Ex guy wanted to be friends but why?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by green lion eating the sun, Jan 7, 2019.

  1. Thank you so much guys @Male38 @Rehab101 your messsages helped me. do you think he will text me again? I logged out of that social media for a while. need to breath and do baby steps, when i will feel better and more stable and more a good myself i will go back there from time to time

    a part of me wanted to relapse even though i would have never thrown away my progress (with p. or s. or both, what i used to do before my reboot) but no more for sure. I am not going to relapse ever again. triggers yes but i scream internally, remove them from my mind, do everything with God to proceed on my path. Let's do it
     
    Male38 likes this.
  2. Capt. U

    Capt. U Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like his not really into you but still likes you as a person. If you still have feelings for him one approach would be tell him you would like too be friends but you need your space right now.
     
  3. i texted him after 5 days and he, after 7 hours, accepted my friend request again. i am happy in general. i missed talking with him. i told him i overreacted and he said that it is all good calling me by the short version of my name. i just got confused by his behaviour (showing me he still checks me out, winky emojis, texts looking flirty while being friends), like if you wanna be friend, behave like a normal friend
     
  4. Capt. U

    Capt. U Fapstronaut

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    Personally, I would not send winky and flirty texts with someone I am just friends with unless either we have been friends for awhile and just like to goof around like that or I have a romantic interest in that person. Communication is kwy, if it get's to emotionally confusing ask for your space.
     
  5. he now started texting me first asking questions and opening up to me like before (told me he is lost in life etc.) but it makes me feel he likes to text but hasn't asked to hang out (like he is bored). told me he wants to go back living in his country. i don't wanna text and we don't meet
     
  6. Male38

    Male38 Fapstronaut

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    i think he keeps you as a back up
     
    FX-05 and Rehab101 like this.
  7. Capt. U

    Capt. U Fapstronaut

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  8. he texted me again after i stopped replying to him and so i finally asked him why he only texts me and he replied "no". cool, i will never understand guys, other guys would just stop texting all of sudden a girl they are not interested in anymore. i am not gonna entertain him just coz he is bored. i deserve much better. he should try more, i already did my part
     
    Male38 likes this.
  9. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

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    U knew many of the replies would tell u to free yourself from him yet you keep hanging on to him. Its time to let go. He is toxic and making u confused. Btw, a lot of guys are not like that. My so would know how many moles in my body because I tell her everything.
    I know u have feelings for him but he is toxic. Make this easier on yourself. Leave and dont be like 1 week later he said something, O what should that mean now. Its a trap. Delete, block, and remove him from your life. If you need someone to talk to, ask someone here. Heck, you may even pm me all u want. So please, save yourself from this guy. Clearly, he is driving ur emotion crazy.
     
  10. Male38

    Male38 Fapstronaut

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    just what i said, look post above
     
  11. i asked him if he wanted to go for a walk on a specific day and he said "no". i asked if he was angry and i thought he wanted to be friends. he was typing at some point but deleted it after. my reply was pathetic. i felt lonely and i was in a place where i went with him on my birthday. so that is why i texted him. also i was there with a guy i dated before i met him and then brought additional bitter thoughts

    can't say if he was angry or now doesn't care to the point of no return. why are we still "friends" on that social media? i feel so rejected. keeping him still as "friend" keeps me sane, in balance. i won't relapse but i need something steady to hold on to, even if it is a stupid hope. yesterday while i was in the place and thought the memories back then and how that changed now, i had a panic attack and got dizzy out of the blue and fell on the floor and cried on some stairs
     
  12. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

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    He doesnt care about you when it is inconvenient to him. This has beek going on ling enough. You are blindly attached to him. Would you please give up on him? PM me if you need someone to talk.
     
    CH3RRY likes this.
  13. Male38

    Male38 Fapstronaut

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    move on honey, he isnt worth your time!
     
  14. i texted him after 2 months since he texted he did not want to hang out on a specific day. i missed talking with him.i texted him i wanted to see him he was tipsy and said we would have talked the next day. he eventually texted me at 9pm next day as promised saying "what's going on" i told him about something at my new work and he replied saying he was lying in his bed watching a series in a famous streaming service adding he didn't think he would have liked it but he does. it felt he was flirting (or am I wrong?). btw after more texting back and forth i asked him if he wanted to see me too given he didn't say anything about that. he read it almost immediately but replied yesterday at 8am that he doesn't want to see me. that hurt me
    opinion on his text( i feel confused even by if he was flirting or no, why texting me):
    "I'm sorry. We can't be friends you said that yourself (last time we hung out as friends he was about to tell a story about another girl he had s. with and i was hurt given i dated him until a month prior, fair enough, no? i told him i couldn't be friends wih him and he said he wanted to be friends and hangout. after he dumped me he said to be rather friends and asked to hang out after)and I don't think we have much in common. I didn't mean no harm. At the beginning I thought there can be something between us, but there wasn't... and now I just don't feel the need to see you, that's all. It doesn't mean that I hate you or anything."

    why texting me and then saying this? why he doesn't delete me or block from the social media we are connected on if he doesn't want to see me anymore? it does not make any sense

    any guy's opinion? I feel hurt. in all fairness, he didn't look very glad when i re-started texting him, mostly asking me if i was drunk when he was and last time i got drunk. he doesn't wanna be friends or think i would try to get more from him? with him i feel i can be honest and get my real thoughts out, few people made me feel this way
     
  15. My ex-girlfriend and me were texting and met (platonic) for a long time after break-up, even after she had a new bf. From time to time we had arguments and often I thought: I must end this contact now. She had the same issue, I believe.
    What helped me: after some time I just excepted that we had this form of relationship. I saw that I liked to have her as a contact and ressource and also liked to be there for her. Also I like her as a person. She's a very difficult person from my point of view, but that didn't change my warm feelings for her.
    So I excepted that I have this person in my life with whom my relation would never be relaxed or deeply understanding (again). So we met and we texted but I tried to net get involved too much, to be always nice and to withdrawal when it gets complicated.
    In a long term maybe this could have really worked in the best way but in a short term it came with a price: we both had not managed to end contact or to set and except strict boundaries for each other.
    The upshot was that some incident which had to do with her new bf forced us to end contact. With the help of her jealous boyfriend we could finally do what we couldn't bring ourselves to do all the time before: to just don't call anymore.

    So that's the situation now. I can't say that for me it has become better than before when I still had her as a friend. But it's ok. I think it goes in the right direction.
     
    goodnice likes this.
  16. Souvent08

    Souvent08 Fapstronaut

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    I tried to keep up with your story but I dont think I understand everything. It does remind me of my last relationship when I asked my gf to just be friends and that I needed a break. She responded with “ if you dont want to be with me then we should just break up”. We broke up. Our relationship was two years in. I felt pressure to be with her all the time and she didnt meet my expectations in a girlfriend. I needed a break to think. I wanted to be friends; she didn’t. We stopped talking. Sometimes I think I made a mistake but then I think about the things I didnt like and that makes things better. We guys need to take things slow especially emotionally. Maybe he wanted a break from all the commitment of a relationship and he didnt want to hurt your feelings?
     
    goodnice likes this.
  17. Rehab101

    Rehab101 Fapstronaut

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    Oh no, I thought you deleted him as you said you wanted to focus on your new job. Now we are back to the rabbit hole. What happened?
     
    Male38 likes this.
  18. @Rehab101 i deleted him from that social media months ago but that thing made me unstable and i was crying at work so i asked to be friends on that social media and he said back then it was ok. i have missed talking with him, some triggers along the way still manageable, changed 2 jobs in 2 months

    @icebreaker polarstern texting him makes me feel i keep it together, without i am not sure i can at least now
    @Souvent08 he told me twice he doesn't want to see me (2 months ago and now after no text at all). that hurt. we text and then he tells me that?

    why texting me if he doesn't wanna see me? and before he asked to be friends (it was his idea) and organized meet ups, now he changed totally his mind. usually guys would block or delete an ex they don't want to talk to and they are done with. we are still friends on a social media. everything he did and said is not what a normal guy would say or do. I thought to know what to expect. what always worked with any other guy with him doesn't work. this bugs me

    maybe thinking about me and selfishly to keep the balance in my recovery (i am not going to relapse at all but this might help me and getting what i can take that is a texting pal for how pathetic that sounds). i need someone to talk to and have deep conversations and he is the only one now. I need this
     
  19. maybe you can find another person for that.
     
  20. Souvent08

    Souvent08 Fapstronaut

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    I does seem like talking to someone would help you a lot. You are emotionally affected and justifiably so.
     

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