Exit the Matrix

Relapsed hard, after 50 days, i stopped doing vlogs and had lucid dream where i decided to have wild sex and relapsed few days after trying to lucid dream again to relief the build up of sexual energy.

I'm demonically possessed and being torn apart alive.

Been having unlucid dreams of wild promiscuous sex with many different men etc, waking up still half dreaming with nasty fluid etc.

I was pulled to the bright side, and pulled to the dark side again.

My whole life had difficulties with finding boyfriend and i just want to get rid of the desire to do so! Realistically speaking my perfect husband does not exit in this world, even he did he probably is long been taken. I would have just done sex work for pleasure and social needs, but with this vax situation and the safety in mind, i cannot risk my body and soul just to have sex with an unknown person who might be vaxxed or had been with someone who has been vaxxed.

It may be the age, the DNA or the mental illness. How to get rid of the demonic spirit possession that keeps me in the matrix? If i start to have desire for sex and mating, it all comes with the matrix bondage of looks money and all that, i want to get rid of the desire to be with human and only want to have desire to be close to God to exit the matrix.

I used to want to have children and family etc like a normal Chinese does, but now i came to realize that would just keep me in the matrix again!

How do the holly people do this, to be celibate for life? If selling sexual organ being physically castrated cut off the uterus can free my soul?!

I want to be better and bigger than the matrix desire and bondage. Especially do not wish to settle with some random dude who is not my perfect husband, just the idea of that is super gross.

I want to be in the bright side and take my energy to exit the matrix only.

 

Thanks for the wonderful in sight.

All compulsive thoughts/ behaviours/ addictions are trauma induced, just like how MK ultra does it.

My triggers are induced by CPTSD (Stress), the only way to solve the underlying trauma is to systematically desensitize it.

Which like you said, true love involves being uncomfortable.

 

thank you, i am not into any organized religion, i believe the bible had been altered heavily but a lot of it is coming true

 

but that is a powerful mantra/ prayer, very good

 

im not sure about this, i am at an age that i had to think if by this age still never a relationship, this is probably has something to do with destiny

however i am not sure why we have the desire to mate, if this keeps us in the matrix

Maybe

It is the matrix telling us we need to mate

I am doing a 8 days fasting right now, keep vloging on new channel daily

 

How do you do it say it out or?

 

It's Friday night again, im seriously emotional and still 3 days to go until i finish 8 Days fast, compulsively looking at restaurant and food, if i go eat alone i gotta eat two people portion, that makes me depressed

When i was younger i used to have like 5 different guys a week to take me out on dates, some are even quite handsome and wealthy.

Recent 5 years I've had virtually no dates.

I was an old bitter soul to begin with, it progressed even more with age and trauma, now i just want to revenge on everyone.

 

This vaxx situation left me completely hopeless, i only get attracted to Chinese or east Asians at least, i know they all jabbed or been with someone who has. Unless i find a 16 year old virgin.

 

My cat no longer loves or remember me.

I literally feel no reason to live, i just want to kill my enemies and move on

 

Or just dates period, if i don't touch them j don't care if they are vaxxed

Even then nobody ask me out, i went on apps and stuff, all just boring hi how are you, i don't reply to any of those.

And read the rule, took advice from old uncle's, never take initiate and always treat yourself with high value, turn down offers that doesn't sound like a serious romantic dates and always reply less or no reply.

But i tried asking guys out too and no one is willing to meet, i think they are all losers with too much times online to do small talks that bore me to death

 

I think you have to believe it to have miracles not just say it or look at it

 

It's insane i m in biggest city in the world still no dates.

I wouldn't mind someone to date, I'm an amazing chef but I don't have a kitchen, during my fasting i relate this to not having a boyfriend lol .. woman's brain.


I did sex work twice all fun and stuff, but it's more economical and more stable to have a relationshipp.

Sex work is good too because i won't get used, i hate those who try to sleep with me without spoiling me lmao..

Also no emotional baggage, if they don't call me i don't care, but they all msg me after

 

Ya vaxx situation is tricky, i can't even do sex work for companionship and social fun anymore because i can't risk it

 

How can I be perfectly content and happy alone?

 

Someone offered me charcoal bbq i turned down because I'm on 8 Days fast

I really want to cook and eat with a boyfriend who spoils me, to me guys giving me money is like true love