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Expected progress and success in Sex... now i am anxious

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Icantcomeupwithagoodname, Feb 9, 2019.

  1. Hey everyone.

    I was a silent reader for a couple of weeks. Now i feel like i wanted to hear some of your guys opinions..

    I am 28 yo. I quit watching Hardcore Porn something like 2 1/2 years ago because i already learned about the negative effects on my brain. That i would need to watch more and more intense fetishes to get aroused. So since then i decided to only watch softcore flicks with no option to choose a genre.

    Also i read about nofap almost 2 years ago, gave it a try for a month but quit it after a wet dream on day 25 because i didn't feel any benefits from it. (maybe important to mention, that i didn't have a chance to have sex at that time.)

    Nevertheless i set myself a limit to only wank to softcore one day a week (sunday).
    So i would say that i am / have not been a severe addict in terms of pornography.

    3 Month ago i met a Woman from tinder. We spent 4 nights together over the timespan of 3 weeks. The sex was quite good. But two times i lost my erection in the middle of the action. I was convinced that it was because i already came that night and another time because i used a condom with numbing lubricant (supposed to prevent PE).

    I had absolutely no suspicion that something is wrong with me at that time.

    However since december i met an absolutely gorgeous woman which is now my GF. First night we met, we had sex 4 times. She is unusually tight between her legs, which caused me to cum always between 30 seconds and 2-3 minutes). Could have been better but it did not bother me that much at the time.

    Next night we spend together i had an really intense boxing-workout before i visited her (i lied on the floor gasping for air because of exhaustion) When things started to get serious in bed, i just could not get it up for good. Nothing at all. Dead! I was sure, that it was because of the workout and the dinner afterwards.
    But i started reading more about how to improve sexual performance.

    Starting 2019 i quit porn for good. No Softcore, Hardcore, Naked pics. Nothing. (except occasionally watching nudes of my gf, at the time she sends them to me) I have no urge to look at them, so i still don't think i am an addict. I am fairly sure that i can quit forever because i am keen on perfectioning my sexual performance.
    I work out regularly for 3 years now, i never smoked, i started to take supplements such as zinc, vitamins, omega 3, l-arginine. I also do Kegels everyday for like one month.
    However the next night i still had problems getting erect. I couldn't tell why. But slowly i started to worry. She is absolutely understanding and lovely about this and tells me that it does not matter to her. But to me it does. I was able to penetrate her the next morning for like 4 minutes before my erection just vanished... got limp.

    I read almost every day in forums of nofap, rebootnation about other ppl experiences and that gives me motivation to keep going.
    A little fast forward. Still avoiding porn, keeping exercise and nutrition habits, i made a video call with my gf yesterday when i was in the bathtub. As soon as i saw just her face, my dick rose. I put my hand on it and it got really hard. She saw it and she liked it. We also did a little bit of intense sexting beforehand (3 days ago) and i got erect.
    I was really hard yesterday and last night in bed i woke up with a boner (i did not masturbate at any time though) i was proud and thought i was making serious progress.

    Anyways, today i saw her again after 4 weeks, thinking i will be much better than last time.
    But as soon as both our clothes were off, i could not get hard.. again. she had to help with her hand to get a little bit of blood in me, until it eventually got like 70% hard. And since i did not M for ages, i knew i would bust after like 3-4 strokes. I told her, she said it wouldn't bother her.
    And what i said was also exactly what happened. For me it was not pleasant. Now i had to leave her house (since we did not have much time in the first place) and i got really anxious on my way home, feeling like i even got worse in my "performance", got set back in the process and don't know what to do. Right now, thinking about sex is not a pleasant idea for me. I never really had to face problems like these that often in my sexual past. I am rationalizing a lot and keep telling myself i just have to trust in the process, things will get better, i have to get used to her and her body etc. that was also what i told her. But right now i feel like when i am anxious it just makes things worse...
    We also can only see each other approximately every other weekend which makes getting used to her kinda difficult.

    I am really thinking of taking half a via.gra or something just to get a positive reference experience in sex for my brain for next time (which will be next saturday).

    Does anyone here have experienced using drugs for sexual performance like via.gra just once or twice, to "kickstart" your performance by gaining positive reference experience? I know i can control myself to not become addicted, just the same as to porn.

    Because otherwise i just don't know what to do... i hat a really numbing pressure in my head because of anxiety on my way home because it was a disappointing experience for myself once again.

    Thanks for reading.

    P.S. I am not sure about hard mode. I avoid P and M, but i want to O with my gf in order to give her the fun she wants and to rewire to her better. As i said i wouldn't consider myself a porn addict.
    LekkerPotjie and Ultra Zork like this.
  2. drac16

    drac16 Fapstronaut

    It sounds like you have a wonderful girlfriend. Many girls wouldn't be as patient and understanding as she is. Perhaps you could try using sex toys. Go and find some that are designed for men and give it a go.
  3. Hey mate!

    I see you are doing a great job with respect to your health and sexual life.

    One thing I can advise you reading your post is to reduce the number of time you orgasm with sex. Sex is surely a great way to enhance the bond but remember to have it in moderation else you would be depleting your vitality and energy which could in turn cause complications you are mentioning about.

    It's not necessary to get physical each time; there are ways to bond through non-sexual acts too.

    I would advise you to orgasm just twice a month. Remember, a man loses a part of his being every time he ejaculates and a woman only loses her energy post the childbirth.

    Hope you find something that works for you. You can even check out this book and read with your partner and practise slow and relaxing ways to have sexual pleasures. All the best man :)
  4. Thanks man, i bought a cockring recently. Have not tried it yet but i will give it a try in the near future

  5. Thanks for you reply, friend.

    Not orgasming with sex might actually be an idea. But the problem yesterday was that i could not have sex without ejaculation because i came almost instantly. Therefore sex wouldn't even have been possible. That is the problem when you did not cum for an eternity. You basically carry a loaded shotgun between your legs.
    There are many advices to masturbate a day to four hours before sex in order to last longer. But that would interfere with the whole "no PM" thing.


    The thing is, since we currently can see each other only (over night) every other weekend i am already only able to O around two times a month (or let me say to DAYS a month). I just spoke to her on the phone for 2 hours. Besides many different topics, she also adressed the evening yesterday and wanted to find a proper solution. I simply told her that i know about the issue and it was because i knew we did not have much time so i had the subconcious feeling, that it had to work immediately because it is the only chance at the moment. And therefore it did not work. And i convinced her once again that over time, everything will get better when we have the chance to get used to each other and spend time together without pressure for sex.
    She is really absolutely gorgeous. We match perfectly in really any way except for my willy's performance in bed. (I can make her O in other ways because i have a bit of knowledge about female pleasure and am generally a very sexually open person just like her).

    I also made a blood test a few weeks ago and found out that i am totally healthy. Imo, the only problem currently is my mind working against me, even though i meditate.

    I will try taking the supplements pycnogenol and yohimbine in addition, since they are reported by other users to have them helped skyrocketing their libido and defeating ED.

    Still not sure about performance enhancing drugs like via.gra or cia.lis, even when i only would try them once.

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