Extreme real life story - femdom/findom slavery to a girl addiction - *Possibly triggering story !*

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Kilrunio, Apr 22, 2020.

  1. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Yeah...You´re completely right, especially with the findom aspect. So I want to shut that off completely and along with porn and femdom porn also none of that anymore. So it´s a compelte rewire.

    Yeah, it´s so true, you give them like an inch and they take a mile...All of it. I remember one girl I once served, findom was never a thing, but I decided to be sweet and give her a gift. Just to be nice, she loved it. Then slowly I wanted to do more and starting paying for her stuff...Resulted in her saying from now on my tributes was not large enough and these small ones were not going to cut. What an asshole... + It was only okay if i had sent everything in my account, and i had nothing left in my bank...i regret every single thing of it...Thats when I learned if i get bad vibes, from girls with issues, or are overweight or have some health stuff or otherwise issues...Gtfo...Last thing to her i said was how awful she was, and I regret so much...But is what it is.
    Well I do plan on asking her to pay for some of her own stuff and send me the money I paid for quite alot of her stuff since its way more than planned and she knows. I dont expect it and think she´ll think its way too much i ask for her, so will try say she´ll get it next month anyway when i pay...so i think it can work at least partly...because yeah my whole idea of shopping trip with 2 girls, and her idea of designer shopping. No...She spent that money on her apartment so im done...I never liked paying for her apartment stuffbut knew it was more important than luxury shopping...But i did expect to be able to enjoy it...now she wants me to pay for the rest of her bed...yeah...no... I dont want money to be the only thing if it is im done even faster.

    Thank you so much for taking the time, effort, energy and the care to write that. I really genuinely appreciate that, and I apologize if it comes off as I don´t want to leave it. I do. Jus ttoday I thought I wished I hadn´t started, because I´m horrible at ending things, my way is always to on purpose make people hate me so its not my decisions to cut it - even though it is of course...I do want to leave, it´s just an addict speaking. Like I´ve made progress, money shut, wanting some money back, and feeling like a moron for paying so much for her stuff...I mean when we wnet sohpping i at least had a fun day carrying bags, but in like 2 minutes i spent the same on a tv and playstation...that i wont get to use because im not her friend...makes me wanna puke...

    Thank you for understanding - it sounds like you had the exact same fantasies, and like many guys do...Did your fetishes start with foot fetish too or how did your femdom start? And if i can ask are you into the opposite? Like dominating a girl in real life sexually?
    What you said about anger...Wow, that´s so spot on! I got several notes where Ive been angry or disgusted and wrote about this girl and this whole thing, swearing i´d not come back and how ive lost all interests, and ive recorded myself being angry and when i feel that i just wanna destroy and show whos the boss...thats why i quit twitter dommes and the fake alpha males...I couldn´t stand that snobbish self entitled behavior from morons and average girls and guys who look like wimps and are wimps as soon as life gets tough.

    Your fantasy about the ideal world of men are slaves (even a website for that i remember), I think is a fun one but of course we both know totally unrealistic and also really boring for girls. Your fantasy is very much like mine...and yeah what you said about it being very selfish, you´re right. It is. It´s like domming from the bottom. And the part about her not being allowed to have a man in her life...yeah i had issues with that alot too...I love the idea of the humiliation and submitting..but i cant take another man seriously even if im being a loser slave..i still feel and deep know, "bring it on then buddy", whether its buisness, life, workouts, whatever - bring it on. Thats why i dont wanna see or know about that with this girl too much either. I only realise how easy i could fuck girls like her and i intent to do that as i keep gaining muscles, money and power - and i will have my vengeance by being successful - and then let the pump n dump begin and get all the best out of life. Dont feel bad - they wont feel bad for you i learned.

    The part about her being responsible for you, thats the fantasy many guys have, cage + bread and water...but whats the use for her? I was fortunately enough to have a girl teach me - and since then i started looking down on subs, they are nearly all selfish and not subs, they are just people with a special fetish...losers and selfish people..i also thought - why would a dream goddess want a loser slave? If you are to be her slave shouldn´t you be, strong, smart, skilled in many areas, and hot? Wouldnt she demand the best slaves only? I always liked the idea with gfs that being a slave is the highest a man can reach - so i´m her number 1. And otherwise just her boytoy, or pet, i´m her protector when she needs me and her wolf when she is crying and needs a shoulder or need help in life.

    I remember once with my gf, she´d cry, and first i´d be her rock. And take charge and tell her now she listens to me - and i did so much for her, noone could stand in my way. And i held her hand and took care of her, she was under my protection and i´d tell her how much i loved her. She was so into me there...then after she was done crying, i´d switch into "normal bf", and just be sweet like watch a movie, cuddle, take care of her...and when i was done with that, then i´d switch into my puppy/slave mood and be all cute and silly for her, and act stupid and let her have "power" and dominate me...all for fun. She knows im her real man. She knows im her lover and bf...this is just a little game where she feels comfortable with me, and where i make her confident and make her have fun - and its easy for her...if a girl doesnt see how powerful you are how can she feel powerful when you submit? Thats why as a slave i always strive to be the best...but for a long lasting relationship like you said. Kinky fun - and to where no respect is lost. Yep. I agree. Thats the ideal thing, and then you can switch or not switch, many girls find it fun to dominate a guy - many girls admit they wanna do it but know they wont be allowed..thats hot for them in a way to imagine...I had my gf dominate me where she lost all respect for me as a man...and another who thought i was the best guy ever --- then i learned how to do this. It´s just like you said. Kinky fun - and babysteps, but never to the point of real disrespect or real slavery...only if you agree for like 2 hours you´re her "slave" or a day or you just have fun games - thats fine.

    I think alot of people need to be educated on how to get their partners into fetishes and kinks, its hard but its easy, if done right.

    So i´m totally with you!

    And I do see the issues...this here is however real modern life slavery - and i do want out...Even today I drove her anyway as she called me and hadnt seen my text. I told her i wanted to more be her pet, so we could have fun too, or slave/pet...She seemed onboard and is just confused why i want other stuff..and then i made her laugh a ton by saying "do you wanna be friieeenddss" and how silly it sounded...I alos borught up the idea of real life slavery for a couple days living with her and she seems to be like no matter what i say now, i dont have to fear, she´ll listen and sounds like if i want to, we can try that sure.
    So we laughed alot and had alot of good talk in that drive..but i did tell her we still need my serious talk, and she said we need that...But she doesnt know when...and havent heard from her...so nothing today, and now she gets 2 off days. I dont expect to hear from her, but will just push it. I know its uncomfy for her but it needs to be done. And i´ll also mention the money she should send me.

    I feel like i got 2 months to do the rest of this i want...then i´m out..so now i´ll push stuff even more...But let her have her fun with her friends and stuff..but push the stuff i want, not angry but just determined and decidedly...because the money really hurts now..im sick of that...and i do want out...so now today, i started buisness stuff again, and now i got plans with a lot of friends - and now today going to workout and continue and im not gonna text her like i used to with long texts and 24/7, im done..i´ll call her if i need anything and then let her come to me with a time...i´m gonna do so much other shit - so all she will be to me is just like kinky play, extreme but kink play. And see how that goes...still her slave, but i think this will help me alot emotionally to quit.
    The whole biology thing you said...that hurt...Thinking about that..Wow. I never knew that. That makes me want to be part of the males who do get two off springs.
    All i can add to that is i heard why girls dont reject harshly and directly is they could risk being beaten by a guy for that, and the reason why guys fear girls is because they fear if another stronger man has her that they will be beaten. When I heard that I knew i had to gain weight and get confidence so i can be who i wanna be and not fear of a guy going at me...As i do often fear that.

    I really respect that you could accept reality and just leave it behind...That takes power...All I´ve done so far is after i did this in real life - i´ve left femdom porn online and porn in general, as it all seems fake to me now. And I´m 100% confident since i chose this hot girl that i wont do this after this. i know with myself I wont.
    I think rehabilitation is what I want. I know that. But I know just like quitting smoking day 1, can be hard, but going from 30 smokes and going 1 less per week will result in you not noticing the difference, making it easier to stop.

    Everytime i wanna workout or add routines i do too much, and quit...rather than just adding it slowly...and if i had done that, i´d be so far ahead...but everytime i think, yes thats the winning strategy i´m like, thats way too slow...i cant wait for that...but yet, i dont do anything. So now i try with this girl to slowly get out of it - I have to feel like i "win", or i know i´ll come back and regret it...So my own rehabilitation ha sstarted now with money - im done with findom, it does nothing for me. So thats fkn powerful! And now its just the rest.
    The gilr is still not into hanging out withme or playing playstation or whatever, i can hear it so clearly even though i try say she could let me hae a game iwth her guy friend after she cant beat him or something...I think for that i´ll just be patient and hope for one day it happens when hanging out - and let her for now have all the fun she wants...

    But yeah for sure she can´t really respect me. Especially not if im on my knees kneeling in a corner on rice while she can record me, ignore me and use me 24/7...Still in the sick way i do enjoy her attention, its not a need for validation by a girl as i dont feel i need that, but it´s more i feel its attention i cant get even as a bf. But i know i can..if i do kinky games. I´m talking right now to another girl perfect girl - who totally could do it all with and she says all the things im doing with this girl - but here we are equals and its totally different - yet just as real, but on a relationship level - kinky level - not real slavery.

    I think I have to admit though I will always want the real thing. Thats why i dont want thank yous, or sugar dating or a "you´re such a sweet bf"...When we are "in game" like "you´re dominant now for the next 3 hours" i want it to be as real as possible - you can talk and consent before - but when you say okay now we play -you can do it just like if it was reality, only you can stop, while what I got with this girl there is no stop and thats why she loses respect and all this shit.
    I think ultimately what i seek from her now is a bit of her care, to know i mean something, thats where the friend came in, so now I got for slave still but also pet.
    But I will demand we hang out not only when she needs me for stuff but also when her gf is there, or just to be around as a slave/pet - that why i got some control - because i will tell her that i´m done with only being there when she needs me for errands...i want fun stuff too or other slavery stuff - i know that may not seem like quitting, but to me its a step to get control, be demanding.

    I have tried VERY hard not to demand bdsm ideas - i accept it and focus on her, and have always told her, i want her to try stuff, and if she says no to it after trying, i´ll never ask her again, but if she likes it cool. Even then she keeps coming up with new excuses, so i´ll call her out.
    Thats a step in the right direction, just like my talk with her will be, and how i will demand more stuff...even small stuff like her deletingme on fb and now saying she doesnt use it...i´ll still say she promised ot readd me now shes not mad...will look needy but I feel its a power move.
    So findom, basically done, and now focus on more control - and if wont give it to me - i´ll wait, and do my stuff, i´m no longer gonna text her and beg her, i´m gonna be straight forward and also wait for our talk. I´m gonna be blunt - and that is one step closer...meanwhile I´ll do all the stuff i´d do if i didnt have contact to her.
    So I WILL get there. But when I do finally quit, and I probably then won´t ever see her again...it´ll be very hard, but I will try prepare for that and talk to people about a solution - as I cant just quit now like that, small steps.

    I hope with your gf´s girls, that you´ll get to have all the fun you want though! But in all the good healthy ways!!! Way too many guys wanna be subs but are just selfish, a real sub focuses on her, but can still get his fun...Thats why another girl taught me "fun-ishment" is things you both like, and punishment is something you actually don´t like...you dont enjoy it and it´ll not be fun, but it´ll work on you. Most people dont want the real thing though they want pink fluffy handcuffs and the illusion of being dominated.

    On the whole nofap/not using porn So far now I´m aiming NoFap for 7 days, then cumming to regular vanilla sex, and then 14 days - and by the time the 2 months are up I hope my brain is rewired to vanilla sex by increasing my no faps.
     
    SuperLife likes this.
  2. Hey man, just be careful who you give an inch to. I didn't mean to sound rude, but I wanted to be firm.. and yeah, no more "trying one last thing" because its a trap.

    I don't know it all, but I am 1 week into no PMO (which is good for me) and its the same as someone saying "just one more fap" or "just one more picture".

    Here's what I did recently to give myself a (mini) breakthrough. I changed my habits. I slept on the couch for a week haha. But for real! I put my alarm clock near the couch and everything. Now, do your best to go into a fast. Religious people do this from time to time, but that's the mindset you need. Calm your brain. Go into a fast from that girl, go into a fast and maybe journal your thoughts each day.

    If you do some of the advice from the guys here you're bound to improve. You know deep down you're more of a Man than yiu give yourself credit. Best of luck sir...
     
    Ὀρφεύς and Kilrunio like this.
  3. This is a trap thought.
     
  4. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Great job on your no PMO. One week is hard! I remember day 6 would be hard and day 7 would feel like so far out haha.
    Thats very fascinating about changing habits, sort of like you can´t stop bad habits you can only replace them by good ones. I think I´ll try something like that. What I´ve done so far is I´ve pretty much stopped texting this girl completely. And Now i´ll only use phonecalls - this will also help me practice my game on girls, and then I´m sick of her ending the phonecalls when she got what she wanted, so I´ll start ending them and ending them much faster if need be. She called me to ask if i could drive her on sunday again, and I joked if she was giving me coffee in the morning, and she said she could bring some out to us in the car, so I pushed the whole we need to talk - and we agreed on sunday after her work, as she only maybe could tommorow, apparently work came up sunday so thats fine. But she said she had no plans for tommorow and just was alone tonight. I still dont´really trust this girl on what she says, as sometimes she contradicts herself. But thats fine. But like now when she called, i knew it was for more errands she never calls to check on me, i told her that and she said she does all the time - we laughed about that, I think its good i call her out on her bs, but i can also feel a piece of me...hurting...So I definitely want more girls more friends more success so this chick and her friends mean less and less to me. That way its way easier when I finally make the cut unless she does first.

    I really did want for a long time a girl in my life I could have as a personal trainer, or push me - be this kind of person with, and then every other part of my life i´d be another person. I think now I can accept the way she looks at me. And that can be okay - but from now on I´ll take way more charge, and demand much more - keep it light and fun - and I already feel okay, like I will let her come to me - I´m not rushing, and I am straight forward with what I want. This is not perfect but its definitely the right way as I feel way better mentally and can now focus and do my work. Which in return will make me more demanding and be like whatever to her if things goes south.

    Now I want to try see if i can really get what I want and push it...See how she reacts -I want to use all this along with no PMO, and while talking to girls and friends and getting better. I also today got my buisness going again and that felt sooooooooooooooo good. Making some money back that I spent on her...If i work hard i can get it back in doubles - and i can say it was motivation from this BS.

    I´m so suprised tbh with the amount of support, and extremely intelligent generous people in here. Every single one, I just wanna return it and do something. I´ve always said I never forget someone who does me good, and who knows maybe one day in many many years, I can do just that. It needs to be rewarded I feel, too much injustice in this world already.
     
    MrBlue201 likes this.
  5. *****Okay TRIGGER WARNING everyone*****
    No, mine didn't start with foot fetish. The earliest memories that I have are fantasies of being punished and beaten mildly by a woman. However, soon after, fantasies of kissing woman's high heels and especially black leather boots was added. It definitely had to do with women's feet as I was not really interested in shoes by themselves. But I was never into naked foot either until I got introduced to internet porn many years later.

    Up until a year ago, not really. I liked the idea, but it wasn't really something that would elevate my heart rate to a point that I could say I was excited about it, even in my fantasies.
    Over the past year though, I kinda conditioned myself with maledom porn to offset the femdom fantasies and now when I fantasize about dominating a girl, it does excite me. However, this change has been very recent. I can't really tell how I would feel about it in real life cause my real sexual experience is very limited. I've had successful sex only once and that was in November and it was in a romantic setting. I'm still recovering from femdom and porn and I've decided not to rush it this time. I'm only on day 30. I guess potentially, I can figure out in 60 days if I'm into it or not haha
     
    Kilrunio likes this.
  6. So how are you doing right now, my buddy?
     
    Kilrunio likes this.
  7. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

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    Interesting thread

    I think porn has broken you

    It has made you believe you can find someone to love you and feed your destructive fantasies at the same time.

    No one who truly loves you will destroy you

    No one who destroys you will truly love you

    I know you think this is rare and you will find it, but that is because porn has twisted your logic and you cannot see reality anymore.

    If you want to see reality again, you need to reboot. No porn, no masturbation, no fantasies. When your brain is rewires, you will be able to connect with reality again.

    Unfortunately because your brain has been so fucked up by porn you probably won’t understand or accept what I am saying, but good luck anyway!
     
    Kilrunio likes this.
  8. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for asking mate, really appreciate it.

    Well since then..Lot of stuff happened!

    I had a talk with the girl like I wanted. Told her why we didn´t hug or why she wanted me to be be away from her, like not be too close when we´d stand next to each other. Bascially told me its a mistake if she hugged the guy friend if she did..which yeah she did...And I was blunt and asked do I smell or what is it? But apparently it really is just this corona and i dont doubt it - i trust her on that. I can smell lies pretty well and BS...that stinks.
    Also had talk about if i annoyed her and it was only when I teased her she said, otherwise really she was happy and no problem, I told her I´d been sad and how it had been - I dont care if its not manly i´l direct and i own up to with full confidence. It was a fine talk, and I felt she really just had been annoyed and that was it, nothing else.

    Since then I´ve driven her a few times and stuff. And then her guy friend sorta befriended me, thats cool. We were going to go shopping for some stuff for her home, and the guy called and she called me again and said that instead of me having my shock collar on, i could leave it home, and since we didn´t get to hang out with playstation this weekend her me and him, we could do a trip now - like friends. So we did. I was off duty slave. And I sued thatto full advantage to have fun, and tease a bit, ofc a tiny bit slavery was there but all like teasing from her and in a cute voice like "you´re such a good slave" in a cute girly voice. All for fun again.
    I also did not pay for anything. i drove thats it. And for food i couldn´t get my wallet out lol, so got her to pay. And didnt have to pay back nor pay fo rher stuff. She knows after i told her we spent way too much - and i onyl wish i had ended this findom earlier or at least really slowed it down and told her but i did want to try extreme findom..and fk findom it sucks lol. I´d love taking my gf shopping but anything else -no.
    It was a good day overall, did do some washing of her dishes and new stuff we bought just to help, and drove her where to go - but overall it was alot more like friends, and there was no talking down to me, no punishment no nothing. It was real good fun actually. She even teased the guy friend about he could get a shock collar on. And i did alot to say i was off duty now - so i´d use this, and when we ended it she for fun said that now it´d be a loooooong time before this would happen.

    But overall it was great.

    And since then she´s actually asked if i could drive her - and when I´d joke and say i had other plans but could cancel and stuff she´d be like she could make other plans so i didnt have to. She was actually being sweet. She was being understanding...like wtf?
    I actually got annoyed by that, why is she so sweet now...And when we´d talk she´d laugh so much, smile, we´d have such a great time and joke and laugh and also about the stuf we´d done and how i´d be like damm girl you show no mercy at times and how i made fun of how she walked and so much stuff and about her girlfriends - it was really fun. Even just a short morning trip when shéd be tired we´d have a blast.
    And since then again when we´d text she´d be very sweet. And ask if i could drive - and its a whole other attitude.
    So now i told her shes actually too sweet, like wtf, she can be mean and harsh thats fun! Thats why i tease her - thats why i teased my ex gfs, pissed them off because only when pissedd off would thye want to punish me or be confident etc. But its a bad idea long term..but thats only way to get fun from this girl since hse got so sweet..
    Anyway obviously thats not the way, the way is shes having fun - and punishments she finds fun, and where we got good vibes and i encourage her and its a game - just like i´d do with a gf...that style. But where im stille her slave and she does call me her slave and her as my owner - i love how she does that, she says it so natural and it feels natural for us both now..

    Then today, she was sweet and asked me - i did drive her..said again next week lets do the thing where i sleep at her place or in her shack and is her slave for 24-48 hours, to try it - shes totally open for it...And i also told her see this is what i mean? just sometimes lets have fun as friends but like 90% i wanna be her slave..
    Anyway then tonight i thought would be good but no...I feel like i quit findom, i dont desire femdom really now and i feel i wanna work on my buisnesses and ive never been as busy as i am now...And its great...And i can feel i get motivated to get girls and be the best i can be now - so whenever i dont slave for her i work my ass off.
    Anyway...i drove her earlier today when she was sweet and asked--we had great fun...then we made plans that i should pick her up tonight - and she´d give some food to us - she´d buy it. Thats totally new.
    I do fear being her friend as i dont wanna be friends friends nor friends with all her friends.even her gf who punishmed me has started being sweet...my goal was total slavery and try it and GTFO...not this...so yeah..anyway we had agreed - and she was like texting me see you in an hour...i should had replied but didnt...i took a shower, and prepared - looked forward...but apparently she had called 2 times and texted me if we were still on...i replied said yeah of course relax...
    but She told me she made other plans as she got in doubt if i was still on...that pissed me off, so i still went to pick her up - and we had a fight on text, her saying i shouldnt come now she got someone else to do it, how she´d bought food for us if i had answered and didnt take like 30-40 min to reply when she both texted n called...
    I told her thats not okay and disrespectul...we got in a fight on text...i could tell she got very annoyed and told me not to come when she just said no and i could just had replied...
    I am very annoyed right now..i told her...we gotta talk so it doesnt happen again - if shes gonna be a little insecure biiiaaatch then okay, but i cant be on my phone fkn 24/7...i had a shower and stuff...like relax.
    But she got in doubt and cancelled...that hurt me as i reallly wanted to...She wants me to drive her on monday to some place for her lips to be fixed - and she told me earlier today that we then after could see what then should happen - you know fun stuff. That was great..

    Ive learned to not get to emotional as i can want to lit a fire on everything i built in a matter of seconds..so had to calm myself down...And just texted her, fine...call me tommorow and we´ll talk about monday and so this doesnt happen again...
    I´m gonna wait for our phonecall..and then do this diplomaticaly or she´ll be even more pissed off than she is now...we both pissed...so i´ll just try and do what im good at - and tell her next time we make a deal it´s on unless she heard anything different - and im even thinking of giving her a sob story about how i was busy with someone in need of help/crying - so she got no defenses...because i feel really disrespected...im not gonna let this happen again fk that...its a small thing but it pisses me off..
    So will have to talk to her about when we make a deal about a time...that she doesnt need me to confirm all the time...so that sucks..great day but now a bit ruined...
    I dont wanna be vengeful but she often thinks like if i say i cant on monday she´ll think its because of this...i always tell her its not - and it is not, its true..

    So anyway, things have become much better - but ive realized i wanna work on my stuff, get girls, get buff, get better than her friends with benefit/bf, get better than her and all she knows, and do this for me - i wanna do all my buisness, study, dreams and goals - and i work hard all the time now..no breaks bascially...and then i have to do this smart.
    When I do things smart it works out. So will have to talk to her tommorow in a calm voice...even though i feel she totally disrespected me..but i get it, she got in doubt..conflict...
    And next week - I hope will be the time where i get to try 24-48 hour slavery at her place. I think it´d be super fun - and i´d say things have become 100 times better...ever since i started owning up to how i want things. It has worked. And i have definitely gained some respect back. But now its like shes too sweet..too understanding...too friend...so i wanna be into slavery...
    I guess it is weird..i wanna be treated well but also like shit...i guess it is hard to switch from punishing me severely and without mercy and the next be sweet to me...but i know its possible as ive doen this with gfs and girls...but thats where its kinky, cnsenusal and you like agree to okay now you´re in charge and im your slave - that can be super fun both sexually and none sexually - none sexually for me is true slavery as sexually i mean goddess with a slave? seems stupid.
    Anyway i´m way better. But now...I´ll tommorow have a talk with her - as i dont want her EVER to cancel plans again, im not gonna waste my time...but its a small thing but escalated big time...
    Also I´m gaining weight, gaining money now, doing my goals - and i want to crush the competition. And now her gf also has a slave she told me...longer than shes had me..fun little side story..anyway. Things are better.

    And I´m in control. I´ve created this...But i do feel - in order not to be too hurt i need to have stuff going in my life..not only her...and then i need clear lines - otherwsie i´ll feel disrespected..one thing is to be degraded in ways i like..but im not gonna accept stuff where im hurting..im done with this..So will have a talk with her. And I will be in control. I´ll do it the right way as she is a girl with a lot of temper...and shes hot sweet, pretty, cute and funny - but shes not the smartest imo. Not dumb, shes super smart in many areas..but i feel i can be in control if i want in many areas now - and i want it to be fun for us both like it has gotten so much better..so now just need to fix this little her being insecure etc.




    I get what you´re saying. I know its hard, kinky fun is okay but anything beyond that yeah..it messes up a lot of stuff. I´ve seen how people change, its very fascinating, you can see how they start to feel entitled and start to disrespect you...I feel I´m getting better. Porn and all that femdom porn I couldfeel myself be absolutely sick of it. And I´m confident my rewiring will work. I´ve never worked as hard as I am now, and I want to crush the competition. And I´ve started taking no BS from anyone, and I call it out on people and I can see how I slice right through they are in shock - I don´t give a F anymore I can feel. Now its my time. And these femdom girls and all that, and "alpha" guys. They can do what they want, good for them if good stuff happens. But now I´ll use all my talents, abilities, skills and all of me to get to the top. I may not be the absolutle best and number one, and that has often scared me, but I know within myself when I truly do my best, I do belong among the best, the elite. Thats my home. So I`m getting there.

    And I thank you truly, you and everyone else, I´ve been so suprised and happy over how many insanely intelligent people there are here, generous, kind and supportive, and not the least people who are able to call out the reality for how it is. Thank you. I really was not sure if I should write on here, but I don´t regret it.
     
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  9. ankith

    ankith Fapstronaut

    Well it's your life and you can control however you want, life maybe good as of now, but if it gets bad, you know what to do. Good luck dude.peace
     
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  10. That's the real spirit! Please don't forget these your own words. I believe that you can keep going toward your goals! Our rational mind knows better than our sexual desire (which hides fear and complexes) what we really want to do in life.
     
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  11. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, thing is it definitely feel much like a game now and for fun than real slavery.
    I thought to myself though wtf is happening, im becoming friends with her freinds?`Shes being so sweet to me now, laughing and smiling more than ever, and treating me more and more like an equal where we just tease and have fun, she gives me food for free and pays, and pays for her own stuff now. It makes sense though as now its bee na while since i paid for her so shes getting used to me not doing that, so just minor stuff now im doing for her.

    But i thought to myself - i entered this to try real slavery, real harsh punishments...so one part of me wants me to tell her i want her to lose respect for me and treat me like the worst, and other part of me wants me to start growing..but im sick of that because this ONE time i wanted just a regular beuatiful girl and be her slave - nothing else - but the real deal, real modern day slavery. And yet im starting to go other ways...this has happened not just here but so many parts of my life, where i either become friends or start dating people i had no intention to...I want to try and remain strict, but its so hard as I´m optimistic, yet realistic, but also an oppertunitist, i see options and potential and build from there...but htis once I really want this slavery thing...i dont want it to be some fun freind thing...its so complicated...i wanna spend time working on all my crap so i can drop it...but i know i´ll feel a bit empty slave or friend if i just cut her off now...sucks...But i will try to go back to the slavery part, but where its less and im more in control but when we do it its extreme and harsh - but more fun for her, and not so forced. I think its overall way better now.

    I can quit now if i want, but i just when i think about it..my stupod porn addiction still makes me crave the sickest stuff from her...which i probably could get if i paid or just begged...but no.. wont go there...but will go partly there. Because i can feel im not done...but i dont want this friend/happy stuff. Thats not why i entered. I gotta do my thing and then get out, but i can still keep it much happier and lighter.

    She also told me shes been very sweet to me and happy because i´ve been so good lately. Which ironically is where i ve stopped spending money on her completely. But i think its true girls dont count the amount, they count the amount of times. 1000 dollars or 10 dollars, is the same often. You dont get extra points.

    So overall I will try and stick to my original plan of when i wanted to leave, the date I set and i feel i got time to do it all before that.

    One thing is for sure - my financial status has been nice that i can recover, and it feels much better, and also that ican now spend my time doing alot of stuff...but all the free food, friends stuff and her being sweet...well it bores me, because i could get that from anyone else or get a nice sweet gf.

    As silly as it may sound it has been working this whole - try it, and be done with it - as i can feel femdom isnt as fun as i thought, and that it really is just porn that messed up my mind.. those videos i jerked off to..they look so fake and silly now.

    So im in a much much better place, my testoterone is growing and i feel STRONG. So I can do anything I set my mind to now, and I feel free.
    I also dont wanna get to close to her now as it feels like im dumping her...got our fight fixed again...but these days shes so sweet and happy, and laughing...it just..thats not what i went here with, so i wanna try the more extremew slavery again as i wasnt finished - but i totally see now why its hard to be both friend friends and then extreme slavery - unless its a kinky fun time you do.

    So I´m confident im in control now, porn is done and over, and everything in life is going well. I can also leave now I feel, as i kept pushing the date but now i feel it´s fine, i can do my last stuff and i am DONE. It feels soooooooooooo good! Definitely in a good place now!
     
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  12. WhiteLion

    WhiteLion Fapstronaut

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    From what you are saying, it seems like you two are changing each other and not for the better. It sounds like both of you are unhappy, but neither one will end it. Things look better now, but how long will that last? From what you described, it does not seem like you are bad people, but this is not working. You both thought that this is what you wanted, but you both sound disappointed to me. The mistress and slave relationship is not what you or her thought it would be.
     
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  13. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Well did plan to end it at a specific date, as otherwise theres no exit strategy.
    Things been better than ever recently, never laughed so much and had so much fun. Like I told her, and like she agreed to perfect match for this whole owner/slave. The amount of chores and driving and errands I´m doing for her is alot, even very minor stuff like wiping stuff for her clean so she doens´t have to if she goes to get some sun etc.
    However I really feel done with findom. Its a sickening amount spent on it, and when asked her if she could just pay for some of the stuff, and pay me back for stuff we bought after she and I had said i should go into debt when buying her TV. Well it kept being more n more...her garden equipment and other stuff I needed to do it, and expensive stereo stuff...she got clearly upset about it, and said how she had to pay for stuff too...Which doesnt make sense to me, as yeah duh...you spend money on yourself + i spend my money on you..
    Besides even if its a decent amount she needs to spedn on herself as i cant pay for it all now, its a joke amount compared to what i already paid for her...All i want is for her to pay for that last stuff....shes saying she needs her expenses and now this luxury she buys herself..well 1) you choose it yourself.you could just not buy it.,.2) duh so do I...
    And we spent like 5-7 times as much as I even made last month, and again a huge amount...like absolutely huge for me...if i were to do that i´d have to earn a fat slaary like huge salary..So she knows and has said I need a break.

    And i pushed my findom again. One. Final Time. So now I´ll reach a golden amount. And I can feel to my core I´m done. Ive been done for a while now. I dont wanna pay, I dont wanna do this. Shes like I do chores instead now i cant pay...no I´d do that too anyway lol.
    So, things never been better I feel. And I feel some great plans has been made with her girlfriend whos also now sort of part of this, and who I know. They are a great match. 2 girls around my age having fun dominating me and doing so much stuff for them and hanging out with them. Dream.
    However it doesnt feel like the dream, well its super fun, but its not like porn made it to be.
    So some plans coming up next week and the next. She wants me to drive her a ton these days...to work, from work...its boring and tedious...But i try not to be selfish as im meant to serve her and thats a good way, same with minor errands and like when I fold her socks etc..

    She also suggested I try sell some socks of mine and go act like a girl, like fake. We also said howwe could do it for her as girls can sell anything off their bodies.
    Anycase...Just lot of slave work, and i can barely not laugh when talking to her, i´m like i got no life, i slave all day, and shes joing about how i should have some mottos for my slavery, also got a cute ringtone when she calls me now with the cruella de vil a little inside joke, super fun.
    Overall though, lot of fun should soon happen within the next weeks, which is good..because then i can cross my list off...ive noticed i dont add more stuff. I am actually soon done.
    And findom im absolutely sick off. So I´m shutting it down, i only got a pair of heels and stuff i wanna buy her, i may use the money i put aside..but anything from now on is going for myself and building my financial situation - and that feels so good.
    So lot of steps in the right direction, but I feel very busy and stressed and dont feel I get enough done as does add up when you spend 1-2 hours a day basiclaly everyday now just slaving for her driving her...
    I may make it sound too negative as we´ve never laughed so much or had so much fun recently. Really felt like it got much much better. And I feel will be the next coming weeks.

    But...I can feel I´m sick of a bit of stuff - and so I´ll get to do my fun and if not, I´ll already now say I´m busy and make an excuse so I cant be persuaded...as shes started doing that telling me i got no choice, have to obey, no more disboedience, and both her and her girlfriends things I talk back alot, you know tease her, act cheeky..I do...its fun. But I really just want a break and told her that I want a break from her - shes so used to me doing this its perfect for her and she knows and says it.
    I serve a hot girl, but its not as glamorous..But I do feel things are at least 10 times better than they used to...
    But the findom I´m sick of and I don twanna fight with her..im just done...its a bottomless pitt and I get no enjoyment out of it anymore...only for items i hope we can have fun with..but i really dont wanna spend more money...I do after all work all the time for her now and slaveaway..still I gotta pay and she gets pissy over a bit i ask for...She even said today if she knew i´d whine so much she´d never done this...i guess the whole pay thing...that just pissed me off...
    So i´m just gonna be blunt - direct, keep it simple - say what i want, and try get a bit of that back so i can pay it to her later - and from now on ive put full stop to shopping and wll say i dont have it...coz im done. so done.

    And I feel i wanna have fun - but i dont need this, so i´m blunt, direct, calm cool and collected. She can take it or leave it.
    So things are much better now, a minor set back now - I hope within the next month I´ll be able to say I am fully done with all the fun stuff...We´ll see what happens, but I´m doing much better!
     
  14. Thomku

    Thomku Fapstronaut

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    damn son you gotta leave her asap

    she kicks you in the balls wtf? why dont you kick her in the vagina or punch in the tits hard and see how she likes it
    also dont do this polyamory bullshit, just asking to get an STD
     
    hellyeah1407 likes this.
  15. hellyeah1407

    hellyeah1407 Fapstronaut

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    firat of all kick her out of your fuckin life!!
     
    Thomku likes this.
  16. hellyeah1407

    hellyeah1407 Fapstronaut

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    first*
     
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  17. hellyeah1407

    hellyeah1407 Fapstronaut

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    i totally agree with your point!
     
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  18. ankith

    ankith Fapstronaut

    He has this fixer mindset or lives in this fantasy world where he thinks this girl likes him.This video tells about a fixer mindset:



    And this video describes more about him and that girl:

     
    Last edited: May 4, 2020
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  19. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    I actually asked her to do this. I did this alot, before she finally did it as a reward. And then wanted to again with her gf where I was a pussy. I just wanted to try it as I had seen it so much on femdom vids and porn vids. But yeah..it really wasn´t as hot or fun as I thought. It was the all too common "oh..that pain"...I like the sybmolism of a girl doing it to a guy as its like right in the manhood, it can´t be more cruel. Shes all pretty and all she needs to do is a do a swift kick with her girly legs and foot and the man crumbles on his knees. Its a huge power trip...in the fantasy...

    But yeah it wasnt that fun...I needed to try it though, or I´d always fantaize about it - i had the sickest fantaises with kicking till vomit or pass out like ive seen in some vids...some vids has a guy in torture devices forced spreading of legs as girls kick it...so brutal...i loved the fantasy...so many hot boots and shoes and heels to do it with...

    But yeah...now after just 2 kicks...i realized..i dont need this ever again, nor from my gf ever again. No. So now I got "over" it.

    Thats what my whole plan was - to get over this...all of this...I felt like i had to go to the deepest level to get out. To face it, and not just fantazie..as my whole life i thought "i could do this, so why do it - i already could, so its the same as doing it" - No its not. Its fear making us not go after our dreams or the girl we like or the goal we´d like to reach, fear of not reaching it despite doing our best...So now I did it.

    I need to get out I agree..Even today I thought...fk this shit...her friends with benefit guy was there..which means..i picked her up yesterday late night from work like she ordered me to..dropped her of..then he comes around to have fun and sleep there hold her...while i cant even touch her now or i get smacked in the face, and beaten...Shes so open about im her slave, ive got no rights.
    Shes also been very mad at me sometimes...she can be so sweet to others..but shes at times been so mads at me despite me busting my ass for her...and she´s yelled at me and been absolutely furious. Like huuuge temper...despite me doing so much for her...but thats how it is...
    But i know from dating experience - that is just bad signs...that will lead to hate and such...but other times she´ll be super nice and sweet..and her whole what will you do today..or have a great day to me...makes me sound like a stranger to her...

    All things said - things are going in the right direction and its natural now for her with this slave thing.
    But yes i need to get out...and i think the best way to get out for me is to find a girl, a sweet gf that i maybe feel is better than this girl.

    I feel. Im in a good place to develope..as even today i caught myself saying F this shit...im done...i wanna go work and build myself..fk her n her guys n whatever...so its good.

    So now I´ll go work. And I feel much more free than ever...But it will be very hard to end this without it resulting in a fight or her hating me etc. Dont think we´ll ever be friends after this and see each other, just wont work...and i suck at ending things..i just tolerate and fight for it...so i need to be so busy, and have so much to do, and start dating girls so i wont feel i got time and i wont feel an empty space.

    And nofap is part of that...Im on my way.

    I will check this out. Thank you so much. It sounds like the classic nice guy thinking that a girl will come around. It´s much easier for a girl to hate you then love you than like you to love you. I´m very into dating pick up, and all the skills. Can highly recommend Dan Bacon - best guy I´ve seen and it works soooo well, Ive used it on so many girls and its so simple yet makes so much sense. Todd V Dating also good for cold approach.

    I´ve definitely suffered from this whole nice guy being used thing - even this girl reminded me of another girl i was super into when she lost respect for me.

    Anyway will check out the videos and come back here after that.
     
  20. Thomku

    Thomku Fapstronaut

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    like you said it just a sick fantasy. kick a woman in the groin and she'll go down just as fast. try saying i would like to do something different and this time i would like to be the one who kicks you in the crotch and see her reaction

    get the courage to tell her to fuck off and never speak with her again. you gotta do it before she destroys you. the woman you are with is absolutely pathetic, only the weakest of people enjoy making others suffer. it is a power trip for her, she picks on you because you have shown her that you are weak willed.

    when you say she is being sweet she isnt actually she is just trying to manipulate you. dont wait to get another girl, leave her. even being alone is way better than being with a piece of shit parasite like that. why are you afraid of getting into a fight with her? you should fight her on purpose, throw her out of your life forever. no need to be friends with a vile person like that.

    you need therapy or something bro, when you like being humiliated and beaten its often a sign of abuse in your past.
    like the other guy asked do you not have any family or friends you are in contact with? tell them about this stuff and they were certainly help you.
     
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