Extrapolate the urge-tactics to more difficult cases

It is really difficult to create these posts as it is about remembering chains of events of the subconscious mind that all happen in a very short time, and then translating that to something of the conscious, in the form of understandable language.

When I use the word ‘urge’ here I mean every reaction caused by the attractiveness of other people that causes more bad that good for your case. So not only sexual but also all other kinds of desires. And independent from the source(imagery, thoughts, real life).

When you wonder what the most important part of abstaining is, you might think avoiding as much as possible that can act as triggering, which is true. But what to do when the urges still come?

Just like with a wave, you shouldn't run away from an urge or force yourself against it, but rather surf on it.

Everyone has overcome urges many times, and still there are times when the threshold of the urge has exceeded for some reason. And by “not being able to deal with it” I don't necessarily mean fapping, but also continue thinking about it for a long time or being distressed or anything else unwanted.

You use to have a way of dealing with all the urges that you have overcome, but since in some cases the intensity of the urge has exceeded that much to the point that it is unclear if there is anything to do about it anymore, the way of dealing with it may need to be extrapolated accordingly. So the new way of dealing becomes more creative and less of what you would naturally think of.

I have mentioned methods before and experienced different variants of the same, but what happens in general is that when seeing what usually causes the urges, or sex frustration, generates a very different and positive reaction. A sense of energy and motivation that appears at that time.

And instead of being manifested into a specific direction like the craving for sexual or romantic acts with the person you see in an image, or thought, or in real, it is a very generic motivation and feels as if you can feel that there is some energy field around the place where you see the image or thought or person in real life.

With the urges that are too much to handle you may have frustrating feelings like: “this is so difficult, I don't know what to do with this sensory input. But then it can suddenly change to: “hey, what If I could do something better with this each time from now on and leave all this behind.” You should try to bring up this kind of thought during an urge which is only a few seconds. And when you are open to the idea, then the realisation that follows can act as a strong countering feeling against the urge, because of the motivation that is then manifested in a different way.

The strong flash of insight and motivation comes from simultaneously realizing that the power of the urge is so strong, but still possible to redirect it to better uses and realizing what that could mean for the future.

As a result of being occupied with that for a while instead of the urge, the urge has the opportunity to fade away.

That doesn't sound like the ideal solution for long term because you would have to repeat it many times, but after more time it becomes more of an automatic response.

The common responses to encountering urges depend to some extend on the type and context, mainly whether your're alone or not, and if it's caused by seeing a person in real life or from imagery or thoughts. But you'll see that the main responses (not counting forgetting about it naturally) will always be to keep thinking about it, unnoticed or in an attempt to deal with it, or forcefully trying to forget about it.

So it seems as if there isn't anything you can do to make it better, only make it more difficult or the same. But that is not necessarily the case. This is where having an open mind and assuming other options can work play a key role. Assuming that it will work is part of what makes it a way of dealing.

More specific, in the above case you put force against the urge to make it go away, which will cause more irritation or thinking longer about it. You must instead go along with it. Every time one of those different kind of urges appears, it appears as a sensation on a specific location.

And what usually happens is that you notice it, but only in the way that you have no control of it. Causing the unwanted reaction. But now, the difference comes when you, as soon as you notice it, imagine as if it is some kind of energy field that you can feel, including the location where it is at.

In the tekst below, it seems like more effort than it is, making it like a contradiction with what I said earlier that there are only options that make it more complicated. But it is difficult to describe a set of thoughts that happen in seconds, into text.

In my experience, it is not only a way to deal with urges, the techniques also often gives me a short intense motivating satisfying feeling. Especially in the cases of people in real life. It probably has to do with completing a difficult task, but still, it isn't like anything else.

Maybe the aspect of attraction plays a role, transforming the energy that was just save it into another emotion. Or from having fun from realizing at those moments that I'm able to abstain from things(both relationships and everything you do alone related to attraction) that are very difficult to abstain from, while almost everyone else isn't able, unless they do it for another reason.

Because of this, and being celibate, I actually view the below mentioned as a fun game, especially with the people in real life. And that gives in turn more confidence and motivation to continue.

So, with a physical urge, you can try to feel it as if you're holding it at its location, not necessarily with your hands. When you feel it as something inside your body that you can touch, it feels more like it's just another bodypart.

With thoughts, seeing footage and people you see in real life, when it causes an urge it becomes as if the energy fields are stagnating. They are easily imagined to pass by however. With the thought or footage, it is simply as a something in your thoughts that is stuck like traffic, but it can be imagined that it moves away.

In the case with people that you find attractive pass by, now you imagine that you have some sort of grip on the energy field that otherwise could cause the unwanted reaction, and you let it keep going into the direction they were going. Not all the while they are nearby, but only as soon as you notice some urge.

In case of someone remains in a static position from the perspective of your location, the same applies. You feel it as something you have a hold on.

When you're alone at home, especially in certain positions like sitting and laying down, it is usually way harder to deny an urge compared to when being around others. So at those moments, think of those moments when you are able to let the urge go. Ask yourself how great it would be if you could extend that to the most difficult situations. There is actually no difference, only the circumstances.

With that thought in mind it gives enough inspiration and motivation to extrapolate the ways of dealing to the hardest moments.

 

Thanks for your reply.
It is so frustrating, I posted this on the NoFap sub-reddit as well and it got deleted. It's not the first time that happens to my posts there, I wonder what's so offensive about them. I've asked multiple times about it, I never get an answer but instead they delete that question as well. Meanwhile all those short shitposts are always allowed.