Extreme real life story - femdom/findom slavery to a girl addiction - *Possibly triggering story !*

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Kilrunio, Apr 22, 2020.

  1. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

    87
    60
    18
    I´ve like many others had this addiction since childhood, and it only grew stronger, and things like findom and cuckolding and the most of extreme fetishes you can think of, executrix, castration, extreme beatings, the most extreme degrading/humiliating things the mind can come up with to dehumanize someone, whatever you can think of, toilet et too...my only real limit was permanent damage or unhealthy stuff, but even that i´d push...I´d consider myself unselfish toa a certain extent as i try to deny my fetishes if they don´t benefit the woman..otherwise it seems silly, as most subs are extremely selfish and not subs at all...This is both good and bad...I also got into stuff I´d originally despise like I eventually got into like the nasty fetishes and findom/cuckolding depsite used to really be against it.....cuckolding i managed to stop as I refuse to submit to a man who i feel is inferior to me nor want to have a man involved really...I overcame the online part, buying porn femdom clips, twitter dommes and online...I only had one more thing to do before I could leave this thing behind. Doing it in real life...So I took contact to a girl I met briefly as I instantly knew she would be perfect as she both seemed to have a temper, and be able to be bratty/bitchy and would just be perfect for this. I felt we´d be a great match...And we are...But I know now that fantasy and reality is a huge difference, and findom like I´ve studied so so much from other guys experiences, is merely a shortcut to a girlfriend...

    Anyway here is my story...if anyone has experiences with it or fantaises you might really enjoy it, but trust me, it´s not as fun as it sounds when you jerk off to all these fantasies, when you jerk off to being ballbusted, you don´t feel pain, but when you get ballbusted and don´t jerk off, it´s just pain and only little fun...And girls laughing at you...Its so sick when i think about all this..what if the roles were reversed? That really makes me see how sick it is as then i lose all erection.

    Anyway so far the past months...
    - Been taking her shopping irl, carrying her bags
    - Bought her new stuff since she moved, TV, playstation, some rent, and so much else...thousands of dollars...i did make a max budget to protect myself...as i saw this was a bottomless pit...And i also set a specific date for when i´d latest tell her i´m done...but things been going downhill...
    - She´s been very open minded like i hoped, and was willing to try things...but recently she seems to only want to try things if i pay, and if i pay its fake...i dont mind paying for her luxuries like i wanted...but to pay to get a fetish done to me seems fake...She has been open to my ideas though she seems to hesitate...I introduced a shock collar...I knew she´d love that, her and her girlfriends...this has led to video recordings of me shared with a bunch of her friends, her laughing hysterically in public, in malls, in parking lots, in shops, making me fall to the ground shocking the living crap out of me, its a shocker on my legs...I now have to wear it nearly all the time so she has full control over me as I do tend to talk back alot for fun...
    - She´s smeared her food on me, used me as her napkin
    - Made me eat disgusting food
    - Ballbusted me
    - Shared the remote shocker with her girlfriends and told me they all will get to do as they want to me and i have to obey them too.
    - Done a ton of errands like pick up stuff, buying her stuff, having to hurry into stores or spending my free time driving places to get items for her, or folding her socks while alone amd buying her small items she tells me she needs, she tells me its my job to fix it so she wont have to be bothered about small stuff.
    - I´ve even bought her nasty disgusting garbage bags from kitchen/bathroom and ate it, and started getting them for free, and we talked about how i could be her real garbage can while she takes off her makeup.
    Some of the ideas are hers, and some are mine - I´m super creative, I love the symbolism of her garbage = gold to me, and i must be trained to love it, so even the most disgusting thing from her is to be worshipped so i´m the ultimate slave...
    - been beaten a bit desite not being into pain but more public humiliation she says...and we´ve discussed ideas like me wearing pink bikini in public, her writing with a marker on my face.
    Ive for the most part came up with all these ideas, she often calls me crazy for all these ideas i got...But she herself got the amazing idea of making nasty smoothies to me, and shes very into laughing and humiliating me in public and thats awesome...but overall all this really is disgusting...And being zapped, and beaten is not as fun either as you may think...i do agree with a statement i read that being a sub to a woman is almost ideal, as you get so much attention...i guess in a way thats the attraction...ive also stopped really carrying for my buisnesses, goals and stuff..i do try to do it to maintain sanity but it gets harder..

    I did want to and tell her that I want to:

    - Give her luxury, as much as i can afford/do
    - Make her life easier
    - Make her laugh, smile, happy by being degraded/humiliated or whaever way i can make her happy.
    - Make her feel confident and powerful

    And I do get all this, and she does really enjoy it - so i am happy that she agrees we are a great match like that... But its so hurting you spend like so much money, and she barely believes we spent so much, and barely ever can i ge her to pay, even though i started to make her pay...they tried blackmailing me almost by zapping me if i didnt...but now when i decided money is flowing too fast i put a stop to that...but still hard to getmoney from her so i even more now cut it off..yet she just say i should get more money...but she doesnt seem to have a clue how fast shes spending it..and i dont really like findom ive found out...i love money i dont wanna do that...so i only wanna do small stuff now..i spent enough on her...as said its a bottomless pit with no rewards really..

    Recently its been way worse with how shes treated me... i think after the humiliations thats when she lost so much respect for me...and in a sense i gues it wasnt true then what she said that she could do this to her bf and still see him as a man - i just always told her, lets try stuff...if you dont like it, we won´t do it, if you like it, we can add it to our arsenal..simple...i mean thats why most peoples sex lives are boring - because they don´t do new stuff...dont judge just try and see - easy right? But those girls are rare to meet, as they will often lose respect for you...like this girl now has for me...

    And these days I´m spending nearly all my time, driving her to work, picking her up, driving her to friends, just spent 3 days on her garden, even in the middle of the darkness, while she´d be inside her house with her friends smoking weed and having fun...I wasn´t allowed to, i was told to fix her garden. It felt so lonely...All her friends seems to know it now too, she openly calls me her slave to them and even her girlfriends gets to have fun with the shocker or doing whatever they want to me...i told her as my "owner" she should also protect me, but anything thats fun for her i´ll do..my only rule was no permanent damage...she keeps telliing me why do i complain i got what i wanted...im now her slave, and she keeps saying i got no rights, and i always have to obey her. And recently she started talking down to me alot more, she uses harsh words and she looks down on me i can see it in her eyes...Shes so harsh to me...

    So I guess...Its like the mafia 2 game...I got what i wanted...i´m now a real slave to a hot girl who´s an aboslute natural at this...like i expected...I´ve nutured her for a long time, i´ve created this...monster...I chose this...me. But now, after beggigng to be abused...i feel abused..and its no fun...we just laugh about it...but she also has started getting angry that i look pathetic, as if i look for sympathy, her girlfriend also dont like it and they will punish me for looking pathetic. I tell them i´m not trying to get sympathy, but they say it seems like i dont want this and want them to feel bad for me..which they at certain times do...So i told her is it better if i smile, and beg for more and say thank you after you do this to me? And it clearly helps she has so much more fun.

    My plan was to do all my fetish ideas and then leave after having tried it all...then i can quit femdom/findom for good and get a nice sweet gf to do kinky stuff with. I even stopped caring for girls being into me, i preferred this...

    I think about this girl all the time nearly, i know she has a bf/fwb thing and that´s fine, but it just almost breaks my heart when i asked her and she said we´re not friends...im her slave, she´s my "mistress/owner", she can´t be friends with me...It hurt me alot as i do care for her...but she says she doesnt make her friends buy her a TV, or kick them in the balls, and they don´t like her shoes...I get this..I do...So i asked her if she has lost respect for me and she told me she has lost a lot of respect for me...And she also stopped hugging me despite hugging other people - her excuse is corona...but she hugs others...She also seems to not want me inside her home...I´m sent outside to do work, and she also checks on me all the time, and if i dont do it well or even take a break I get punished again...

    I love this...this is what i dreamt about..but im not happy...because this is messed up...i told her i wanna be her friend, as i feel we get a long so well and can joke and have fun and we talk so well...and we do, she agrees we do - i also used to mess with her alot, but recently its like she just changed...we started having fights...i told her we need a talk as this isn´t working...she´s now said we can try me being part of her friends and having fun inside, but she can´t promise she can see me like that...I get vibes from ex gf where i was a total loser and she lost respect too..

    Now she did say if her bf was into this she wouldn´t look down on him..i asked her this before we did any of this...like i wanted to know...as ive only met very very few girls, some ive dated where we could do such extreme stuff like this without them lookingdown on me, most often that only works if both people are switches it seems - and if the girl knows its just a game and kinky fun - so she still can see you as her real man...but those girls are sooooooooooo rare, ive been blessed to meet one amazing woman who is perfect, but shes married, but she and me is like water drops together, so i know girls and deep bdsm relationships is possible ive tried this---but what i wanted to try now was real life slavery to a girl, and nothing else...i told her no sugar dating..no pictures, no bf/gf...just me her slave...and i know for a girl to be dominant she needs

    - Fun
    - Easy for her
    - Comfortable with you
    - Be confident

    And I think she loves it to so much...but i´m not sure where to go now...how can i be her slave+her friend? How do i quit this without it ending in a big fight...Can i gain respect back or should i try to aim for losing even more respect? I still got a few bdsm ideas i wanna try...

    And Yes I have had girls wanting me to invite them out and date me - but I just had to do this and i dont wanna date others before i can honestly say this is over. But i do feel everytime i checked something off i add a new idea...but i think finally ive become disciplined to not do that anymore. Her one gf who also now has dominated me said when she met me that was better looking than she expected. So i think overall maybe a lot of suprise that a guy like me will be into all this...i do feel its a bit much when she just shares everything with everyone though and they all laugh..i feel she should had asked at least with recording..like she loves doing it and snap chatting her friends by making me say how much i adore her and how perfect she is, and how i love serving her, i guess its kinda cute for them and silly pathetic too...i do love seeing them laugh though.

    I´m so addicted to this now... I´m trying to quit porn too but its so hard..but after doing this real life stuff, porn and femdom porn truly seem fake to me - and thats a step forward...so this really is final destination...but i´m so deep into this slavery stuff...and its hurting me alot now...shes both super sweet to me sometimes calling me her little slave, and how good and obedient i am, and she gives me cute smilies, and its like we have our little game, but i can really see it in her eyes often how shes so angry with me...i dont know why...but shes so furious and its so hard to see her be sweet to her guy friends and girlfriends and fwb guy and me....i´m just her slave she say, and i do so much for her, but she doesn´t seem to want to listen to me when i try offer advice, and she just has become so angry with me over tiny things...I think its all natural, ive created her due to i know how to make a girl dominant...

    It seems that the more submissive i am and the more fun it is for her - the better and easier it is for her to be cruel to me - its basic psychology...but i just wish i could also be her friend and get to have fun playing games, watching tv sometimes with her, not only slave and then sent home...that´s no fun and i get nothing out of that...ive tried so hard to focus on her and not my fetishes..but she usually loves my ideas...but now its like she is confused i want to be her friend and shes not sure she can do that...i told her i wanna be both, but it seems like we´re in a conflict, so im considering saying i should just only be her slave..even yesterday i said well seems like i cant get out, and she´d give me a special look and talk down to me and i´d submit, and she was just like "See, you go along with it so easily" She´s just so used to getting her way now and being in control, i really think she enjoys this - it seems so natural...but i feel so broken now...seeing her how she looks down on me and i can see how little she thinks of me...that´s not what we agreed to when i said lets try stuff, and if its fu nwe do it, if not we dont...that was the deal and she was open minded...i do love being her slave but really want just sometimes to also get to be a friend/slave to her...so my femdom/findom dream is now almost a nightmare...I know i should quit but its not so easy ,i wanna do it the right way, even though my friends tell me to get out now!

    Anyone has any experience with this?

    Edit also if anyone curious, we´re both around mid twenties. I´ve been selective with who I wanted.
     
    Last edited: May 5, 2020
  2. Gorgewalker

    Gorgewalker Fapstronaut

    Wow. I don't even know where to begin with this. But this was a really sobering read, so thank you for having the courage to share. I'm not sure how much I can help, but I'll try my best.

    Your "femdom/findom dream" does not exist. You're living it now, and it sounds to me like you hate it. Like you said, it's nothing like the porn made it out to be. You don't want this, and it's painfully obvious from reading your post, but I don't think you fully realise that yet.

    I think you would benefit from taking control of as many aspects of your life as possible outside of this problem. Clean your room, get in shape, or just make your bed every day if that's all you feel able to do. You seem to have fully bought into the idea of you being "powerless" which is simply untrue. I think you'd feel a lot more capable of dealing with this if you exercised your power elsewhere, and proved to yourself you aren't nearly as powerless as you think.

    Lastly is what you probably don't want to hear, but you need to cut this off. Totally. The "right way" to quit is to totally cut off all connection to this girl immediately. Stop meeting up with her, stop buying her stuff, stop texting her. Read your post back. She doesn't care about you. You're nothing more to her than a means to free stuff and a violent outlet for emotions. You cannot salvage a friendship out of this, I'm sorry.

    I hope you heed what I wrote here. There's a good chance you don't actually care what anyone has to say and you just wrote here to vent and feel sorry for yourself, but I really hope for your sake that I'm wrong. You're both capable and deserving of so much more than this, so please do something.
     
  3. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

    87
    60
    18
    Thank you so much man. I do really appreciate it your words, and you´re so right. I´m sort of doing what you said. I got a to do list everyday, making bed, washing face, training my abs, studying, working on buisnesses and doing all my stuff - because I know if i leave her now i´ll feel so empty. And you´re right...When I work on myself and my goals and everything else i feel fantastic - I feel i can get all i should get, and I also feel I wanna use this experience as motivation, so that one day i´ll have girls like her and just use them as my fuckbuddies - I´ve despite all this gained around 8kg of weight, and alot of things have gone well, and I also put money aside for investments she wont hear about. So I wont destroy my life for her - But I definitely agree with you---it just hurts to know she doesnt care about me...I really thought she did care, i thought we were kinda friends...but maybe i dont fit into their whole smoking weed all the time thing, as i also did fear she´d kick me out of her life when no money+ no jobs left for her...all i otherwise get is minor stuff like putting socks, cleaning brushes, and then we talked about cleaning her windows...she also said she wants me to get a scissor to cut her lane...and if theres any garbage she will just be mad at me and tell me to get rid of it despite me having to spend hours driving it away and stuff...Ive started having thoughts of telling her to shut up and just leave her...but i wanna do this right if i am to do this so she will feel a loss.

    I made a short list, and I´m thinking of next time I see her, make sure I quickly get to try those things like her spitting on me, slapping me - she said it so many times but i wanna get it done so i can check those off..i made this list and i only have very few things left. I noticed after we try things she does them herself...

    Especially devastating was yesterday when he´d come and she´d hang out with him, he could ust go inside her house, on her bed, and they´d chill and have fun, while I got sent home, being told well we can do it on the weekend like we planned....Ive just asked her so may times, hell the reason i was willing to pay for all this was so i could have fun too. Like after i spent hours working for her, all i ask is a few minutes or an hour or so of bdsm fun or just chiling but no..i think i need to demand it or say if not then okay fine i´m done then...thats why i told her if we don´t seem to agree with what we want this will go bad so lets have a talk.

    I´am a bit suprised though that she doesn´t even see me as her friend - even today i know she got called to some work issue, and i tried to be supportive but was just shut down...I also think she lies to me, like i think she had people over for her birthday even though she said she didnt.

    She told me now i got to be be used by her while she could relax with her friends, but she felt it was more productive if i was working for her than just sitting on my knees on rice inside in a corner. She also said i should feel lucky as she could easily remove the food i get when we are together.

    The only sweet sides i do see at times, is like her giving me some nice leftovers, giving me cake because ive seen such a good slave, and juice or she´ll give me small candy treats and occasionally she´ll seem sweet and just tease me a bit...When i contacted her back in the day she said we got along well and i was a very sweet guy - but i think after doing these humiliations she has just lost respect for me..

    And I really appreciate your words, i felt I wanted to share this to warn other people too...It´s just not so fun..I even noted down girls ive met and when I imagine being with them, iget so fired up to work on myself - because i´d much rather do that, and i feel ashamed sorta that im letting them down, girls i could be with but choose not to.

    The good thing about this is that I do want to work on so much stuff - so i´m not attached too her too much - and so that i dont feel like a loser - its important to meto always feel i´m better than her and her friends/fwb - i´d mentally break if i really thought i was this total worthless loser...at the same time i do seek to try the most extreme stuff with her now...maybe go even further...but you´re right its so messed up. It really bothers me that i now maybe cannot redeem myself - but ironically an idea of me is to go just a bit deeper, and then as soon as thats done, then slowly but surely push away, and do less and less, and also show her i´m not one to be bossed around anymore with this - i want to "win", so its not her shutting the door but me telling her this is over. But i dont wanna do it in a sad/mad way because then i know i will regret having given her all this...just thinking about her friends having fun on stuff ive given her makes me sick...but can´t do that over.

    i also planned on taking her + her gf shopping but i skipped that + saved the money now as we went sorta shopping last time and i felt it was a total waste, so no way...and driving her to work is also a total waste as i get no "fun" out of it i feel. And she...she´s too stupid to understand how much i do - so i dont get why shes not more eager to like..well treat me like her slave but also like a friend at times...all i wanted was to have fun sometimes...i also have one idea of asking to maybe sleep over to try 24-48 hours of slavery...her friends can just sleep in her bed even guy friends, and i can tell they have so much fun, but when i try and joke around mostly i get ignored or put down right away, only the guy friend seems to get along with me fine, the others just find it so fun but i can see they get really into it too but its so clear in their eyes they think "lol what a pathetic guy" in a way it makes me want to show them who i also am - when im not her slave, part of me wants to show them how weak they are---like when she say i whine..i tell her well let me try it on you then, or your guy friends/fuck guys - but nope...she claims they wouldn´t whine as much as me...it makes me so annoyed, if they got zapped over and over so you get burn marks on your legs- they would.

    So yes i need to leave it, and i dont feel too sorry for myself, im more frustrated with how slow the humiliations is going as i just wanna be donewith this but i really dont feel i can leave before i did the last few things, and i guess i´ll feel bad if that means no contact with her, as i sorta want that...i think i also suffer from the having invested alot so now we dont wanna pull out thing, i forgot what its called. So i think maybe an idea is like you said, replace it all with other things in my life, that way its easier, and i will feel more confident - i told myself i´ll be confident now aswell demand more respect at times now.


    What you said here about controlling as many aspects as possible is so true though and I´ll definitely do that, because in the end I am in control. I made her, I made all of this. I am doing this - I have power, and I feel if i did this I can end it too.
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2020
  4. J707

    J707 Fapstronaut

    110
    212
    43
    Jesus dude. I read most and the post and I feel for you. Acceptance is the key to success and you understand that it’s wrong so you will definitely have a good road to recovery. You need to remove this gold digging female from your life. She is literally like the devil, abusing and killing your body and siphoning your money and happiness. You gotta let that go immediately. It’s not healthy and it’s not living
     
    Nkj25jjj, Thomku, eevahnits and 2 others like this.
  5. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

    87
    60
    18
    Funny you say shes the devil
    Just yesterday i think her gf joked about it and this girl asked me "I´m like a cruelle de vil am i not?" and i told her she for sure is, but she just thinks its so nice to have an errand boy, cleaner, all this.
    Im so happy you say too i should let her go right now...when so many say it...i should...but i just feel i need to do it smart..maybe i can slowly but surely now let her go, just by minimising contact.

    I just feel i created her, i told her how she changed from being a sorta shy and open to try it all - into now her talking jokingly of world domination...and i can see when she just calls me to check how obedient i am...yeah no respect for my time...then when shés not high or feeling in a good mood its back to being harsh and annoyed with me - So maybe i can time it when i like tell her, "okay i´m not gonna do this" and then make her feel a loss or at least some respect for me.
     
    eevahnits likes this.
  6. J707

    J707 Fapstronaut

    110
    212
    43
    No dude fuck that. You are a strong man and sure you’ve made mistakes but everyone does at some point. You need to learn from them and let it go now. She couldn’t care less about you. If you died today it would not affect her. If you were in an accident she wouldn’t care, if she hit you too hard on the ass with a whip she wouldn’t care. You are nothing more to her than entertainment and a pathetic excuse for a maid. You deserve someone who loves you and treats you right. You have to let that woman go immediately and not look back. That’s not your girlfriend and when you leave it won’t make a difference to her, it’s evil.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 22, 2020
  7. J707

    J707 Fapstronaut

    110
    212
    43
    You’re never going to make someone who did those horrible acts to you respect you. She’s never going to see you as the man you are. She is using you and yeah you can be friendly with someone that’s giving you money and being your maid but that’s as far as it goes. You’re nothing to this woman and all she’s going to do is suck your energy until you finally wake up or until the point you’re so ashamed that you kill yourself for letting it get that far. This is no joke man. You seem like you have a good head on your shoulders and you know it’s wrong. You can do it, just let them go now and don’t look back. Block everything
     
  8. J707

    J707 Fapstronaut

    110
    212
    43
    There is a woman, maybe even lots of women who will love you for you and who will want to have beautiful sex with you and give you their hearts. Don’t waste your time. You know what you have to do
     
    eevahnits and Ὀρφεύς like this.
  9. No offence but what an horrible and disgusting story to read. Its a real eye opener and makes me question my own fetishes and how much I've spent on them. i'm not even close to where you are tho.

    Well. You can't get her back. You've burned that bridge. What you can do is to have the self respect to leave.

    She doesn't listen and respect you anymore so theres no point in talking to her. She treats you like garbage and to be completely honest I dont understand how you can let someone treat you like that.

    But its a really good eye opener. Be careful what you wish for. You might just get it.
     
    eevahnits and Ὀρφεύς like this.
  10. PopularLoner

    PopularLoner Fapstronaut

    81
    86
    18
    Wait... First of all Who tf like's being a slave? Do you have siblings? Family? Why not spend your money on them... Think of this long-term you know she's eventually going to leave. THIS IS NOT REAL At All!! Plus is this how you want to live the rest of your life is this how anybody wants to live being a slave? People actually fought for freedom under slavery... Please be guided. Think of yourself before you die by accident from one of those electric shocks or from getting kicked in the balls one too many times or maybe its the disgusting shit she makes you eat that might get you!
     
  11. Gorgewalker

    Gorgewalker Fapstronaut

    Listen man, I understand where you're coming from with "getting things out of your system" but you can't check everything off. I'll say it as it is: you're making excuses. Once you've checked off everything you want to do so far, you'll come up with more. And then more. And you'll stay trapped. Part of you is scared of quitting, and I totally get that; it's something addicts of every breed and severity have to deal with, but it's something you have to overcome. It might be hard to break away, but you have to do it and you have to do it as soon as possible. Otherwise you're just kidding yourself. I know that because I lived in that state of self-denial and self-war for over a year. Believe me, the pain that will be caused by staying far outdoes any pain you could endure by breaking away from that woman entirely.
     
  12. engelman

    engelman Fapstronaut

    1,247
    5,281
    143
    Where is the part in which you say you want to get rid of all your kinky desires and fetishes? Do you really want to leave behind all that? If not ... what the hell are you really doing here?
     
  13. engelman

    engelman Fapstronaut

    1,247
    5,281
    143
    Btw, your story could trigger some people.
     
    Ὀρφεύς likes this.
  14. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

    87
    60
    18
    Thats why I´ve written my story and deleted it so many times, because I fear I will make other people do this..But I feel I owe to share how it really is, maybe one person will be warned. It already feels surreal to even be here posting stuff when I read it from others.
    The only thing I really take from this is how much control I got - I sort of thought if i can do this - i can do anything, no fear or anxiety like pickup, buisness, all this. And I do think it sort of helps me that way.

    I do want it gone yes, and it´s spot on about new ideas keep coming up which is why I now severely limited it...
    A great way to live by is a qoute I use which is: What will you regret the most?

    Sometimes both option A and option B sucks. So think about if, if you choose option A, will you regret not having chosen option B more than vice versa?
    Like lets say you have to pick between 2 movies, and you only can see them one time, whats your call?
    Or do you buy this game or this game? Do you go with this girl or that girl - all this - It really solves all problems i feel, when you think what will i regret the most? Because regret imo is the WORST pain of all, regret just always sucks...I knew with myself i had to try this or i´d regret not trying it...I think now i mostly regret i wasn´t much more demanding that we need to try XYZ humiliation idea or i wont do this - as when i have pushed it like rewards i usually get it...I just dont wanna have to pay for it - I keep telling her how if she doesnt find it fun, or if she doesnt tell me to do it...well then im just a...well i guess a freak who wants this -but she tells me to, then i´m her slave obeying her...its a sort of sense of having control and not feeling like a total loser. I think this also comes from my childhood as ever since i was a very young kid i´d have girls my age and older tie me up, beat me, humiliate me, and be used by them both finanically with candy or work stuff...I loved it...then proceeded with gf´s and stuff...
    The good thing is I will NEVER go back to online femdom - that is completely fake and i can highly recommend the young goddess site that now closed where the owner in a long essay wrtie abouts how all these is fake and how he knows as he used to be a like a producer, its such an eye opener.

    And its true once we get distance to all this, we think...wtf....I surely will too. Right now I want control over my life, and I think my ego...my ego has started saying enough is enough which is why she and me is having fights, as I´m sick of this. Also remember guys it doesnt take anything to be a loser, thats easy, thats why being dominant is tough work. I do plan on doing what i once did and try and focus on being dominant - and if you want a dominant gf, i think still best thing is where she worships you, and you dominate her mild or alot whatever she likes - and then you can try for fun kinky small games and build from there - that can work as she´ll still see you as a real man. But this is totally different, what im doing is real modern life slavery.

    I mainly now just want to figure out a way to have a talk to her...and see how i can get the last stuff tried out, and or try to be her friend...my idea was just when we hang out, or with her friends that i could still be her slave, but still have fun. I think it could work, but not sure due to how harsh she has started being...and if i piss her off i think she´ll just cut me loose...like when she touched me with a disgusting broom yesterday, and said if i look at her or dont work fast i get it on my head, she would be standing right next to me, she also loves going down on her knees, lowering herself and talking to me while on all fours...i joked about how she could treat me ike a friend and be nice, that it suits her - and she´ll be like "okay, will you please do this *smiley face*"

    The one thing i guess you do get though is you...well usually..i guess i didnt but you can get a very close bond together...sometimes i also felt being a bf is not enough - i feel a slave has "access" to whole other side of the woman, and gets to do so much - i want the best of both worlds both the woman submitting to you and you to her that way you can enjoy it all - if you´re into that which i am...i wont get this with this chick and thats okay and wasnt the goal - even though i cant deny of course i´d say yes if offered. I think its natural when you worship someone like that.

    I just need to figure out a way now to speak to her, so i can hopefully get to sit down with her and she can say exactly what she wants, and i can say what i want...as i still dont think this whole friend thing she say we can try will workout...another idea i have is try to be even more eager and thankful for her...right now im waiting for another chance where shes in the mood with her gf so i can try a bunch of stuff and they can have so much fun, because it is fun together...like she´ll sing in the car and i´ll tell her she cant sing worth a crap and she´ll sing louder and have so much fun and i´ll test her and tease her...so i do try to maintain some level of flirtation in a way...but more and more its just all about punishment and obeying her and harsh rules. So its almost fascinating how shes changing...its an experiment, and i wonder what the solution is if there is any..besides quitting her. For now i´ll just lower the contact with her and not drive her all the time...so it´ll be way less.
     
    eevahnits likes this.
  15. J707

    J707 Fapstronaut

    110
    212
    43
    I read your reply and it seems like you've disregarded or ignored everything everyone else has said above. I don't think any regular Nofap users or anyone w a fetish here can help you. Perhaps someone who's recovered from what you're dealing with but at this point it seems like you really need a therapist to help you sort out the childhood trauma. It's not your fault that things are like this and childhood really molds people you know? I urge you to seek out real world help because you're going to end up dead or idk dead. There's no way a human being is going to live as a slave. You're a slave to her and to your own mind and I fear saying anymore because I feel as though it may turn you on or something. Just do your best man, we only get one life to live. I hope you figure this out one day.
     
    Ὀρφεύς and engelman like this.
  16. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

    87
    60
    18
    I really appreciate the help. The only thing I´ve done is put a date, and i got a timer counting down second by second to the specific date which is coming up soon and that day I told myself i need to be done with it all and that day will tell her its over. I dont intend to doing this forever nor for very long...I´m also slowly but surely increasing NoFap days, like 3 days, 7 days, 14 days, etc. And then I only fap to regular porn or nothing at all but my mind of me being dominant to hopefully rewire my brain.

    I learned as guys we can be brainwashed through our dick to cum to a shoe. Like I´ve thought about a garbage bag and been turned on or paying for a girls dates. But if we imagine stuff like a girl on her knees giving a BJ i think we can rewire it, I´m not sure, but i intend to increase NoFap days everytime and then staying away from all online femdom/findom. + Have shut my wallet off to her, so its less and less but in a more relaxed way.
     
  17. hollyman

    hollyman Fapstronaut

    1,185
    2,439
    143
    have ur dignity back jeez please man, ur abusing yourself by doing something they told to you

    no woman like man who had less value than her,, man destined to lead..not to be slave of woman bro. its natural thing's that even animal like lion or cheetah or what ever it is always place a male as a leader not a slave

    i dont have any experience that so extreme like that. thank you for the sharing.... now im rethingking about all my sexual fantasies... i mean its just great on image but the reality must be not far from this...its a fake
     
    Kilrunio likes this.
  18. engelman

    engelman Fapstronaut

    1,247
    5,281
    143
    Don't be so naive, fetishes don't work like that. Our brain is great at making up new kinky things to lure us. Try to stop as soon as possible or you will end up carrying with them for the rest of your life.
     
    Kilrunio likes this.
  19. hollyman

    hollyman Fapstronaut

    1,185
    2,439
    143

    this person had a good point..... and i encourage you to do that go met some therapist man

    youre a free man not a slave
     
  20. I have spent half an hour reading this - it was a really sad story, even if it looks like my dream. :( First, you will not fool devil. The world doesn't work that way. So far you are a spider victim who is lying on a spider web. In your case there is no happy ending with this person. You must quit this. Your queen is a st***d apathetic b***h, who will achieve nothing in life. Only a dumb person could do that to you. Go to therapy, maybe it could help to understand your emotions - it is everything that you can do speaking about your fetishes. And yea, it had triggered me and it looks like my dream, but I really know that being a slave can't be human purpose. Turn your head to the sky. You can try these weird things but in the end you must defend human greatness. You look like really ambitious and talented man, you should try to rise above the clouds, not to be a shoe worm. I wish that you will reward us with a success story.
     
    PopularLoner and Kilrunio like this.

Share This Page