Existential worry about not finding a girl I can relate to on an intellectual level

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Reuby, Feb 24, 2019.

  1. Reuby

    Reuby Distinguished Fapstronaut

    I'm aware that I am a smart person, but more importantly, I just love thinking, exploring ideas, learning, politics, theology, science, philosophy, memes, aesthetic things. I love having really deep discussions about things that exist, existential questions, issues humans face, news and politics, or just interesting facts. I'm not very emotional or empathetic, but I like talking to people about their struggles and trying to get to the bottom of them, logically. I have really only ever met one person, a good male friend, who will talk to me about anything, and who thinks deeply about it. Normally if I tell somebody something I find interesting, they are like 'wow that's crazy!', or if I ask them what they think about some issue, they haven't really thought about it.

    This is probably irrational, but what if I can't find a girl who loves to think and learn like I do, and what is on my mind a lot of the time won't really interest them? Unfortunately, lots of people these day are 'basic bitches'. They don't put much effort into refining their taste, don't think critically about things, don't seek to become more interesting, are not skeptical and / or open minded. People care too much about following social norms and doing what others expect they should do, and can be absorbed by themselves or what is right in front of them. Of course, I look for other things in a potential partner besides what I've mentioned - I'm looking for someone who is beautiful, has a christian faith, friendly, encouraging, loving towards them selves, and is basically compatible in terms of planned life direction. Tbh i'd rather be with a basic bitch than be forever alone if it comes to that.

    Are my expectations too high or am I too negative about people?

    P.S. I hope I don't sound like I think I'm better than other people because of the way I think. I don't think that, or at least I try not to think that. I would hate it if people thought I was a snob. It is quite possible that there are more people (and girls) that think like me than I'm aware of just because i'm the odd one out in my very large family or because I'm too anxious to have proper conversations with the vast majority of people I know.

    Thanks in advance for any insight. Feel free to criticise me if you think I need it.
  2. how deep the rabbit hole goes

    how deep the rabbit hole goes New Fapstronaut

    Hows it going, man?
    I think you have an INTJ personality (Introversion, Intuition, Thinking, Judgment).
    INTJ relationships are slow to start, usually because this personality is romantically awkward. Personal relationships tend to deviate from the logical world in which “scientists” thrive, thus leaving such an individual unequipped to maneuver the emotional and physical aspects of a relationship. This character is just as interested in entering a relationship as other personality types but they tend to lack the drive to initiate a relationship. Ever the planner, this individual will have a clear idea of what type of person they are looking for before they even step onto the proverbial field. Self-confidence is one of the “jewels” of this personality and the case often seems to be that the INTJ’s self-confidence shines brightest when they aren’t looking for a relationship. This air of self-assurance can be extremely attractive to a potential mate and will help to instigate a relationship
    Look it up.
  3. TimeTo

    TimeTo New Fapstronaut

    You absolutely can find the girl you're searching for my friend. Keep your energy up and you'll see that you position yourself close to likeminded girls that fit what you are looking for. You just need to experiment to find the places these girls hang out in. Would it be in universities? In after-work events? On conferences? In the library?

    The average girl you meet on the street, cafe, club have much lower chances of being the one you're looking for, but you can still find a gem anywhere. Just keep your lust high, and be sure to use that lust to meet girls in the right places.
  4. Reuby

    Reuby Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Thanks for that. I am actually ISTP-A, although what you described is very accurate. My intuition - observation split is 45/55 and my judging - prospecting split is close as well. I’m 81% assertive. I do indeed lack drive to initiate a relationship, which is something I need to fight against. And I am also mostly confident in my identity, so I really do hope that this is attractive. Thanks for going to the effort to analyse my post and make an educated guess about my personality though. Reading that was good and makes me feel better, and like I’m not necessarily rare in the way I think.
  5. Reuby

    Reuby Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Thanks dude. I do need to be more intentional in searching for people in the right places. There are many, many people at my university, so technically it’s a good place to search but at the same time how am I supposed to meet people outside of my course bubble. I suppose I could join some kind of social club. Church is also an option, but if that’s going to happen I’ll need to choose a new church that actually has young people lol. I’m not sure what you mean by ‘keep your lust high’. As far as I am concerned lust is the destructive force that led me to porn addiction. My motivation to find a girl is or a life partnership rather than merely a sexual relationship. But I should keep my drive and desire high, stay motivated, find new sources of people to meet, work on my self, etc. I can’t just sit around and complain that I’m single now can I.
    goodnice 2.0 likes this.
  6. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    What communities / groups / clubs / work / hobbies are you contributing to that has people that you're looking for?

    Don't fall into the mindset of "nobody is like me and nobody can match my level". You need to be humbled by someone more "intellectual" than you if you think you're alone in this world.

    Find people who are better than you at what you're looking for. Teach people that aren't as good as you who are interested in what you're interested in. Challenge people who are on the same level as you.

    And those "basic bitches" are probably better than you at a lot of things. Socializing would be something that comes to mind. So I wouldn't be so quick to put other people down.
    getontop, goodnice 2.0, Issah and 4 others like this.
  7. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    I just saw this & it reminded me of your post, Reuby.

    "It saddens my heart to think of all the potential brilliance lost to the world because a kid decided "fitting in" was important." - Ed Latimore

    I think a "basic bitch" is just a lost soul trying to fit in & that's so very unfortunate. You will attract what you put out & I promise you there are girls who think just like you out there :)
  8. Rising Force

    Rising Force Fapstronaut

    Thanks for this reminder!
  9. lol at this. are girls want is just tall dudes with sqwuare faces that will fuck them all day long. women dont give a shit about your verbal IQ and intellect. people get togethet to fuck not talk
  10. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut


    I do like how you're so certain with your beliefs that you preach it everywhere on this forum.

    But you're an idiot.
  11. human are far from ideal. when you get to spedn time with girls and guys who have sex, you learn humanity;s true nature the hard way
  12. 0111zerozero11

    0111zerozero11 Fapstronaut

    I just feel sorry for you. I really do. You must've been hurt real bad or seen some real bad shit.

    Here's some truth; the woman who only wants the guy you described is shallow. She hates herself. She has no desire to do anything with her life. She will grow old & she will be left lonely & unfulfilled in life.

    Maybe you are projecting? Unresolved issues going on?

    You should consider getting rid of this hate inside of you.

    Good luck :)
    getontop and goodnice 2.0 like this.
  13. Humans ARE SHALLOW, both men and women and those who say they arent are LYING.
  14. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    I see now why you're so popular with the ladies. With people in general actually.

    Have fun living in solitude with bitterness deep in your depressing soul.
    getontop likes this.
  15. Reuby

    Reuby Distinguished Fapstronaut

    I don’t do a whole lot of social things besides go to university and see some friends there. I’m starting to get more involved in a club for my engineering discipline, and I’m also tutoring a class or two. The only social group I see outside of uni is my church, and I occasionally ride bikes with a couple old friends. So I do put in an effort, but even still I don’t meet a lot of people.

    I try not to think ‘no one is on my level intellectually’. I really look up to the friend I mentioned because when I talk to him, he has even more fleshed out ideas than I, and he certainly has more passion. Just yesterday we were discussing international economics and he has much more awareness of economic forces. He also seems to be able to theorize ways to solve problems with much more ease than I can.

    Your next paragraph is straight up good advice. I’m not sure if everyone can be taught these things, but anyway I should be more open minded towards people (otherwise I would be a hypocrite). I’m not a very good teacher, I need better patience.

    I used the term basic bitches for lack of a better word. Of course they have unique qualities, everyone does. And I don’t mean to put anybody down, I meant to say that those kinds of people just aren’t suitable partners for me.

    Thanks for your advice.
  16. Reuby

    Reuby Distinguished Fapstronaut

    I agree, people would be happier if they didn’t try so hard to fit in. The human race would be more interesting, powerful and resilient.

    The good thing is that if there are girls who think like me, then they would be searching for someone like me, because they wouldn’t want a basic Barry! Yay
    goodnice 2.0 and 0111zerozero11 like this.
  17. Reuby

    Reuby Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Really bruh?
    0111zerozero11 likes this.
  18. Reuby

    Reuby Distinguished Fapstronaut

    So I just took a new personality test that I just discovered. It’s called the fascination advantage, and has 49 personality archetypes which are determined from your first and second strongest ‘advantages’ in a matrix. It described me well. Interestingly enough, I share both my primary and secondary advantage with 19% of the population. The combination of both would be a small percentage, but nonetheless more people are at least similar to me than I might think. I’ll make a thread about the test in off topic if you want to try it.
    0111zerozero11 likes this.
  19. Christian Fox

    Christian Fox Fapstronaut

    I've been a single for life, so there won't be any relationship advice from me coming your way, but I value the same things that you mentioned, critical thinking, science, philosophy, theology, Christ.
    I am here just to assure your that there are girls who value the same things. My two best female friends are like this. Now I can't give you any tips how to find them, because they just happened to go to the same church to which I belong, but this should give you hope anyway.
    And if you don't find one that you can love, I will give you the example of my parents: my dad is much more intellectual than my mum. This doesn't mean that my mother doesn't think about things, but she does think totally different than my father does and not nearly about as much theoretical stuff (like how multidimensional physics tie into our concept of heaven and eternity). There are conversations my dad just can't have with my mum, because the things he would talk about mean nothing to her. Still, their marriage is as happy as I can imagine. This intellectual communion is a very precious thing, but not the most important one. It is much more important that you both resolve to love and respect each other, in good and bad days, with the help of God. Your partner will never be able to satisfy all your needs, and this might just be one of those.

    Edit to add:
    I just realised that there was a bunch of relationship advice in there. Nevermind.
    goodnice 2.0, ameliorate1 and Reuby like this.
  20. Christian Fox

    Christian Fox Fapstronaut

    This is a big load of bullsh*t.
    No girl I've talked to was like this. Actually, they seem to get together to talk, if they don't, explain to me why they do get together and talk all the time. They aren't nearly as sex obsessed as you think they are and can enjoy a good conversation very well.

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