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Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Ghost79, Sep 27, 2017.
Start clean right now!
I'd try not to second-guess her. i've been there and divorce-breakup is messy, blame, finger-pointing, and anger tend to go both ways... if it cannot be done amicably...then be cool and be gone (both)... for your own sake and hers.
Yea that's it. She said she wants to have a friend like me but nothing more.
I did that and told her many times I don't want to stay friends with her because I have feelings for her. A month ago I tried to renew our relationship but she got angry and said that's its better not to communicate anymore because I don't want to stay friends. So she knows it and knows how I feel about it. Yet recently she again contact me and said she wants to stay sometimes talk with me and to give me advice for other women! And again I made it clear that i didn't want that and yet even now she hasn't deleted me from her social contacts but refuses to meet me face to face.
It would kill me if I see a picture of her new man together
As far as this goes, it's alright to do it on an occasional basis in my opinion. It's more of the fact that people move and you should too. According to my own experiences I have had an easier time to move along after purging all evidence of old relationships.
I have been through a very similar stuff. It was devastating so i feel you. I am a girl btw. I decided to block my ex guy on facebook and his new girl for good and delete his number (thankfully i dunno his number at heart). I couldn't bear seeing his whatsapp photo or checking his fb and seeing how beautiful he was and how much i still wanted him back and seeing him as the most handsome guy in the world
I have a Samsung phone. dunno if you got an iPhone (i have no idea how Apple products work honestly). btw i would also suggest you to block her number from getting normal texts and phone calls (incoming calls from her will be rejected automatically you won't have your phone ring and texts will be deleted and will never reach you). she is very selfish, she wanna be with others and be friends with you. No way. Cut all contacts with her. I say this for your sake. she doesn't wanna get back with you and you deserve to be happy again
Yesterday i saw a screenshot of a convo me and my ex guy had a year ago on my pc. just few words. it was half-cut
i think i wrote him that he made me happy then he didn't reply so i think i wrote "forget it"
then he replied " why"
me: "because it's pointless, you don't wanna hear it"
he replied at night (more than 10 hours after my text): "baby i miss you so much when can i see you"
me: "i am about to go on holidays I will come back in 10 days"
him: "ok have fun"
me: thanks (he read that text 5 days later)
I thought that didn't affect me. i cried all yesterday. remove everything that reminds you of her. texts, things everything. set it on fire, just get rid of it
"PAIN IS TEMPORARY! It may last for a minute, or an hour, or a
day, or even a year. But eventually it will subside and something else will
take it’s place. If I quit however, it will last forever" an amazing quote by Eric Thomas
This video helped me a lot (working out makes me feel better)
plus now fb suggests you friends (i have only 37 friends on there) so i didn't want his face to come up randomly on my suggested friends list. for example some time ago it appeared on my suggested friends list the first guy with whom i have been on a date. the only way was to pretend he never existed. it wasn't easy but that was the best i could do to protect me from heartbreak. it hurt me more seeing him still alive but not with me. if you don't feel strong enough just ask your family or a friend to do it for you. This pain will pass, just be around your friends and family. think about your reboot. after this relationship that i just told you above i have been able to start my reboot and quit my p and s addictions
We used to talk everyday for a year and now nothing. I feel so lonely, abandoned, left to my own fate. I feel betrayed and mistreated... I tried to search for new women but no one is interested in me. Besides I cannot give all of myself to someone else with her on my mind every day.
And I am sure she is having very nice romantic moments with her new man...
Oh course you are, it's perfectly normal to feel this way. Grieve your loss.
You can resist if you view her differently.
There's this song by Cindy Morgan that has the lyrics, "Love is more than beauty, beauty is more than skin".
Take away her skin and is she beautiful?
Take away her looks is she still beautiful?
From you've described of her there doesn't seem to be much beauty there except her looks, and women who's only beauty is their good looks aren't really that beautiful.
I asked her months before if she just wanted to stay friends with me because I didn't feel any love coming from her behalf, it was always me giving. She said she wanted to have a future with me and a family, but to me it didn't feel like she was saying it from her heart. She didn't mean it after all.
If she would have told me long ago that she didn't feel love for me that I could have overcome it much more easily then I did now by backstabbing me and telling she found another man and didn't feel love for me all this time!
Even now she still wants to remain friends with me and has not removed me from her social internet contacts! I would have no self respect if I wanted that! I never would have thought she would leave and hurt me so badly like this. I guess I was just too blind to see her deception all this time. The sun has been taken away in my darkness of life.
I have been in a similiar position you have and I can just urge you to listen to all the advise given to you.
Break up all the contact, delete her from your phone completely so you don't see her pictures on whatsapp. Block her on Facebook, Whatsapp and everywhere else you might run into her.
Let me tell you why.
First of all, it will help you massively to get over her and it will heal your wounds much quicker. You are craving her right now and everytime she writes you or you see a picture of her, your wounds are teared up again and it will take a lot longer to get back to normal.
Secondly, and that's the biggest problem with your and her approch to "stay friends" in my eyes, is that she will at some point ask you to be with her again. She WILL break up with the guy she is with now for sure. The "relationship" which emerged out of nowhere and probably lust will break apart and when that happens, she will come back to you as a replacement only to move on again later on.
I have seen it times and times again that girls (and guys also) have a "backup plan" if their current relationship breaks up. She is using you for her own good, deceiving you again. She did it when she broke up with you and she is doing it right now by manipulating you to be her toy so to speak. Or at least handling her guilt by staying friends with you, feeling good about herself.
Right now you are an emotional wreck, which I and anyone else would be in your situation. That's not a nice place to be, but that's why you came here to ask for advice. Listen to and learn from our mistakes. You don't have to make it harder for yourself than it is.
Explain to her, that you can't be friends and again... that is so important break up all the contact, delete her from your phone completely so you don't see her pictures on whatsapp. Block her on Facebook, Whatsapp and everywhere else you might run into her.
Edit: Oh and also, explain it to her quickly and ACT on it. Don't wait for her to persuade you or let her tell you how bad of an idea that is. She will try to manipulate and your emotions will tell you that she is right. Make it quick.
Thanks for your reply and advice Markant, I appreciate it. I think you are right about her manipulating me. She wrote I'm a good guy but just not for her. I told her many times that I don't need female friends and when I refused her offer to communicate as friends she brought up the fact that I did say in July that I wanted to stay friends, but that was only because I was very sad and didn't want to lose all contact from her while she was having a relationship with another man.
I deleted my WhatsApp and Facebook profile already, she will probably wonder what happened to me, but I will not give her the pleasure this time to ease her guilt or whatever she is trying to achieve. The fact remains, she cheated on me and put my heart under the knife and butchered it! And there was no reason of her telling me that her new man makes her happier and that she can never love me, that was cruel. But she was never liked this before so I'm shocked what kind of persons she has become or maybe this is her true personally after all?
Well, the way people act often shows more than what they say. Cheating on someone and regretting it is one thing. Cheating on someone and enjoying the moment by even telling you these cruel things and manipulating you into still being with her is another.
By what I can deduct from your posts is that she is a really toxic person you should not have into your life. I would try to not be bitter about what she has done to you, for your own sake though. Forgive but don't forget and move on. Another reason to not be friends with an ex girlfriend: Think about your future relationship. Would you like your girlfriend to be friends with her ex boyfriend, constantly chatting and meeting up?
She dumped you and now she has to live with the consequence being that you can't treat someone like this and expect them to stay by their side, acting like nothing happened. She may get in contact with you at some point. Be strong, tell her politely that you don't want her in your life and keep going.
Also, a friend would never betry your trust like this either. She is definitely below that.
To get over this may take some time. When my first girlfriend dumped me it took me 3 months to get over it even a little bit. But the emptyness will fade eventually. Now I don't waste the slightes thought about her anymore and I am at peace with it. I don't hold grudges either.
Feel free to message me if you feel down or think too much about her or just want to get stuff off your chest. And don't use PMO to numb your senses, that won't solve your problems but just make everything take longer.
You were right! Today she wrote me on WhatsApp. Without even reading what the wrote I immediately deleted her messages and blocked her on Facebook. She got mad and blocked me too now in WhatsApp!
Glad you are pushing trough and blocking her everywhere! It really is for the best!
Well done! An ex of mine put as profile photo on whatsapp this caption "I'm not impressed by your looks, money, social status or job titles. I'm impressed by the way you treat other human beings". Ridiculous! for how verbally abusive was to me when I treated him always good
Blocked for good but saw it out of curiosity. They must know what they have lost forever. I reckon the sweet things you did to people or exes stay with them, they still remember them
Just an update. I deleted the block as I thought she would have forgotten about me, but then the next week she wrote me first and when I told her I still have feelings for her, she said she is going to move to another country for a man she met and going to have a family with him and then wished me nicely good luck in my life and then she deleted her whole facebook profile! I asked for a picture of him because I don't believe it, but she refused.
Not only did she hurt me again but also made me really confused. What was the point in that? Did she deliberately tried to hurt me? She even said "I don't want to give you pain"! But she gives!
Dude, honestly... That girl is an ass-hole. Why in the first place you removed the block? She seem such a toxic person!
Believe me, I can get how difficult it is to let it go, I was dumped by my girlfriend at the beginning of September, and I still love her. But I know that I will not be able to do anything if I don't get over it.
Block her. Than delete her number. The same goes for facebook et similar.
Mind your life, try to become a better person and pursue your objectives.
I'm doing so, and it is going pretty well.
You know, I still think about her almost every day (not all day every day). But I'm feeling good, cause I rationally know that this relationship is over. The way she broke up with me revealed a part of her I don't like. She shown herself as a person I don't want to spent my life with. I think this applies to you too.
I agree with Kurenai. The girl is poisonous and malicious. Remove her from your life and move on. Block her on all forms of social media and delete anything tying any memories to her. Keep moving forward man
Yeah I get she has a bad character, but the thing is I am unsuccessful with other women. I had good times with her too and developed feelings that I never experienced with someone else. And I really like to cherish those moment, especially thinking that I may never find another girlfriend.