Everything you need to know about women attraction - 5 years experience with life hacks

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by sephhh, Mar 16, 2018.

Did you find this post helpful?

  1. Yes

    156 vote(s)
  2. No

    28 vote(s)
  3. Slightly

    33 vote(s)
  1. My current one, which is *checks... 130 days.

    As can been from rants earlier in this thread, and elsewhere, I have other issues independent of PMO, and while I wouldn't say NoFap has fixed them, it hasn't hurt them either.

    In my observation, most men aren't as hampered as I am in this department, so with continued abstaining from PMO, you're more likely to notice things more in line with most men here. It's not a cure-all, it just let's you work on being the best you. That's something I've had to learn the hard way.
  2. AssxxI

    AssxxI Fapstronaut

    So is this from semen retention or PMO in general? Because, well when you orgasm on sex you loose semen.
  3. sephhh

    sephhh Fapstronaut

    Thank you for your testimony.

    Back to the grind. Failure is there for us to understand success.

    "Men do not attract that which they want, they attract that which they are." - James Allen

    This statement has echoed in my heart greatly in the last few days. There is simply something more there than one single answer; I simply do not know. I can tell you that I have achieved female attraction while having sex before.

    I recently fapped (without p) even though I try to practice as hard as I can; I am not perfect. Wisdom and knowledge is great to discuss and share, but that doesn't mean I have the strength to apply it constantly. I have had no attraction thus far on a level of noteworthiness. I went on a streak of 35 days sperm retention and acquired stares and subtleties of attraction.

    "Law, not confusion, is the dominating principle in the universe; justice, not injustice, is the soul and substance of life; and righteousness, not corruption, is the moulding and moving force in the spiritual government of the world. This being so, man has but to right himself to find that the universe is right; and during the process of putting himself right he will find that as he alters his thoughts towards things and other people, things and other people will alter towards him." - James Allen

    Thanks for all your posts. Sorry for not responding to all directly but I am grateful for each of you.

    Stay classy.
  4. That's okay, gato. You have a life. Despite my own bitterness and disillusion, the words you offer are meant only from a good place.
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  5. sephhh

    sephhh Fapstronaut

    You can change your thought process and change yourself. It's difficult to do and you will have moments that are hard. Everyone has struggles and problems. I know that it's overstated but seriously; who else should have these struggles? Are you a worse person because of it? If you had everything you ever wanted would you be better for it? If you didn't have to work on yourself would you ever try to be better? The answer is that struggles are the best things to show you that you need to change direction, work on yourself, try nofap, try fasting, work on your thoughts and re-evaluate yourself.. if you don't change then you keep getting what you have been getting. If you want circumstances to change you have to change.

    "Of all the beautiful truths pertaining to the soul which have been restored and brought to light in this age, none is more gladdening or fruitful of divine promise and confidence than this—that man is the master of thought, the moulder of character, and the maker and shaper of condition, environment, and destiny.

    As a being of Power, Intelligence, and Love, and the lord of his own thoughts, man holds the key to every situation, and contains within himself that transforming and regenerative agency by which he may make himself what he wills."
    Once again - James Allen 'As A Man Thinketh'
    Last edited: Sep 14, 2018
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  6. ShotDunyun

    ShotDunyun Fapstronaut

    I'm back after yet another reset. I cant believe I'm the same person who shared experiences earlier this month in this thread. While the attraction is not completely gone, is not even half the amount it was two weeks or a month ago. I'm sure that NoFap helps with attraction, but I know that there's something else involved. I find it very odd that the attraction can be pretty much gone after a reset(I have to admit on my last reset I binged like there was no tomorrow). I feel like a totally different person when this happens
  7. sephhh

    sephhh Fapstronaut

    My man,

    It happens to the best of us; the hardest part in my experience when failure occurs is breaking away from binge relapses. You have to imagine the incredible amount of mental and physical energy output that occurs when a man releases. The act of ejaculation is exciting but then immediately afterwards it feels similar to driving off a cliff with an immediate drop in energy in all passion/drive/mental/physical being. As you may know, it’s caused by an unhealthy amount of endorphines along with drained sperm which requires nutrients from the body to produce. It takes and takes from our manly vitality. Our subconscious mind becomes accustomed to feeling “high” on chemicals within the brain similar to a heavy drug addiction. It’s numbing everything else in life and women feel that, people feel it.

    My experience is that your subconscious mind plays nifty tricks and over powers your feelings. Feelings are directly related to subconscious learning; this is why childhood traumas are easy to remember and also why attachment to porn can be incredibly intense. Self-discipline allowed me to master my feelings which also tamed my negative mind.

    So my relapse that just occurred was not binge. Immediately the following days were mentally difficult and depressing up until the 7th day; I woke up with passion. Felt great since, it’s day 11 since relapse and before that I had a 35 day streak; its 213 days since pmo today.

    My philosophy is to limit failure and maximize success as much as I can within my control. I having been documenting my ratio of good days versus bad days presently. I have made it my number 1 goal to have a higher ratio of good (above 1:1). Again, this is limiting the debilitating lows and maximizing the positive highs.

    Here’s a mental training example:

    Take a breath and tell yourself right now,
    “I am a man of power.”

    Say it again except with full hearted feeling by applying mental pressure and meditation on feeling warmth in your chest then breath,
    “I am a man of power.”

    Feel it deeper in your gut,
    “I am a man of power.”

    Now say,
    “Say it,
    believe it,
    receive it.”

    Repeat three times or as needed to generate emotion. Now write it,
    “I am a man of power.
    Say it,
    believe it,
    receive it.”

    You have achieved:
    +1 subconscious discipline

    If you overcome urges quickly +5

    Stay classy. Vibe well.
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2018
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  8. I can understand the desire to binge. I recall all too well the first time I relapses (and after I had a wet dream), that for a few days afterwards I had a pretty fucking strong desire to just be damned and go for it. Funny thing is, I didn't. I wouldn't say I have particularly strong willpower, just that I'm appalling logical a lot of the time. A funny trick, when I feel myself getting particularly weak, is actually planning a relapse. It sounds counter-intuitive, but thinking about the starlet I'll whack to, which video, which picture, allows me a certain level of control over it. It means I'm not idly browsing for hours in the hopes of a dopamine hit. Of course, I've never followed through on it, not even to the point of 'peaking', but it does feel empowering, considering what I'd like, and then saying "No, I'll hold out."

    The thing I use to dissuade myself from ejaculating is remembering the lower back pain I have afterwards. I recall it both times I've ejaculated since, and while the first time was 'fun', I don't even remember feeling good during/after the wet dream. It just happened. The back pain is apparently from stress, which I admit to largely ignoring because it's not something I can really change - I still have to work a crappy job (mostly because it pays decently and I don't what I want to do), and I'm still invisible to women (my real superpower), and rather than have a tantrum about it (posting on these forums excepted), I just don't bother dealing with it.

    My negative mind is VERY powerful. It's pretty hard not to feel like the guy getting cheated on when it seems to be a pattern.


    Ooooh! Statistics! Numbers don't lie - they can be fudged and ignored, but they can't lie.

    That's nice.

    It's hard to feel like a man when I got punched in the jaw by someone just for doing my job. I've rationalized it that he was on drugs and had issues in his life, and while it didn't hurt physically (it was a glance blow due to my cringing), it made me feel worthless afterwards. What makes me feel even worse is that I've no doubt that some low-level administrative drone will go through the thing and tell me everything I did wrong, then probably fire me for something completely unrelated. I very nearly didn't report it.

    Sorry - pity party - table for one.
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  9. Alphamee

    Alphamee Fapstronaut

    attraction from women is real when you on nofap. i had try many times to prove it. when i relapse, the attraction is gone and then when im back on nofap for while, maybe 2 weeks until a month, the attraction is come back. even one chick who i am block from my contact phone and my whatsapp for months ago, try to contact me via email just to meet and chat with me even though she has a bf.

    sorry for my english.
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  10. Your English is fine, Alphamee. It's great that it's real for you, and for so many guys here. I still don't see it, but at least I'm not expecting it anymore either, which is at least some growth.
    Alphamee and ShotDunyun like this.
  11. ShotDunyun

    ShotDunyun Fapstronaut

    That's what I do every morning, because I never know when its going to stop.
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  12. banyate

    banyate New Fapstronaut

    Thank you so much!
    That motivated me. I hope my German ex will back to me and meet me one day.
    I am in the day 14
    No Porn
    No Sex
    No Masturbation
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  13. Isaacvipin

    Isaacvipin Fapstronaut

    I agree with all other benefits but can’t follow you on women attraction thing. I’m on 11 months streak but could not get a single date though I approached 5 women in that period. How you getting so much of women attraction I can’t understand. Seems like you have exaggerated it a lot
  14. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

    For me it really depends what you do with your life while you are on nofap. Doing nofap is not something magical. It will help you with self discipline, which will for many people make you improve yourself in other parts of your life. This will make a person more confident, which women like to see. At the same time a person who reach his/her goals is attractive to people.

    Also some people may have been attractive their whole life, but have not given themself the oppurtinity to notice it. So when they have more confidence and actually look at women, they will see that women are looking at them. Which again will increase a persons confidence even more.

    You take more care of yourself. If a women see a person who does not take care of him self, they ask themself if this person can take care of them? A person who are not able to take care of him/her self, are most likely not able to take care of a partner too. So watching a person following his/her dreams and taking care of themself, will also be attractive.

    This is at least how I view nofap.
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  15. One of the problems of this being an international forum is that there isn't a lot of accountability for members here. I may have all these claims of high numbers, but you'll have to take my word for it that I've actually done this. Keep in mind also that @sephhh has been practicing NoFap on and off for quite some time, and even with him relapsing, he knows the potential is there.

    It is the same regarding attractiveness to women. It was one of the two reasons I undertook NoFap, and compared to some of the success stories (including those on this thread), I have yet to really see it. I have had a few times where I think women may have 'noticed me', but if I were to analyse it (or over-analyse like the cerebral fellow I am), I can almost always find an easier, non-sexual reason for the interest. Maybe I don't ratchet up the interaction because I couldn't be arsed dealing with rejection again, or maybe the women all have their own agendas or not all there (in some case this is true), but I refuse to mistake their friendliness for interest again, because the last time I did so I ended up with a string of sexual harassment complaints against me.

    The best bit of advice I could offer, and trust me, it sucks, is to ignore women completely. Accept that you are awesome as you are and the world deserves your awesomeness. A piece of advice I heard once went something like this; "Imagine you've just had your cock chopped off and there is no chance of re-attachment and there are no compatible donors. What do you do now?" The answer, whatever it is, is "Do that!" Maybe it's restoring classic cars from hideous wrecks, or hiking the Himalayas, or getting the high score on Frogger. I can't tell you what it is - you'll need to figure that out for yourself, and it will take time, but thinking about it like that can be beneficial.

    Regarding your approaches - were I a dating coach, I'd smack you upside the head for your lack of focus. Clearly it's something important to (attracting women), but having only approached 5 women in 11 months makes me think you're giving it what it deserves. Perhaps there's something off in your approach, or how you present yourself, but you're not getting what you should. There are a metric fuckload of videos on YouTube that can help with this, and if there's someone that really speaks to you, think about hiring them as a coach. Tell them what you want, be open and honest, and you'll get it.

    There are parts of this I take issue with. Discipline for me was never a problem. However, almost universally, people were NOT attracted to it - I was (and still am) considered a freak/odd-bod/strange/whatever. Being disciplined is great, but when the world around you destroys your confidence because of it, it does nothing for one's confidence. A classic case for me was my focus on studies. In high school, and particularly during university, I really engaged with my subjects. I'd almost go so far as to say I was happy. However, all around me, in classes and on residence, there was an unspoken question in people's eyes; "Why are you enjoying this?" When people ask that question of you enough, you question yourself. It still happens. I attended a Postgraduate Information evening last week, and the convenor asked for reasons why people wanted to study. When he got to 'a love of learning', I put my hand up with a few others. He then proceeded to state "You know you're not normal, right?" in the same tone I've heard my whole life.

    So, doing your own thing, whatever that is, is great, but too often people have destroyed my confidence because of it. As such I've spent the last few decades not doing anything, not having goals, and in short, not living. I don't dispute that goals help a person, but most people around me have put me down for me pursuing mine.

    These are a lot more realistic. When I first joined, on of the success stories was of a young man in Central Europe. He took photos of himself over the few months he was active here and it was obvious that he had started taking care of himself. I found after 6 weeks of NoFap that I needed to go to the gym simply because of the energy I had. Whilst my weight loss is obvious in photos of me, I'm still uncomfortable with who I am. Some people view themselves as 'short' or 'fat', and while I'm both of those things, I view myself more than anything else as 'ugly'. I've had girlfriends tell me I'm not, one almost tearfully, but I could never trust what they said - and I don't think I ever could. If I weren't ugly, I wouldn't have been rejected as much as I had (a MUCH higher number than your's, @Isaacvipin) and would be attracting the female gaze of someone other than women with magazine racks full of issues. I've long paid attention to my grooming (not so much to my health), but only ever attracted lazy slobs. NoFap has shown me that I am worth more, and if that means I don't ejaculate for 3 months, or two years, or ever, then so be it.

    I'd like a LOT more confidence though.

    Each individual's mileage (kilometerage) will vary.
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  16. ShotDunyun

    ShotDunyun Fapstronaut

    I'm ashamed to tell you all that yet again I've fully relapsed, I've been PMO'ing a lot this weekend. But I noticed that even before that, on my 30 days streaks I lost that female attraction from time to time. Again, it feels like you are totally invisible to women. They dont talk to you, they dont smile at you, they dont laugh at your jokes. Hell, they dont even LOOK at you sometimes. I could also say that behaviour from men also changes, like they look down on you or something.

    @Questionite, I'll always say that ignoring women will be the most useful advice here, however a lot times I found myself craving for that attention I sometimes get from women. That is one of the downsides of that attention, when you lose it you really miss it.
  17. That's okay. The way I'm seeing it, these things are rarely a constant - at least not at this point when we're recovering. We'll have a great day, or a great week, then BAM! Something, or a succession of somethings, throws us off. The advice I've seen would seem to suggest not wallowing in these 'down' periods, but rather just pushing through them. You've had all sorts of success in the past, so, as I said above, the numbers say that it'll come around again. Until then, hit those weights, crush those goals, follow your passions.

    As I've said elsewhere, it was one of my main reasons for undertaking NoFap (the other being an increase in confidence). Hence my craving that is attention is why I'm here. As someone who has received it so irregularly, getting it from any source is pretty powerful, and I don't care what guy say about playing it cool being relaxed - it's nigh-impossible to chill when a woman shows interest in you, regardless of how ugly she is. Trust me, I've honestly berated myself sometimes for not hooking up with the ugly girl with the bad personality and not a lot going intellectually. It's times like these that I need to remember my own advice to others - I've been with women before, the numbers say I'll be with women again, and until that happens follow what I want.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 23, 2018
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  18. sephhh

    sephhh Fapstronaut

    Well hello hello. I love the activity.

    I had some tough things going on the past two weeks. Not only was it tough (brother had stroke, struggling with finances and working two businesses at once) but I also messed up with this entire nofap journey several times. I lost the sense of myself; and boy did I suffer. I literally lost my mind with all the pressure and stress; I had a knot in the back of my head which I couldn't shake.

    Anyways, I appreciate @Questionite for the optimism and dynamic you bring to this thread.

    @Alphamee It is real.
    @ShotDunyun you will get there, enjoy the journey!

    @Isaacvipin trying 5 times is pathetic. I threw myself out there at the height of the benefits over and over again. I wanted to just talk and meet people. I literally just talked to girls like I was throwing spaghetti at the wall. The moment I got resistance from any girl I just walked away; I realize now that this is difficult to get to this point. I simply positioned myself to go out with friends and meet everyone - guys and girls. I would go talk to couples (not sexually) just to say, "hi," to people. I would often go up to large groups of people and introduce myself to every single person and start cracking jokes and became witty and asked questions to everyone. I was interested evenly. It was a talent I didn't know I had.

    It may sound like this is crazy to imagine yourself doing. But seriously, nofap gave me the understand of the art of communication, mental clarity, bright eyes and an attractive personality.

    Let me share a story; I invite you guys to offer stories if you'd like.

    It was my birthday, maybe 5-6 years ago; which is the first time I did nofap.


    I went out downtown orlando ( i remember it was on a tuesday cause they were doing $2 tacos and $2 tequila shots for "taco tuesdays." I went out with a girl I had been dating for a few months and was actively having sex. (lol i was at my parents house just moved back in and the girl would sneak in and out of my window all the time.)


    So I was with this girl and we met up with a few friends and I ended up splitting from them because I kept meeting girls and talking to girls. The girl I was with ended up leaving for the night. I remember talking to this one really hot girl and I got her laughing and simply asked her, out of the blue, in the middle of her laughing at a joke, "Do I get a birthday kiss now?" The timing was impeccable she immediately started kissing me.

    I got her number and left; I had other fish to fry. I walked to a nearby club and saw a girl I knew from before we used to work together; she is an attractive lesbian. We were very happy to see each other, it had been a few years, and she was a little intoxicated and I had a few drinks at this time too. I don't even know how it happened, we didn't even say much we literally started making out after we were like, "I'm drunk!!" and I naturally responded, "Me too!" I kid you not this seriously happened at my peak.

    The rest of the night was a bit shady I believe some other shenanigans happened after that, but I certainly ended up either at the first girls house I came with or another girls house. I can't remember exactly. I sound like a creep but I was actually super straight up with these girls.

    I tell you guys this story for only one purpose; to empower you to know that you're stuck in your own effn heads you need to just experience life and throw yourself at the wall like speghetti.. sometimes none of them stick. But sometimes theres one stuck hard on that effn wall.


    Back to the grind for me.
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  19. LD1987

    LD1987 New Fapstronaut

    Wow, let me tell your posts in this thread are tremendously exciting but almost to good to be true. I am currently on day 4 and sephhh story really motivate me to do a long run and see for yourself.

    Most importantly - I know this great girl that has a relationship but is always kind of hesitant where I directly ask her whether she has also some attraction towards me. And even though she once claimed I am ruining her relationship she went out like year later with me! We started to have some bonding but then she again kind of freak out and cut me off. Do you think with long NOFAP streak I could try last real chance with her?
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2018
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  20. Always good to hear from you, gato.

    Ha! Me? Optimistic and dynamic? Actually, now that you mention it, I guess I have become more that way inclined. It isn't all NoFap, but it hasn't hurt.

    I really don't have any stories related specifically to my NoFap journey, especially relating to women. Do I feel women are looking at me more? Maybe, but that may have more to do with a change in mindset. I'm a pessimist by nature, and my experiences with women in the past have shown me that women don't like me - even the ones who were with me were so out of pity or desperation. This is a fallacy I've had to confront head-on, because it's not true. I would love to tell you all some sexy and exciting story of some hot and sweaty times with a woman, but I don't have anything of the sort, sorry. Maybe some time in the future.

    I think the better way for you to approach it is to see how NoFap can help you grow as a man. NoFap will lead you to do other things, in other spheres. You'll expand your mind, and your personality, and find yourself doing things you didn't think you could before. When I started in March I was a fatarse who looked like a sadsack. Now, I'm more positive, lost around 20kgs and am bench-pressing 40kgs. It isn't all thanks to NoFap, but it did all come from that point when I decided not to.

    Whether this girl is attracted to you or not shouldn't be your concern - making yourself awesome, pursuing your dreams and passions should be. You go out into the world and crush it at your thing, and women, including this girl, will notice. She might not do anything about it, but it's a rare and sick woman who wouldn't see that in a good light.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 8, 2018
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