Everyone takes advantage of me?

Our mind can play vicious tricks on us. Let me give you some incredible helpful advice based in our traditions. Here it is: Don't blame or accuse or assume the intention/action of anyone until you have given them 70 excuses. This will silent the mind. All of us fall prey to this problem. Albeit there are a lot of assholes out there. Remember, you get what you tolerate. You can never please everyone. Don't even try. Remember the famous quote, "the quickest way to failure is to try to please everyone." Hang in there. Stay strong. Nobody but yourself can make you feel terrible. I wish you much success.

 

Set boundaries. Tell people how you feel especially when they're hurting you, this will probably make them stop. People usually don't notice they're hurting someone unless the person that they're hurting speaks up. Also don't be too nice, there's such a thing as being too nice to other people that you end up forgetting yourself and being nice to yourself. I recommend reading No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert A. Glover for some helpful information on your situation.

 

hi here is a bit of suggestion, don't be nice, never think that way, you can be kind, but look up the word in the dictenary, the word nice. what does that word mean? what does i

get that word out of your vocabulary, you can be kind to people, don't let people take advantage of you, you can like people, but don't be nice, I am not saying be rude, or not to be kind to people, but think in terms of kindness, not being nice, for example if someone wanted to barrow money from you, you would probly be 'nice and give it to them'. but it has nothing to do with kindness, talk to me if you want its hard to explain.

 

Bluffy...I'm the same way.....we should exchange notes lol.

 

listen to this guy, he says it all, this is where I got it from

 

Buffy, I can be critical of people and I used to be really sarcastic. I mellowed out over the years and until a few months ago thought I was a nice guy. My 20 year daughter told me that teasing people is mean even if it funny. I don't fully agree with her, but I see her point and have tried to avoid teasing people; especially if I suspect they don't enjoy it.
Teasing is kind of like sexual harassment. It is only bad if the other person finds it offensive. For some groups teasing is a rite of passage and is acceptable and can even be a sign you are part of the group. For others it is offensive or at best immature. Unfortunately in my family growing up teasing was an art form. But I don't want to be mean and I don't want you to stop being nice. You make the world a better place when you are nice.
My suggestion is to tell the person you find their comments mean and rude. Some people will take it to heart and try to change. Unfortunately others will only be encouraged to tease you more. My advice there is to avoid them as much as possible. If it happens at work, turn them into HR. They are creating a hostile work environment.

 

There is nothing wrong with being "shy". I agree with all the posts here. What is really important is your own self-esteem. As Taqwa pointed out... no one can make you feel things, your feelings are controlled by you.

I'm not saying this is an issue in your case but many times self-esteem issues can be traced back to an overbearing, controlling parent. No one gets a perfect wrinkle free childhood with our caregivers, but some relationships are toxic.

IMHO -- If you want to get over these issues, look internally. You shouldn't be treated like a child and you certainly have the right to expect others to give you the respect you deserve. That being said, you have to present yourself as an adult and believe that you are one. There's not need to get snippy, but looking someone in the eye and providing a meaningful response to a misplaced comment will provide you and the person you are dealing with a better understanding.

Trying to please everyone and being "nice" so that everyone likes you will never work. No matter what, not everyone will like you. And that has nothing to do with you being a child or adult.

Believe in who you are, what you are and what you stand for. As a person thinks... so they become.

Best wishes - HF

 

Firstly, great advice from ppl here.
Now i used to be in a similar boat as yourself, growing up around ppl who found amusement in degrading others. However over time i started to just focused on my well being and future. Leaving people who i would see as toxic around me to continue as they would and just let them be. Ever since i couldnt of been any happier, working on building a better life and not having to worry what anyone has to say bout me. 'What goes around, comes around'

Maybe u could tone down your niceness, but dont let it hold u back! Because it is rare to come across ppl such as yourself, in todays chaotic world. Screw the haters, be true to yourself and u will find ppl who will really appreciate u for u.

 

You have lots of wisdom. Can I ask how old you are?.You are really striking a cord with me as your advise is good and sound and right.

 

If someone makes a "negative" comment you have to decide if it has merit or not. If it does, that person just did you a favor by pointing out something that you may want to change to improve yourself. In fact it might be appropriate to say "Thanks, I didn't know that." There are times when you may want to look nicer, or dress down. People do judge us by what you wear, whether we like it or not. Some with dirty close, unshaven, unkept...

Poor test scores are something to be concerned about if they are consistently low. Nobodies perfect. Don't forget though Thomas Edison was called an idiot and kicked out of class for being stupid. This is really about who you want to be in life and what changes you would like to make to yourself.

Really what you are dealing with is self-esteem. What you think of yourself and how you relate to others. People who are solid in themselves can take a lot of criticism and still understand their core beliefs and values.

Best wishes - HF

 

Simple answer, read the 6 pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden. I used to be like you a lot. I'm working on it, but have seem improvements already.

 

Hmmmm... I'm not sure how to answer that other than to say always always treat people like you want to be treated.. With respect and kindness?

Why not get the book thechosenone recommended? If it's a self esteem issue the wise thing to do is to address that... IMHO...the goal is to control oneself...not others... Also being vulnerable to criticism if it is valid helps people grow.

You might want to talk to a close trusted friend, clergy or counselor.

Best wishes..HF

 

Not neccessarily cut people from your circle but to keep them at arms length. As HandzFree has pointed out, take criticism with a pinch of salt. If its from your family members it could be for the better than to tease and hurt u.