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Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by sephhh, Mar 16, 2018.
Its difficult I try... But not succeed yet... I am trying ..
read this topic:
it isn't nofap that causes you to get more atraction its you're confidence. NOFAP is a result of confidence.
When you are depressed or having low confidence you want attention and that’s why you are masturbating to porn because you think you will not be able to find love or sex.
When you don't want the approval of woman anymore because you are confident you don't fap.
You are masturbating because you are putting woman on a pedestal. I mean would you masturabe to something you thinx isn't a big deal? . if you have a different mindset and care less about her and have a attitude “ she needs to prove herself” lets see if she is worth it.. Then you will not masturbate to porn
When you have more self respect and confidence and see woman as they truly are just humans just like(men) and they need to prove themselves and see if they are worth you’re time you will also look different at naked woman you will see it as something normal not “amazing “.
Thinx about it if you make woman less important how hard is it to not masturbate to their pictures? Not that hard at all because they are just woman.
Yeah in all the examples you posted is about putting not woman on pedestal you didn't care you just did you're own thing. When you got anxiety and depressed and you relapsed and woman don't like you.
NOFAP is all about not thinking naked woman and hot woman are a big deal if you can do that there is a huge change you will not relapse.
In all the examples you gave you started to act like a person who talks to woman just like he talks to normal people. thats what woman like not the semen you are holding in you're balls or the testosteron its a different mindset.
notice when you are on a succesfull streak of nofap you will notice you changed youre view on woman you don't fantasise anymore you don't put them on a pedestale you don't want approval or you don't want to cum when you see them. you basically threath them normal.
"Do or do not, there is no try." - Yoda
"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." - Wayne Dyer
"Whatever the mind of man can believe and perceive, it can achieve." - Napoleon Hill
How to change the mind to assist in nofap?
WRITE IT DOWN!
practice gratitude (use religious beliefs or simply tell yourself thank you for everything no matter how large or small)
Maintain conscious intention
Force positivity to reprogram mind first thing in the morning (listen to motivation, pray, practice gratitude, meditate and force your mind to the right state - not emotion - the state.)
Diet - no greasy foods, no genetically modified, limit dairy and large amounts of meat.
intermittent fasting with SO MANY BENEFITS (LOOK IT UP!).
memorization of motivating sentences, poems or short personal mantras to tell yourself when doubt and fear start coming in
UNDERSTAND WHY you're doing it everyday and look at your written goals multiple times a day especially as you tell yourself your memorized mantra!
Believe and have faith with a constant visualization of the things you want to attract (house, car, girl(s), respect...)
continue writing goals (hourly, daily, weekly, monthly.. yearly goals.) Start with daily.. on a note pad or spiral notebook: (ex: 1 hour motivation, 1 hour workout, make phone calls to..., plan around your work, so on.) Daily consistent goals.
FORCE YOURSELF WHEN YOU DON"T WANT TO DO IT. Shorten your bad moods, low energy, self pity moments and MAXIMIZE your feel good emotions. Now you want to have the state of being happy, not the moment of emotion for happiness (although good, it's temporary). It is possible to maintain consistent state of BEING happy. EMOTION is fickle.
SEEK HELP go to people, commit to everyone and be honest. Love comes when you love yourself. "What we put out into the universe comes back to us." - Wayne Dyer
I agree with you 100%; however I believe there is so much more to this; this is just one piece of the pie. Truth is it doesn't matter the logic, it works. It works incredibly well and creates magnetism to all people.
The architect of the universe built us as creators; therefore we are gods in heart. This power is reflective into all aspects of our lives. Your very words and thoughts hold power. Unlock your mind and you unlock all your inner most desires. This is the collective idea of nearly all successful people, study them for yourselves and practice what they practice. It's very simple once you direct yourself consistently no matter where you are right now.
Challenge accepted my friend! Will be reporting back!
Thank you guys for speaking on this. I thought I was “making this up” in my mind when I saw it for myself. I would have self doubt thinking “nah she can’t be thinking that about me” but other guys are talking about this too. I’m excited to see what happens at 30 days for me with NoFap
This is something I can highly relate too and very true a least for me. Especially, the part where they just want to get away from you. But unlike you, I am not good looking. My appearance was destroyed thru many years of addiction and depression so I thought it had more to do with my looks. I do notice whenever I am acting creepy this happens even more and the strange part is women notice this even when they got their back turned against me from as far as 50 feet away. Their body movement would show panic & fear and they would turn their head once or several times to confirm there was someone there. They can definitely pickup the bad vibes. Probably a survival instinct ingrained in women.
Lets elaborate a little more on your experience with this as I am really interested why girls react this way. Also, I wanted to confirm it didn't just happen due to my looks and there is something greater at play.
First of all, sorry for not reading the article yet - I'll be reading it after posting this. Correct me if I'm wrong in my understanding, but your sentence above says 'NOFAP is a result of confidence' - by that line of thinking, I'll never be confident. Maybe I'm just in a dark place mentally at present, but I feel no more or less confident now than when I was making the Kleenex folks very rich. I can point to places in my life where things have improved (diet, loss of weight, possibly better sleep), but confidence is NOT one of them. Before you ask, no, I'm not fantasizing, using P-Subs, peaking, edging or anything else that could act as impediment. Furthermore, I'm not considering going back to my old ways (beyond the occasional tricks the brain will play), so I think we're safe there. I don't believe in 'superpowers', at least not in that case, so I'm not deluded in that respect. Clearly there is something very wrong with me, because at this point, by every other guy's standard, I should be doing great. Unfortunately, I'm not every other guy.
So, as I posted yesterday, Confidence, where are you?
Do I get the whole basic survival instinct? Absolutely. Do I think it's a bit rich for women to sleep every guy except me? Yes, and before you say anything, I have encountered four women in my life who would do this, and none of them expressed any interest in me. There is something wrong with me, because I am ugly, clearly don't have the personality women like and a whole host of other issues.
"But Questionite, women are people too..." Yes, they are, and most people should be wanting sexual encounters, at least some of the time. The fact that I'm not considered a sexual option for pretty much every woman is almost enough to make me think about things I really shouldn't.
We'd have to have more hard data to go on - location, targets, effort made by you in areas of your life, etc...
I don't believe that he denigrated women at all in his post. He was mostly telling of his direct experience with them as it pertained to using nofap.
If @sephhh is having these level of success in his life, and he can draw a causal link to his NoFap, then without further empirical evidence, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt. He's documented his previous successes and failures, where he's benefited and where he hasn't.
Whatever the things.... I can say there is a lot of difference between hardmode. And and in no PM only orgasm... Hardmode has many advantages..
Let me phrase it in a different way : If you are confident you have a higher change of not getting hoocked or becoming adicted to porn because most us use it to cope with stress, negative emotions.
Thank you for the clarification. Then again, if you're confident, you're much more likely to actually have some success with women, and with a better quality of women, so you're less likely to need porn to begin with.
As someone who has gone unintentionally through Hard Mode, I'd argue in favour of it if a guy can do it. There are too many situations that would prevent a man, but despite my current bitterness, if you can go ninety days with M and O, you've got a much greater likelihood of feeling better for it.
exactly thats why if you get you're life together its easier to not masturbate because why would you?
There are many stories and situations.
I cannot understand the perception of women, nor will I ever. In my opinion, there is something unseen within us; whether an aura, energy, power or some spiritual intellect. Women have a nurturing power within them naturally and have an ability of intuition that men do not have. Women love a man that is confident but hate a man that is cocky; but if you were to break these two things down they are essentially the same. Cockiness is perceived as arrogant and confidence appears as power. There is a fine line between the two but they are the same.. but different. Likewise, you being a nice guy under pmo will appear different when being nice under nofap. The intricacies of this idea are really, truly unknown. It is something that is built within us and I think transcends into the greater laws of the universe constructed by the architect. Therefore, I believe women are intuitively seeing you for your power and vitality. Nofap cannot be the solution, it is how we cultivate nofap within us. With nofap if my mind is cluttered with thoughts and suppression it will be counterproductive. Cleanliness of thoughts is a byproduct of mental discipline and it transcends into women seeing you as comfortable, secure, understanding and a man that is not a threat. It's their protective nature seeing hungry perverted men for what they are. While I am on nofap I can notice individual auras on a higher level of understanding.
Do not allow your mind to be impeded by the way you see yourself. You are not ugly unless you tell yourself you are ugly. An old African proverb says,"If there is no enemy within, then the enemy outside can do us no harm." If all that you seek is men and women's approval then you will never be satisfied. Relinquish this thought of need; love yourself and women will love you. If you work on yourself, your own success and your own individual power you will find success in life. Use your determent, not as a weakness, but your strength. Push aside your need for approval and love thyself. Besides, women will love you for your mind, passion and depth of mental strength. I promise from bottom of my heart that it is possible.
This is correct; HOWEVER, this power was still available when sex was involved after a 60 day hardmode reset. It was destroyed through pornography and/or an over indulgence of sex. There are two things here, the power of my sexual energy and the power of my mental capacity to bring about the laws of attraction and conscious intention. These two powers intertwined is an incredible mix. Your mind is a garden and it will grow whatever is planted whether weeds or flowers. It takes time to take the weeds out and plant the new seeds, it takes dedication, watering and constant work to maintain it. It will never not need work. I HAVE TO continue to tell you that fasting is vital within this mix. Fasting, nofap and mental strength is the key. You are the master, your mind is the garden and home in which you live. Organize your home and plant seeds in abundance and work it everyday and enjoy the journey continuing to maintain your home and garden.
Read the book "think and grow rich," by Napoleon Hill. It speaks briefly of sexual transmutation and he goes on to suggest fasting is a wondrous tool. It is not by chance that very wealthy and successful men speak of such things.
Thank you. I say these things as type of clarity and motivation. I do not say these things to objectify women.
Thank you for your comments. Which comes first? Getting your life together or dropping addiction. They both go hand in hand.
Thank you for your comments and activity. I enjoy seeing this activity on this thread. Success is a CAMPAIGN.. constant dedication, motivation, mindfulness and anything and everything we can imagine to better ourselves. This is the only way to succeed is constant work with the right mind.
I love you all and I want you all to succeed in nofap, in life and in your own personal life stories. I cannot tell you how much my heart feels for you. I have been stuck in this paradox of addiction for far too long and I hope that you can turn this weakness and addiction into a strength that you can help and serve others and tell them it's not worth it. It only robs you off your life, love, passions and your inner desires are lost in a world of nothingness. It is possible to obtain purity again. I promise you there is still love in your belly. there is still healing that can be done and that it is never too late to change. I am grateful. I am happy. I am great. I am successful. I am amazing. And you are too.
Stay classy, stay hungry.
This is my hope as well.
That makes two of us. Difference is, they seem to consider you desirable after a month of NoFap and I'm coming up on a century and... nothing!
What about the women who say "You're not really my type?" What about the majority of women I encounter to whom I am completely invisible? What about the people who have actually come up to me out of the blue and flat-out said "You're ugly."? Compound things like that with a lifetime of rejection (all my success with women being based on not pursuing and 'settling' for women I don't want but who wanted me) and, yeah, no ego can fight that shit.
'Loving' myself is why I'm here, right?
Seriously though, I recall the times I was happy and content within myself (very few to be sure) and women still didn't 'love' me or want me or acknowledge that I existed.
Of you'll smash your head against a brick wall until you're concussed.
No, they don't. The times where I was pursuing my passion (studying languages, going to university, living in Hong Kong), I was considered odd and a person best avoided. Maybe it was the ASD, maybe it's because I'm ugly (or short or whatever), but whatever it was, it sure as fuck didn't attract women into my life who were interested in those things, or me.
That's great, a wonderful sentiment, but at present, that's all it is - a sentiment from some well-meaning person on the other side of the planet. You've given a great deal to this community in your short time, and I understand that you still want to do that - give. However, I'm at a point of anger and hopelessness. I know what these things feel like, because I've felt these much longer than I've PMO'ed. I felt them throughout my PMO too (even during the dopamine hit), so whacking off didn't help in that respect. Neither do drugs or therapy. Or exercise for that matter. The times is has abated was, honestly, when I was involved with a woman, but given that my goal throughout my teenage years was 'get a girlfriend and have my first kiss', and 1) how long I had to wait for that to happen, and, 2) how messed-up it was when it happened, it's made me become quite bitter about women at times. Honestly, I have more time and respect for the porn stars for the women I jerked to - they at least made an effort for me, made me feel, however briefly, like a man. Between being ignored by 99.5% of women, the mediocre situation with the remainder, and the fact that guys consider me a punching bag or joke, me living alone on an island, or having a train do me in, look like options I really should have pursued.
So, thank you for kind sentiments, but, honestly, if you really want to help.... Don't! (I was going to say 'get me laid, or blown', but somehow I don't think the Moderators would approve)
“Law, not confusion, is the dominating principle in the universe; justice, not injustice, is the soul and substance of life; and righteousness, not corruption, is the moulding and moving force in the spiritual government of the world. This being so, man has but to right himself to find that the universe is right; and during the process of putting himself right he will find that as he alters his thoughts towards things and other people, things and other people will alter towards him.”
- James Allen from the book, ‘As a man thinketh’
You may have heard before, "when you aren't looking for it, it happens." The reason being, is because your journey of self love occurs when you don't look for it. Work on you!
Don't get frustrated, it doesn't solve a single thing and never will. When I find that something in my life isn't working out for me, it's not a bad thing; don't perceive as such, likewise your perceived look on failure, look at it with a different mind. It simply means you have to go back to the drawing board and re-evaluate the error so you may correct it. Each person is different in the fact that they have different sufferings. The truth of the universe is held within it's laws. If you fancy yourself a religious person; faith is the governing law of eternal life according to most religions. You'll find this reflective in your life in all aspects. Faith is a higher law on a heavenly plane, therefore on all levels of the universe this exercising belief of faith will give you anything you place your faith towards; it is the architect's law that cannot be undone. Believe it. Fear is you unknowingly practicing faith in the worst way, it is a law that it will come to you whether good or bad; faith in success will only bring success. Faith in failure will only bring failure. A seed of corn will only give you corn. These laws are part of the design. You do not attract that which you want, you attract that which you are. Beautify your mind. As I've said before, nofap does not solve anything.. you solve you; nofap is simply a tool of power just like many other "life hacks" in which this thread has discussed.
Go back to the drawing board, my friend. Nofap is just a small piece.
I feel your frustration. I see your pain. I cannot solve your problems or help you; only you can help you, it may sound cliche but it's true. Sites like these are often a way to vent and I believe it to be healthy to tell one's own story. I have plenty to be bitter about, it only brings more bitterness. I have had so many trials when it comes to family, money, friends, women and constant debilitating negative self talk that has been stuck in me since childhood. When will you get tired of this mentality? I remember how exhausting it was and how suicide seemed so easy. How easy it is to hate, to be bitter, to be angry, to remember failures, to remember lies, to remember heartbreaks, to remember betrayal... The past is gone, never to come back and never to change. We are left with the present and ongoing future. This future will never really come. Life will always remain in the present moment. Let it go.. feel the pressure of your past lift off of you. forgive yourself, forgive others and be grateful that you are breathing and living now. Now is your solution.. Now is your life. Now is the moment of your greatness. Now is the moment of self love. Now. Right now. Weed out the anger, weed out the thought or belief that you have to 'get off' to be happy. Joy is not pleasure and pleasure is not joy. Why do you think I failed at nofap all the times before? It's because i failed to maintain my momentum. I got caught in exactly what you are caught up in now.. Hoping to get my dick wet. Most men will not challenge themselves to change. A woman will not make you happy, only you will make you happy.
My heart goes out to you because I know.. I know what you're going through. The last two years has been the hardest of my entire life. I have been cheated on, lied to multiple times by multiple selfish women, tens of thousands of dollars stolen from me by my best friend and I was blamed for every single incident by those that betrayed me. I felt I was going insane.. Not even a year ago I took a bunch of sleeping pills and slept for four days straight. Once awake I drove straight to the liquor store and bought the biggest bottle of whiskey i could purchase and chugged the bottle until i passed out. I drove home driving like an insane person hoping to be hit by someone. I punched myself in the head over and over again until i passed out and once I awoke i did it again.. At this moment, rock bottom, was the place that I picked myself up from. I promise you... it is within you to change and be grateful even for your past failures.
Remember you can be pure again. It is within you.
Okay, that is some heavy shit right there...
I've heard it before, but for me it's a largely moot point - you want me to not think of others? Remove the others. I've mentioned elsewhere how in my pre-puberty I want to go and live on an island by myself. It's a nice dream, but it's just that - a dream. Like all dreams, they get shat on and stolen and and destroyed.
'Working on me' has proved equally fruitless. I'm currently going through a phase of continued 'gym humiliation' - I'll go in and do my work out, but at some point feel humiliated during it. Private PT Session? Yep, last three times. Group workouts? Yeah, felt it really bad yesterday. Doing my own thing? I was there at 0400 this morning, by myself, and I still felt humiliation. Thing is, these are all things that I could have done recently (or at least put my mind to it an tried to do it). I'm not at a point of 'quitting' just yet - I'm looking back at all the times I have quit - and pushing through the psychological treacle .
Atheist. Raised Catholic, considered converting to Islam in my teens, studied a number of faiths both during and after university. I try not to shit on others for having faith, and can acknowledge the benefits it brings to others, but I find a great deal more comfort in Science(!), and the acceptance that after death I'll end up as (metaphorical) worm-food go through decay at the atomic level.
Huh, interesting. A conversation I've had somewhere else produced an almost opposite response:
I admit that at present my mind is less than 'beautiful', but it's still my mind. I am good enough as I am, or am I not? Dating coaches make arguments of how you 'don't have to change who you are', but then have all these areas of advice on how to change who you are. I'll concede that there is a point where both perspectives, indeed all perspectives, are valid, but I'm not seeing it, not with 100 days in balls and more than I'd see it after rubbing one out to pixels on a screen.
In this you are correct. Clearly my problems are going to remain whether I've just watched some hot porn or not. Am I going to relapse? No - that would taint the experiment. Am I questioning 'why' an awful lot more than I did at earlier points in NoFap? I think at 100 days, I'd be remiss not to question things, given the results almost everyone else has reported compared with my own situation. The two that are sticking points with me are increased Confidence and increased female attraction. Both of these are not occurring, and even if I use your numbers as a guide, I'm a four times the amount of time 'in country' before you were attracting less-than-desirable women, yet... nothing. Again, am I using external factors to chart my progress? Yes, partly, but am I not entitled to have my own measurements for progress? Regardless, shouldn't I be feeling increased confidence? I've yet to encounter a poster here who hasn't, yet... here I am!
I know, I'm just feeling very angry and tired with all of this. ALL of this.
When it isn't constantly reinforced by the world around me. Even here, a safe and encouraging place, negativity of my own inadequacy is being reinforced. Sure, my days are just a number, but it's a number that plenty of members would do anything for.
Because that is what I get from the world, even when I try to be giving and caring and open and honest.
I first considered suicide as a viable option at 13. I knew about it before that, but that was the point where life around me was pointless. What stopped me? I don't know. I certainly didn't seek help for it at the time - other people were the reason I wanted to off myself to begin with. At numerous points throughout my life I've considered it again, and am at a point where old plans are getting dusted off (don't worry, it's still over a year away if I were to do something), but taichi, study, making money, moving overseas, aiming for goals, medication, therapy (short of ECT) and even exercise have not assisted. The closest I've found to a balm is women - they don't cure it, but they do lessen it, remove it for a time. I'll read tales of your carnal misadventures and not see what you've got to complain about.
Not really the time or place for that - I can understand the sentiment, but I don't appreciate it.
Ah, so I do have to change. Do I expect a woman to meet all my fulfillment needs? No - I've learned that to be case through my break-ups. Women are however my signpost of success. Shallow? Base? Terribly subjective? Yes, all true, but if I'm not attracting the notice of females then I'm doing something wrong (or, in my case, simply existing). As for making me happy - were I to give into what I really wanted to do (that didn't involve women), you'd be reading about an attempted mass killing in Australia. I know it's a pointless endeavour, but hey, whatever makes me happy, right?
I am most sorry to hear of your pain, and am genuinely satisfied that you are doing better, and achieving your goals. It's great that most people who aim for their goals achieve them, but as has been proven here, I'm not 'most people'. Special snowflake? Hardly. Damaged goods? Perhaps (it would certainly explain my choice in partners). More likely, I'll go with the neutral phrasing of 'not most people'. Clearly self-esteem is a major issue, but pretty aphorisms aren't cutting it. I'm more and more inclined towards confidence hypnosis, although I'll be going into the consultation with lots of questions and some pretty strong demands for the outcome.
Me being 'pure' isn't something I'm concerned about, because there exists the Sacred even within the Profane. As for 'it' being within me, let's be honest - if I had 'confidence' and 'female attraction' within me, they should have shown themselves even a little by now.