Extreme real life story - femdom/findom slavery to a girl addiction - *Possibly triggering story !*

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Kilrunio, Apr 22, 2020.

  1. Round Robin

    Round Robin Fapstronaut

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    Killrunio, my heart goes out to you brother. We are both on similar paths in our journey of this crazy thing called life.

    I actually stumbled upon your thread trying to find a way out of my own coffin.

    here’s a link to my journey.
    https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/becoming-a-live-in-slave.173925/

    I’ve done some reading on your post and can definitely relate to the Jekyll and Hyde inside. One side wanting a healthy gf, passions, normality and the other wanting to be a slave.

    What I can tell you is this. When a girl really likes you don’t have to do anything for sex, you can’t negotiate real attraction.

    In terms of femdom and desire to be a slave. I don’t have the research to back this up but in my opinion it’s all a twisted way of getting what we truely desire, a healthy relationship with an attractive sexy female.

    I read Ukbritishblokes post somewhere he said majority of guys into femdom really have quite healthy tastes but it gets worped through porn.

    To give you an example if Jessica Alba was going to jump on top of you and dominate you, 99% would be into that. Can’t imagine anyone being like “no no no I’m the dominant one here”

    So in childhood I think it developed this other side of us, and it never got released so it kept looping like a broken CD but we are not 8 years old anymore.

    This is what has led my journey to where I am now, and all I can say is there’s a core strength inside of every human to get through any issue in life, we will get through this.

    best of luck on your journey,
    Hope you find true content and happiness

    G
     
    Last edited: May 4, 2020
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  2. WhiteLion

    WhiteLion Fapstronaut

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    Kilrunio, you repeat yourself a lot. You should go tell her that you need to be punished for that or a stranger on the internet will blame her for it.
     
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  3. ankith

    ankith Fapstronaut

    See he says pick-up artist get wounded a lot. People who have these fixer mindset and learn these skills about pick-up, they become more dangerous, it's like covering your wound with bandages with out fixing your wounds.
    Watch this video to get more insight:
     
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  4. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Long update - mostly for myself - it feels good to get it out of the system, may delete all this later..just using this as a rant now - nofap going well too. and my workout going better. I feel strong, i feel better than her guys and her...i feel wtf am i doing here...we laugh about it..but..ye..what am i doing...i got one life...anyway..here goes my update.

    First wanna say after driving her on a long distance trip...i think ive overcome my highway phobia..i never liked highways..then loved them then i had a bad scenario and i started avoiding them and really sweating..but now after doing it for her...trying to avoid them and when o nthem driving slow..and her being mad...i had to own up and tell her how i was scared of this..and she needed to be somewhere so i did my best...when we were done that day..i felt..wow..i dont have it anymore..and it feels soooooooooooo good! So thats on good thing that has come out of this!

    Ive also seen so many guys like myself on this site and others...same stires..same likes..same all of it...and some very intelligent guys...all needing a special nice gf and need to see how vlaueable they are--and they´d leave this..this is a way to get attention...but a F up way with abuse and stuff even if we do ask for it even if its all good...I also plan on talking to a girl i know whos like perfect 10/10 and into everything and super cool and got buisnesses and stuff...so cool around my own age - i think she can really help me, and i feel i shoulda spoiled her more as she deserves it ten fold more than this chick..
    Yeah I´ve seen your story on here I remember and just again checkedit out. I agree, healthy tatses but worped through porn. Yep. Foot fetish for instance mahy feel ashamedabout but just own up to it and make it sexy, easy. If people think you´re weird they´re closed minded as fk. Who cares, losers.

    Anyway yeah..it sucks about that - because in many aspects findom/femdom is like a gf, you get attention - you´re in a sort of relationship a unique one noone else has - i remember even a video where a girl said if you were her boyfriend she could never do this with you, but as her slave you could - but then you wouldnt get the other thing. To me I want best of both worlds - thats a kinky gf whos into alot of fun stuff with a healthy equal relationship. Its doable and ive found some super unique 10/10 high quality girls for that but they are so rare. Like I can see thousands of pretty girls and none of them are even 1% of that or they are dumb as bricks or just average ordinary predicatble boring weak insecure girs..which is like..well nearly every woman ever, despite how they act.
    Popular girls too..insecure as F.
    Yeah many people say this about childhood and i think its true, even remember shitting myself on purpose to feel humiliated, or wanting to wear a trashbag and be used like a garbage bin, and always got girls to dominateme ever since started in school 6-7 years old and then continued with more girls and groups of girls throughout school and outside, super fun..then with gfs..
    All this now for me...Ive learned how findommes are, waste...waste of time and money, you can be lucky to find a special girl to actually date, like i found a girl who liked hot guys only and liked puppies, so her males were her puppies and obeying her, i served her and talked dating with her - she was super cool but they are rare as hell, and i ended it before anything got started, perhaps a regret but moving on.

    Right now - short status, just doing a ton of errands...also borrowed my car out, where she and her gf needed it...i wanted to comewith but realized ye not gonna work its ok..then i tried make up some excuse and she got furious...like she yelled at me like never before, shes been mad before and i know shes got a temper shes worked with but this was insanity, like real yelling right up in my face while i was driving, and shes often telling me now to SHUT UP while shes talking and if i tease her i get zapped the living crap out of me until i beg for mercy and then some more..i tease her as then she does fun stuff, otherwise just errands and boring...i eventually told her she could borrow it...and she calmed down...but i didnt feel good about it...and not only did they not bring it at night but asked if it could be the day after early..but it wasnt early the next day it was late..after calling n texting many times...i told myself i will NEVER let them borrow it again - ever. I did not like that loss of control - no fkn way, no. No more. And when she yelled at me there i already had told her this day was bad..but i pushed through to try do it for her...and i spent hours driving her far away..and i also went to buy her some stuff as she was going to get lip injections...i gota give her thta she only uses cosmetic stuff to improve her looks like getting tanned, injections..its natural not too much. Respect.
    Anyway about fun stuff.. i do see her point about i need to walk in front of her when we shop so she can like do fun stuff to me, and how i need to make sure my shockers work as sometimes they dont when shes tried to zap me in front of people...and i do see we need to organize something with her girlfriend whos into it who she also suggested i can serve too...
    You can´t just go like okay humiliation out of the blue..i see...although it feels like me paying her for liek 1 hour of my ideas woulda been alot easier.
    That said it seems very natural to her now, it doesnt seem like anything shock her, like she even suggetsed getting some diapers and making me wear em and not be allowed to go on the toilet...and hanging me up in her garden at night. It seems to be some time ahead before it´ll happen but we still have agreed that we´ll try spend around 2 days together as her 24/7 slave, where i like pick her up from work, sleep at her place, and then stay the entire day where shes free, and sleep again, so we can do alot of humiliiations and i can serve her in so many ways like a natural live in slave. Shes totally up for it.

    I also feel like shes being honest, doesnt seem like shes lying..but yesterday when i got home with her she didnt let me in, told me to not even stay so close near her home..apparently her guy was there, so that meant i had picked her up the night before..drove her home..and the guy had come to sleep there...as she says its nice to have someone hold around you...and now he was still there...
    Made me feel sick..like wtf am i doing here..i wanted to leave...like wtf you know? shes his little kitty cat apparently, and i bust my ass off...meanwhile some loser around my age gets so much fun - the thing is i know if i see him, ive only seen him once, i´ll think hes a loser..ive already seen him..like the f? Wtf am i doing with my life here...serving some chick who smoeks weed with her friends all the time, and wants me to pick up her friends so she can hang out with them..like she told me today to do that for tommorow and i was like in my mind..no..not gonna happen.
    And whenever i try to get inside like yesterday i suggested after finally getting my car back...i drove her to work, and asked if ishould bring her food for later and pick her up, she really liked that, so i not only went shopping for her, she ordered specific food she wanted..was hard to find but got it, and kept it home hot for her, and her mlk in my fridge..then picked her up..thought we could eat together just short at her place..but no...too late she said..i guess makes sense only a fuck guy would be there now...but it just constantly like..hurt..

    And then when she wants me to pick up her guy friend who..constantly calls me...and seems to have wanted to be a bit friend friend..which yeah..im just not into..they are not really my people they seem weak, lazy, dont workout, dont got things going..just work and then she fooling around..just no big plans like i got.
    So, now today she got mad again because some stuff with her bed i paid half for needs to come..i called noone picked up..sent email..but she got mad i didnt drive there..so i did..good thing i did as its a mess...she was like what does she need a slave for if i dont obey..i keep pushing things she says....i guess maybe...anywya i fixed it, paid the rest, got it all done...and told her tommorow i´ll buy cleaning articles and go wash her windows which ive learned how to do...and she also said some of her gfs thinks this is weird, i guess not all are into it, but shes so open about calling me her slave like wow. But she´ll put stuff in my car to do...like cleaning her vacuum cleaner, or selling something for her or throwing it out.

    We do again have ton of fun and im super good at making her laugh and messing with her and taking the piss out of her like when she´ll put something in my car like some food i´ll be like yeah you try act like its a gift but you just didnt want it so now you give it to me so you can say now i got food so dont complain...stuff like that - just fun..also again tons of laughing about how i said i feel i got no life, and how i explain how much time i spend...she did actually the other day pat my back and really seemed happy and caring, and i do think she cares in some way as she say i asked for this...otherwise i shouldnt so she can do it herself..
    Also now she said 14 days a year i can get off...handwriting before..so ive now made a handwritten letter asking to be off next week, and she said she´ll get back to me.

    And then shes started asking me to do things in a nice way, not like bossing, which..bossing is fun so this is boring, but she does mean it, its the typical girl way of "can you do this please"..aka do it or else.

    But i do see similiar stuff like with a girl i dated...that despite how hard you work they think less of you....so i bust my ass...get yelled at..shes mad...and weeeeeeeee some guy friend comes over and hugs and happy days....stay in my bed and lets have fun..and me? well i can go F off...in a way yeah..im her slave so yeah..cool..and now since im sorta friends with her guy friend i guess we will get to hang out some time..but really i dont give a f about that.
    It does make total sense to me tho im not her friend, but at the same time like i told her we need to be able to step out of this slave/owner and talk normally and agree to how things should be..we do text a ton and and are together nearly everyday, and do alot of stuff..shes also started buying food even for me - she pays. And the day she yelled at me, she was super happy afterwards, smoked in my face, and started also slapping/beating me a bit - i know it sound terrible but its super fun and i have begged her for this - but ive realized the more she does it, the ore it can lead to abuse..like she told me once she knew 2 girls who´d go beat up a guy in hsi apartment and he paid for it..some sikc guys iut there she said...well i´d like that i thought but no not fun...

    Anyway, ive realized today...ive started to resent her in some ways...i love working on my buisness and my work..i feel like im wasting time...she thinks i´ll work better under pressure and maybe? Im using this to leanrh ow valueable time is.

    Im working out - better than ever.
    Im more productive more than ever!

    But the more i do that the more ive started disliking doing errands for her...all i want is to have some fun humiliation..because i can spend hours and hours busting my ass off and not really get anything out of it other than having served her..which is boring as hell..ive tried so hard to not be selfish and told her this, we have laughed so so so so so much together and nearly everyday every little car drive we have a ton of fun laughing, talking, and do slave/owner stuff.. we also good at talking about other stuff..but overalll..where am i going?
    I need to work for her hard this week i told myself - next week, and ive told her this want time off, at least some - so i got time to work alot so i got time to be her slave 24/7 for a couple days..and i hope my dreams will come true there of us doing a ton of humiliiations..

    Also on another good note -nofap is going well, and femdom porn is boring and stupid..whos into that i think...so its going suuuuuuuper well - but more and more i realize i want a girlfriend...and i regret rejecting some nice sweet girls...whos tougher than this chick is...and i also know if i could get a girl as pretty as her - i noted down some names of girls i know and i thin kwas into me..i´d 100% date them and leave this behind...so now...that is what im looking for too..so after this week im toning down my service to her big time - no more driving 24/7....but i do want to try do as much errands ofr her as posislbe as she keeps saying she dont wanna give more more tasks before ive completed these which i still havent...thats fair enough actually..so now i wanna try do sooooooooooooooooooooo much for her im doing everything - and when im with her for 1-2 days, dream come true.
    And after that...i think im about ready to leave...we agreed i should save up for a bigger shopping trip like 1-2k dollars..so that means no she pays for her stuff and im sorta on a big nice break from findom..she also said she´ll pay for her stuff..but its hard to get money out of her..but i bust my ass for her already so the least she can do..shes at work earning money..im not.im just doing errands..alone...but she needs a smart slave who can think for himself not need to ask and ask..like those worthless slaves in femdom vids..

    So now...i´ll go pick up stuff for her...again tommorow..and im excited since she said she´ll make me a nasty smoothie and shes saved up some stuff..shes laughing hard when i ask what it is...she says its better than the disgusting stuff i said....sounds fun.
    Also seems like the whole - being super obedient, kissing her ass, being a cute little puppyslave is the way to go -she enjoys it and seems like she thinks its cute...i also feel like i can talk to her now - make demands - im more chilled....i just should had done this way earlier...if only she had her home there and didnt need to move so we coulda gone high heel, designer bag shopping as opposed to this...
    But findom is basically done now..and it feels great...and no more car borrowing..and soon no more constant errands..so im gonna bump it up and then lsow it all the way down.because that way ive also tried being on call 24/7 for her - + stayed with her..and then i wanna tone it down to small stuff and when we hang out iwht her gf and i hope thye´ll be in the mood to really punish me..willb be so fun..
    Meanwhile, more work, more abs, more muscles, more nofap - as im trying torewire my brain to regular porn..and it seems to be working..
    So it sounds awful but its fkn fantastic and going well...but ive started to resent her in some ways.....and i dont think i´ll have contact with her after all this...and it feels weird to think about in 5- 10 20 years...her friends still there..not me despite paying so much doing so much..but i gotta remember why i came here...

    So thankful for all the guys here again...i gotta listen.
    Im gonna use this as my own little way to get my thoughts out - and i can´t wait to i get to 30 days of NoFap! will be amazing! so far im doing it in a systematic way! Really good stuff. And learning alot! And those vids i´ll check out too thank you!
     
  5. ankith

    ankith Fapstronaut

    I don't want to be rude but honestly this is getting boring dude, you keep saying the same stuff everytime. You know what? you don't deserve to question who she hooks up with. You only think about yourself, you want her to be your gf but you don't even freaking satisfy her. You don't even have sex with her, you don't take any initiation, all you want is a her to please your sexual satisfaction and ego. Please stop trying to bait us with your sexual story everyday. There are 2 options, you either keep your mouth shut and do what she says or stop seeing her or get a gf to whom you can complain to. End of story.
     
  6. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    I think the whole pickup get hurt alot may be true, but you who doesn’t get hurt these days one way or the other. I know I learned a ton from who I chose to listen to so, you cannot just generalise like pick up get hurts and just fixed with a bandage. No its about improving and “fixing” yourself first. But maybe its the stereo typical pua artist, but Dan Bacon without a doubt gives some of the best working advice.

    Also just don’t look at the thread if it bores you, its not meant to entertain you.
    And i definitely dont only think about myself or i wouldnt had done some of the stuff ive done, so you assuming that is a bit off. Im not gonna take initiation as thats not what i came here for, in fact i specifically told her before anything that this isnt anything like this, and also said no sugar dating etc
    Also you said sexual satisfaction, thats what ive said alot people seem to think of sexual satisfactions all the time, what ive done is do the none sexual boring stuff, otherwise its just kinky sex thats all, not real. its pljffy fluffy pink handcuffs versus real ones.

    I do thank you for taking the time to write that though, i agree alot i meed to make up my mind and go from there, but i think its a process, but will definitely make sure not to go repeat the same again and again, thanks for pointing it out.

    I think you meant maybe three options? you said two but named three, bit funny, but im not gonna go get a gf just to complain to, doesnt really make sense to me.

    I think im on the right path, as said things going very well, but you see how many fail at NoFap again and again and again? its like a smoker trying to quit rather than slowly decreasing it, thats how i try now and it seems to work as i also failed thousands of times. But now i think this nofap system work and i can see the results and goals.

    If i do make any updates itll be brief and new, no repeats. Sorry if i offended or made it seem like i tried to bait someone, i just try get my thoughts out but will so differntly if i write more.

    All in all I feel ill win in the end this thing im doing and the funny thing ive noticed is all the side stuff that now is easy like porn because real thing is only thing i want now, and i gøuess many of js ofc would say yes kf aska to be bf, but i tried sooo hard to not even start that, like even her gf who seems to like me...no...just no..i on purpose have tried to lose respect or like make them see me as a bit of a wimp or at least that they can do whatever, so i dont want any of this friend or ego or stuff..my whole goal was to tåsay ok lets try this and deatroy my ego..,aybe then i can do anything as i have no fear after being humiliiated so much, maybe.. i feel im better socially now alot better, and i do get out of my comfort zone so is good in many ways. I want this whole thing to just be a chapter of my i
    life, thats all.

    Thanks again and will try not write more repeat stuff again, thanks for the vids you posted by the way, still watching them, some real good stuff.
     
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  7. ankith

    ankith Fapstronaut

    I am sorry, I kinda blew off earlier on you, I was not in right mind man, lot of stuff happened. Anyways I am good now, don't mind what I said earlier.

    Have you even watched the videos I sent? I don't think you have seen them. I am not saying all pickup artist have problem. But you know what? From that guy's clients, 95% of guys have problems with pickup stuff. I mean if pickup was successful in getting your girlfriend, why aren't you able to hold the relationship, why does it keep breaking? Pickup only helps till you make a girl fall for you and maintain the relationship for sometime, it usually doesn't work for longterm relationship as you haven't healed your inner self.
     
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  8. WhiteLion

    WhiteLion Fapstronaut

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    One thing I do not like about the bdsm culture is that it allows shity abusive people to hide the shity and abusive things they do for a long time, but in your case I do not think that is quite what is happening. Both you and her seem a bit emotionally stunted, but you are painting an instructive picture for everyone to consider. Why do you keep describing the other men in this circle in disparaging ways? You envy them. You convinced yourself that you had to be a son of Zeus to associate with these women, but they are the living reminder that this is simply not true. You are so jealous that she hugs her male friend, when that guy is likely the friend you should be trying to get to know. Because of your no-homo policy he is witness to what is going on without participating. He can probably see just how much your introduction into the group changed the dynamics of the group. Your mistress seems to like impressing her friends with the fact that you are her slave. Stop thinking with your penis and talk to her male friends. Really listen to them rather than judging them as "losers" or whatever epithet your slave brain comes up with to not fell emancipated.
     
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  9. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    No I haven´t watched all of them yet, they are quite long, my plan is to keep watching a bit each day and really consume what he says, its really good stuff like I said, I´ll try if I remember to get back to you when I´m done with watching them. And excellent point about not being able to keep a girlfriend. But a guy like Dan Bacon has adressed this issue with how to keep a gf and how to make the relationship stronger. Pickup on its own just dating just sex - yeah I heard lots of people having issues maintaining a gf. But the skills learned in pickup - or if its for maintaining relationships or improving yourself whatever - I think you need the full package to be a true all rounder. But I think I egt your point that just pick up doesnt lead to perfect relationships. I just try and learn from everywhere. This guy you sent me sounds very mature, and its great he helps others learn too. I´ll try and learn as much as possible. I´ll try watch those 2-3 videos of the series you sent me at first.


    Wow...Thank you WhiteLion. Thank YOU. This...hurt...this hurt me a lot to read...In a good way...What you said...ugh...its true..it hurts so much...but I have to admit it, you´re right. But it makes me emotional and ugh..yeah...this is no fun...But its so needed, and this really motivated me and made me think for a few hours...I may need more time to process this, but man...I agree the bdsm stuff is bad that they do that...bdsm kinky stuff in a healthy relationship is super good and imo leads to some of the deepest connections and best relationships, as it requires alot of communication.

    And I think you´re right..I do envy them..I´m jealous...I know i´d want to be her bf if i could..but i havent tried to flirt or do that - nor will I..I so badly have for a long time tried and wanted to do this with a beautiful girl without trying to date her---but yeah its hard...but I do feel like I got a special thing with her like this - it has changed alot, and I noticed she does pay attention to me alot, and I do get to be able to call her easily and text her and all this...So yeah she sees me as her slave - but it feels like we have so much more fun now, yesterday we had so much fun in the car on the way home, her shocking me, laughing me making funny sounds - and her when she saw i had bought a cake for myself telling me "oh you bought it for me, thank you" trying to be mean in a funny way, it was super fun and she just did it to tease and didnt take it - it feels alooooooooooot more like friends having a fun game than real slavery..that said..at times when shes mad and in general though i am her slave and itis real slavery and she keeps saying this - but i am 100% able to tease and have fun and now i dont pay as much or barely anything and she pays for stuff + even got gift for me etc..

    But yeah..When she hugged her male friend i got jealous...since she used to do that with me..but maybe she just forgot with the corona like she said..And you´re right..I need to stop labelinng them as losers just to feel in control...and i know everyone can say, well who is it who gets humiliated etc..so yeah..and man that hit home so well. What you said here:

    "Why do you keep describing the other men in this circle in disparaging ways? You envy them. You convinced yourself that you had to be a son of Zeus to associate with these women, but they are the living reminder that this is simply not true."

    Fk that hurts man...Its true I do think I need 6 pack abs, rich, super hot, smart all this - and yes...they are just ordinary guys ordinary jobs...not the smartest...definitely couldnt get some of the girls ive had..but this girl is a bit different and they got her...i know her lover is like from school..and they were friends for long time..overall - i feel..lol makes sense, then its not the hardest to convert into relationship if you played cards right way. So made me feel better...but man it hurts yes...seeing hot girls in general with guys you feel better than..ive seen it soooooooooo much...and its a stupid way to think to put them down.
    And yeh I should try to be friend them instead of this other crap..actually the guy referred to me as his friend and also wanted to hang out...we taked and i hlped him with some stuff, so its cool..but im not sure i want him as friend nor them - but i know the power of meeting friends through friends so yeah...And you say it so right.."your slave brain"..yeah I guess it tired to defend its little ego from being hurt...I need to face the truth...I know I need to get out there and not hide...because oly by seeing i need to be better and how strong my ocmpetition is will I improve...but im the loser thinking bad thoughts like that about people - and I need to stop.

    Do you have any advice for how to proceed? I really dont imagine or think about sex with her or gf or any of that. I just try to enjoy this slave stuff, she even wanted me to write on a piece of paper if i wanted vacation which i did for next week to hopefully get a week break to think and do my stuff...again we laughed that she may just say no and blah blah -- I wish so badly I could like record what we did and show you - to see the dynamic, as i think i may be getting it wrong and sound way too negative and abusive than it really is.

    What do you mean with no-homo policy, and the participating thing? Not sure what your point was - can you clarify?

    Yes she does enjoy sharing me as her slave - and today also got to do some super fun stuff as her slave...Does feel like its two parts though both the real slavery fun game/chores/punishments and when shes pissed showing no mercy actually being mad at me - and then when we talk normally and i tease her and she say im playing with fire, and its like friends stuff...i´d say its gotten much btter as she even called to say i could have the day off to not drive her, and i teased her and said she could invite her lover to enjoy the new bed, and teased her some more - and i felt fine with it as i feel ive accepted it and i know it´ll increase my value by being likethis, and i also gave her advice on how to do stuff with her guy friend with some situation, and felt more like friend talk - so we do got that too.. itsnot as dark and grim as i may make it out to be, wish i could record and share instead to really show the dynamic like how a day is or something.

    But about other guys - I do want to workout and look good..I want to feel better than these guys..in some way whenyou get humiliated so much and bossed around I need this...but like today spent an entire day just slaving and helping with stuff for her friend too---we all were tired and annoyed..def dont like making a bed another guy gets to fk her on...And it just makes me want to compete and not spend more time with her and go enjoy other girls whos wanted me to invite them out and who wanted to date me --- so I should do that.

    I´m not sure what you meant by emotionally stunted though.

    Thank you again for your messages man...I´d really appreciate if you´d share more of your opinions and if you have advice. You can be direct and blunt if you like - You hit spot on, and it hurt but you´re so right.

    And most of all it hurts to know that I think I need to be this son of zeus, and yet ordinary guys...really no special not really smart gys...they get to have her submissive and shes like the one chasing them...my mind is so confused...but its like for dating when you see girls with ugly guys...but I need to believe in myself that im good enough and not think i need to be this and that to havethis or that girl - i think ive lost many pretty gorgerous high quality girls who were into me because i thought this way...time to stop.
    I think maybe a good way to think is - go after them - if not i let them down as then they have to be with other guys whos not me - I need to at least think im equal if not better - without being rude or having ego.

    But yeah her guy friends wanna hang out, he even paid for food, helped him, and called me his friend to someone else, and definitely seems like we´d be fineto hang out like we´ve odne before now as friends, whether us or more - so yeah its doable but not sure i want it longterm, but he did help and ive been open to him and we talked and he also helped calm her down when she actually got pissed at me even tho i was super good at fixing stuff...it felt like mommy/daddy, and him also telling me dont worry about it and saying he feels with me when she gets ideas for how to punish me - but when she gets these ideas they are not said out of like mean way but just fun ideas - they only happen if i agree to it - so i am in control alot, its nly if shes pissed she will show no mercy, also i realized i need to embrace new oppertunitues, as it can lead to meeting friends through friends...so you´re right, i´ll do that, girls + guys. However i never reallly planned for this slave thing to be so open, but i´ll roll with it, even tho it makes t seem more of a joke. Like her guy friend thinking i was a pansy when i submitted to her when she said she´d punish me...that stuff pisssed me off as im not a pansy - i let this happen and i dont want other people in my game..i guess im used to doing this one on one though.

    What do you think I could do about this son of zeus/realizing other people living my dream, my age or younger and doing it...while i have convinced myself to do be this or that...maybe just get experience and reaize girls dont require this as ive already seen from equally or better girls than this girl? That seems like the best way, tons of sex/relationships and realize its no biggie..maybe an idea or what do you think?

    You sound extremely intelligent and mature, I´m sorry im so all over the place. Will try to get better at being composed and not write so much, its just i wanna give as many details as possible to really get the picture but i think it make it worse, so will make only shorter messages from now on, slow but surely shorter and shorter to get my points across easier, and more straight forward. Sorry again and thank you.
     
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  10. WhiteLion

    WhiteLion Fapstronaut

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    I have issues with anxiety and depression. When I get into a bad state I have intrusive thoughts that make me obsess over things that I know are irrational. It is tempting to give into those thoughts. But I know that those feelings will pass. During those times I need to remember the commitments I made when I was at my best and try to keep to them. I know that the me that I was then was smart, wise, strong, kind, and I trust him; even if my feelings are telling me that I am no good. If you are constantly conflicting with yourself then you need to learn what to trust. You sound like you are reacting in the moment. When I feel upset at someone, I need to consider how I got to that point. Did they actually do something wrong? Am I the problem? How did this happen?

    For many years I believed that my friends were not my real friends and that I told them the truth about me that they would all hate me. So I told some friends something about myself that I believed would turn against me. But that did not happen. I was shown a level of kindness and understanding that I had been convinced that I did not deserve. I had real friends this whole time and I could not see it. It sounds like this guy wants to get to know you, so let him do that. You do not see yourself as a pansy, but that is the only context in which he can understand your behavior. He many not realize that him saying that would bother you. Seeing his friends act like this might be making him feel uncomfortable. Do you understand how he might feel watching people he thinks of as friends acting like this? You are angry about what he said, but he is likely trying his best to understand what you two are doing even when it makes him uneasy.

    You need to think about who you are and who you want to be. Make your decision off of that and not on how you feel in the moment. Both you and your mistress sound like you get angry at others for no good reason. If you think that being her slave is the right thing for you at this point in your life then that is up to you. Do it because it is what is right for you, not because you think you can not do better or do not deserve more. If you decide that you want to say her slave then you need to tell her that you envy the men in her life, but that you can work with her to get thru it. If you stay with her then she can not keep blowing up at you and she needs to learn how to communicate properly. You need to be clear that you are doing your best, but you are not going to stay in a relationship that could become abusive. She needs to know how to regulate her emotions and so do you. If she needs to be talked down by a friend and you are getting upset with that friend for not understanding why you want to have your balls kicked then there is a problem.
     
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  11. zaba99

    zaba99 Fapstronaut

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    Hey bro! I am also into femdom and I almost relapsed to your thread, well I am not into findom, ballbusting, and public humiliation, but I can really understand you ...

    Doing those things with a vanilla girl is bullshit, how did met this chick in the first place?
    Money should not be involved, also why the fk you are doing this near her friends ?? It's supposed to be private/secret things!!! This girl honestly is not a bad human being, she did what you asked her for but this girl is a kid and she is not even a dominant, she is a brat, that's even worst, she is only attracted to dominant men...
    You said that you are not into cuckolding but that's not the reality, you are now living like her cock, she is fking other dudes and keeping you outside!!! You not even allowed to lick her p***y wtf!

    MY ADVICE TO YOU:

    1) Go visit some local BDSM/Kinky Munches at our city, there is even munches for young peoples, you will find there a kinky girl in your age that will do what you dream about and will never look down on you because she is a part of the kinky community and she knows that some guys just like that if you are good looking as you say, you will find a girl fast!

    2) Have a fking boundaries and limits, show that you are willing to leave if she crosses them, a female is female, if you have no boundaries they lose respect to you!!! You are saying you are in to pick up but it'seems that you are newbie, "give validation" some times and "stip out validation" other times by showing he you may leave and not answering to her sometimes...

    3) If you wanna try something, it's better to go to a pro domme and pay her to do exactly what you want, better then paying tons of money to this chick without even practicing your kinks...

    4) Keep cold-approaching and don't lose your mojo! I am also into Game and I have pulled from the middle of a crowded street ;) and sill learning


    By the way, in which country you are based?
     
    Ὀρφεύς likes this.
  12. (POSSIBLE TRIGGER, but best advice I can give)

    I was sexting with a porn star before and it was fun for awhile. There was a little bit of bsdm involved. She was even sweet at the beginning. I still respect her, but I FINALLY had to come to the realization that I had to own up to what had happened. I had to take ownership. I had created the foundation of a bad relationship. Its true I did... I created a disrespectful, unhealthy relationship so I had to stop it and quit sexting her.

    I left and I never looked back and it was one of the best decisions I have ever made. Still havn't kicked this habit, but I feel SO much more equipped to do so. With her it was femdom too and I'm so glad I snapped out of it because the more you stay the worse it was getting (and more money).
     
    Last edited: May 9, 2020
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  13. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Hi!
    Funny you commented on here, I was actually just reading your thread before seeing that. Was hoping you were doing well. I could relate so much to you!

    The thing you´ve been saying about having tried pain, slapping all this - and that it just hurts. Thats just how I felt with ballbusting. Ive had some insanely extreme ideas written down with a girlfriend of mine we´d do - tons of stuff, we also spent tons of money buying sex items, kinky bdsm things, custom super high quality made whips, sexy clothing for her, tons of lingerie and everything - the girl was PERFECT, I´ve never had such a loving sweet perfect relationship, it mainly consisted of being equals but she loved being dominated and i loved dominating - and she loved dominating and i loved submitting, it was such a deep relationship and evetrything i could wish for - and ive bene blessed to meet another woman who is perhaps even more perfect and super open minded, extremely intelligent, buisness woman and sweet loving caring - all of it - so...all i will say is these women do exist - high quality women can be made into kinky stuff if done right
    again

    - fun
    - easy
    - comfort
    - confidence

    is needed for evertyhing whether you want her sub or her domme, i even got a guide on how to turn your gf into a domme and it works and has worked for years, i found it on another site - super short its just do stuff for her, get her used to it - then stop, watch her get pissed - then now you can have the conversation and make her realise it - just like ive been doing with this girl sorta. Anyway this is all off topic - sided stories. Now on to your stuff.

    The pain not being nice or sexy? Hell yeah man - i think its because we need more and more extreme stuff, and when we think about it its all pleasure right? But in reality theres no cumming or stimulation - its just pain - so its no fun....its a wake up call..porn and fantasies is bs! Enough said.

    Now next up - I think maybe even we could be accountability partners or help each other out - im impressed by your pickup - you´ve done insanely well and yes you´re righgt im a newbie, and yes i know about the push pull and validation/disqualify - have you watched guys like Todd V Dating? The best guy of all time for me is Dan Bacon - he´s perfect for just getting a nice sweet gf and do whatever and make her love you soooooooooooooo much - its so fkn easy if done right, i have girls wanting to date me - yet ive chosen to serve this girl - why? Because i felt i needed to try this - and its that simple - i just wanted to try it - and i will not return to this, after this its either alot of friends with benefits or a sweet gf, i got some girls in mind or may go for new - we´ll see - i am right now thining of already doing it, we´ll see tho - for now i took the next week off so my owner have let me have permission after we made a deal so i got 1 week off now. I´ll spend it doing my stuff working on my buisnesses and orutines and to get away mentally.

    I wanna stay focused now.

    One thing I wanna say to you to help you - have you thought of rewiring your brain through masturbation? Like from my experience males brains can be brainwshed into cumming to a shoe, a garbage bag, a sexy woman, a pussy, a water bottle, if brainwashed through stimulation. My idea is to rewire my brain back into vanilla sex through that - where i´ll increase the days between fapping and then only fap to either ideas of girls submitting on their knees sucking my dick or vanilla sex even if it seems lame and boring and yeah sex aint special even if you´re good at it...its just flesh and oxytosin or whatever its called binding us etc etc.

    I think another guy was spot on about femdom - its perfect, you as a guy get a woman focused on you, good or bad you get her focused on you - every mans dream, its a short cut.But it´d feel just as good or even better to have a girl, or why not two girls carresing your dick and doing everything for you - i absolutely love and adore when my gfs would wear sexy lingeire only for me, and do stuff only for me - and want my dick so much...loved it.

    But i need more and more extreme stuff - so now i turn it around - and i think maybe all you need is rough sex or maybe girls ontop or maybe do alot ofswitch play - like with my gf i´d be domme, then wake up or have a break and boom now its switched. You can do stuff like this.

    So what I mean is - maybe you can try get turned on by only cumming to vanilla sex, keep watching it - maybe you have to cum 100 times to it? Maybe to girls being dominated just use your fantasy - or maybe you get turned on by girls legs or hair? Like for me i love and pay attetnion to nailpolishh, eyeshadow, lipstick,, lipgloss, legs, hair, skin, every part of a female i will adore and worship - and fk anybody saying thats weak - no its not, as a man you can appreciate feminity to the fullest - make a girl feel estatic, its not that hard.

    So my plan is to continue rewiring my brain as i slowly try this real life slavery stuff which i feel now is changing as it should and as i planned - so what about you try rewiring your brian by cumming to vanilla stuff - maybe do it many many many times? just like i started with foot fetish into execution...i can go back i think. Because now femdom feels fake - and like the owner of young goddess wrote an essay about - i high ly recommend it, the girls in videos are fake - its all a scene to fool you - however this doesnt mean there are not kinky girls out there as you already know - so just go for that, easy.

    Anyway on to your things.

    1) No I dont think I will - i dont like local bdsm stuff - i dont like their whole thing - its too fake for me, and i feel its very odd how they also love doing dress up or just doing bdsm stuf together - its like just a bunch of fetish people - its just not me - i just like kinky stuff and finding regular girls - its great for some people but im not the least interested in it - maybe some day i will - but i dont need that, every girl ive met is kinky and has the craziest fantasies - especially innocent sweet girls...every girl has them - just social taboo keeping her from it - girls dont wanna feel slutty, only in a sexy way. But i appreciate your advice but yeah i know - kinky girls everywhere so no problem.

    2) Yes - spot on buddy, this site about disrespect from women you need to check it - even if she hates you or get annoyed, her attraction will go up. You need to make sure she knows you want her but dont need her - gfs, girls all of it - you´re talking truth buddy. I even did that to this girl who i dont date nor have intentions to - she got the drift i was about to leave as her slave. And things better now.

    3) No I will NEVER go to a pro domme - i thought of it and thats too fake for me - pay for that, no. I can just get my gf to do most of it - and paying a pro domme would just fele fake and if its fake its not real to me and then even if she does the act i want its still not how i want it - thats why i tried sooooooooooooo hard for this real life extreme slavery - i wanted it real - its not about kinky stuff it was about trying modern day real life slavery and i made it very clear to this girl i dont want fake i want real - and she absolutely sees me as her slave. I even now made for fun a contract for fun full of stuff and showed her - its all fun - and also it feels much more like friends now, since i know some of her friends - and have hanged out with them - she talked about selling me to others or fun teasing about fun stuff...and she got great ideas..and now im doing a ton of errands for her helping her out - its fine and fun. For now..until i´ll leave or she´ll end it - it´ll last a while and thats it.

    4) Hah man its scary as hell....Dan Bacon im trying to learn more from, all vids, even bought some courses - hes the best ever and it fkn works - man girls are so easy if done right..its like looks = initial attraction/chance you get - and game/personality is what closes and keeps the girl. If you havent seen him trust me - you will NOT regret it, just give it a go.
    But man its so odd you sound good at game, you sound fkn intelligent and smart as hell - and you´re brave you´re so honestwith these pro dommes/or prostitutes, like dude respect and you do cold approach, you´re the fkn man, like if you can do that you can do anything. Im curious what you do or if you set weekly challenges like talk to ex number of girls orso? Like i know of fun challenges like jsut say hi to 5 pretty girls, next keep convo for 20 sec, next number, next insta date etc etc.

    I so badly wanna hear more about you pulling i na crwoded street through like damm nice!

    But i see many smart guys here and other places struggle with vanilla sex, me too...it bores me...so im trying to rewire my brain through masturbation and by having left femdom - but maybe..this is my advice and questions.

    1. Have you tried this brainwashing through masturbation im talking about?
    2. And most importantly - have you considered that why you can´t leave femdom or get hard for vanilla is you need to go BACK to do stuff? Thats why i do this - because i knew it was the final step of my journey - its the most extreme - after this there is no more extreme - and i can see i still got limits to protect myself - i felt i had to go BACK to eep femdom to getout of it so to speak - and it has worked alot, now im only into kinky stuff- and im only into doing small errands ofr this girl and otherwise when we do fun play stuff.
    3. Have you noticed you get turned on by a spefic thing about females? Like a girls nails to me turns me on sooooooooo much - well a ton of stuff do..but i can think of that if she got long sexy nails - boom erection..you can use this for vanilal sex too - if a girls is orgasming or having fun she´ll do anything with you, use that maybe?

    So now, ive started thinking about meanwhile i still do a bit of this, go date some girls - and life..is looking sweet as hell, better by the minute. Im in control again!

    Overall though from looking through your entire post on your thread - i dont want to offend you i say this because i care for you and cheer for you - but you seem to have a loser mentality despite being so smart - often smart people suffer in this world. But you keep talking about your looks - i dont know how you look but yes looks matter but you´re using it as an excuse - other guys uglier, smaller, weaker, worse off than you can do it - so can you. Go get some muscles, get a good style, look your best - and then just go pull girls be confidnet sweet - tons of girls sweet girls dont mind how most guys look - ye looks is good for opening/chance - just like why i cant get a lot of girls is im still too skinny, but im fixing that - easy.

    So maybe you need to get over that? I think a ton of guys into femdo mare just insecure, low self esteem value, dont feel worthy - and im sure if you fix thta it´ll at least at WORST aprtially help with your erection problem for sure!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Thank you so much for your reply, your thread and I wish you all the best if we dont talk after this - you´ve helped me so much just by sharing and being so generous - i cheer for you and i did so too while reading your story.

    And yes i did ask for this with this girl - but i think i should stop talking about this as its really not as bad as people here have made it out to be - its much much better now im in control and its super fun again. And yes its should be private - but maybe it should be private only because its still taboo? So maybe it shouldbt be private? anyway real life slavery dont need to be private - i always wanted it prviate but...nah its cool - besides lots of fun stuff is happening so i dont mind. Som epeople dont get it others are shocked others love it..if people are open minded cool if not i dont care they are worthless anyway

    Also i dont get your point about not being allowed to lick her pussy...no im her slave - not sex slave...so your point is very porn related and you missed my purpose with this if so - this is about being a real life slave to a girl i chosen to my owner andoffered me too who i felt would be a great match - and so far i got it...but sometimes we get what we wish...thats where the saying be careful what you wish for came in...anyway - if i didnt have other shit in my life going, buisness, workout, goals, ideas dreams...confidence..yeah i´d be a train wreck of a loser...i also startedcd calling her out for when shes been very harsh to me noit even for fun but downright just cruel - so im calling out her bs - and anyway i may not talk more about it - im in control, and thats what matters, even if that contro lmeans giving consent to her having control - i am in control and we have talked alot its much better these days than it was when i made this post - so its all good.
    And well now one of her girlfriends is into it too into dominating me...and some very fun stuff recently have happened..so dont worry its all good - i think you maybe need to be open minded it sounds like you´ve just decided how its supposed to be like you said - you cant just go around say that as if i should do it how you decide or anyone else - i think you need to work on this - its like you made this up in your mind - i used to agree with you but no more - if a gf yes sure - but not with this, for me this is an experiment - real life extreme slavery - to get out of femdom - and it has worked trust me - for me now all i want is a kinky gf, and i can get that - but i wanna do it when i feel for it - so anyway enough about this from now on this thread will mainly be NoFap, rewiring and only bit of whats going on as im happy now and in control!

    Now my goal is new, its rewiring to vanilla sex, while i do a bit of this on the sideline - i hope both you and i suceed in that!
    Long post, but i wanted to give you my best effort. You the man and not a loser - so i hope you´ll get winner mentality! Keep things simple - and i hope you listen and consider my 3 points i wrote above. Im curious about your thoughts! All the best man! Rock on!

    And
     
    zaba99 likes this.
  14. You can't be helped at this point. I fear your posts are an absolute insult to NoFap. Your long posts are a middle finger to the people that want to help you be better (is it a disguise, or your intent too?).

    Your rambling proves to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that you prefer speaking than to listen.

    The fact you want to turn a woman into kink fanatics is troubling.

    As a NoFap defender, I'm done trying to help you. You have chosen your path.

    Be well, hopefully you can snap out of this. I'll welcome you with open arms. But I will not check back in here. This thread has not been positive for me, it has been negative so I must go. Goodbye.
     
    Last edited: May 10, 2020
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  15. zaba99

    zaba99 Fapstronaut

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    Damn this was a long-ass reply!
    (PS: Try to put your ideas under numbers so we can reply to each idea)

    Your Questions:
    1. I tried rewiring using vanilla porn but it didn't work, only a few videos turn where the girl is being dominant in bed but I got bored so fast and stopped! but I will continue ...
    2. I don't know
    3. Yeah I like foot, hands, nails, clear nice skin, and long legs and also a girl who does fitness&martial arts and intelligent girls who study law, medicine turn me on lmao!

    Points:
    - I know what you mean by real-life slavery, even a gf will not make it seem real life because she is a gf, but you wanted the extreme situation, to try it for real...
    - I will check out this coach but I follow other coaches and all this seduction is based in male dominance
    - Bro! cold approach is easy just find some wing who will do scary set in front of you and it will seem easy, only the first set is hard and then no problem, I advise you to read mystery method, it's an outdated book but still, teach the good basics of seduction and female psychology
    - Well yeah most girls at those munches are average looking at best, well most are ugly fatties and they are untitled by all other guys willing to serve them, so getting a girl there is even worst than normal dating, better do normal dating...
    - Can you send me the turning gf into a domme guide that worked for you?
    - I am working hard on Gym but fk this corona thing all gyms are closed no :(
    - Don't judge me for being insecure about my looks, you don't know the feeling of being very short, even with getting my style on a point most girls will not even give a chance because they are stupid and their brain is wire into liking tall guys

    Questions to you:
    - Which country you are based on?
    - How you've met those kinky girls you've dated?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 11, 2020
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  16. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Okay fair enough. I´m sorry its been negative for you, and I wish you all the best, and thank you so much for having tried to help.
    I will say however.

    1. You thinking that a long post equals not listening? If so thats a very odd way of judging. I merely try to give details - I know peoples attention span these days is very short however.
    2. You sound like a very judgemental person. You say I want to turn a woman into a kink fanatic - and thats very troubling. Dude wtf? I said its easy to get pretty much any woman into kinky stuff - Do not judge me on that because you´re own ignorance. To get a woman into kinks she´d need it to be fun for her, easy for her - she´d need to be confident and she´d need to trust and be very very comfortable with you. And I´ll happily share girls I know their view - Because do not judge me - this is like one of those "You had sex with the girl I liked...you...you made her into a sl*t...you objectify her" posts from losers - So dont try and make this into like Im just using a girl for kinks and turning her into some kink lover - you can´t make anyone into anything, you´ve any idea how many millions struggle with how to open up about their fetishes/kinks? Because they dont own up to it or know how to make their partner comfortable. I get how this can be taken as a Im some monster thing but if you think this - then you´ve no clue what you´re talking about...What a close minded thought to think this way.

    3. Nofap defender? Okay that just sounds stupid...Sorry.

    4. I´m sorry it has been negative and I dont want to ask you to come back. Im not sure what I should snap out of any longer - I´m already coming out, as I said my plan is working, im coming out - now its on to dating girls - NoFap is pretty easy, ive gained weight - now my money has becoming better, and ive told the girl enough is enough - so yeah, very soon this is all over and i´m on.

    Theres no real issue anymore - Please do not come back about helping, I dont want this to be negative for you - and to make it clear, right now I dont really seek or need any help. Im very happy, and dont intend on updating this thread anymore really or may delete it.

    Anyway wish you all the best.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 11, 2020
  17. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    So

    Its over.

    I lost her. I didnt end it.
    I shocked her today to tease her and make her punish me - and as stupid as i always am with girls i always do this, i annoy them to get them to punish me and then they get pissed off and dumps me.

    We had so much fun this week, fixing her garden and such. We had fun she even agreed to but still her slave.

    So today after my little vacation she cals me, i go to her help her iwht a spider + her girlfriend is there....we have alot of fun..and they both shock me and do stuff to me...we go somewhere and shes like i never buy her flowers..and i pay for their stuff n flowers...and we get food..but i shocked her...and she was pissed...and then i also touched her again which she told me not to and she beat me - like punched me -- i get my punishment fix but i piss her off - i told myself last time dont do that again ever....and now today i told myself dont do that..and what do i do? i do it again...

    Im very tolerant - so i noticed i always fight, always keep going - and its always other people ending it.
    Im very good with sensing how the relationship is. And yet i keep fkng it up.

    Now i dont know what to do...i called her this night after dropping her off..and maybe i shouldnt..she was so mad...she said we´´ll never be friends...and she had to thin kand couldnt see a point in what now..that im no longer her slave - and that she cant take this and that it should had ended as i keep doing this...aand thta htis isnt working out.

    And shes the type of girl who will not give you another chance, shes made up her mind.
    So i messed it up like always.

    I guess i´ll never learn as every 2-3 years a girl will dump me like this, its happened since like 2013...then 2015...happens again and again...and now too....me crying n begging..no mercy..and thats it....

    Im a total loser..i spent like 8000-10000 euro on her...was close to being a live in slave next week..and getting all my fun.....she even had a crazy idea with a diaper on me and forced ot wear it, or sitting on rice..and she said i could be her makeup trash can.

    My dreams come true and i could end it - i felt ready.

    Today also she told me to go swimming in ice cold water and i did....they laughed their ass off..

    And yet i fked it up...
    its over.

    Im friends with one of her guy friends now...but that doesnt matter...i fked it...

    This is not reality....what a waste of money...and now i never got to try the last things i wanted...all because what? because i shocked her + touched her when she told me not to---why the fk do i piss people off and test limits....insetad i shoulda been submissvie and cute like she loved....wtf is wrong with me....i keep doing this..i even did it last year to an ex gf...

    I know it like 99,9999% will never happen - but i so badly want to get her to forgive me...to give me another chance....like getting an ex gf back..you know? i already worried whe nshe deleted me from facebook after ignoring her back then.

    One way this is good - she thinks i´ll get a new girl to do this with..i wont..this girl was perfect.

    I know this is not a dating forum but is there anyway to get her back either as a friend, or her slave?
    I just hate it ending like this - it ended exactly the way i didnt want it to end - just when i felt it...im so right everytime..its killing me..not even money made her want to give me a chance..and i told her i knew how she felt - and i was spot on.....all i guess was good is she said idoesnt know....but that this slave thing ended now..im free..

    Its killing me and she was like no i dont love her - how can she mean so much..but she do....i dont want it like i love her or stuff.. but i just care for her you know? otherwise id not done this i told her i wont do this with other girls.

    So what a fkl load wasted money....i knew like other girls if i were just submissive n sweet i´d be in the zone...but if i tease them like push limits and dont repsect boundaires i fk it up...everytime with a gf - ye she gets mad, ye she gives me my bdsm fix - and shes out of my life..fkning stupid why not have fun with them and a great relationshi? this is just stupid..

    i dont know what to do now..im thinking of driving to her place in the morning to see if she+´ll let me drive her to work..i know it´ll seem stalkerish..but i just dont know...what can i do?
     
  18. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Its over its done. She ended it after i pissed her off by touching her, puhsing boundaries and giving her shock with the electicity. i was out swimming today in ice cold water for her amusement...but as always with the german girl, maria, bycomp, all girls..im more tolerant so i keep going...keep pushing limits..and keep doing the thing i know i shouldnt..i cry and beg on a phonecall and its over....i tried even begging to pay this girl..but now..shes done with me..never be friends..not her slave anymore.im free...it sucks because next week was meant to be her livein slave..get my dreams come ture..she even had idea of putting diaper on me making me piss n shit myself - ducttaping me in her shack...and i spent like 8000-10000 uero on her and fixed he rgarden this week with her.....she means so much to me man..i know its good partly..but it sucks so much i always fuck it up man - and i know t happens thats ewhy so often im like shit better end this relationship because now its been 2-3 months or however long so soon it´ll end either hse or me..i swear my relationships or friendships is like months to maybe a year and its totally fucked...and for some reason all the money spent on her..the worst part is i obught her tv, playstration, and bed her fuc kbuddy now will fuck her on and her gf sleep on and friends be on and play playstation etc..it just kills me so much....all i had was tell her i couldnt pay for stuff, be submissive and sweet...none of this teasing and pushing limits wtf i always do this..and yet i never learn....it feels so surreal like its not reality....im so devastated...

    But this is over..i will not do this with another girl...a girlfriend maybe but none of this again..ever...i told her this too......but this sucks so much for it to end like this........its my fault, on me, i made this.i made all this happen and i ruined it...im always in control...we live and learn and can use it for other relationships like she said...ye..but so said the other girls to me..im a fkhead....its funny how you spent so much time, do so much work - and yet touching her a bit to tease her, her hair or legs, and then giving her a mild shock with thezapper...ruined it..so stupid..all thta work, all that money ruined and wasted....

    it felt like me begging an ex gf..and if i show up now i´ll just be a stalker and a loser if i call her friend to try help me....shes done with me..i fkced it..i know how girls are...besides thats not a slave what i did, thats me teasing n being a fk heads..one thing is teasing for fun to make her laugh but not when i clearly push limtis..i so badly wanted to shock her see how she lieks it, see what happens...and i teased her friend but that was bad idea....it was no fun they jus got mad....i really really fked it.....

    and it happened worst time when im behind with so much work.....worst time...
     
  19. WhiteLion

    WhiteLion Fapstronaut

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    What can you do?

    Is that a real question?
     
  20. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Ive started working on buisness, working out - doing the stuff i´d do when it´d be over.
    But it just hurts because i ended up hurting her and that was not my intention to end this way...though i felt it´d happen. I more meant as in what can i do to make her forgive me - i dont want it to end with her hating me.

    Good thing is -- nofap is going great, i feel no desire now. Maybe because im sad - but it felt pointless - and she told me to find another girl - i 100% said and meant, no i wont. So im out of this forever now, chapter closed. But i´d just like to close with in a good way with forgiveness, or her accepting me again. So i can end it my terms. Because i was slowly but surely, until messed up.
     

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