Exhibitionism, Masturbation and Socially Unacceptable Attraction

Based on what you said I’m assuming you are attracted to children. Correct me if wrong. You mentioned that you feel the way you do and exist because of negative experiences as a child and wanting to recover an aspect of childhood. But thats an aberration in your life experience and shouldn’t be allowed to affect the life of a child. There is no circumstance under which a child experiencing a sexual relationship with an adult would not seriously damage that child. This is based on my assumption you are attracted to kids.

 

Well I had a childhood and it was a very good one, thanks to a fine mother and father. Spent it running in nature and learning and falling for the little girl down the road. Kids have plastic minds and are very different than adults. They need to be nurtured as the rain nurtures the growth of Spring. They mature in the summer of their lives and grow strong. Would you uproot them? Perhaps you were plucked from the earth early, or never experienced a rite of passage, that brave self understanding you needed to lean your dreams upon. There is a cycle to the Earth, and the people. You must learn of the cycle of life and your place therein. It may be right for an older teen girl to be with a somewhat older man, in some cases, as in the story of Jane Eyre. But the statutes set by law as to age are correct. Sixteen is the beginning of maturity. And even then still a child. A child that needs time to choose a life and the right mate in life. There needs to be a period of courtship, where strong love grows. Sex comes after love. Nature and God demand things be in a certain order and we defile our land and people to defy those laws. You should put your clothes on so that you can provide food for yourself in the winters cold, retain your seed within so that you may have strength and passion to love, and grow into a man.

 

Maybe it is normal to be attracted to a 16 year old girl as an adult. At least me, a 23 year old man, I am. But to be attracted to a 8 year old girl is completly different, because they are still very underdeveloped. They are not women, they are children. And being a straight man means to be attracted to women, not to children.

 

Welcome to this community. It's heartening to read this paragraph. It must be so difficult to live with the issues you have. But to have such principles is paramount. Sexual desire is a potent force, so to find ways to manage it is commendable.

So, what is your purpose here? You mentioned that masturbation is not an issue for you. You do not speak about porn, but am I right to assume that is why you have created an account on a porn recovery site? Perhaps you can say more about your goals.

 

I can relate a lot to the need to exhibit and m in public though I never fancied getting caught lol. Well, I am a sex addict and codependent. Intimacy I find difficult. At least this was so in the past. Intimacy still is an issue. The rest is much better. I'd say the worst is behind me. Oh dear, am I glad.

I am not sure what your intention is though. Are you looking for acceptance? Validation of your behavior and desires? Comfort? Arguing? Or recovery? Healing? Understanding?

Would you like to change anything? Do you suffer? Would you say you are addicted? Compulsive? Driven?

I happen to be gay and yes it's true, we are not better human beings We judge as well, we even tend to be the worst homophobes haha. I say this just because you mentioned the LGBT community who claim to be born that way. Well, maybe you were born that way, too. Whatever way. No matter the label I am sure you know what is harmful for you and others. We do not need laws to know that. What we need is a clear mind and a rich heart.

Imagine a world without labels. That could work. Imagine a world without speed limits. That would end in chaos and havoc lol. We humans are mostly neurotic, out of balance, we have three brains. They do not always work in our favor. One wants to f*ck the married neighbor, the limbic is in agony and the front part starts evaluating and analyzing

Well well ... welcome to NoFap. The place to be when you realize you got an addictive, obsessive, compulsive behavior. That controls you. And you want to take back the driver's seat. Good luck and enjoy the ride.

 

But in our modern society we have moved on from this. You can't not accept this or it'll end very badly for you.

 

IGY’s comment was much more helpful than mine, and more compassionate. I can learn from others about better ways to do things. I hope you find help and peace here.

 

Dream,
I understand both your fears and attractions. I hear the pain and shames in the 2 paragraphs of describing what you wouldn't do before you even state what it is you are actually attracted to. I have met many men in this position who have never acted on those desires. It is possible to accept and live with these feelings without creating victims or do damage to your own personal health and safety. The number one thing you can do is carefully find those that you can trust and that will also help you remain accountable to keeping you and those around you safe. We do not live in the times when adolescences ended at much earlier time then it does now. We live in this time adn must adjust accordingly.

 

Dream, I totally agree with you BUT we just happen to live in a society where we have realized 12 y o girls are not ready for sex although they're fertile and are being married to in other cultures.
I worry you'll act on your desires or exhibit yourself to these girls.
I suggest to come to Virtped forum, which is a far better forum to discuss this than Nofap is. Your problems are more complicated than only excessive P use like most of us.

 

Bro all people in all places have this problems
you can do this bro dont be embarrassed from addiction we all have it and sometimes worse.

 

„I am curious to see what you will say“ ... sounds like we need to pass a test to be allowed to be accepted into your world

You seem to be very clear on your points of view, so why wanting us to approve of them, or when disapprove start an intellectual riot?!

Go hiking naked, enjoy. Wank somewhere in the forest, enjoy. If a twelve year old loves you, wants to live with you, have babies with you ... well ... be happy, the two of you. You don‘t need my/our ok to do whatever. You don‘t need my aporoval. You don‘t need my permission. You‘d do it anyway. Or not. Whatever. You don‘t need us for that.

Most of us here are addicts. At least me. We‘re not the supreme court. I see your „socially unacceptal attraction“ as you call it yourself can be a delicate topic. And sure you will get not only considerate and polite replies. What did you expect? Nor will you get approval. You are a good soul it seems. And I guess you got bashed for your topics before. That left you wounded.

We cannot change the law. What‘s socially acceptable and what‘s not is not relevant. What is relevant is how to live your life free of addiction, obsession and compulsion. How to live our life so we do not harm us and others. How to live a life of integrity.
How to live YOUR life in a way that is not harming others. You know yourself intuitively, what‘s crossing the boarder.

Again, I‘m a sex addict and codependent in recovery, I am not your judge. So, stay or leave. But don‘t play some stupid mind games here.

When you stay then fine, connect and find a way, a strategy to address your main issue, which is in your words: „I would like to free myself from the compulsion, or whatever it is, to be naked and masturbate.“

That‘s a good starting point. Enough to begin.

 

Thanks for your honest reply. From my experience I can say honesty is very important, first of all to oneself, not the label you give it, or the label you think we give you ... who cares anyway what label anyone here might give you? You seem to. But then ... we fulfill those criterias as well and therefore know, not better but just know from own experience. That's what we have in common. More than you are aware of . And: Addiction couldn't care less whether you call it such or not.
Anyway, honesty starts with realization, admitting. Not the label but the fact. The house is burning, it is burning. There's no need for intelectual games of labels and such. We need to stop the fire. Action is needed. But in order to do so we need to admit that the house is on fire. And not discuss whether this is good or bad, something we label, or if it is just a point of view or not.
In my case and from my experience I can say: First is to realize, then to admit, then to be willing, then to know there's a price to pay, then to actually pay the price hehe. And that's where most fail. We can admit, we can be willing, we can know but then we do not want to pay the price. We want a better life but not change ... Pay attention or pay the bill. What do I mean? To change a mad, destructive habit pattern I need to go through withdrawal symptoms, through is the keyword here. There is no shortcut, no quick fix, no way around, no trick to apply. One thing only there is and that is: Work. Take action, hold yourself and being held accountable, read, share, suffer, be in despair, in turmoil, hope, love, fear, agony, hope again, get and give support, empower, endurance, be serious, patient, it takes time to unlearn, to learn new ways of coping, look for healthy alternatives, healthy habits, know WHY you are doing this, what's the worth of it. What you will gain, what kind of life you want to live, what kind of person you want to be so that you can say to yourself: I love me!
The brain can play many tricks on us. Start tomorrow. It's not that bad. It's just a label. It's ok to do it. Others are worse. It's not worth it. Those nofappers are just a bunch of idiots, etc.

I think you came to realize, that brought you here, you are kind of admitting, still a bit hesitantly, or should I say you give us a chance hehe. You even seem willing. At least as long as it's still within your comfort zone. Hm ... I am just thinking aloud. What I know is ... recovery is not a linear process. It's not A, B, C, D ... It's a rollercoaster, it throws you from A to C then back to A then forth to F then again to B ... and then ... you think you got it and did it, made it and BHAM! you need to start again haha. Yeah, my friend, welcome to the world of recovery. It's a walk on the tightrope. But hey, eventually you will realize: The fun is NOT to fall. YAY! Cause on the other end there is Independence, Freedom, Joy waiting for you. Your needs will be met, you won't be needy and greedy trying to stuff that insatiable hole anymore. Don't look out there for rescue. It's all within.

I think you are clever, you know how to argue, discuss, you even know how to make us work. lol. By saying: "So, what are my next steps here at the forums, to begin my nofap journey? Any resources or anything to help me figure out what is compelling me, so I can identify my enemy, as it were?"

Yeah, good questions. What are your resources? What are your next steps? Tell me. Cause you need to take them. No one else can do it for you. Are you ready to go all the way? Pay the price? Get free and be liberated? What have you got to offer? What are your enemies? Ready to leave comfy zone?

 

The Universe also has constraints as well, anyone who believes the Universe revolves around personal desires really needs to take a look at the real world. In physics, this might also be shown by Newton's Third Law, which states that, "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction".

This means, that that there can be a consequence to desire and the desire to express yourself sexually, can be countered by an opposing force which doesn't want you to do it. This isn't just "societal concerns", it's a basic fact of life, and indeed a reality of our own consciousness, which can constrain us as much as the wider society, not just due to upbringing, but just by process of the mind.

The attraction you're hinting at, if it is an attraction to children, has overwhelming force against it for the very good reason, that children can't give consent, and also the guardians of children, which can also be the wider society, not just the parents or relatives, might take violent action against those who harm children as well.

Sometimes societal laws are there to protect everyone, not just to control some people's desires.

Positivity is a part of the Universe, but so is negativity as well, and in actual fact, it does a person good to accept the reality of negativity, rather than just assuming they can be completely positive without consequence, which a lot of the time, ends in disaster anyway.

Nudity isn't much of a problem, but being nude in public could be. Even those places where nudity is allowed, such as nudist resorts, beaches, saunas, etc, are usually well away from the general public. If you wanted to be nude, then you should just try to get involved with a nudist community, and hope that might help you with your desire for exhibitionism.

At least, one good aspect is you have realised the harm that acting on your desires could cause, and are trying to make a positive change. I would advise, just staying on NoFap, and trying to work through your compulsions, in order to try to get them better under control.