Extreme real life story - femdom/findom slavery to a girl addiction - *Possibly triggering story !*

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Kilrunio, Apr 22, 2020.

  1. It is time to find the reason why you want to be degraded. Make peace within yourself and your past. These fantasies are a coping mechanism to deal with anxiety that you carried all the way from childhood to adulthood. You don't need them anymore. Whatever gave you the anxiety is not here anymore. Be angry at those who didn't soothe the anxiety but make peace with them also.
     
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  2. ZiguShar

    ZiguShar Fapstronaut

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    And yet when they go be super empowered in western sahara, argelia, turkey, egypt, they end up :

    - doing house work for men , the horror!
    - not staring or laughing too long at men otherwise they meddle/ hurt/ discipline them with slaps, kicks, beatings, or rapes.
    - are not allowed to touch their "holy" book.
    - dress according to what they are told not according to what their empowered selves want.

    Neo feminism in northern europe is really BS and has produced a generation of cucks and emasculated boys. Vikings indeed!
     
  3. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    This is one of the craziest sexual stories I have ever read. And as a doctor I have been in psychiatric hospitals with really insane people, killers, schizophrenics, you name it.
    This show how far off we can go if we let the dark side of sexuality take a hold of us.
    It is pointless to give advice, you only give an advice to someone that wants to hear and apply it. But you just gave me a precious teaching of the dangers we can end up if not careful in sex. We can go to insanity and almost to hellish realms if not careful.

    thank you for sharing
     
  4. ankith

    ankith Fapstronaut

    Yeah, it's true. I am also given Anti-psychotics called olanzapine for the same issue. It does it job in keeping me in check.
     
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  5. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys thanks for all the replies..i can give a fairly big update now...first of...its so unhealthy..

    Hey thanks for replying modern milarepa. Can I ask you, have you studied this a lot? if you see this and want to reply, if not its ok. But I read a lot online about other stories similair to mine, like it may start with feet or a bit if playful fun in the school ground, but then due to dopamine and needing the next fix it just gets more and more extreme. I´ve looked up probably the sickest shit i could find, real bully videos, executrixx fantasies, extreme beatings of men, and women showing no sympathy. Toilet slavery, garbage, and a lot about not being a real man, paying for dates of others, being told im a reject and a fucking loser...just love it so much.

    Its truly not good.

    Its been a long time ive been on here. All i can say is I do not recommend this to anyone. Ever. Dont do it. Its not worth it. Its ultimately unhealthy, not fun, and not good for us. A sweet girlfriend sounds so much better and healthier.
    I think findom/femdom is some shortcut to a gf, you get attention good or bad doesnt matter. And you can provide.

    Ive spent far more money than i ever planned, and its been hurting...ive done really gross things and felt awful at times...
    I had a 4 month break when it went bad between us but then we started again. all that time all i could think of was getting her back..but yeah not worth it...

    Even started serving her gf, two girls at once...had a time where theyboth surprised me with being tied up, beaten, trampled, and made sure i was okay and had fun..but so many other bad times too where its been driving, errands, and so chores...ive had amaxing talks with the girl and im able to make her laugh so easily, we´ve had plenty of fun and sometimes eating something together..it became very natural for her with me always having to be below her, and doing chores, and how she treated and talk to me. Stil lwhile we hav efun and i can make fun of her, but often m edoing house chores, cleaning bathroom, vacuum ceaning, folding socks, garden work..shopping etc..lots of stuff.
    But so much terrible stuff has happened..despite all the fun and fun ideas she finally started doingwhen i demanded it and we had fun...including drinking toilet brush water, show licking, chewing on muddy napkins used on shoes, and other gross stuff..all to worship her..because its not nasty when its "her"..

    Its become so natural. Many outsiders dont get it.

    But truth is this is not good for you. Dont do it. For a very long time all ive thought of is just ending it...i put a final end date and thats when it all ends...i ended it with her gf already as it was super unhealthy....it at one point got so bad i got hit in the head, slapped and told not to protect myself or they would get hurt...her gf punching me from the back of my car in the head telling me i was a fucking faggot....it was horrible..me spending my time hours driving them around doing errands, and just wanting to end it...

    Dont do this...no matter how fun it iis its just not good..if you do this it has to be heatlhy and light and fun with respect...even tho things gotten better now and i dont spend that much time, barely do anything and only if i want to really, and money wise i also sort of stopped...i still feel ive lost my desire for all of this...its just not good...its boring...

    I read about when we´re horny - disgusting stuff is not disgusting, this is so we can have sex, as otherwise wé d be grossed out by fluids, sweat etc..makes sense.
    Pain, being hit, slapped, dgeraded and humiliated is not so amazing, its just a fantasy when jerking off..and its just attention....a sweet girl tending to you would be 100x times better.

    I´ve started reading a ton about femdom findom and how to quit and the psychology behind it..and yeah it seems like its due to not feeling manly, its because we feel inferior, we feel weak, not worthy. Its due to being bullied in school so now we get use a coping mechanism to turn sexual rejection and feeling of not being good enough into sexual desire. That way we can get off on being tld we´re a total fucking loser wo deserves debt and ruin and garbage and shit...while the girl lives like a goddess and because shes so amazing even her garbage is amazing for a slave like you....

    How sick is that? Imagine it reversed men doing this to a woman...i thought maybe people would like my story get popular...
    I know within myself now i seek
    validation, approval, i feel not manly enough, and this is all horrible. I´m slowly but surely ending it...nearly done with all of my porn collection done...no more videos or pictures..

    Im just waiting to end this..im not really doing much these days..but it ruins your life, financially and mentally...how can you be happy being treated like this?
    Women dont respect this. How can they, they are built to want a real man. In a way maybe we dont need many men, but i dont feel other men are better than me, i dont want men involved in this...in the end what im seeking is attention and a hot cute girl in my life...not this... Work on yourselves, save your money and never settle. Be very careful with who you choose to let in your lives.

    Most porn and all this is just BS...real life slavery is full of chores, not fun, and perhaps even abuse...you have to be in control..and this is all a fantasy, they are not goddesses...they only have power if you let them...but thye wont respect you even if they have fun with you and like you...the bad times for me ruins it no matter how fun it otherwise has been.

    Stay out guys. You deserve better. I regret all of this, but i can try and use it to build myself up - and be careful about who i let into myself, and saying no to people.
    Ive finally after all this time wanted to end it...before i didnt... now its just been a hell.. being a slave? wtf. Dont do it.

    I thought id like this experience to try it, but yeah i guess it ends like most in resentment and regret... you deserve so much better. Respect and a sweet woman and friends, not this shit.

    But like the doctor here said..yes it leads to dark sides...as said mine started with a foot fetish...i didnt like cuckold/findom until i jerked off to it...then it led to the most sickest shit i could find online with the heaviest abuse of girls to men...and real life... its fantasies...get a sweet woman instead who respects you...thats what i want to find now, and work on myself. This is so unnatural and not good for your health. You deserve happiness, not this unhealthy crap.
     
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2021
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  6. WhiteLion

    WhiteLion Fapstronaut

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    One interesting thing about femdom "goddesses" is that they are not that interesting. They do not tend to strike me as people of partically impressive ability. Some of them seem to be using this as a kind of way to over compensating for other failings. On some level they likely know this and that is why they do not respect you.

    If you think about men that worship goddesses in a religious context, they do not see themselves as losers for doing so. The power relationship is asymmetrical, but it generally makes sense in a way that worshiping some ordinary woman does not. If a woman had to prove herself as worthy of worship, by potential slaves that saw themselves as valuable, how many could?
     
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2021
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  7. ZiguShar

    ZiguShar Fapstronaut

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    it is known that the most vile and some psychopatic people who tend to enjoy bullying and cruelty upon others are usually creepy or somewhat creepy people or selfish to a point where doing damage to others, of another sex or younger or more fragile, feels good to them. They can do it, they get money out of it, they get validation and a feeling of POWER and control from abusing and enslaving others, so why would they not want to continue doing it? They seem to lack some empathy or understanding of the moral questions which these types of financial and femdom rise because of their impact on others and by the very nature of the behaviours...i mean some chicks who slap and kick a man in the face or back or stomach who force him to eat soiled napkins and toilets?? They deserve to know the back a man's hand immediately. Powerplays, religious femdom now, thats another i saw recently on twitter, keeps charging and ruling her "paypigs" who continue to feed her and buying her sneakers etc etc ...

    I get some of the power plays appeal, i do, it can be enticing because it is taboo somewhat, its a reversal of roles, it may play directly into the submissive mind of some people , but not at the expense of the amount of money they charge and that one can lose in 1 year of it. Its too much. And it feeds on the vulnerability and wekness of men who have been traumatized or hurt or too spoiled , ergo developed a strong sense of low self esteem , a lack of masculine self assuredness and a notion of ridicule and abuse... A light sensuous harmless powerplay or fendom between two people who respect and like or love each other, in moderate and healthy amounts , amongst an already healthy and fulfilling sex life, as an appetizer or extra flavour, now that seems acceptable... But not what you described mate. This is sheer cruelty and evil treatment. If you were my son or brother... it would destroy me to find out about this. A lawsuit against them with psychiatrict help, would follow.

    My advice, considering how deep and serious and bad it got for you: get rid of all their photos and contacts, rid of all the porn to do with fendom, start rebuilding your life your habits your self worth and value , which you possess as all men do, and most importantly, speak and get help from a sex therapist and psychology/ psychiatrist . You need to get to the ROOT cause of why you were into this stuff in the first place.
     
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2021
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  8. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Honestly I want to say thank you so much. I really mean this. To you Zigushar, to you WhiteLion, and all the other people here who have commented.

    I remember one thing I truly took from this forum was the incredible support from other men. It makes me feel honoured, and I truly feel you are such good people. You know truly truly deep down good people. People I´d want to fight for, help, stand side by side. I am so thankful.
    Its true in the past i was not willing to really listen or wanted help - i mean i said i would but deep down i´d still keep going...its first now i truly can feel. I WANT OUT...I want this to stop. I really feel it now.

    Do you think if I end all of this and put distance to it everything will be good? I feel like this has affected me a lot, and i´otherwise consider me strong...my problem all the time was that i was afraid of losing her...this is something you can´t do. The same goes for relationships. You have to stand up for yourself and say no and just end things.
    Im the type who wants harmony..but sometimes i´ve been driving picking up groceries, paying and been told to hurry, and if i get the wrong thing i get a bad reaction....its so weird, like when its just her and me usually its so fun, we talk, we even talk about all this submissive stuff - i can make her laugh, we have such good vibes and we do fun things...and like we siad we could be friends...afterall i did meet her at a school course where we connected - then i took contact later to her..But now i want out.

    I dont want to ramble on and on - i should be specific. So i want to ask. If I am to end this - how do I do it?
    Do i text her or call her and setup a meeting? Sometimes we get something to eat and i do a bit of chores...maybe i can do that and tell her this will be the last time and i have to end it? i´m not sure she´d understand..and i dont want to be friends...this is not healthy for me...but how do i end it? Ideally i´d just want to end it in a nice way saying i feel too busy etc.
    The last month i havent seen her much. Usually it would be maybe 3-4 times a week and driving her forth and back work...now its like once a week perhaps where we set sometuing up..but i can feel i dont want it..all i think about is i want to end it...my plan was to be a slave for a year...but thats so long...that would be to september..she thinks i think she has her slave all the time or something...sometimes asked if i´llend it after sumer..as i said i wanted a fun summer..but last year i was not in contact with her during summer a sshe had cut me off...but i think this is stupid of me - i´m not happy. Doesnt matter i could have a fun summer serving her waving her on the beach etc..no...

    We also planned 24/7 slavery, i even got a cage for us...i really wanted to use...i got her designer stuff so she said we could but its been too cold..but now? i just wanna end it....it got so far as we were gonna do the ultimate thing, i´d pay to eat her shit and perhaps piss....as the ultimate degradation/worship..tho she has joked the tultimate is renting my bum hole out as a prostitute, shes joking i think but at the same time...she likes money...

    It is me who has begged for all this humuliation and for her to be as cruel to me as possible.thats why i even made a contract for fun...but i tried to explain her its different between being cruel and then demanding i am just there 24/7 like sometimes shes not accewpted i didnt have my car or i didnt feel like it etc...now a days she say she miss the time when she could just spend and i´d pay and that im not that enthusiastic anymore. I try show her i am when i am there but im buys now...truth is i dont want this...

    Also i agree its about taboo, its about its kinda exciting doing reversal...but like you said light femdom is okay if mutual respect and like play, just like maybe the woman is submissive or she acts bratty and you put her in her place...just fun stuff...it can totally work i think too but not like this..i sometimes said ye i want her to lose respect for me and ask if she has, and she says the more we do then yeah she does...but at the same time sometimes shes super nice to me, and we talk super well mostly..but those few episodes where its so horrible..it ruins it.... it often happens when her gf is there...i dont want her gf to be part of it anymore....i thought 2 girls would be fun...but no...her gf no..its not healthy..

    So yeah how should i end this? Yeah when i end it i need to delete contact, photos, videos..all this..i also dont like they sometimes recorded me. sometimes its fun but i dont like them having something..but whatever...
     
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  9. WhiteLion

    WhiteLion Fapstronaut

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    Kilrunio, last year we had a private conversation about some of our mental health issues. I know that you know better. Do you ever have real talks with her? Not begging, not fun, not emotional outbursts; but a real talk about how this is effecting the two of you?

    Do you love her?
     
  10. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    I haven't seen patients with femdom but for what I can see in the page and in this case it is not so much a sexual fetish but a psychotic disease. Psychosis because this person has an extreme delusional idea about his relationships with the opposite sex. And in this case @Kilrunio he has an apparent functional life to a certain degree. And his thinking process it is still coherent. But nonetheless his idea gets too much out of reality and it is a mental disease because it affects immensely all his life.
    Also a psychotic person wich seems to be the case in many femdom addicts. It is useless to make them come into sense. That is the first thing you learn when you deal with a psychotic person, you can not explain to the schizophrenic that his cat can not talk, because he can hear it for real.
    So the femdom addict kind of know that he is delusional but deep inside he believes and enjoys what he does and sees his idea of femdom as truth, he lives in a dichotomy of loving and hating his femdom addiction, it's like the schizophrenic even do he knows cats don't talk, he can still hear his cat speaking in english.
    That is why nobody write in this thread it is pointless that by using reason you can understand or cure a psychotic like kilrunio. In this case I will start an antipsychotic drug.
    I just talked in the thread some days ago because of the novelty to me, but unless you are a trained psychiatrist I will leave kilrunio alone.
     
    Last edited: Mar 26, 2021
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  11. WhiteLion

    WhiteLion Fapstronaut

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    Why are you asking us Kilrunio? The know what to do. Just do it. This sounds like reassurance seeking to me.
     
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  12. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    You're forcibly shoving the problem into your frame of expertise. I don't know how much of the thread you read but the OP clearly recognises what he's doing and doesn't, by anything he said, seem to have a misjudgement similar to that in the schitzofrenic-and-talking-cat example you mentioned. He knows that what he's doing is unnatural and that he's an emotional and a literal slave to another person. He simply likes it too much to be able to escape the relationship easily.

    The problem here is addiction, not psychosis (not as per how much we know). One needs common sense, not a psychiatric degree, to recognise that you're detracting the OP from taking steps to help himself and rather telling him to caress himself in the hands of a psychiatrist who's been trained to serve the interests of the pharmaceutical industry before serving the individual.

    And we should "leave him alone" if we're not one of your professional kind so that he can fall into the false proposals of relying on drugs/medications for the smallest things instead of making the physical, moral and characterological effort necessary. And let our best friend big pharma treat him instead.

    You've commented on one of my own threads previously and I got the same feeling that you wanted to put forward an opinion more than you wanted to help.
     
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  13. modern milarepa

    modern milarepa Fapstronaut

    The OP asked for my opinion as a physician and if I have seen patients like him. My post was related to a direct and clear question the OP asked me.
     
  14. she talks a lot of shit for a woman lol
    edgy jokes aside, I'm glad you found this community and that you're trying to get out of that relationship, that's a big step foward
     
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  15. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    Oh, I didn't notice that. I certainly wouldn't be that offensive (if I decided to reply at all) if I'd known that you were asked for the advice.
     
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  16. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    @Kilrunio, I think you know what you need to do.

    I recommend reading Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. It's a celebrated classic, and helped me out personally in making some tough decisions in life. Since it's partly an account of the writer's experiences in a Nazi concentration camp, you might also gain new insight into the master-slave dynamic.
     
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  17. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    And I apologize for my assumption of the intent behind your posts.
     
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  18. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Thanks guys for the replies.
    @modern milarepa I appreciate your insight, and will trust you on your word. But I get some vibes from someone else who was in the medical department that I didnt put much trust in. I dont think you can properly examine someone from a few posts online. That´s just not right, and makes me question you. I dont trust it. You may be right you may be wrong. But judging someone examining this based on that little? That seems odd to me. But i do appreciate the time and effort and the insights. It doesnt matter if its good or bad as people can use their own filter to judge. I dont think I´m psychotic, as this is def very different. I just dont think you can judge someone based on so little. But maybe you can. Anyway i appreciate your input. Thank you again.

    I can flirt with girls, even these girls, make them laugh, i know how to make girls feel girly. And i desire harmony and will use this often when i dont want tension. I´m so lucky to be in contact with a woman who really understand these bitches. Who truly knows her shit. Shes so kind to me, and everything is perfect with her. Shes super intelligent, and also told me to cut ties.

    Femdom from my experience with gfs can be healthy and fun - when its just that, fun and playful. But not like this, in a one sided relationship. Its totally unhealthy. Mutual respect and boundaries etc.
    I dont or never wanted much "after care" as some talk about.

    Yes WhiteLion I do have talks with her, and no i dont love her..i think iwanted her..but no she has too many issues i ´d not want to date her...also often when i´d drive her we´d talk or when grabbing something to eat together, or we´ll be at her house, and have a talk. I told her its important we step out of this and talk normally, and we do - about how things should be, or ive called her out when shes been unfair and i had enough and she admitted i did do a lot for her, and she became sweeter. Recently tbh i couldnt ask for more i guess. Ive never done less slavery. i only do it if i want to, moneywise ive tightend it up, and shes been much more understanding, and its more health yand relaxed now. And we do fit very very well, i could easily had been friends with her...but ive also lost my desire to worship her. Shes just a girl. And she has many issues herself.

    One thing ive learned from this is to say no. And to stay away from problem girls.
    And the bad times as said ruins this.

    Recently one bad thing that happened that scared me and made this all to final was when i had suggested some money i was saving could be used for her rent, since she has no job. I didnt mean now, but she took it as i meant now...so now she thought i´d pay her rent...and got very mad...i told her i didnt hvae that much and couldnt... i tried to get out of it and sent her a small amount, knowing she´d be angry but told her i dont have more.
    She told me it was mocking her to send to little and i better get the money, that im an empty talker....when i said maybe i can burrow from someone - she again got angry telling me she knows how this works. She was talking about quick loans - you know those with huuuuuuuuuuge interest rates? Only idiots do those.
    I´d never do that. But she suggested doing it, and was so angry....clearly desperate.,..i told her she could ask her loverboy who she constantly sees...whos more like a bf imo...but no thats under hher dignity..aka shes scared of him i think.
    I was very annoyed and i told her whats happening with you....this is sick.......i ended up giving her some money, instead of paying for smething luxury for her....but that was scary..and not ok....a girl with money issues, alrready has a temper and all this? No.
    ive tried my best to talk to her and have amazing talks and we have so much fun we talk just normally and do so many fun ideas..but then the next day she can be like this....also when ive tired cutting the money she´d be so angry...i felt so pressured to spend spend pend....my problem was i spent a huge amount of money maybe like 8000 usd in twm onths..when i could had spread it out over a year...and hsed be super happy...but so many times even when i said this is all i got now, its been more more more....

    Its like they are stupid with money..probably why they are broke..even her gf too...
    And when i said we could do some slapping again she said no as she cant control herself...i did once say ok then beat me up if you want to you often tak about it. But now shes super sweet and no she wouldnt want to.

    I think the period of abuse is over...it can never happen again...its like thye couldnt stop slapping me back then, sometimes using now a fly swatter, she loves the ball shocker i sue my legs but ive not used it for months.
    I still got a mark where she used her high heels to step on me, i did ask for it i wanted to try trampling.
    One funny episode i wanna share is when they did their surprise for me that day - some man had to come working, and thye had to cover me in pillows while he was there, while i tied up...funny episode...was a fun day to try be hog tied and whipped and wax etc... but even tho i could if i wanted to, a fun day like that - or a 24/7 day.... ive lost my desire.

    The thing is...i got all i wanted....but along with that comes too much shit....this can only be done if its for fun and with a gf and healthy..not all this unhealthy shit...besides ive always had conflict with bdsm...because it should be healthy right? So how can we justify even if its full of consent and happiness how can we justify doing harmful things like beatings or gross stuff? even if we do it to girls its not good for our bodies...its wrong and seems sick.
    The less horny you are the more gross it will seem...
    Sometimes she´d be nice and i´d get makeup wipes, as i always had dreams of eating feminine trash, and she´d save up her makeup wipes or and she´d say she should wear makeup more often, and it´d be my "treats" eating her makeup wipes (really just chewing and spitting out, i dont want chemicals in my body) i wanted something degrading to worship.
    Because shes this goddess right? So even if its gross then you should be trained and brainwashed into worshipping it..so if one time spitting or dirt or ashtray or slapping was a punishment..now its a reward..she even knows it now and tells me she knows i like it and its hers so its a reward..punihsment is somehting you dont like...maybe a boring thing..

    Anyway i´ll keep it short now.

    I´m getting out of this. Thats why ive not seen her much. I keep saying no. Just today i decided to end it one month earlier. And even tho i had offers of seeing her gf and having fun with boht of them no chores, i said no.
    Its time to end this. it doesnt fit in my life and this is so unhealthy as said.
    I think this becomes an addiction as you first of masturbate..and from what i understand you can train yourself to be turne on by a shoe if you masturbate to it..hell ive been turned on by garbage bags, and shit. Just degradation. Its the addiction of attention, of approval, that its ok to be a pathetic loser. You belong to her. You´re safe.
    Like when i seek cover behind her wen her gfs would slap me etc.

    What also ruins it is i can totally take charge and flirt and be playful and tease -- thats not a slave, but its probablyt realistic as 24/7 no talking just slavery wouldnt work you need good chemistry.

    But to end this what i want to say is...ive come to realize i am her perfect slave. I even made letters and designer giftcards back then to her...even dresses up as a woman ad made a im too sexy video for her...ye..just to get her back...but shes not perfect for me.
    Get a sweet gf, dont do femdom and if you do do it lightly...the next time coming i´m going to work quitting femdom/findom. Im going to slowly but surely increase the days between i masturbate and then jerk off to thoughts of vanilla or girls being submissive to me /blowjobs etc...i hope to rewire my brain. get away from the dopamine.

    I know this is a form of decease and i will beat it. I am so thankful for all the help.

    I´m not like i was last year. This time i do really wanna end it. But only I can do that. I ended it with her gf, now its her turn. And then...never ever again will i ever do this....
    we have neough of onlyfans and ***** around...im ashamed to have supported all this shit...time to be a man.
     
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  19. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Sometimes reassurance talk is very helpful. I really appreciate when friends and people will do this for me. It helps me - mirroring the thoughts/ideas back. I do this to people to. Sometimes we just need it. Because its often so much easier to fix other peoples situations than our own you know? Sometimes i will imagine its someone else who has my problem and i can easily see the solution.

    You´re right tho got all the answers inside. And im not here to whine or be a downer. ive done enough of it.

    I heard if you spill your thoughts and emotions you feel better for a while, that sounds true, but you need to fix the issue. So yeah i will end it. Im happy i checked my thread as it has made me move the time when i end this way faster. And i also plan on taking vacations now. This will help a lot.
     
  20. WhiteLion

    WhiteLion Fapstronaut

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    Your slavery descriptions are so silly that they help me manage my OCD issues. So you helped me too. Thanks man!
     
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