Everything You Know About Addiction is Wrong

I like the interactive transcript feature on the TED site, it's all indexed and great to quote for discussion:

http://www.ted.com/talks/johann_har...iction_is_wrong/transcript?language=en#t-8164

"Bruce Alexander, the guy who did the Rat Park experiment, says, we talk all the time in addiction about individual recovery, and it's right to talk about that, but we need to talk much more about social recovery. Something's gone wrong with us, not just with individuals but as a group, and we've created a society where, for a lot of us, life looks a whole lot more like that isolated cage and a whole lot less like Rat Park."

The now famous last line about connection.. I have to say though at this point when some people reach out to me, particularly people who have used the disconnection strategy in the past, I just wouldn't believe them. As much as I hate to admit it I guess it's just less painful to stay disconnected, I don't want to get my hopes up with people I don't believe really cares about me, I'd rather take my chances with strangers.
 
So, last night I went to a show with my cousin. Well, she didn't get off work until late, so we got there just as the show was ending.

Anyway, I was standing there and I saw this blonde woman that I was really attracted to walking toward me. Our eyes met and she smiled, I smiled back. She walked passed me.

Maybe it's stupid, but even though I will probably never see her again... I felt such validation from that. That strong eye contact could mean a lot of things, but it doesn't really matter. What matters is that for a long time I felt unnattractive and that made me feel attractive.

I'm kind of a recluse. So, I am the perfect example of someone living in an isolated cage. When I go for too long, it gets harder and harder to continue nofap.

When I go out and I experience things like this, I can live off of that moment for weeks. Not in any perverted manner. What I mean is that moment made me feel attractive from within.

It was such a shitty night by all accounts. We missed the show, drove around looking for other shows and ended up going to Waffle House. None of that mattered, I just kept grinning ear to ear in my heart.

I need to get out more. :)
 
Yeah me too, and I know I don't connect with guys that well either and we really want to be balanced socially. I don't know if I've ever said that either out loud or typed it. At least reaching out on here is a first step, I do keep checking out Meetups though I'm not sure whether I'm that interested for the most part but I look.
 
Yeah me too, and I know I don't connect with guys that well either and we really want to be balanced socially. I don't know if I've ever said that either out loud or typed it. At least reaching out on here is a first step, I do keep checking out Meetups though I'm not sure whether I'm that interested for the most part but I look.
Don't worry so much. It's ok to be introverted and a loner. There is power in that too.

I do that too with Meetups. I have gone to a few though. One was awkward as fuck and the other I ended up talking to people that weren't even there for the Meetup. It's so stupid how as adults, we feel that we need some sort of event or reason to talk to people. What happened to that child like approach where we just walk up to people and ask if they wanna be friends and then run around on the playground together?

I understand how it feels to be afraid to make friends. Try not to have any expectations of people, negative or positive. They might surprise you.
 
Yes I agree, of course you need to be a bit introverted to do that soul searching to come to the point where you recognize this is an issue and work on it seriously. Also trying to read up on it, and any material that might be helpful.

Yes that child like attitude is the best way, I'm amazed at people who can do that naturally. Of course when you are very introverted it might make things a little more challenging. It can be helpful to connect online (at least at first) when that's the case.
 
Just to add to your discussion, YBoP did a piece on this:

http://yourbrainonporn.com/commentary-everything-we-think-we-know-about-addiction-wrong-nutshell

It's kinda debunking it, I'm afraid. I was glad to read it because I'd thought that the Hari talk was a bit simplistic when I first heard it. (I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict as well as a PMO person.)

I agree with the YBoP analysis - yep, it is very healthy to have better connections to people, and I think he's right on the political/War on Drugs stuff - to a great degree.

I hope you won't see this as too negative, it's not meant that way, I just saw your thread and had read the YBoP piece the other day so I thought I'd chuck it into the mix.
 
Hey thanks, mcrc - sadly, it's not up to date! I reset yesterday and today - election related (well, that was the initial trigger for some stupid browsing... long story), but I'm back on track now.

I need to update that!
 
Great article Colin. Yeah in reading it another thought comes to mind: If it's ALL about external environment like having a Rat Park, how many things do we have to tweak in our lives?? Especially for young people living at home or at school it may be limited.

We're not rats. We have an inner world and our minds can be a powerful force. If people were to design their own environment, a lot of that came from the internal environment of their mind in the first place. Of course there's both, being on a forum like this helps but if we're going to talk about connection, then maybe we should also say the internal connection in our mind as well as human social connections..
 
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