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Extreme PMO Addiction and How to Recover?

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by dudealone, Dec 10, 2019.

  1. dudealone

    dudealone Fapstronaut

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    it is very long but it is worth to read to help me and better understand my situation. I would request everyone to please read this.

    I first fapped on March 31, 2014 (I remember this special date due to many reasons). I soon started to fap 2-3 times a week for 1 year, then I started to fap alternate days to daily once in 2015-16, then 2016-18 I fapped almost every day with some 10-15 days breaks and I fapped 3-6 times most of the days sometimes reaching to 9 (Sundays).

    Now, comes addiction part I watched simple gag and bound videos at first, then shifted to hardest and most disturbing bondage videos for past 2-3 years i.e. rope bondage, hogtied, suspension, nipple clamps, anal hook, breasts bondage, crotch rope and everything that happens in BDSM.

    Now, in some old scenario, from my childhood, I have been very innocent until I came to view porn at the age of 13 and a half. I was studious, had very high sports stamina.

    I belong to Hindu middle-class family in India with many high ambitions. My parents view me as a successful man in the future and very good behavior. But despite this PMO addiction, I am neither addicted to video games nor to any drugs or alcohol. I manage a good height at 6 feet 1 inch and normal weight of 66 Kgs. Look average but didn't try and got any girlfriends and neither I want them.

    I always managed a studious group of students with some PMO addicts.

    Now, current problems. after 5 and half years of excessive PMO from age 13 and a half to almost the age of 19. I have been never having any physical symptoms, mental or psychological symptoms.

    But on November 3, 2019, It was my first attempt to no PMO hard mode and on November 10, I experienced some chest pain so I went to the doctor, where they had my ECG, echo test, whole abdominal test including all organs and a complete blood test. and thanks to God that all of them came normal despite a slight elevated Blood Pressure 140/90.so my doctor prescribed me Telma 20mg fo lowering it which I had to take only if high bp occurs next.

    But I did experience some anxiety and headaches later on and I relapsed on 1 Dec 2019 after a decent 28 days streak which was longest ever I had but I relapsed to same BDSM videos which I used to watch. I again masturbated on 5th for once, 6th and 7th December for twice, and once on 8th, 9th and today on 10th December. in this way in this last 37 days, I masturbated for a total of 9 times (whereas I used to masturbate 9 times in just 2 days earlier) not edged more than 2 minutes and not watched BDSM videos for more than an hour.

    But it is only 30 mins ago that I masturbated today once and at that 2-3 minutes, I felt a lot of anxiety related to that I will die of seizures or cardiac arrest and experienced a 2-second slight similar chest pain that I experienced on my first streak. I thought of seizures and cardiac arrest because recently a rapper 'juice wrld' died of seizures at age 21 probably he was a drug addict for a long time. I also searched for kindling and similar terms.

    Now, in the final paragraph, I have always been very good at health and maintained a good nutrition diet. I feel very bad about myself that all nutrients provided to me by God and my parents have gone in vain due to my excessive PMO. MY exam results dropped from Extraordinary to below average and my stamina has reduced to a great extent.

    But still, now I don't have any physical symptoms related to fap or nofap. Just one symptom that I got due to withdrawals was a little chest pain due to anxiety and a slight headache or tingling sensation in hands, legs or slight one in the brain that lasts only a few seconds and not more than twice a day.

    Also the fact is that what worries me is that, juice wrld death due to seizures and somewhere I have read that PMO affects your neurotransmitters in the same ways as drugs.

    But there have been people who were a lot more addicted than me and got recovered well like @Big Lebowski, @Fenix Rising @Septimus, etc. But somewhere deep I had both the feelings that I would recover and that too very fast and some thoughts related to that "Am I going to die?."

    and after my first relpase after 28 days, I am unable to control my urges and started binge relapse to my previous BDSM addicitions. Note: I always objectified any woman I saw in neighbors, in relatives, classmates, old or young, actress or whatsoever.

    So not extending it much, I have some questions.

    1) will I get recovered, and in how much time??
    2) what should I do to keep my heart and brain naturally healthy like something that balances the electrical activity of both using vegetarian foods. I have studied a lot about neurotransmitters as well but still, require some clarifications.
    3) what are do' s and dont's now onwards.
    4) how to be motivated to continue the difficult journey of life with nofap and should I go hard mode, or a no porn mode and masturbate after a week, then after a month, then 3 months and so on.?
    5) what behavorial, spiritual, educationa, social, physical things should I do to stay healthy during the whole journey and recover fast?
    6) one more thing that I have noticed is that I have less interest in studies despite that I have big ambitions like to join google as SWE or becoming a government officer. how to get that will power that I had earlier.
    7) the most fearing one, does anyone die from nofap or fap because why did juice wrld die due to seizures.? and can the same thing happen to people who fap or people who nofap as withdrawal symptoms.

    8) natural ways to cure neurotransmitter imbalance and other cures. So directly saying I have fear of dying ???

    one big problem is that I know that what should I do and what should I not and I want anyone from u my brothers to help me go along with u in this journey.

    At last, I just want to keep all my organs and myself healthy and fulfill all ambitions of my family and thus live a happy life and gotta get rid of this addiction?

    here are some methods that I already know but dont practice.

    --> eat lots of water (started this since 3rd Nov 2019)
    --> yoga (not doing), chakra meditation, binaural beats, etc.
    --> gymming (did this for two months last year), walking (started doing this 4 days ago)
    --> destress
    --> eat healthy foods
    etc.

    so I request all people from the community to please read my passage twice to get a better understanding of my situation and help me to stay healthy and get rid of my extreme PMO addiction and tell whether I can recover and discuss the biggest question of fear of dying???

    I have been searching forums to get my answers from past week but did write this to get some important insights from much experiecned people who experieneced similar. Their are many but to name a few, @Fenix Rising , @Septimus ,@Big Lebowski etc. and I again request all.....

    Please help
     
  2. Fenix Rising

    Fenix Rising Fapstronaut

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    1) will I get recovered, and in how much time??
    You're young so your recovery should be quite fast. I'd say target 6 months of abstinence as the neuroscience says that's the minimum amount of time addicted brain needs to regrowth it's frontal gray matter volume to base line and you'll see how you feel by then. Set yourself daily easily achievable goals on daily basis instead of focusing on abstention alone.
    2) what should I do to keep my heart and brain naturally healthy like something that balances the electrical activity of both using vegetarian foods. I have studied a lot about neurotransmitters as well but still, require some clarifications.
    The best way to do that is daily aerobic exercise (running, cycling, swimming etc.) My pb was 145/100 and HR 84bpm a year ago, today it's around 110/90 HR 60bmp. I also
    3) what are do' s and dont's now onwards.
    There's lot's 1) will I get recovered, and in how much time??
    You're young so your recovery should be quite fast. I'd say target 6 months of abstinence as the neuroscience says that's the minimum amount of time addicted brain needs to regrowth it's frontal gray matter volume to base line and you'll see how you feel by then. Set yourself daily easily achievable goals on daily basis instead of focusing on abstention alone.
    2) what should I do to keep my heart and brain naturally healthy like something that balances the electrical activity of both using vegetarian foods. I have studied a lot about neurotransmitters as well but still, require some clarifications.
    The best way to do that is daily aerobic exercise (running, cycling, swimming etc.) My pb was 145/100 and HR 84bpm a year ago, today it's around 110/90 HR 60bmp. I also
    3) what are do' s and dont's now onwards.
    There's lot's of them… Pls visit my journal.
    4) how to be motivated to continue the difficult journey of life with nofap and should I go hard mode, or a no porn mode and masturbate after a week, then after a month, then 3 months and so on.?
    You have to find a strong reason why YOU want to quit. No one can find it for you. Once you have it, accept the pain of the reboot in advance. You have to decide it you wish to continue with MB or not. Many of us opted for no mb for life as well, simply because we have fallen too deep to be able to control it. But that should be your decision to make. With that being said I'd recommend hardmode for at least 3 months.
    5) what behavorial, spiritual, educationa, social, physical things should I do to stay healthy during the whole journey and recover fast?
    Again look into my journal. It's basically enough sleep (7-9h), proper diet (no processed food, lots of water, no food with added sugar, supplements with Omega 3, V D3, B complex, Zn, Ca, Mg, K,), daily aerobic exercise, socializing in real life as much as possible (yoga, wim hof, praying are all good to). Plus you need to discover root cause of your addiction. Don't ask why addiction, ask why the pain that is forcing you to self-medicate with addiction.
    6) one more thing that I have noticed is that I have less interest in studies despite that I have big ambitions like to join google as SWE or becoming a government officer. how to get that will power that I had earlier.
    By setting yourself and achieving goals on daily basis. It all comes down to determination, self-discipline and perseverance in the end. Your self-control also grows the longer the abstention lasts.
    7) the most fearing one, does anyone die from nofap or fap because why did juice wrld die due to seizures.? and can the same thing happen to people who fap or people who nofap as withdrawal symptoms.
    You won't die from nofap. When I got panic attacks resulting in HR +200 bpm I just said to myself f.. it if I die, I die, no sweat, there are worse things than death. By accepting the possibility of death fear loses power over you. The only 2 things we can possibly have any control over are our own thoughts and actions, so why worry about things that are outside of our control?
    8) natural ways to cure neurotransmitter imbalance and other cures. So directly saying I have fear of dying ???
    Only abstention and time can do that. You can improve neuroplasticity by omega 3 supplements, aerobic exercise and enough sleep but as I've said abstinence duration is the most important aspect of recovery.
    At last, I just want to keep all my organs and myself healthy and fulfill all ambitions of my family and thus live a happy life and gotta get rid of this addiction?
    Find your own purpose in life, don't live life according to the wishes of others. Listen, learn but find your own path.
     
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2019
  3. Newuser101

    Newuser101 Fapstronaut

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    Good luck with your journey! There are many people who overcame this addiction. You have all the chances to become one of them.
     
    Gaia01 and dudealone like this.
  4. dudealone

    dudealone Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much @Fenix Rising and @Newuser101 for reaching out and helping after reading such a long post by me.

    You both gave me a good amount of confidence to feel alive and stay strong to fight with PMO evil. thank you so much once again and yeah good luck for your journey as well.

    Along with abstinence is the support of fasptronauts like both of you that actually makes recovery possible for a PMO addict. :)
     
  5. dudealone

    dudealone Fapstronaut

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    I have read a little part of this post and the first few pages of the book mentioned in the first comment of the post. It's highly motivating as well
    Post link --> here
    @Fenix Rising and @Newuser101.
     
    Dojokyoto likes this.
  6. Welcome to NoFa @dudealone
    It is a big step if you can understand what is triggering your urges, because this will allow you to be awake and kill those urges as soon as they appear.

    I recommend you to create your own "Emergency Toolbox" with readings that can be handy to read when you start feeling urges to screw up.
    I can share this post with you with my own Emergency Toolbox, it helped me a lot during the first few months, i had them in my cell and read them every time I started falling down:

    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...y-first-320-days-of-reboot.62938/#post-473978

    I wrote some tips in this post that perhaps will help you too:

    http://NoFap.com/forum/index.php?threads/tips-that-helped-me-to-start-my-reboot.46617/#post-330318
    You can watch some interesting videos which are also very helpful in this post:
    http://nofap.com/forum/index.php?th...t-help-me-a-lot-during-my-reboot.39774/page-2

    I also suggest you to read "Breaking the Cycle" by George Collins, it is a must-read if you are serious about getting rid of this addiction.

    To get more focus and feel happier with life I recommend you to start doing meditation.. I have been using an App called Headspace for the last two months which is great if you have never meditated before. The first 10 sessions are free if you want to give a try. I used to feel a bit depressed or feeling without energy to start new projects in my life, and meditation has helped me a lot with this.

    Last but not least, I would strongly recommend you to take new e-course that Mark Queppet launched in his new website, called: " REFORGED MAN: Quit porn and Master Yourself-Be a Man you Admire", it is the updated version of the e-course he used to have in NoFap Academy. It is not cheap ($200) but it is totally worth it because he gives great toold to fight PMO.You can find it here:
    https://courses.universalman.com/courses/reforged-man
    You can also join his website called Patreon, where he posts great stuff for free every week, and also you can join the pay area to be part of his weekly video calls where you can chat with them in real life, get coaching and listen to other guys's stories and problems too. You can find it here:
    https://www.patreon.com/home

    I hope that all this helps you to fight this shitty addiction.
    Let's keep on fighting

    Fercho
     
    Dojokyoto and dudealone like this.
  7. dudealone

    dudealone Fapstronaut

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    @fercho29 thank you so much for providing very good tips. I am really a bit more confident after talking to all people on nofap than being alone in the journey. I appreciate that you reached out to help me and gave me link to various reboot resources and exclusive content. Thank you so much, it proves that you were also addicted a lot but have made a tremendous recovery by analyzing PMO and how to deal with it.

    Thank you once again.
     
    Dojokyoto likes this.
  8. dudealone

    dudealone Fapstronaut

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    @Fenix Rising @Beamer @Big Lebowski @fercho29 @Newuser101 and everyone on the forum. Yesterday I saw a movie on amazon prime and there were some scenes with an actress in a bikini that triggered me and after 2 hrs at 12:00 in the night I started searching for her gagged pics and after that, in google images, I caught my old addiction that is pornstars in bondage. After that, I watched more than 20 videos of different beautiful pornstars in very extreme BDSM videos and my stupid inner mind told me that I will just watch the porn but not masturbate and after 2 hours of watching at 2:00 AM in the night I edged for 5 mins and masturbated in my underwear. After that, I had some anxiety for a few mins and some sorrow for not able to make this even for more than 2 days and relapsed.

    I just want to say that after my longest streak of 28 days in the first attempt it has been 12 days more where I had been not able to make a streak of more than 4 days and I am watching extreme and very extreme BDSM videos and not able to control my urges after a limit.

    I just want to conclude that even after the fact that today I am having my exams, I relapsed after 2 hours of watching videos late at night when everyone in my family thought that I was studying on laptop and everyone went to sleep and I masturbated like I used to do for years. Please advise me on how to go no PMO for life because I want to rule out this addiction. Sadly I have to update my counter from Day 2 to Day 0.

    I also had some feeling on my chest and brain way before watching the actress in a bikini. Once again please help.
     
    Dojokyoto likes this.
  9. Hi @dudealone
    I am sorry for your relapse
    You need to learn now from this slip and write you a strategic plan to avoid doing it again.
    Do you have P blockers in all your devices, for instance?
    Do you have all your devices turned off and not in your bedroom at night?
    I am not saying is not hard.
    i was watching an action film in Netflix on Saturday and I found one of the stars very hot.
    I wanted to Google his pictures, but I did not have any device near me, so i shrugged away the idea. I also stopped watching that film, knowing that I was getting triggered, even if it was not erotic at all.
    You need to write down which are your weakest point and avoid them.
    Do you know that watching films in your bedroom alone can be dangerous? Do not do it any more.
    When i am alone at home, I watch TV in the living room, never in my bed.
    If you live with family this gets even easier, you will not start wanking like a monkey in front of you Mom, i guess :)
    Go over the posts that I wrote you previously and you will find much more tips and toold that will help you.
    And avoid now the Chaser effect, the excuse that since you have relapsed, there is not harm to 'watch a bit more P before you start again your reboot". This is a lie
    Stay strong
    fercho
     
    Dojokyoto and dudealone like this.
  10. dudealone

    dudealone Fapstronaut

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    @fercho29 thank you so much for reaching out and helping me. It really made me a bit confident and I will definitely do no PMO for life because I don't want this anymore and definitely follow that being with the family tip as I have seen that work.

    Thanks a lot for your advice. Just one more question did you ever had a small inflammation type thing on your penis foreskin near the forehead and how did you deal with it?

    Thanks once again.
    We will keep fighting for good.
     
    Dojokyoto and fercho29 like this.
  11. No, I have not had this but I did have a painful blue ball ache
    I am sure that if you stop “ polishing it” so many times per week ( or day) this will heal by itself
    Stay strong
    Fercho
     
    Dojokyoto and dudealone like this.
  12. dudealone

    dudealone Fapstronaut

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  13. dudealone

    dudealone Fapstronaut

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    @Alexander @Beamer @Big Lebowski @Dhruv_ @Dojokyoto @Fenix Rising @fercho29 @fg4795 @Fighter! @Handymanji @Invincible Under The Sun @Newuser101 @seaguy44 @Septimus @Spartan Warrior @TangoTao @vxlccm.

    Hello Everyone, I request all of you to please carefully read the whole comment.

    You all are great and have been doing well to get rid of PMO addiction. I have already explained all about my childhood to the date I started NoFap in my profile's information tab. But since I started NoFap I have been having some severe chaser effect and anxiety related to withdrawal symptoms. I every time promise myself that this is the last time in my life that I am doing PMO but this 'last time' is everlasting. I had streaks like this (this declares the number of days b/w each relapse) (from 03-11-19) 28 4 1 0 1 0 1 1 1 3 0 11 0 (to 24-12-19). But I am relapsing time to time even after knowing the fact that it will make my withdrawal symptoms worse. In my last streak of 11 days, in the first seven days I experienced some severe withdrawal symptoms and on day 8th, 9th and 10th it kept on improving and thus the urges to PMO went extremely uncontrollable.

    Another thing that I noticed in my relapses were that each relapse went in the following procedure:
    sudden urge > searching beautiful models > searching their hot pics > searching for women to whom I used to fap earlier > searching for porn > searching for extreme BDSM porn > watching 2 or more of same > precum> edging 5 to 15 minutes > ejaculate (relapsed)... > relapsed again on the same day or next day > abstain for few days and repeat from step 1.

    It has been affecting me physically, mentally, socially, academically and somehow financial in long terms but I feel great on calculating that for almost past 2 to 3 yrs, I had been PMOing every day for 4 to 6 times. But since I started NoFap I PMOed only 13 times in 52 days averaging 1 PMO in 4 days which was earlier 4 PMO in 1 day. So this calculation somehow proves me to feel happy.

    As I stated earlier the only thing that makes me relapse is urges and what frightens me after relapse is withdrawals despite the fact that I only had this withdrawal after starting NoFap and I also had all tests to check my health condition and all results prove me healthy.

    I only want some suggestions/discussions/perceptionsn of all of you regarding my journey. I updated my track resetting it to 0 on 25-12-2019 (12:00) IST and promise myself, god, parents and to all well-wishers that I am going to be the strongest version of myself from now. Here are the key things I need to do as I suppose:

    1) PMO free until required by some inappropriate conditions
    2) urges free ... will definitely start meditating soon.
    3) more spiritual - pray to god every day.
    4) being hygienic.
    5) eating healthy and drinking healthy.
    6) Do some walking, pushups etc. every day.
    7) See every man and woman with respect and not objectifying women and men.
    8) overwrite images of PMO in the brain with something healthy (toughest).
    9) study a lot and smartly too, read newspapers.
    10) getting healthy sleep.
    11) stop counting NoFap days (one of the major factors that ignite relapses).
    12) only visit NoFap on Sundays at 17:00 to 17:15 (IST).
    13) making my inner subconscious full of positivity.
    14) helping other people and denying my friends to show me hot Instagram pics or discussing about GFs.
    15) look into only the eyes of women and not staring them.

    At last, I want to become that innocent studious courageous strong will-powered, high stamina child that I used to before I discovered PMO and become the strongest version of myself.

    This is the best I can promise to myself and do.

    I WILL WIN, MAYBE NOT TODAY, BUT DEFINITELY ONE DAY.

    Regards,
    @dudealone - Fapstronaut
     
    Dojokyoto likes this.
  14. dudealone

    dudealone Fapstronaut

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    I am now currently on 32 days and feeling good for that but withdrawals are tough to deal with. Even that I am living healthy, eating healthy, drinking sufficient water, walking 4 km a day everything nice, nothing bad...

    But fear and anxiety of withdrawals , indigestion, a slight very less frequent chest pain when anxious, symptoms of GERD, more and more acne, seems to me that my upper abdominals beats, I don't feel it but when I look down at myself with much concentration I see beating type moment in my upper abdomen and all this has been going from past 2 days.

    Saw some posts which tell that this all could be related to anxiety from withdrawals but still need more guidance from you all.
     
    fercho29 likes this.
  15. dudealone

    dudealone Fapstronaut

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    Any guidance from all the people on forums will be very helpful.
     
  16. mkguy27

    mkguy27 Fapstronaut

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    Hi All

    I’m new to the forum, but reaching out because porn addiction, which I have to cure has got me into some dark places.

    I’m reading YBOP which has made me cry more than once, as I start to understand the damage I have done to myself over the past 12 years leading to the desperate situation I am now in.

    I have a number of journeys to go on and need to build my strength for the difficult times ahead. As it stands I feel strong mentally and emotionally, but I know that is going to be tested over the coming months.

    I’m hoping joining this forum will give me another way to cure myself and return to the person I know I am.

    Thank you for reading my post. It is much appreciated.

    MK
     
  17. dudealone

    dudealone Fapstronaut

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    Yes brother this forum is best to recover, here are people who have recovered from long and binge addictions and the best thing is that many of them always help others either on forum or conversations.

    It's upto you what suits you, if you want personalized recommendations ask in a conversation, if you want more andmore view on your topic then ask on a thread.

    Regards,
    @dudealone
     
  18. mkguy27

    mkguy27 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for the note it’s much appreciated.......I’ve got quite a journey to go on some of which I can’t share but I was in a very dark place
     
  19. dudealone

    dudealone Fapstronaut

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    I understand the fact that recovery is a very difficult task if there is nobody to guide you. The most awkard point is that we are in a situation where we could not share our problems with our best-wishers (parents & siblings) bcz in turn it will degrade our image in front of them and much more.
     
  20. mkguy27

    mkguy27 Fapstronaut

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    Yes I’ve felt isolated for well over a decade....it’s taken me to places I wish I hadn’t gone....there are consequences I have to face.....

    I just can’t believe I’ve allowed porn to hijack my brain and take me to places I wish I hadn’t gone. I’m so disappointed in myself.

    Unfortunately the consequences will be felt by others and that’s tough to take. But I’m doing okay I’ve not so much a looked at anything remotely sexual for 24 days and feel zero compulsion to do so.

    I hope I can rediscover who I know I am, i am very very determined. I thank you for your messages they mean a lot.
     

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