I just miss my wife exceptionally pointedly today. I didn't know who else to tell, so I'm posting here. The past two days have been hard, and yesterday I realized I could have prevented all this if I'd just moved a year ago like she wanted to. Why was I so stupid? Why was I do stubborn? Why was I so selfish? If course, because I was still addicted and partially in denial still. I was here. I hadn't fapped or looked at P. But I did look at P subs, but thought I was doing fine because it was only a few minutes (10 or less) not sucking up hours and hours. And, yeah that's better than before, but it wasn't good enough, and I was delaying/interfering with my reboot because of it, and I wasn't as amazing and strong and awesome and perfect as I still thought then. So why didn't I do the obvious thing to save my marriage when it was still a feasible goal? Addiction and pride. This realization is stinging quite a bit.