This is something that kills me honestly. The impossibility to let go negative thoughts or actions from others around you and rant inside about how bad it is. Impossible to ignore it, to be happy & ignorant like the rest of the society, yet grateful to God that I at least have a roof & family, but a part from that I've never been able to develop social skills... Being always preparing to fight because the world around you is destructing itself. Difficulties to experience the hypocrisis of society, almost difficult to engage conversation without wanting to insult the guy in front when he's full of shit. Along the years, I went from nice guy, to a complete psychopathic hater. I got rejected a lot, it didn't build that famous "armor against rejection" that everyone a minimum normal who make efforts get. Addiction/dreams were always my ultimate shelter. I just can't pretend something really interests me in this world because it all goes to shit. I can't see the bright side of things. I'm not sociable & people around me don't care, which is making things even less easier. I don't even have real life friends, nor any job. I get angry as fuck & I want to fight people a lot. I'm pretty sure I'll hit to wrong people someday and more testosterone from NoFap will definitely make me fight for a bad cause. I see myself murdering people sometimes I know it's a bad thing... People on the internet been telling me "Get out of your comfort zone" I did & still doing, it doesn't change anything but only make me angrier as the time pass. What should I do? Isolate myself in a shack in the middle of the forest? I've been trying to see the only friends remaining. When I was with them, I couldn't drop a smile & be sociable for shit, I wonder why I even try. I don't like this world, I'm not saying I'm ressourceless or anything but I can't go around people without having fear & hate, almost like I'm going in a battlefield. Now I don't have any friends outside of the internet. I've been seeking medical help for 7 years from various "professionnals" none was able to help me, what a tremendous waste of money it was... I'm pretty sure addiction is not the problem... Most guys have addiction & can live their life meeting new people & girls. I'm stuck in my thoughts & angriness, nobody wants to talk to me + I can't wanna talk to anybody. I always wanted to experience intimate relationship with a woman but guess what you have to be a minimum open-minded to do that, which is not my case. I've never had a girlfriend, I'm 22. people been saying "Ooooh it's nothing you're young you can always improve" but for fuck sake, I've been trying for years, I answer them that at 30 I'd have murder a couple people already if things don't change in my mind. + I'm not dumb, a girl would never want a guy rambling about life. What can I do seriously? I want a normal life, friends & a girlfriend. I wanted this lifestyle based on complete ignorance since I was 14. I never managed to be happy, despite all that I have faith in Jesus Christ and hope for a brighter future in peace & wisdom but it hurts. I can't live. I can't watch people happy around me without being salty. Why the fuck I've been sent on Earth for ?