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Everything that is a relapse?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by skaterdrew, Sep 12, 2019.

  1. Sep 12, 2019 #1
    skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys can you write down everything you think would be a relapse?

    I feel like a lot of this is quite confusing and don't 100% know what a relapse is. I mean of course masturbating to porn is a relapse. But what about simply seeing an attractive woman on tv? Or seeing an image of an attractive woman on social media without masturbating? Is this a relapse?

    This is what YBOP recommends you avoid

    A simple bottom line on what to avoid:

    1. “Porn” – All types. If you need to ask, then the answer is, ‘bad move.’ It’s simple: artificial vs real.
    2. Avoid behaviors that mimic YOUR porn addiction. Which usually means behaviors that substitute the synthetic and the two-dimensional for the real deal.
    3. Eliminating artificial or synthetic means don’t engage in “cam to cam” or chat rooms.
    4. Surfing Facebook, YouTube, or dating sites for pictures and sexual stimuli is like an alcoholic switching to lite beer.
    5. Fantasizing about porn is nearly the same as watching it, as you are activating your brain’s addiction-related pathways.
    6. Reading “erotic” stories counts as porn fantasy
    7. “What about fantasizing about real women?” It’s hard to say. If you are simply replaying porn scenarios, then absolutely not. Read below about fantasy.

    There's one on this list I have an issue with.

    Surfing Facebook, YouTube, or dating sites for pictures and sexual stimuli is like an alcoholic switching to lite beer.

    What if you're on a dating site trying to meet someone? You've got to search profiles and pictures to see who you are interested in. What if you're just curious about a female on social media? I honestly feel like there is a big weirdness about this to women. What if a female you are interested in was wanting to message you on snapchat or kik or something like that? But your going to be sitting there thinking I can't do that. There's a big weirdness about it I think.

    It's almost coming across like your not aloud to look at images or videos of women ever?

    Can you please write down everything you think would be a relapse?
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2019
    skaterdrew, Sep 12, 2019
    skaterdrew, Sep 12, 2019
    #1
  2. Sep 12, 2019 #2
    ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    Everything you do intentionally to get sexually aroused. It's impossible to compile a list because everyone is different - some find literotica arousing, some find audio arousing, etc.

    It's just that relapses differ as well, relapsing with masturbation is worse than watching a clip for 30 seconds with no masturbation.

    I wouldn't necessarily call peeking relapse, but the lines are very blurred here.
     
    ultrafabber, Sep 12, 2019
    ultrafabber, Sep 12, 2019
    #2
  3. Sep 12, 2019 #3
    skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    I updated the post bro
     
    skaterdrew, Sep 12, 2019
    skaterdrew, Sep 12, 2019
    #3
  4. Sep 12, 2019 #4
    ultrafabber

    ultrafabber Fapstronaut

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    Ok i saw your updated list and it's is a good starting point but what i said still holds, anything that you do intentionally to get sexually aroused counts as something undesirable (relapse or not).

    If you browse dating sites and you're sexually aroused doing that, you should stop doing it for a while. If you watch a tree and you get sexually aroused, you need to stop watching trees for a while.
     
    ultrafabber, Sep 12, 2019
    ultrafabber, Sep 12, 2019
    #4
    Enwar likes this.
  5. Sep 12, 2019 #5
    skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    But what if you get sexually aroused by a woman in real life?
     
    skaterdrew, Sep 12, 2019
    skaterdrew, Sep 12, 2019
    #5
  6. Sep 12, 2019 #6
    skaterdrew

    skaterdrew Fapstronaut

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    See like I feel like a lot of guys do mindlessly flick through images of women. But it's just difficult to tell if your doing it because your sexually aroused or just curious.
     
    skaterdrew, Sep 12, 2019
    skaterdrew, Sep 12, 2019
    #6
  7. Sep 12, 2019 #7
    Gratefulforchange

    Gratefulforchange Fapstronaut

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    Hey skaterdrew here is my two cents. Wanting to know what is considered a relapse is legit. I want to be free and don't want to fuck up. Like Ultra says it's different for everyone. But, my experience shows that my addiction (part of my mind) wants to know what is a relapse because I want to know what I can get away with and it not be a relapse. I dont know about you, but I (used to) always try to get away with something. Seriously. What can I do that will give me a little hit but not make me reset my counter?
    In recovery from this stuff I had to go overboard for awhile so I could get free from the cravings etc. I personally could not look at or try dating sites until I had a little time under my belt. I have to break the cycle of lust, and it takes time for most of us. Dating sites will be there. But if I can strong a few days together of no PMO I better keep going. I do t know when I'll have another reprieve.
    This is hard shit dude. The hardest. But keep asking questions and keep focused on being free from this stuff. I have to focus a lot of time and energy initially to get free initially. It's the only way I have peace of mind later.
    Dueces
     
    Gratefulforchange, Sep 12, 2019
    Gratefulforchange, Sep 12, 2019
    #7
  8. Sep 12, 2019 #8
    fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    People have slightly different attitudes towards P-substitutes (including provocative YouTube vids, facebook, instagram, even watching women in real life). You need to be very honest with yourself about the reason you are doing these things, and whether they are triggering your addiction and undoing all your hard work, or if it is something separate that you have a healthy relationship with.
    If you are really struggling and in the first stage of your nofap journey, it is probably too early to be trawling dating sites - fact is you are looking at these pictures purely because you are not 'allowed' to look at the hard stuff.
    Ultimately the end goal for me, and most people here, is a normal healthy sexual relationship with a woman, not as P-substitute or while I fantasise about P or P scenarios but a proper emotional and physical connection, in the moment and connected, which is about as far from a P-fantasy as sex can get.
     
    fredisthebes, Sep 12, 2019
    fredisthebes, Sep 12, 2019
    #8
    Gratefulforchange likes this.
  9. Sep 12, 2019 #9
    deepspace

    deepspace Fapstronaut

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    Then you're a normal healthy male. Even medieval monks who barely ever saw any women had to face that.
    How you deal with being sexually aroused is the important thing.
    Don't purposely seek arousal, and don't let arousal lead you to wasting your life and energy away on porn/masturbation.
     
    deepspace, Sep 12, 2019
    deepspace, Sep 12, 2019
    #9
    fredisthebes and Gratefulforchange like this.

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