Hey. Update. I'm takin a break from being her friend for a while. My depression immediately lifted. I have been clinging onto her with a feeling that I couldn't find anybody else. I was living in a world of scarcity. This weekend I went out to a number of events with friends and just consistently approached women. Yesterday went to a trivia night and joined a group of attractive flight attendants and nurses. I think I needed the pain from success, to push me into finding my own. Getting out and interacting with real women is really killing any urge to use porn or masturbate at all. Also I'm in line with @Kingjoe32. I think it's fine to be friends with ex's. I'm not even married to the idea of a long term committed relationship at every stage of life. I'm feeling much more poly/consensually slutty these days, so being friends with ex's sorta comes with the territory. This current ex whom I was so messed up over was just super special. We've known each other for 8 years and dated for 6. So it feels like losing a best friend. But.... I needed the push to get out of my life rut and go meet more women. Also I'm learning a lot more about women in the process anyway. Better ways to meet them, better ways to connect, better ways to dress, better ways to get laid IRL. So one of those silver lining things I guess. I'm sure i'll be friends with her in the future. Once my dating life works out, I really don't care at all if she is having sex with anybody else. It was just the stark contrast between her experience and mine.