Everybody Aggressive Towards You?

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Optimum Fortitude, Jun 7, 2018.

  1. Hi y'all,

    Sometimes, I wonder if I am being paranoid but it seems as if strangers that I have to interact with throughout the day are abnormally aggressive towards me for no reason. Maybe it has to do with the place I live (mostly Germanic culture).

    My two latest examples: I go to the hairdresser without an appointment really early in the morning "Yes?" she asks. "I'd like to get a haircut" I reply. "You're going to have to wait... These people were here before you..." she says with a really bored and annoyed tone.

    I mean, first of all I'm a guy with no beard, so if I show up it's because I need a haircut, not an extension. Secondly, it's obvious if I come without an appointment and people are already there or have an appointment they'll go first. Why do they need to be rude? I'm always trying to be pleasant and that's how I get treated quite a lot.

    Second example: I go to a kebab and there are a bunch of people there who look like they're having a good time. I go order a "kebab menu", which is a standard formula where I live meaning kebab+fries+drink. The guy aggressively answers "we don't have menus, we have kebab and fries and drinks". I'm like "yea that's exactly what I want" (at this point I was thinking what the fuck is up with that guy, he says he doesnt do menus but he then says he does but just doesn't want to call it that way). He looks pissed off and asks me to wait and takes an order of a dude that just came after me. Then he started preparing a take out bag without even asking if I wanted to eat in. So I insisted I wanted to eat in and he just still gave me his trashy take out bag instead of serving my food on a goddamn plate. To top it all he told me I have to pay once I'm done eating (this is usual in kebabs) but when I insisted that I wanted to pay right now he got even more pissed off.

    This happens a lot to me. And I am starting to think that the problem comes from me. People often say I look "too serious" (whatever that means). But in reality I am really trying hard to be pleasant with everybody and especially strangers. And in my examples, I am the goddamn CLIENT.

    Everytime it happens I really try to keep cool and carry on but it's really hard. I just want to put those sons of B back to their place.
     
  2. It is quite possible that it is you. I tend to come off as a serious person as well, and I think that people often can be put off by that. It could be your tone or facial expressions when communicating. The next time you interact with a stranger, pay close attention to your demeanor. chances are that you'll notice that you're not expressing yourself enough and could be coming off as being cold towards others. I've experimented with this quite a bit and have been amazed at how differently people with receive you when you make just a few subtle changes in the way you approach people.
     
  3. Soberhopeful

    Soberhopeful Fapstronaut

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    I understand what you mean. One of the many problems with PMO is that it didn't selectively choose which feelings to numb, it numbed all my feelings.
    Withdrawal will make you particularly edgy and hypersensitive. I can't tell you what to do, but what I would do is not to react, let the initial emotion pass, then the second emotion I experience is the more truthful emotion and I roll with that.
     
  4. Bijuu107

    Bijuu107 Fapstronaut

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    I,m sure you are a realy kind person and you don't deserve this. Don't think to much over it, it will change when you'll get more energy and motivation over the day!
     
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  5. I know this is a serious concern to you but I couldn't help but laugh when reading this, it comes out as comical and funny. You are a kind guy and sound like a genuinely understanding and calm guy but how they treat you appears like gross misunderstanding maybe from your facial expression. I don't think this is your problem though, I have social anxiety and sometimes come off as very serious, hurried and pressuring but it is just me being anxious inside am just really trying to be friendly and not make a fool of myself but maybe my face shows something else.

    Maybe nofap will improve some of your emotional expression and make you a better communicator. Also, it might be just a coincidence that you meet some really stressed people at work.
     
  6. I agree it's comical but to be honest I don't think it's related to PMO or anxiety. I was completely relaxed on both instances and was pretty open. Sometimes I wonder if people aren't retarded. A second haircutter showed up 20 minutes after the first one and took care of me. Everything went perfectly fine and she was upbeat from beginning til end.
     
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  7. Maybe it was just a bad hair day for you - pun unintended - that you were meeting a**holes and frustrated people at the haircut and kebab place
    Don't blame yourself tho, some people are just a holes
     
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  8. Man I know. It's not my first time rebooting. I really wasn't feeling insecure or worthless or anxious in the instances I described. Maybe those people were having a bad day and I just happen to have a face they don't like.
     
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  9. Excellent thread. Same thing happens to me but because I come across as rather ugly. People act impolite in my face a lot.
     
  10. mikexperiment

    mikexperiment Fapstronaut

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    Many people are quite short minded, and also get used to being assholes with customers and strangers just because they're not satisfied with their lives at the moment. Damn, I'm frustrated myself with my life and my situation but I don't take it out on strangers, those people really need to learn some respect... But the problem is that you're still gonna find a lot people like that and the only thing you can change is your reaction to it, not taking it personally and realizing what you can do differently to handle those situations.
    Also, you might wanna try to change the vibe you give and try to be more friendly and nice, that way sometimes you can get people to treat you well even if they are frustrated unrespectful morons.
     
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  11. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

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    Don’t try to win people over my guy I use to think I was the cause of how people treated me that’s far from the truth some people just aren’t nice in general and take out there frustrations on others and it is often a reflection of how they treat themselves just be kind and don’t let people rob you of your good energy all you can do is smile and let go. But when someone is going out of your way to try to make you feel bad stick up for yourself when it’s warranted trust your discretion. For example when people are acting like jerks I try not to stoop to their level and still being kind some people thrive off negative energy sometimes I just use my sarcasm to deflect anything else they have to say. Not everybody is gonna like you and that’s ok sometimes people have bad days as well take everything in stride I’m trying my best to follow my own advice so I’m not perfect in anyway
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2018
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  12. chchane4

    chchane4 New Fapstronaut

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    I have often wondered why people just come up to me and tell me their life story or ask for deep life advice unwarrantedly . This has happened throughout my life and yet at the same time I have days like the days that you have described, where folks will just take their shit out on me for no reason. Ive been told that I seem non-threatening and nice (from my friends--people of color, mind you ) and I've also been told that I am intimidating and standoffish (mostly by white people); i've even had a "friend" tell me that he was jealous of me and I had no idea why . If you are comfortable and reserved you will get these sorts of polarizing reactions from people. The best thing you can do is just ignore and call yourself out when you know for a fact that you are being a problem. Most people aren't even self-aware enough to realize who they are, so don't sweat it.
     
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  13. Balkanray

    Balkanray Fapstronaut

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    Well you should read my post what NoFap actually does to you. I have years of experience but some people actually deny it and are against me lol. Basically NoFap turned me into a very serious and nervous person. Yes i became very confident, very alpha male among others. I had no fear, anxiety, nothing. Well of course people eventually started turning aggressive towards me. I lost friends. My parents saw me as very serious person and told me i have changed. Girls seemed to be more attracted towards me but i don't remember half of them actually enjoying my presence. Most guys would just give me rude looks and tried to act tough in front of my eyes or something because they felt threatened etc. Yeah i've actually been relapsing lately and even my parents say i am somewhat more relaxed and happier. Do you even know how much stress NoFap gives you? It's something you can't even handle with workouts or some stupid meditation. I'm not against NoFap but yeah busting a load once a week might be actually very beneficial to you. There are actually millions of posts like this where people even say they got bad luck because of NoFap. Do your research if you want but i already wrote a post how sex and fapping might actually be good for you.
     
  14. No, but strangers always stare/glance at me in weird ways. I think I'm very good at annoying people. It's a blessing and also a curse.
     
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  15. They wouldn't dare.
    Those that do, suffer.
    Counter evil with evil and people learn their place very fast.
     
    TheStranger likes this.
  16. SeaChange

    SeaChange Fapstronaut

    It is very well possible that they were having bad days. Consider this, the hairdresser may have had a bad night or morning and arrived to work to find a large line of people waiting for her. You said another hairdresser arrived 20 minutes later? Maybe that second hairdresser was late to work and made the first one nervous she was going to have to cut all of that hair herself? Have you ever had to work twice as hard at a job because you had a coworker who didn't pull their weight?

    For the kebab example, you said there were a lot of people "having a good time". Maybe they were actually rowdy and disruptive customers? Maybe the man running the shop was distracted by all of the people loitering there? Have you ever seen people act out in public to impress their friends all while making things harder on others?

    I'm not saying that this is all true or even half true, I am just trying to say that everyone is living their own life and dealing with their own struggles. Be kind to people in the service industry, they have to deal with a lot of nutjobs who yell at them and demean them on a daily basis.
     
  17. Your advice is a massive benefit to this forum.
     
  18. SeaChange

    SeaChange Fapstronaut

    I've just hurt a lot of people, especially those who have loved me, because of my addiction. I hope I can help people not make the same mistakes.
     
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  19. Ash22

    Ash22 Fapstronaut

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    I got a knot in my stomach when I read the title because I swear I've felt this way too. For a long time I've just never owned up to it.

    Why do they hate me? Why don't I fit in? What will it take to be accepted? I don't want to fight everyone!

    I don't know how to overcome it. Simply not giving a fuck is easier said than done.

    "Hell is other people"
     
  20. People pleasers are subconsciously seen as weak. If you are putting off that vibe then people will be dismissive of you. If you don't view yourself as more important than others than they will also see you as less then them. This is why "aholes" attract women. It isn't that women like being treated like shit, it's that the guy thinks he's awesome and so others thinks he must be high quality as well. People like strong, competent people in their social groups and will behave disparagingly towards people that put off the persona of low status. Height and looks also play into this as well. Try sticking your chest out, speaking firmly, and don't be afraid to call out someone that you think is being a jerk. But really, just stop caring what people think. The idgaf personality will really work wonders with people. Also, strong eye contact shows that you are not intimidated and therefor of value. A lot of people conflate agreeable with nice. No one likes a door mat, they are only good for walking on.
     
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