Existential worry about not finding a girl I can relate to on an intellectual level

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Reuby, Feb 24, 2019.

  1. Reuby

    Reuby Distinguished Fapstronaut

    That’s really sweet about your parents, thanks for sharing this.
    Christian Fox likes this.
  2. thatsingleindividual#K-13

    thatsingleindividual#K-13 Fapstronaut

    As the great Christian thinker Soren Kierkegaard said, "Be that self which one truly is", and with that implied, do not let the core of your being be manipulated by anyone else, not even by a woman! If you meet someone who matches your criteria, then that's great! If she's not, well then, you may see it as your potential duty or act of love, to enlighten her on some things. She may not like philosophy but we must not limit philosophical interaction between two peoples as merely saying "this philosopher, that philosopher; Socrates said but Nietzsche said". It is the exploration of life when it comes to these philosophical issues and so if you find a partner, there's more ways to talk about life's deep meaning than just to keep it down to mere, fundamental academic talk. You sound like a smart person and so you know when it comes to talks of wisdom and life, there are many outlets.
    And you are not a snob! I know how you feel when it comes to being a deep thinker. We want to set standards for ourselves and we want to aim high, but that does not make us self-centered elitists! When we wish to think, we are the people like what Socrates described, we are wisdom's "midwives", and therefore, we are workers on the intellectual level. And it is the greatest privilege in life, to me, to have such interests, because after all, as Francis Bacon said: "Knowledge is power", and it is a power that we must share!
    Carry on and study on!
  3. BravelyKegger

    BravelyKegger Fapstronaut

    I have a similar problem, i am highly intelligent, very high emotional and moral intelligence, and as an infp i love delving into my head and thinking, and yah i am also worried i might date someone on a lower wavelength than me, i did do that once actually and it felt like i was talking to a rock, its hard but there are people out there who are intelligent, i love talking philosophy, the meaning of life, politics, religion, and especially emotions, really the only ones who can offer me that experience are my old man friends and my mom lol.
    Reuby likes this.
  4. Reuby

    Reuby Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Same. I also love talking to my mum about everything. I shut my self off a lot, but when I do talk to her we have good conversations. And she is not intellectually inclined like myself, but she understands me. Which makes me realise that all things said and done, connecting with someone on a heart level is much more important than connecting on a mind level. I think both are probably necessary though, especially in a romantic relationship as opposed to mother and son relationship.
    Issah likes this.
  5. Reuby

    Reuby Distinguished Fapstronaut

    You know your philosophers! I keep hearing people talk about Neitzsche, which makes me want to read some of his work. Thanks for the kind words:)
  6. thatsingleindividual#K-13

    thatsingleindividual#K-13 Fapstronaut

    Just like everyone has their own favorite bands, authors, film directors, and athletes, so it is with philosophers. I will give you some heads up on Nietzsche, though I've read little of his work; he's a little overrated. He's the one everyone loves because he's kind of a total rebel, the anarchist type. If you say you're interested in theology and Christianity, well Nietzsche called himself the "anti-Christ" and that "Christianity makes us weak." If you're interested in him, then look into him, but I also recommend, if you'er into Christianity and Existentialism, check out Soren Kierkegaard (the father of Existentialism), Gabriel Marcel, and Paul Tillich.
    Reuby and Deleted Account like this.
  7. I endorse both Kierkegaard and Nietzsche, even thought they're on opposite sides of Christianity. I now consider myself an atheist, but Kierkegaard is awesome
    Reuby likes this.
  8. Issah

    Issah Fapstronaut

    It's good knowing what you want in life and what kind of person you'd like to share your life with one day.

    I'd suggest opening yourself up to new experiences in spaces where you could find like minded people.

    Be open to changing up what you usually do, where you usually go and who you usually hang out with.

    It's not easy trying out something new or attending something you're interested in alone. But as we push ourselves outside our comfort zones we find people we didnt think existed but who have been there all along.

    I sometimes struggle with anxiety in social settings too, but what I've been trying to practice that has really helped me is to stop putting so much pressure on myself to "say the right thing"/prove I'm worthy of being listened too, instead I try and engage the person more, genuinely listen to what they have to share instead of being in my head the whole time. And if I have nothing to add, instead of pressurizing myself to entertain I just keep quiet. And I find that lately I ask more questions that draw a person out and I leave conversations feeling like we had a proper connection. I hope that makes sense and is helpful.

    Usually the woman you described as wanting won't be the in your face, wanting attention kind. But instead somewhere getting things done, busy with her own goals.

    So have things that you're working on/busy with that you really care about/passionate about. And be willing to try out/put yourself in situations where people who are interested in similar things will be too.

    All the best man.
  9. Pity

    Pity Fapstronaut

    Tragic. YOU 'relate' to her in your mind when you are aware of all her needs and provide sufficiently thereof to her happiness. I percieve you are unaware of a womans mind. She is more emotional and intuitive than she is logical in her thinking or methodological in her understanding. When a man addresses his wife in distress and offers reason in place of emotional support he fails to connect and when she is unresponsive according to his expectations by reason of his logic he generally is not able to percieve the truth of it and the failure of the truth in the the situation (stop cying, crybaby! Count your blessings for you are better than most even now! Never tell the truth or try to relate it if it is devastating to love! THAT is the supertruth!), in fact his misconception turns into a delusion when he goes about repeating his argument as if she had not heard or did not understand. before the bitter end of this episode there is a wedge where there had been trust before. Next time she may run to other arms when she is upset seeing how she was betrayed by a heartless man last time. YOU DONT WANT TO LEARN THIS THE HARD WAY!

    Women say they want the truth. That means women truly want to be happy, loved, beautiful, married to a 'real' man...and she wants to please him. "A real man can fight, fuck and make camp." Not biblical per se...real men love Jesus. This also is not a direct quote. You dont have to say a goddamn thing to evoke and reap in this eternal women perspective. Mystery is a lot sexier than the empty comfort of any logical truth which if she only thought the same way she would say, "how important is the truth seeing I am upset despite this or any other word or implications true or false. So only sympathy provided without wincing in understanding and compassion will ever console her.
    Now, are you sure you want all the responsibility that accompanies a woman? A family? It is not so YOU may be supplied with sympathy or understanding except for what is clearly understood being manifested naturally in the behavior patterns of a woman. I like physically dominating a woman. And they likes to submit. That tells me God loves us and understands us. Inasmuch as we dont understand God our wife is a constant reminder of our position as one we love most dearly of all, does not understand us, loves us, depends on us and so on so that you may see that marriage is a great mystery but it has been revealed that it represents christ and his church. Christ the head of all, as man is head of his household including his wife, and how his church is the bride who is being prepared to join in His holy presence forevermore.
    So maybe you can also glean from this that if God doesnt help you select a wife you can handle and enjoy over time you have no chance at success in this matter.
    This is as straight as explainations get.
    I am not seeking to impress MY values on anyone to MY vain glory. I am not being paid by a sponsor. I already have no reputation and it is impossible for me to rise in stature merely by the things i have recorded permanently online which is publicly available permanently... ill never be president and ill probly never even babysit a dog. Im a dangerous person. I suppose... if youre stupid you run a risk of finding out there is more responsibility available to you which you werent asking about which ultimately does not permit your pride to continue with you. Sorry about that. It goes with the territory. This Word is more important than me.

    God loves you and God answers prayer - of the righteous and God cant resist a broken contrite heart, knows you better than you know yourself and of all your needs before you ask, wants you to ask, wants to establish the relationship as your all in all and provide everything to you...
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2019
  10. Reuby

    Reuby Distinguished Fapstronaut

  11. OrangeJuice13

    OrangeJuice13 Fapstronaut

    Oh, I wasn't expecting that. I was sure you were INTJ! (I am too, and what you described of yourself, I related to very much.)
    I haven't read many of the reply posts cos there are tons of them, but I would like to share one thing I've come to realize lately - most people, though they may not be interested to things at the same level as you, all nonetheless have some significant amount of intelligence, at least in a certain number of areas, whereby you'll be able to relate to them through this. There are of course going to be girls out there, like guys, who don't give a crap about existential questions, but there are certainly plenty of fish who do have some enjoyment for that type of thought. I understand your fear and am kinda worried about it myself, but I'm kinda hoping that since I'm going down a career path where people tend to be intelligent (scientist), that I'll eventually meet someone similar. Only problem of course is physics is a totally male dominated field lmao, so there's that aspect to it as well.
    Asides from that I realized that, because of the way I suck at relationships and social matters, if I focus on finding a girl, I'm just gonna drive myself crazy out of my failures. So I've taken the opposite road where I'm trying to focus on making my life fulfilling in a way that I can enjoy the time I spent now, and let life bring me what it wants to bring (from my, again, limited experiences (21 & virgin), interesting people will pop up in your life when you least expect it).
    goodnice 2.0 and Reuby like this.
  12. goodnice 2.0

    goodnice 2.0 Fapstronaut

    I am like you. You’ll find the one, stay on nofap and you’ll be able to attract that twin flame who resonates with you on intellectual level.

    I have only found one friend who completely “gets it”. Everything he knows, he asked me about and i know too and we talk about these issues deeply and think critically. The world needs more people like you
    Reuby likes this.
  13. goodnice 2.0

    goodnice 2.0 Fapstronaut


    I do feel much more confident when i’m not pursuing relationship/sex/lust. I have a clear idea of the type of girl i want. i want someone who resonates with me intellectually, smart, caring, emphathetic, aware, high vibration, pure, good heart, not slutty, someone with high moral dignity, someone who is passionate/competitive/gets excited. I want someone who will build me up, not hold me back. We build each other up, we are selfless and whole and complete without each other.. but with each other we make one another even better
    Reuby likes this.
  14. goodnice 2.0

    goodnice 2.0 Fapstronaut

    Dam OJ, you have the exact same mindset as me. I think this is a superior way you are going. Rather than chasing girls now, build yourself first and reap the rewards later? Sounds good to me:)
  15. goodnice 2.0

    goodnice 2.0 Fapstronaut

    great advice but you lost me when you said “keep your lust high”. why would you wanna do that? Imo lust is counterproductive as it can lead to relapse or unwise decisions. i think better to keep lust in check no?
    Reuby likes this.
  16. goodnice 2.0

    goodnice 2.0 Fapstronaut

    lmao bruh
    Reuby likes this.
  17. goodnice 2.0

    goodnice 2.0 Fapstronaut

    The wisdom of some of you guys never ceases to amaze me. Thank you for brilliant response
  18. goodnice 2.0

    goodnice 2.0 Fapstronaut

    Great advice!
    Issah likes this.
  19. Moon_Shine

    Moon_Shine Fapstronaut

    I'm pretty sure there's another girl somewhere asking the same question you ask yourself ;)

    Some have already given you very good advices on what to do to find the girl you are looking for, so I'd only like to wish you luck in the search :)

    I'm glad to know that there are guys like you who see beyond the "basic bitches".
  20. jarvyjarvison

    jarvyjarvison Fapstronaut

    There's nothing wrong with fucking a "basic bitch" and having lots of smart guy friends. Just throwing that out there. You're chasing a unicorn, man.

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