please. Don't just "believe". That is exactly the mistake i made when i first started. I believed.
    And don't say "one day". One day we die. "One day" is often used to just put stuff off and to do it later, which usually never happens.
    Start with the list and start the list the second you have time after reading this post.

    It is always better to look at the things the way they are, as objectively as you can, and then work on the things that give you the highest trouble right now at first.
    Make a list. Write down what your goals are, not just with wamen/girls, but with your life in general. Are you happy with your health? Do you feel good looking in the mirror? Do you have a healthy relationship with the people around you, friends, family or co-workers? Are you happy with your finances?

    Sort them in order of priority for yourself.
    And then fix that problem with reading everything you can find on the topic, talking to people who have knowledge at that topic and watch youtube speeches about it.
    If you really want to improve, reading has to become a part of your life. We need this outside perspective because more often then not, it gives us an insight about things we just didn't know.

    Don't believe. Make a plan. And fight for your own happiness. Often, you are your own biggest enemy, because you will have to leave your comfort zone and your body and mind sometimes fights that with everything they have.
    And you have to be stronger and knowing that you will FIGHT for the future you want. Even if it means fighting the demons within yourself.
    Especially the demons within yourself.

    Start writing your list, aggressive turtle.
     
    PeterGrip, Nainif27 and Buddhabro like this.
  6. aggressive turtle

    aggressive turtle Fapstronaut

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    You're right! I'm going to start .
     
  7. Look, I'm really great that things have worked out for you, but titles such as yours a horribly misleading.

    As someone with some success, I simply don't see the 'promised benefits' of NoFap. I get really bitter when I read some guy say that 'you too can be awesome' - the fact was you had simply hidden your potential. I didn't masturbate until I was 22, and I had NO confidence and NO attraction to women.

    Please be more careful what you post in future.
     
    0111zerozero11 likes this.
  8. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    No offense, but neither my title nor my post give the credit of what i achieved solely to Nofap. I never stated anywhere that Nofap alone got me to where i am today. Quite the opposite. I made it VERY clear that i had to tackle my whole life in order to get a better one.

    Nofap actually does only help with a certain type of Problem.
    Porn induced sexual disfunctions. That's it. People can't get it up or keep it up. Or both. Or it takes them forever to come, due to greatly reduced sensibilty.

    Only for guys who already have their life in order with women, their jobs and finances, hobbies, family and friends and the symptomes of porn-consumption cause them to have PIED, DE or something similar, benefit from only doing Nofap.

    And saying that "i simply had hidden my potential", is just wrong. Everybody has this potential, that is the point.
    The only difference is how much people actually WANT to have a life they are happy with.

    When i ask you about the time when you were 22 and you had no confidence and no attraction towards women...
    How was your life outside of women? Where you working? Where you studying for a job you want to do later?
    How was your circle of friends? How much did you work out? How healthy were you eating?
    And most importantly... How much time did you invest to improve the area(s) that you weren't happy with?

    Nofap just enhances the state you are in. If you are depressed, chances are that nofap makes you way more horny and feeling worse, because you don't have (fulfilling) contact with girls/wamen.

    But for someone like the ex-member @ClaritySeeker, who seemed to have his life in order outside his porn-problem, Nofap did actually enhance his life drastically, because he is able to have a good and healthy sexlife again.
    So for someone who is generally happy, doing Nofap makes that person generally feel even better, especially after the initial 30-60 days.

    The people who are using Nofap successfully and begin to talk about those amazing benefits, usually all have something in common. Each and everyone either had their life in order, outside of porn, OR, more likely, started a full journey of self-improvement, with exercising regularly, taking cold showers, reading a (shit-)load of personal development books, seeking more things to do outside, finding outside hobbies, taking care of their career, etc...

    So to me, my title is not misleading at all. It doesn't accredit Nofap only for my success at all.
    And anyone who actually reads the full post will realize that Nofap was only a fraction of what i had to do and helped me, and still helps me to become a better, more rounded person in all my aspects of life.
     
  9. pornlessgeneral

    pornlessgeneral Fapstronaut

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    Everyone is unique and has to do his own list of achievements. Generally, nofap helps most people. Why? The answer is simple. Sexual energy is very important in our development. But this is only the fuel. We have to create our own "engine".

    Anyone can change. But you need to find your own success, what works for you best.
    Nofap is very important because if you ruin your sexual energy, you have little energy, your thoughts become dead and less effective. It's much harder to change your reality.

    So, I would say that nofap indeed plays a greater role to improve ourselves than most people suspect.
    If you had serious life issues like me, it takes more time but it shouldn't take very long. I already did 3 months of no pornography although I did masturbate from time to time and I even watched nude pictures 3 times during these 3 months and yet I already enjoy the benefits of having stopped pornography and never relapsing.
    I have my own story and I will publish it here but I am not finished yet.

    What I also realized: Masturbation is also harmful if done more than once in a month.
     
  10. pornlessgeneral

    pornlessgeneral Fapstronaut

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    Also, I have already started to develop a "theory" of mine why NoFap is so amazing for people although we basically just stop watching pornography and masturbating. I believe that most people here had an amazing potential in life and we ruined it with porn and other harmful habits. We ruined our energy levels.

    And porn is so harmful that it also affects you on a spiritual level.
     
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  11. AidenbliZZ1412

    AidenbliZZ1412 Fapstronaut

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    Amazing and inspiring!!!!!
     
  12. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Not kidding, not looking at porn for over one and a half months now really made me feel much better about myself, it is gradually becoming better every day.
    It is really awesome to see how much we humans are able to change if we set our mind to it and how easily our experience on this planet is dramatically decreased just by doing the wrong activities, often, not even being aware on how harmful they really are.

    If someone would tell you before you watch porn: "This is the beautiful girl you can have amazing sex with in 1 year from now, if you stop watching porn. Are you wiling to invest in your future and fight for it or are you going to let this girl go? You have that as a choice."

    How would you decide? Do you have the patience?
     
    CaptainFranklin likes this.
  13. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    Nice. Glad everything worked out for you
     
  14. You're really wishing to go this path? Okay?

    I had just turned 22, just had a break-up and had just finished a university degree. I also just moved into a share house with some decent people.

    I was - not in a 'dream job', but in a job I didn't mind. I was left by myself on the night shift to run a printing press.

    I had just finished a degree, not for something I was pursuing professionally, but because it was a subject I was interested. Yes, I'm one of the sick people who love learning for the sake of learning.

    Eh... I've never really had a lot of friends. As I said above, I'm an exceedingly good target for bullies, or even someone who just wants to dabble in bullying. Even now, as a 41 year-old, I am occasionally bullied by colleagues or the general public when I do my job.

    Okay, you got me! I wasn't that healthy. Then again, I've been working out five days a week and eating well since I started NoFap in March 2018, at that isn't attracting women either.

    Of course I don't have fulfilling contact with women - I'M INVISIBLE TO THEM! The only women that consider me are those who have been so abused that I am the 'safe option'. Because I'm just so happy to have a woman notice me, I ignore my own needs/wants/desires/dreams. Having those things, independent of women (which I've had in the past) mean NOTHING to a woman. I so tired of hearing how women are attracted to a man on 'his mission'. My missions have made me as invisible as ever.

    Okay, let's go over everything else I've started doing since I first undertook NoFap in March last year;

    - started eating MUCH better
    - started going to the gym, and lost 20kg (40lb) - though there has been a slight increase in muscle/weight
    - I pretty much always dressed well, so that's not a thing
    - started reading a lot more than I had in over a decade.
    - finding it easier to meditate (I always meditated, so that's not really a thing)
    - completed an accelerated Mathematics Bridging course at university for no other reason than to learn (university staff tell me I'm 'not normal' for liking to learn)
    - am presently enrolled in a Postgraduate course to enter a field that, while not my 'dream job' (I don't believe that my dream job exists), it is at least something that I find interesting, and will make the world a better place.

    I'm sure you can see the lack of 'social activities' in my list - I feel that any social interaction is of no value to the other party, in part because so many people throughout my life have told me this. As I've said, easily bullied, and pretty-much invisible to women.

    Do I sound bitter and angry when I respond to the success of others? You're damn right I am. Either everyone else is fine and were just denying themselves, or I am THAT WRONG!
     
    ReclaimedLife likes this.
  15. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Holy Shit.

    Have you ever done some kind of martial arts or self defense courses?
    I have done Commando Krav Maga for around 3 years and that fully stopped any bullying or any kind of physical related abuse by others.
    Even when i am in a new city, walking around at night alone, i am comfortable doing so.

    I would highly recommend you to do something similar. It doesn't have to be some fancy boxing or kicking martial arts.
    Just something that teaches you to inflict a tremendous amount of damage to someone else in a short period of time.
    I had to learn this because i got bullied heavily at school to the point where 4 other kids grabbed my arms and legs and put me in a trashbin.

    Just being able to do what i learned, knowing that i can probably knock someone out if i chose to, makes all the difference.
    Everything physical related stopped with that.

    And for the mental bullying, i just don't take myself seriously at all. When someone tells me that i am an idiot, i will answer: "Now you tell me!", with a smile.
    All work related stuff that is targeted towards my person and not my skill just becomes irrelevant if you don't take yourself seriously in every situation.

    People test other people all the time to see how far they can go. Wamen as well as men, it just becomes more apparent when wamen do it because of the consequences.

    I don't know if you have the time, but i would highly suggest for you to do something that takes you out of your comfort zone.
    Do something you would usually never do. Talk to a stranger while you wait for something.
    Ask a pretty wamen what time it is. Tell her she looks good in her dress and leave. Don't stay. Leave.

    Part of the reason why i got better with people is just because i forced myself into all kinds of scenarios that went against everything i wanted to do.

    Walking from door to door, trying to sell something to people that people don't need in their lives.
    Seeking ppl with dogs and going on a walk with them, being highly afraid of dogs.
    Taking dancing classes. Just because i had not no sense of rythm at all, but still love music. Why not try to learn something?
    Jumping out of a plane, and doing bungee jumping, having the worst fear of hights imaginable. I couldn't even stay near a high edge before that. Not even close to it.
    And learning about female psychology and found out WHY they behave the way they do. Not just accepting that they are horrible creatures. And eventually incorporating that knowledge into my life so i can make their and my own life as easy and beautiful as i can.
    Doing improv classes. One of the best things you can do, especially if you are a "head-person" I used to analyze fucking everything, still do it quite a bit.
    But compared to before? WAAAAAAAAY less. It trains your brain to just go and do shit without planning. Wamen love that shit btw : )

    These are just the things that helped me, even though i've listed most of them already. As you can see, none of these include Porn or Nofap.
    I had to tackle all other areas of my life first, and then after inviting wamen in my life, realized i sadly also have PIED.

    But the PIED can be tackled with Nofap : )

    The advange we have as men is that we are WAY more logical and problem solving-oriented.
    Use that.

    Find your own Area's where you feel most uncomfortable and do everything in your power to learn on how to become better in that Area.
    Ignore wamen at that point.
    After you have tackled your main problems, in your case bullying would be one of them, then go back into a life where social activities can become a regular part of your life. Wamen will notice and you will have found a new confidence around them.

    Some books i would recommend you to read if you haven't already read them:

    The Power of Now - Eckhart Tolle (Spiritual)
    The definite Book of Body Language - Allan & Barbara Pease (Social)
    The 4 hour work week - Timothy Ferris (Work)
    How to win friends and influence people - Dale Carnegie (Social)
    The Rational Male - Rollo Tomassi (Wamen)
    The Way of the Superior Man - David Deida (Wamen/Spiritual)

    Good luck.
     
    PeterGrip likes this.
  16. VeganRights

    VeganRights Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot for sharing, be blessed brother, hope you keep walking the True & Right Path of Life in all regards ! Peace & Peace
     
    ReclaimedLife likes this.
  17. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much for your kind words.

    I am still not supporting any @VeganRights.
     
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  18. I did judo and some other martial arts when I was younger, but that didn't seem to make any difference. I was one of the shortest males in my classes in school, and am even now. Fun thing is, the one place where I'm not the shortest, by any stretch, is the gym. I'd say about half the male trainers are my height or shorter, and there are some absolute beasts there who are MUCH shorter.

    I can walk around strange cities alone at night (done so in Hong Kong and New York, often whilst drunk), and never feared for my safety. Wandering around alone at night isn't where my threats lie - my threats are more likely to occur while I work (whether from the public or colleagues), or if I were to go out to a bar/nightclub.

    My parents were tired of my 'inability to fit in' (from undiagnosed ASD) that by the time the flushings started I didn't even bother telling them. My sister probably didn't know, and I'm giving my brother the benefit of the doubt that he didn't (although he would have sided with the other kids if push came to shove). At present I am a shift worker, so there is little opportunity to study a martial art at the crazy hours I work.

    Me taking myself seriously is immaterial - I have people every day who are quite willing to let me know just how worthless I am.

    Since starting NoFap I have undertaken the following to put myself outside my comfort zone:

    - done some parkour (not a lot, I'm nowhere near fit enough for it)
    - started going to the gym, including putting myself front and centre in a class
    - completed a Mathematics Bridging course at a university for no other reason than to learn (I didn't complete any math beyond the 10th grade)
    - am enrolled in a Postgraduate course for Philanthropy and Nonprofit - I'm not in the field, but it is something that doesn't offend my ethics thinking about as a career

    These are the ones that just come to mind.

    Do it frequently. My favourite is to tell an Alt-girl I love her style (which I usually do) - doesn't mean anything though.

    I have a terrible fear of constructed heights (bridges, buildings, etc). My father and siblings are aviators, so I'm not afraid in planes (though would be were I asked to jump out of one). Have mentioned elsewhere how I have repeatedly walked over a very high bridge in my city in order to deal with my fear. I walk across, but feel nothing after. I can push past my fears to cross the bridge, but once I cross it, the fear hasn't been conquered. It remains.

    Probably been studying it longer than you've been alive. I see what women want, versus what they say the want. By the time I saw it, I was so beaten down by rejections from women that I don't think me being the biggest Chad Thundercock would make them respond any differently to me. Learned helplessness? Perhaps. I don't see any way to learn something else that doesn't see me experiencing more rejection. Rejection doesn't take me closer to anything beside self-castration.

    I though me going to the gym and learning math was doing that?

    Read most of your book list already.
     
  19. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Just reading this part, i can see how extremely frustrated you are.

    I know someone who got rejected 300 fucking times in a row. 300. THREE-FUCKING-HUNDRED. Within 3 months. Not over a lifetime. In 3 months.
    And he still kept going because he realized that before his journey, he couldn't even walk up to a pretty girl.
    That guy is around 5'4"/163cm i think. And after pushing through this horrible phase, he managed to start talking to them, seducing them, and finally sleeping with them as well.

    Life is all about determination and dedication.



    My question would be... What exactly is it that you want for your Life?

    How determined and dedicated do you think you can become to work towards your goals?
     
  20. Exceedingly so! I HATE reading/watching success stories and posts about how NoFap makes you confident and attractive to women. Any confidence I had was destroyed LONG before I ever jerked off, porn or otherwise. When I first started this journey, I asked about my fear - what would I do, even with a streak behind me, if confidence did not return? No one seemed to offer anything that placated me, but I went along anyway. All the success stories must be real, and they would work for me too.

    They didn't.

    Not after my first streak, of 60 days.

    Not after my longest streak of 7 months.

    Not ever.

    This is a case where I would LOVE to be proven wrong, and I keep on coming back because I WANT to be proven wrong. I'm an arrogant arse, but not so arrogant that being wrong in this case wouldn't feel GOOD.

    I'd like to clarify at this point that I don't feel I have a problem with porn. I feel not motivation to watch it, and the few times I have were more a diversion than a binge. The gap between my longest streak and my present streak only had me masturbating once or twice a week.

    So yes, very frustrated, by the lies.

    What do I want for my life? I want lots of money, a career that is fulfilling and does good in the world. I'd like a ripped body and able to lift a lot more.

    Most of all, I'd love to be irresistible to women. I want attractive intelligent high-quality women to be drawn to me, to approach me, to have a LOT of intimate partners, and a lot more fun sexy adventures.

    Well, gee, I'm doing NoFap - isn't that supposed to do it?

    Okay, what else am I doing?

    - I am eating well.
    - I always dress well (aside from work, wear I have to wear a cheap polyester uniform)
    - I go to the gym 4-5 times a week
    - I undertook a math class JUST to do something different/uncomfortable
    - I am enrolled in a Graduate course for Philanthropy/Nonprofit. I'm not in the sector, but I figure if there's something that 'does good' in the world, that would be it.
     
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