Extreme real life story - femdom/findom slavery to a girl addiction - *Possibly triggering story !*

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Kilrunio, Apr 22, 2020.

  1. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    I heard of push pull, which was about iirc push away from where you are, and pull towards where you want to be, so if you can do both both dislike where you are and desire to be somewhere else, like a new job for instance then thats powerful.

    I´m def starting to feel so sick of this whole thing tho. I know how fake the online stuff is, and i know these girls are just using me and doesnt care about me nor that is it any fun really. I just want a new refreshed life. Ive been thinking after deleting them from my phone, i´ll change my phone number too. Fresh start. Moving on from this whole thing. Foucisng on new thigns filling my life with new experiences
     
  2. ankith

    ankith Fapstronaut

    oh it's just the play, I thought you got castrated for really through some surgery lol.
     
  3. Prince Macintosh

    Prince Macintosh Fapstronaut

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    First off, congratulations for getting the first step done. You (or she, it doesn't matter) have cut off contact. The next step for you is to start establishing healthy habits and breaking away from femdom to help your mind heal. I'd suggest weaning back to femdom that doesn't insult you as a start if you think cold turkey won't stick. Sometimes harm reduction is a good place to start with extreme cases. Would also STRONGLY, STRONGLY suggest at least some therapy to get some help and accountability around the issues. There are likely some pretty strong underlying beliefs driving the behavior (our thoughts drive our behaviors).

    Lastly, I realize all of this is (somewhat) unsolicited advice. IMO, you need lots of help to break this cycle (you've said as much), so please don't take it the wrong way. Most of us just want to help you. Therapy would be huge for you I think. Let me know if you need referrals. I know some great ones.
     
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  4. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    So final update:

    Its finally over. I ended it. I thought she had ended it but i was wrong. I went to her gave her money for her hair, and apparently i had not been cut off at all. So i did some more tasks for her.

    I also saw her gf...that was awful...ended up with me spending a ton of money again for pretty much nothing in return...these girls are some of the biggest takers ever..take take take and give nothing back...like i pay them more than they can earn in an entire day of work yet they cant even like spit on me or do a fun thign for me for 5 min....i coudl perhaps had called them out on how stupid they were and refused to do anything otherwise but then it feels not real...but ye i jus tgot used so much....i throw money away for nothing i get nothing out of it no fun no 24/7 no nothing....its so so minor what i got like lick shoes or just put to work again...

    Anyway i ended it with her gf fully...well i just told myself not to come back there...i was done...im not sure if i can upload pictures here but...
    What happened was her gf had this idk plastic thing...and she would make me get on my knees and put my hands out...and then hit me...as a punishment...when i wanted to leave and also had refused to do some work i wanted to get out of there fast...she came and told me again to put my hands out while on my knees and that she didnt care and was annoyed at me...this is the chick who once punched me in my face....shes insecure and i can tell i could had bene friends with these girls like ocne we hugged etc but thigns have turneed to this...

    So what happened was she hit me...and this plastic thing instead of only hitting my hands she hit my arms underneath and i got bruised...one hit was so bad i got so scared my wrist was gonna burst, it was very swollen and cut, and i feared i´d be leaking a ton of blood...now in hindsight it wasnt that bad, it was a small cut nothing major and just a tiny scratch...but i got scared...the wound is still healing now a week later.

    I left and got to my car and looked it was so swollen..and i really realized too how fucked up this whole thing was...and yet all i wanted was to be destroyed financially, beaten up completely just fucked up and degragded and humiliated in the worst ways possible....and it turned me on....this had to stop..

    I told myself as i drove home this was it...and now i blocked and deleted her...shes gone...

    My wound got a bit black too...my main girl joked that i had become a cutter...the wound guys isnt bad just a scratch it sounds much worse than it is..but its still not good to be injured like that...my mind instantly thought yay lets pay her and let her beat me up with marks like that all over my arms...wtf...i told myself i´d now end it with the main girl...and i did my last task for her...and then...time to end it...so...

    Main girl..today i texted her that i had to end it and could no longer be her slave...i thanked her for having been my mistress and for having beeh her slave and the fun times...and i wished her the best and goodbye...

    No response...i can now move on.

    Its over...i have many regrets of money lost ,energy and time lost and how i let myself be treated and how iwasnt more demanding..but i can use this in the future to make me tsand up for myself, be stronger, let it make me work harder..and protect myself from people like this...

    Im not a loser and im not weak.

    It is finally done guys...i had been so mentally messed up by this whole thing...i can only say stay away from shit like this.

    Lastly - i want to thank each and everyone of you. Never in my life have i ever seen or been met with such geniuine support, both to the people tryign to wake me up and others offering emotional support.

    I really mean this guys, thank you. I so hope one day i´ll somehow randomly meet you and be able to do good stuff for you. You deserve the absolute best in life. So many smart intelligent good men in here. Truly good hearthed people. I got nothing but respect and admiration for you my brothers.

    Thank you. You saved me from this.

    Before all this started i thought i wanted too to be have a cool story on here and be in some fucked up shit....now...this whole thing sounds so sick....yet it was real...but my nightmare is over..i felt like crying both of relief and sad its over... i wanted my fantasy world to be real, but it was hell for the most of it...

    I can win by using these expeirences to save me and others in the future, so whatever pain i suffered i can save 10 times that in the future, same for money and other things.

    This will likely be my last post in this thread. And its fully over now.

    Thank you so much again. I really really mean it. Thank you. I wish i could put more energy into how thankful i am, but i really really am. You´re the best.

    Over and out. Freedom here I come.
     
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  5. Prince Macintosh

    Prince Macintosh Fapstronaut

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    It's hard to know whether or not you will stick to being done with this monster. Every contact is a relapse back in, and you will surely be tempted to reach out again. If I may, I'd suggest keeping us all posted on this thread as to your latest progress toward freedom, and allow us to be your shield against a very, very powerful addiction. Keep us posted. We want to see you get free. It might inspire others to do the same.

    Lastly, it sounds like this person damn near killed you. Think about that.
     
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  6. subguy451

    subguy451 New Fapstronaut

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    Kilrunio, after reading this entire thread, I felt compelled to create an account and leave a reply. I went through this exact situation myself a few years back. I've always been submissive, but had only just began to start looking for something in real life, rather than just porn, and I ran into this girl on collarspace that said she was into submissive guys. So we went on a few dates, started hanging out, and eventually I realized that she wasn't looking for a submissive partner, so much as she wanted a doormat.

    Much like you, I was given empty promises about trying out new things, only to work hard for them and never see it happen. I was mopping floors, cleaning her bathroom, doing dishes, running errands, etc. She would keep saying that maybe we'd try being bf/gf and do the whole 24/7 thing, but it never happened. We did just enough kinky shit that I was blinded to how terribly she treated me.

    I eventually found out she had been doing this with guys for years. When I voiced my concerns about the relationship, she would respond positively and again offer me empty promises. I had never been in any sort of real life femdom relationship, so initially I had felt lucky to have anything at all. But a few months in after nothing had changed, I did some thinking and came to a realization about her. She is a horrible person. The person you were serving is the same way. I read your whole story and it describes the same person.

    No regard for submissive men, just a desire to use them. That's all I was to her. She claimed to be into other ideas, but especially after finding out about her past relationships with other sub guys, I realized she is just a serial abuser of naïve, submissive guys. I was at her place doing some cleaning after I made this realization, and there was a point where I needed a break and sat down. She wasn't having it, started telling me to get back to work. I just started gathering all my shit, didn't say anything. She said "what's the matter with you"? I opened the door, said I don't like you, and walked out.

    Ask yourself this. Would you ever, in a million fucking years, treat someone else like you were treated. I know I wouldn't. And I saw you scoff earlier at getting involved in the local kink community, but I think that's a mistake. After I left that woman, I got involved in a few local groups. I wish I had done that first. All of them warn you about this shit, and what to look out for. And once you have a bunch of friends in the community, they will have your back.

    I have a tight knit group of about 10 friends now that I met in this femdom group. I regularly serve three different Dommes right now. No money exchanges hands. There are conversations all the time about expectations, and making sure everyone's on the same page. And there is mutual respect and even love. I still get to do nasty, humiliating shit. But the night usually ends in cuddles or at least hugs. I'm now dating one of them, too. Honestly, it's the best thing I ever did, and I only wish I had got into it sooner, before I ran into that woman.

    Your submission is a gift. You need to learn to value it. There are women out there who will put your submission in the right perspective, and treat you so well, and with love. Don't give your submission to terrible people. That is a big mistake. Trust your gut. These women abused the shit out of you. They, themselves, are shit. I'm really happy for you, that you ended it, and I hope it's for good. There are so many other women out there that are into this sort of thing that aren't human scum. Go find them. Don't settle for that type of trash again.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 26, 2021
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  7. Ray S

    Ray S Fapstronaut

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    I've read your initial story and some part of the reactions.

    I understand why you have done and/or enjoy it, but you indeed need to stop like others suggest.

    I think it makes it most difficult, on one hand you might want to be treated without respect and worship her and on the other hand your inner self is in conflict because you think: "How could I let someone do this to me?".
    Good thing you want to establish limits and a relationship with limits.

    I understand the part you see a sight of a female being submissive you otherwise would have never saw.

    My Dominatrix encounters are all paid for and I can not suggest this, as this will also have a negative financial impact as well as guilt, shame etc.

    What @subguy451 suggests is a better path, I should maybe look for likeminded people and not directly search for a Domme woman.
    But just build friendships and a networ.
     
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  8. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    This may be the best reply ive seen...it really hit home...Truly thank you man...It really means a lot.

    Like wow man, thank you for taking the time read through it all and making this post. I can tell you know what you´re talking about, and I really appreciate that the warmth in your post. You´ve made me realize that I think you´re right, I have been wrong about saying no to a local community, and I get what you mean by them having your back, warning you about this, and I think its amazing and so happy for you now you these friends, and even et to serve these women and date on of them, you get to do the nasty humiliating shit but also get the good, its the right way to do. The only way for this to be possible without being hurt. This gives me a lot of vibes to a woman Ive had contact to whos helped me so much, shes done so so much for me and has had slaves for 10+ years, and always taken care of them, shes helped me so much and been super sweet to me telling me about these girls aint dommes but are just girls whos abused a sweet puppy like me who doesnt know any better. Shes been on pont about everything shes said ,and shes the best thing ive met in this whole industry. Its like the most perfect match i could ever imagine, the slightlest thing id do for her shes super girly feminine and happy about, and shes into every single thing i wanna do, shes highly successful extremely intelligent - and just on a whole other level. Ive never seen a woman like her. A message from her can make me more happy than a full day of slavery. Shes also told me to protect myself, self care and end this.

    Thats what I need - people like her, people like you talked about there. None of this toxic stuff....I used to be so afraid of losing this girl I served, but that was a mistake. Because whenever i´d want to leave shed realize what she was about to lose...And the red flags really showed when I would try my best to have talks, go for food, have fun laugh, joke, really talk - thinking we got great chemistry only to see her next day complain if i can´t drive her or be bitchy about something making me go like...wtf happened here?

    When I think back to last year it was so bad...getting slapped and hit while driving a car, being kicked, and treated like total shit, like if she wanted me to drive her to and from work + do errands if there was just one day i couldnt do it, she´d get so mad and try make me change it...its first this year where i pulled back and got in contro lagain both financially and not spending time with her...but like you said, a lot of hard work and just empty promises...still didnt even get to try my 24/7 day...hell i always wanted to try cuck stuff and pay for dates, but i knew if i just mentioned it again she´d think i promised it and all sort of shit...And i was like no i said if we did it...i only tried to talk to you about so i could see if its fun for me too....but again she instantly thought its a done deal...like if you tell her you can give her 500-1000 dollars, she only hears 1000 dollars.

    When i paid for some recordings where she told me i was a loser, and was her slave like for brainwash - when she had said it (it was less than 20 seconds) i didnt even get to hear it finished before she said she still hadnt recieved money for it...She also kept deleting me from snapchat and facebook...i could really tell how much she has no respect for me.

    Even tho that was the goal i feel there is a big difference between doing this for fun and treating someone like this and then truly not respecting the person...like its meant to be fun for us both...but i was so attahced to her i strived to be the "best slave" i was basically on stand by 24/7, morning, midday, evening...she could call me at night and i´d be right over...

    Its so horrible now i think about it, it felt like a double life...even now her gf texts me if i got time etc..and my mind goes...yes lets do it...this is why im changing my number, i need to cut this off completely.

    What you said about your realization..that is so true...When we were out shopping, she would talk bad about the employee right as they could hear us...i told her that woman could hear you...but she didnt care...i also came to the conclusion that girl is just a horrible person. Sure she can be sweet and nice, but she has so many red flags and when shes angry she acts crazy...i knew she was a troubled girl from her past, and i know she also takes some drugs, and the whole smoke and some tattoos she now regrets..its a lot of red flags, doesnt have to be, but often it is.

    I really thought we had something, but it really was only about one thing...it was also hard to have to get turned on by and love being told im not a man, or hear about her guy she dates, from both of them and being told i ma fucking loser...i started loving it, the rejection, the totla humiliation, like i even asked for pay to eat her shit, or to be beaten completely...its so sick...while with the woman i talk to shes focused on health and fun. Its like polar opposites...

    I now know why abused poeple have a hard time quitting.

    I have so much respect for you that you were able to get out, and just stand up and walk out. Well done. You´re a very intelligent and strong man I can tell. And im sorry you had to go through all that with that woman...it sucks we give so much money and energy to a woman who ultimately didnt deserve it, and by far was not a goddess, queen or princess...sadly i noticed with most girls its not too hard to date them/make them adore you...but as a sub our fantasy is to worship them, but doing so inreal life often means a woman lose respect for you unless its women like you met - or the woman i met who knows im not weak and really respects me - despite us being able to do all this stuff...its only fun for her.

    "Much like you, I was given empty promises about trying out new things, only to work hard for them and never see it happen. I was mopping floors, cleaning her bathroom, doing dishes, running errands, etc. She would keep saying that maybe we'd try being bf/gf and do the whole 24/7 thing, but it never happened. We did just enough kinky shit that I was blinded to how terribly she treated me."

    This thing is just so spot on...Yes you get blinded by how horrible you get treated...its just so horrible...its like how did this happen...because i know im not weak, i dont think her guy is better than me and i dont think this girl is better than me...its just for fun and a fantasy and a game...but when she took me out in a forest with her gf, i got to throw myself in the mud for them to walk over, while having my shocker on...but its was so horrible how i´d be kneeling down and she´d be angry i had given her gf money and only her a bit of money when i knew she had rent issues..like i once said hey if you need money then the money im saving for your luxury you can ofc spend it on whatever you like, luxury is more fun but the option is there if you wanna spend it on to help make things easier...and thta led to her thinking and sort of demanding i paid for her rent...she acted so insane, and wanted me to take loans....she was so scary and insane...

    And now was mad i hhad given her gf...and again empty promises about i could get fun after paying...but didnt happen...i even got her giftcard for her fav store, which she ended up selling to pay rent and help with bills, and the gucci bag i got her, now months later i was told with the whole 24/7 thing that i had my chance, that was over now...i was like wtf????????????????

    Also these girls annoys me because they are so stupid...like her gf recently i paid like 750 dollars, and i got basically no fun, but of sheo licking, hard work, some garbage, but when i wanted her like we taked about to put on lipgloss to spit on me..nope wouldnt happen...like wtf- she says too it would happen but it wont.
    So she rather go to work, work for several days...than spend 10 minutes giving me some fun + get the same money????

    Its only if i tell them straight up and do the math for them they seem to realize it....even so its basically no fun...ive never had a lets do 2 hour of funwhere i choose....i even said then i´ll pay for it fine then...but my mentalit yhas always been i dont wanna pay directly for it as i dont like pro domme stuff..so i dont wanna pay 100 dollars for 1 hour of fun...but i dont mind paying a big expensive bag and then indirectly get fun for that...because i dont want it to be like transactions...yet seems like i should had done so

    I paid sooooooooo much money several thousands of dollars, on apartment stuff too..boring stuff....and stuff i hoped i could get fun out of....but even back then she´d tell her gfs i was saving up and i was like wtf??? im spending my time slaving for you - spending my money on you, nearly 10000 dollars in two months...and you expect me to still be daving up? how should i do that when i work for you, and dont got time to make more money?

    I drained myself more and more, kept pushing it hoping she would stop, but she told me she kept going as i never said stop...i should had said no and only spent on fun luxury things for her, not boring grocery shopping and stuff....again whenever id tell her she laugh and say i was right and she could see how silly it was...yet again demand i had drinks and cigarettes for her next day...that shit adds up.

    Sometimes it was paying and work - and maybe 10 seconds like literally 10 seconds, of two licks on each shoe and thats it bye bye...these days i demanded fun, so i got fun while i worked...but i shouldnt have to..

    The woman i talk to? Im sure i could spend an entire day there just having fun with her..shes so sweet to me....i gave everything i had, energy, money, time...ive cried before her...like when we got her her bag, and she would be angry and punch me, and id cry when she would yell at me...so horrible...i was so attached to making her happy.

    Now...now im angry...if a girl does this to me - watch me. I´ll put her in her place...makes me feel like find a girl like her, make her love me, dump her. Be in charge, show these bitches they aint shit....but i dont need to do that - i just need to stand up for myself and walk out like you did...and forgiveness is fine...but at some point we know we´re just giving new chances all the time without anything changing...

    Thank you so much for your post man. It really hit home. Sounds like you too were naive and inexpeirneced one like me...Now you´re far stronger and better than ever. I want to do the same. And now its time to do that. Thank you so much again. I truly appreciate it, and have read your posts several times now. It really hits home and wakes me up to the reality. I just really regret all the money spent...itts scary how i wont spend 5 bucks on myself but i could spend thousands on her without a seocnd thought and get nothing out of it...it makes mefeel ashamed when my family, friends are struggling and ive been doing that...its disgusting to them too...

    This findom and femdom industry is scary...it an destroy good strong men who get pulled in...so horrible. Self care and remebering being submissive doesnt mean weak is important..and thnakyou for reminding me my submission is a gift...it can keep you humble, and hard working. It takes a woman like the one i talk to or hte ones youve met to know how strong we are, useful, resssourceful and skilled. Not weak...And we should never let ourselves be treated like this by horrible people like that, who when it comes down to it..they are below us. We chose this, we can end it too. And thats what you did and I did.

    I wish you all the best and hope i can find people like you, and the people you mentioned. Thats truly what i should do now, people who have my back.
     
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  9. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    "I think it makes it most difficult, on one hand you might want to be treated without respect and worship her and on the other hand your inner self is in conflict because you think: "How could I let someone do this to me?".
    Good thing you want to establish limits and a relationship with limits."

    Yes exactly like this...also that its just sort of contradicting like you want respect and be treated well but also the nasty stuff and worshipping...its hard not to lose respect for her person unless this truly is for fun while also being real while you do it...it takes a special woman to be able to do this with. And than kyou for the warnings about pro dommes yeah thats why i dont go to those..but ive been really close to.
     
  10. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Hey forgot to reply to you. Its good you mentioned this addiction, this very powerful addiction..and like all addictions it keeps telling you...just one more time...one last time...do it one last time, so its done right and then goodbye...and it never is...only way is to just cut it, deal with wanting to do it again and then let time calm it down no matter how long it is, and fill your life with other things...

    I contacted my tele company and they are ready to give me a new phone number, so i hope by tommorow i can have a new number...this way im completely free and out of it...because just now her gf called me and she nealry made me go over there...now i told her too im done with this slave stuff and she was quite understanding, i only texted the main girl i served havent heard from her but at least she wont contact me now

    and now this gf wants money, because she needs it and offered to sell her pee to me, and do some beatings on me and also told me it wasnt her intention to hurt me like that last time....still she punched me one time right in the face and called me a fag when she was angry once, thats when i saw her bad side..

    Now she wants to meet up this week, so she can get money to something she needs like an airplane ticket to see a dead fmaily member and she apparently has no money..i dont get these girls they must wste their money since they never have any savings or spent it on stupid shit...

    Well im wasting mine on findom..so now hse wants like 500 dolalrs to sell her pee and do some beatings and rope and ducttape with me with garbage bag over my head and stuff like that...

    i told her i gotta check if i got that money and that from next week im super busy...

    after the call ended and n i made sure to have jerked off i was like no no no no no..this woman that helps me told me to escape while i can wtf am i doing...i keep going back and forth..

    i need to stop this....im not gonna go there..i told myself that i had been htere for the last time.... im so horrible with cutting people off, so damm horrible...i need to say no....im gonna message her later today and tell her no it wont be possible....that i have checked and i cant...im not gonna go there.

    I really hope i hear from my tele company- i wanna change my phone number and be out of this shit...i dont want them to contact me...im just waiting for the tele company to respond and it will be changed.
     
  11. Prince Macintosh

    Prince Macintosh Fapstronaut

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    "im so horrible with cutting people off, so damm horrible...i need to say no....im gonna message her later today and tell her no it wont be possible"

    There's your problem. STOP. CONTACTING HER.

    I get it, I really do. It's an addiction. But see the trap for what it is. "I need to cut her off. I'll just call her and tell her no more." Messaging her is a terrible, terrible idea if you want to get better. You need some accountability brother. You're playing Russian Roulette with your life over there. I'm not sure what sort of trauma you went through when you were younger to give you the idea that you deserved to be treated this way, but fuck that. NO one deserves to be treated this way, I don't care who told you otherwise or what you might have done in your past to feel you deserve it. They treat convicted murderers far better than you're treating yourself (and she's treating you). Get yourself a real-time AP that you can talk with or message with in real time (PMs, Skype, text, whatever) and stop messaging this horrible, horrible human being.
     
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  12. zaba99

    zaba99 Fapstronaut

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    Damn that's amazing I also went to kinky munches but sadly most of women there are overweight, old or just submissive girls but finding young dommes is veryyy hard. I wish I never had this BS in my head, sometime i just wish that i can go to sleep and never wake up again...
    Femdom is a disease!
     
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  13. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for your understanding. I guess a lot of addictions are like that, the whole, just one more time, the final time. Which is not logical because if you want to stop - why do the the thing you want to quit? It makes zero sense. Like some how the brain tries to keep us there. It know we will fail or something like that.

    I think you´re right, ive been thinking so many good men here have tried to help me, and my brain just goes yeah yeah thats fine, but its not that bad, and it was that bad.

    An update though is that I ended up calling her. She told me she thought my message to her was kinda weak, like she starte dtalking about that i should had taken her shopping one last time, and about the a payment she said we had talked about/had in our slave contract - its some money she once mentioned, she said if i wanted to quit i had to pay like i think like 1500-3000 dollars or so... at one point i even considered it....but me telling her i already spent that on her was not accepted...i told myself no way will i do that.

    Anyway she was just annoyed - and i didnt really know where i was going with the conversation...sort of like quitting but saying well it is fun but i gotta do this...but then like when the conversation started i tried saying to her i wanted to give her some money for her to buy hair products..some money i still wanted to give her...this was just to get the conversation started...so we agreed to meet the day after, i felt good as my plan was to give it to her and finally end it..then now i had met her, i had talked to her. I knew her reaction.

    But right after she texted me i could transfer the money because she was very annoyed at me that i would meet her gf but couldnt even be her slave.

    I told her wtf im not seeing your gf...so it was a misunderstanding...so she was open to seeing each other....then she started saying she had made a list of chores but then got that sms from me...and she wanted me to do a small task the day we´d meet but i tried saying i got work so no.

    Anyway she didnt get back to me before late night so us meeting early was skipped, she said she mad many things to have done before work tho...i was thinking she meant things i should do.....but i ended up just saying can i not just transfer it to you...so i did... so we didnt meet...i was on my way to her driving..but i turned around stopping myself...im happy i did that...because i had told mself it was the last time id´come there so i should stick to it.

    So anyway after that, her gf had texted me aswell saying she thought it was disrespectful i had just ignored her message if we could see each other...but she only wanted us to see each other due to her wanting money for a plane ticket so she tried to sell me her pee and slave fun for like 500 dollars... i didnt want to anyway id not wanna go there anymore..
    i told myself call her and if no respone text her...so i called and i told her like it was..im done with this..

    Sometimes these girls are great to talk to and its fun..other times i see monsters...abusers....horrible people...her gf was actually easy to talk to this time....its like up and down with these girls. She was understanding and accepted i didnt want to do it anymore. She also tried asking if she could burrow money from me but i told her its not personal but i dont do that anymore with friends, it complicates things and last time i never got paid back.

    She understood. And was actually really nice about it all...So that was one down. I felt good.
    I called the main girl i served, no response...so called her gf again as i didnt feel i had told her enough that it was over so i made sure she knew we´d not be seeing each other..she understood and again was nice about it all...she even told me too i nthe first call that if i wanted we could had seen each other without her gf, the main girl knowing..i was suprrised by this.

    Anyway it felt good to have it ended in a good way.

    Then the main girl called back - and we talked, she siad she´d find another slave, i kinda thought ye right...i dont think its true when she says gys have messaged her about this on fb etc...but who knows....anyway she said she didnt feel she had pressured me a lot this past ½ year, and i said yeah its ture we havent done much but i still want to end this...ive made up my mind... it was so hard to do this for me...she didnt really understand it seem like why i couldnt still be a slave...it was so obvious to me how this girl just wants someone to do chores for her...afterall she did message me once thanking me for opening her eyes to this...but its just barely nay fun you get its just one sided..i started this...i end this...we´re her because i made it so..we´re here because i decided to...if i didnt nd hdnt put the money and work in we´d not be here...yet now she feels or thinks this is how slave stuff works and will be. No way....not anymore...i want my fun and i dont feel its worth it..i should had ended it long ago...cut my losses and move on.

    So finally...i said im ending it. And wished her the best and said thank you for having let me be your slave...and said goodbye.

    Guys...When i ended the call...i felt such a relief like it was truly now over, i didnt feel a need to do more...
    It was raining a lot that day, and i started running home...i wanted to cry so badly...it was so weird...

    I barely got inside my home before i burst in tears...i just cried and cried, i was sad, but it didnt feel like sadness..it feels like i had come through hell and survived...like a hell was over...i didnt feel sad at all afterwards and it was quick.

    I think it was all the stress i had built up inside of me finally being released..it was over..

    I then got my number changed and well...now its been a few days....and its over - and ive moved on. Im not going back.
    My wounds on my arm has nearly healed now.

    I truly feel its over - im not going back...and the relief of it being over...i cant describe it....now all i feel is a fool for having let myself suffer all that shit.

    It truly is 100% over now. Im not going back. And it feels good to have my number changed. Everything is over and done. Im out of it.

    I will try all i can to protect myself from toxic people going forward.
     
    rsdot and TimeToQuitNow like this.
  14. Prince Macintosh

    Prince Macintosh Fapstronaut

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    Hey man this is FANTASTIC to hear. That is GREAT progress. I can totally understand the uncontrollable sobbing. You have to mourn what is lost, no matter how toxic or painful it was to begin with. Mourning is normal. Now for the part of never contacting her again and getting mentally healthier and rebuilding your confidence and correcting the pathways of rationalization and denial you've forged.

    You need a plan, Stan. Without a plan on fixing the underlying issues, you'll head right back down that path. You've pulled up the weeds, but haven't gotten at the roots yet.

    So what's the plan?

    And again, CONGRATULATIONS. You've gotten AWAY from hell and made some very hard, very concrete steps. Time to keep moving forward.
     
    Kilrunio likes this.
  15. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    Congrats! Hold yourself too that. It would be heartbreaking if you go back after all this
     
    Kilrunio likes this.
  16. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Thank you and thank you TimeToQuitNow.

    Thats a great saying. Pulled up the weeds, but haven´t gotten to the roots yet. I mean with femdom and findom if thats what you mean here, then yeah i need to work on it. Right now i´m completely removing my porn, i had some saved femdom porn videos, and would watch femdom porn etc so all that is gone.

    Then ive been thinking about saying no more femdom or findom porn watching etc. And i wanna try do nofap, slowly increasing it, get to a week, two weeks etc.

    I just need to get away from this femdom porn.

    Meanwhile I need to build my testoterone, i need to build muscles, and face my fears, not be so scared. My whole life ive felt inferior often like weak physcially, had to be extra nice to not get beaten. Even if i flirt with a girl i feel i cant protect her or some man could bully me.

    If want to come to know peace i must come to know pain. Ive started working out now. Im so weak. So weak. But i can build myself up. I can read books, improve, become social.
    I need to try to be the leader because it seems like all women are followers, even the high qualtity women, they still find a man to follow it seems.
    Maybe i wont get rid of femdom completely, but i really need to get away form this unhealthy stuff.

    Its been a way to get attention, approval from women. Like feel lucky that you get to be in a womans life, make it better, even if that means all that suffering and sacrifice. Thats not health yand the woman would be far happier if i was like more of a manly man.

    I need to balance it and maybe find the right girl for me too.

    I need to protect myself from toxic people, stand up for myself, and not be so scared but go get what i want.

    I think many men are into cuckold, femdom findom as a short cut to a gf, and a way to cope with feeling inferior and miserable. Like ive been able to sexualize rejection, trash, being called a loser..the worst things...because its attention...but now i know how all these videos are fake. These slave videos...aint no woman giving you so much attention or caring if you´re locked in chastity...its a fantasy by these femdom porn sites.

    The whole be a slave and get attention is true tho, but its so unhealthy. We deserve someone who loves us, cares for us, wants the best for us. Like the woman i talk to who told me these girls werent real dommes but just using me.

    And maybe now its time i can help other men too if i see someone in need. Use my experience to help.

    Thank you for your reply again. I really appreciate it, and that you show so much effort and care. I really hope you have success in everything you do, i am truly so surprised by the level of support here. I like it when men help each other out. I really want to not only take help but give help. So i will try to not be so weak now, and build myself up so i can be strong. I wont ever let it get so bad like it did with those girls...ive thought so much about the horrible things...so terrible...but its in the past now. Its done.

    I just want this to be a closed chapter now. Ideally just let this thread vanish or end. I feel its fullfilled its purpose, and is done. If i continue writing here it doesnt feel like its that over. and I want it to be. So may be last reply. I may not delete it idk, maybe. But now i just want to enjoy my peace and build myself and head to new adventures.
     
    TimeToQuitNow likes this.
  17. Prince Macintosh

    Prince Macintosh Fapstronaut

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    Good for you. Feel free to ignore this as you try to close this chapter of your life, but if I might suggest one last thing. Get strong for yourself, not because you think that's what a woman would want. Do it for you. Do it for confidence and self-esteem if that's what you're after. But start living for you, not for others. Much more peace in that direction. Happiness is not dependent upon finding validation in other human beings, women or otherwise. You must validate yourself and know that you are doing good things and are trying to be a good person. Peace and serenity will follow. One day you'll look back on this terrible experience as a valuable learning experience you can use to help others overcome similar struggles, and you'll be grateful for that. I don't believe that "everything happens for a reason" but I do believe that every experience can be used to some benefit, for self or others.

    Again, congrats on your progress so far. Keep going. Feel free to PM any time.
     
    TimeToQuitNow and Kilrunio like this.
  18. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. Excellent advice. Get strong for yourself. Do it for you. Yes I really like that advice. Yes looking back at and using it as a learnng experience for strengths and to help others. You got a great mindset. I agree not everything happens for a reason but we can make a purpose or learning experience out of an experience, and use it in a positive manner for self and others. Very wise words, thank you so much. You´re very kind and I wish you all the best, you deserve it. Thank you. I´ll def try to do so.
     

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