It's a miracle I started typing... A damn miracle. I'm gasping for breath right now. I almost failed and gave up. I'm 33 years old right now and have been on the wrong side of the net since around the age of 19. The age when I was a gogetter, had tons of friends and was outgoing. I joined NoFab because I know I have a serious problem. A problem I want and NEED to get rid of as it feels like it is destroying everything that makes me a person that attracts, and rather turns me into a person that repels. I've been wanting to stop for years, but always found myself behind the computer again and again, for hours on end, day after day... PMOing! What a waste of years. A terrible waste. When I think about all of the accumulated time I've put into this. And for what?! I feel sorry for myself even though I shoudln't. How did I let this happen?! Why?! I'm angry with myself. I have to stop. I need to break this cycle. I've been blocking every thought of porn succesfully for the past 5 days, even though I'm in a rough period in my life. I don't get images of porn in my head anymore. I get flashes, but I have been succesfully removing them easily. But my life is a mess right now. I don't even remember what I like to do. I forgot my hobbies. I smoke hash. My stress levels are high, I don't set any goals. The addiction has pushed me to social isolation. Only a few good friends remain and god forbid if they knew!... I feel like I'm on the edge of depression, and I know this disgusting thing I have been craving for years is the main ugly disgusting reason. About 15 minutes ago I was sitting on my bed watching a movie on my laptop with my legs in crossed-legged position. As I adjusted my position my ankle grazed my crotch, and all of the sudden, after days of nothing, I get this extremely powerful urge to give in. My mind said "Just open a tab and to it. Whats stopping you.." My heart started racing. I started foricing gross images in my head. It felt like I had to really fight! My eyes even teared up like a little girl for christs sake! I started to race to the NoFap site... After days of reading journals, it seemed to me putting this down was helping some of you guys. I think it saved me today. And this was only 5 days. I have to stop. I hope I don't have to do this again tomorrow.