Extreme real life story - femdom/findom slavery to a girl addiction - *Possibly triggering story !*

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Kilrunio, Apr 22, 2020.

  1. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Happy to be of help!

    Slavery in real life is mostly boring. Just chores, driving, shopping, cleaning, gardening, random tasks, laundry, boring. If its none sexual its boring but its how slavery is. At first i didnt try to demand fun times but now i do.

    Overall yeah the slave brain is messed up. Its not logical. Its like post nut, you feel wtf are you doing. And theres a lot of horrible times where you´re like F this. Anyway im done with all the bad times.

    May i ask what OCD issues you have you struggle with these days? Have you overcome some of your previous?
     
  2. WhiteLion

    WhiteLion Fapstronaut

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    I think I am making peace with the self hate I developed from my violent intrusive thoughts. For so long I did not understand what was happening. Current events had made things hard, but I started going to peer support groups and working on it each day. The exposure work around the sex stuff is slow, but I am improving. Contamination thinking has made me avoid some places. Still, I am making progress.
     
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  3. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    I'm not gonna tell you whether or not to end that relationship (or whatever that arrangement is). But if do wanna keep seeing her, do it in a mutually respectful setting where you two respect each other and yourselves as well. Abstain from the unhealthy/violent/abusive/fetishistic stuff and try fostering a good connection with her (or whoever you meet next). You can keep all the unnatural stuff aside for a bit until you've developed a normal relationship with someone. Then maybe you can try reintroducing it carefully if you really wanted to try. (I'd beg you to be done with it altogether, though.)

    P.S.: I'm saying this because you did return to the relationship after your first split-up.
     
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  4. ankith

    ankith Fapstronaut

    Yeah what you are saying is almost true. When I experience these episodes (or urges), it's like my brain is clouded and it tries to rational what I am thinking is right, it doesn't listen to what other people are saying. I know that people are there to help me and relapsing would make me feel bad but still at that moment all the judgement is clouded. But after the relapse(PMO or ejaculation) the mind again comes back to reality. So it's partly true that what we are experiencing is kind of like that of a schizophrenia patient's delusion. Maybe that's the reason why my doctor has prescribed me an anti-psychotics as mood stabilizer.
     
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  5. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    One issue I got is I keep feeling like I owe them...or her...

    like i was doing her garden with grass at one point. I first fixed most of it then we added grass, and i paid for the grass too...then when i got back iin contact i had to fix her lane...but now she says i "ruined it"...whenever i hear that i feel like owe and now have to pay more...so even if i have planned 1500 cash for her...then because ive said it and its meant for designer then suddeny lthat cant cover it..its already promised...so now i gotta pay more for the grass.

    i hate findom so much i dont wanna owe anyone or feel like i have to pay

    i feel scared to do anything, i feel scared she will say i ruined her sofa or her floor etc and i will feel guilty...i hate it so much...

    i need to get the fuck out of this...

    my plan was to end it in november...then i had done a full year since i came back but why does that matter....doesnt matter at all.....this is unhealthy, i dont enjoy it and its affecting my health..i need to end it...

    yesterday i made the decision to end it in october..one month earlier...but thats too long...now today ive decided i will end everything with her in september...but that too is too far out it feels...i want out now....but i feel stuck until i paid..its horrible i dont even get any fun out of it...and i dont even want fun out of it....its money just being flushed down the toilet and im usually very good with my money.....i hate this so so much.

    no..this needs to end even earlier..in august i need to already end it...yes...

    maybe i can do it even sooner...maybe july...i need to get the fuck out of this...just end it with her and be done. So i can have peace and recover from this both financially and mentally...this is not fun i just want out i just wanna end it....

    I also had i think tons of ocd with i have to do it this way or i have to do it that way, you know like you force yourself to do things a specific way? which often just makes it harder etc...
    and also money is just being flushed down the toilet for me..its like oh well 300 more for grass? oh well gotta pay its not that much...wtf yes it is i could spend it on otrher people and make them happy or myself or invest....this is horrible.

    my plan was to spoil for luxury but now i constantly feel like i owe and have to pay...its so bad...this needs to just end....august i will keep that 100%. I promise myself right this very moment...but i hope i can push myself to end this sooner. This needs to end before it ruins me.
    the first girl i did this with told me findom was addictive..she was right..but this is sick...this needs to end.
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2021
  6. WhiteLion

    WhiteLion Fapstronaut

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    If you need some help with the money issue then I can help you out. You can send all your money to me and I will spend it on a community arts project. Then, if she asks you for more money, you can tell her that you sent it to some guy in the States and he used it to teach kids how to make paper or something.
     
  7. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. Well for most part - i think i spent more on her than i earned last year actually. I kept pushing my budget - i only meant to try pay for certain things or a certain budget.

    Its odd like if you say you put 5000 aside for findom - its like thats now "free" money because in your mind you already spent it.

    But buy a snickers bar for 2 dollars and you´re like no way thats too expensive...lol its so odd.

    I think im getting out of this. I can feel it in my mind now. My determination. Thats what I need. I can see the light now thinking about it, feeling like okay its not that far out now. It makes me happy. I dont give a shit about the punishments or if i dont get to use my cage or 24/7 or any of that shit i just want out.

    I appreciate your offer, but the thing is my money is money i will take out or generate meanwhile, thats also the scary part i honestly dont got all that much money so this is so dangerous...the most i did was pay for some school stuff for some kids last year...she wont trust me with not having money...at least either she gets mad or like as said its not enough.

    we had some fights too when i wanted her to pay for small stuff like 10-20 dollars grocery shopping..i was sick of paying for random stuff..but shes just mad she has no work or no credit card or tons of excuses.

    i just wrote down end it in july....this means thats just 100 days - thats around 1% a day....thats not that far out....yes this would be perfect...i can see the lught, i can already feel a burden being lifted off my shoulders..freedom..im sick of being her slave i dont have my own identity

    i feel like i live a secret life behind other peoples back and my family...i sometimes wanna admit everything even.. itruly need to reset after this...

    Thank you WhiteLion for your offer and for replying in the thread throughout this time. I think i will stick ot just ending it fast hoping no more expneses and then im done with it. Proimising myself im done.

    Also in regards to your struggles, i hope you come to love yourself. I think from what i read this is vital, we have to accept us for wh owe are, of course improve and all that, but we´re good enough. You deserve happiness.

    One thing im thinking, have you considered doing things that make you happy? Like for me even reading some cartoons gives me a happy place. II was thinking making a list of what makes me happy vs not. There are two ways to be happy imo.

    Do less of what does not make you happy
    Do more of what makes you happy.

    Its like push pull - you pull to what you want, and pull away from what you dont want.
     
  8. ankith

    ankith Fapstronaut

    why wait until august? why not end it today? what's holding you back. If you are in toxic relationship, you will keep on postponing the date even if you don't want to. That's the way it is, just do it when you are in clear mind before you change your mind....That's my last request and advice, I won't give advice anymore as it is pointless. You need to get help, it can be a psychiatrist or psychologist and make sure you trust them, or else you will feel like they are betraying you or tricking you. All the best mate.
     
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  9. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much mate. I’m going to trynand search and read about todic relationships. What you said there about postponing even if dont want to is interesting. I wont ask of you to further explain, i want to respect you and not aak for more advice/help.

    already finding some good articles. This will help me..as you are eight before i was determined now slowly i thought oh well...i know if only one momths or couple weeks left i would probably say ah its not too long one month is like 3% per day and only see her once a week..ye thats no good...i need to end it way earlier and also maybe cut down time spent with her as ive done now.

    I also have to be okmwith missing out on fun and a good warm summer, i have spent so much momey and built this relationship. Im sort of,prpid in some ways as i did it all but ye i have to say okmsacrifice it.

    ita funny all thus...has made me understand why girls has a hard time quitting their bad boyfriends.

    i am so thankful for all the support. And really good point about trusting otherwise will feel betrayal...yeah...thanks man.

    I will have to think how i end this...and the reason why not yet is infeel i need to paynthe last bit of money then end it..its like buying myself free..lol,she once sai di had to,pay x amount if wanted to be free...

    crazy how deep i got. When im with family and around it all feels so weird with what im doing with that girl.

    Also crazy i started this last year even with four momth break my mindwqs just on getting her back..if imhadnt lost that summer i think id easily quit it now..or easier...but im ok with not getting the fun summer. I will,probably think what fun we could had had pr when i reach my original deadline..but doesnt matter.

    Like i think eliud kipchoge said. “ If you do not rule your mind it can rule you.”

    I need to take back control and free myself. No going back to her after that. It has to be it and no friendship etc just move on.
     
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  10. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    Isn't that what we all experience with PMO addictions? It happens to all of us. Judgement gets clouded through extreme sexual arousal and we're unable to convince ourselves to not open the browser or to not touch the penis.

    The question for me is how much personal agency one has over the matter. Even if someone's mind gets too clouded to control an urge, are they really helpless? Are they out of options in terms of going down the rabbit hole of doing everything necessary to make sure that either they don't end up with an urge in a certain surrounding/setting/time, or that when they do get the urge they're already trained to handle it correctly by analysis of the chain of thought/action that they've done in non-urge time?

    There's a rule in senior care homes: don't help the resident for anything that they can help themselves with.

    Taking medication might actually be making you more dependent on it. I'm not a professional, and your case might actually necessitate it, but I'm concerned since I've seen regularly functioning people rely on psychiatric medication too much while they have the option of making some decisions with their life that might seem tough. If you're interested, you might wanna give these a read:
    https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...e-facing-a-more-successful-competitor.305198/
    https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/comfort-was-the-issue-1-update.304536/

    I know this is a lot, and you totally don't have to go into it or even respond to me. Good luck to you, brother.
     
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  11. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    That wasn't a legal contract, right? I'm just making sure lol

    You're being her slave even in when and how you can end the arrangement. (I just can't call that mess a relationship.)

    If you're not able to overturn her decision that the arrangement can't end without you paying up, would you be able to actually leave if the time came but she wanted you to stay? Would you be able to resist her sweet talk (or her angry commands)?

    That's a lie that we all tell ourselves while we're addicts - one final cookie, one final video, one final degradation - whatever the case is.

    Read back your post. You're not in control! You're a literal slave at this point, not just a voluntary/pretend-for-fun one. You sound like you think you're in control of ending it.

    But are you actually? Let me explain.

    You're choosing to end it in a timeframe/situation/setting that you feel is the least explosive/difficult/overwhelming. But what if your perception of the difficulty curve across time/circumstances doesn't actually meet the real curve? What if quitting in September after you hand her free money, turns out, when the time comes, to be more difficult than ending it right now, today, Mar 27? What will you do then? Extend the timeline further? Wait for the next seemingly easy opportunity to quit on?

    I'd definitely talk to a good friend IRL if I were you. You need that to both foster a more transparent friendship and to realize what you're doing from another perspective. Forum posts on a website can't do much and we can only help you here so much.

    P.S.: My language might sound harsh but I'm trying to make you realize something.
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2021
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  12. ankith

    ankith Fapstronaut

    Actually you might be true. I've seen people who are suffering from paraphilic disorders coming out by following strict lifestyle like they do in Sexaholics anonymous but I was being delusional that they were brainwashing me to stay in the groups. I was also really scared when I first started taking medications, I was going paranoid and was researching a lot, I thought the doctor might have misdiagnosed me. But it's not true, I've talked to him today and he kinda gained my trust. He just gave these medications as mood stabilizers. Actually I have been crazily depressed lately and also my addiction escalated to a state where I started stapling myself with staplers. I was visiting all these suicide pro groups which encourage suicide and was trying to cut myself. So I was going in a deeper mess, acting normal with my friends but when I go back home I would be filled with depressed feeling. So taking meds did calm me and make me stop having these thoughts, but it comes at a cost of lot of side effects. Like you mentioned earlier, I don't think Anti-psychotics are addictive, people (even me) hate taking them so much that even people who are bipolar or schizophrenics' stop taking them cold turkey as the numb feeling pisses you off. People love to feel emotions and stay connected to the world, but these kinda cut those. benzodiazepines are addictive, I've looked them up in internet and also my doctor told me.

    So I am not saying people with paraphilia disorders are schizophrenia patients but the way they indulge in these mania episodes are similar, that's probably why they are given these medications. Anyways I'll check out the links, thanks for reaching out to me :)
     
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  13. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Just a piece of paper where i have typed some stuff in word and printed out and we signed with a pen lol just for fun. to try and have a proper rules etc, but it wjaus t a tone time fun thing, wasnt meant to be like legal or real serious.

    Thats a good point you make there. I had sort of thought of that, that I need to prepare for if she tries to convince me to stay or anything else.
    I dont really wanna lie but i just need to end it, find a simple way. And well nothing lasts forever, so makes sense to end it to oeven if its earier than she expected or i said. Im not legally bound.

    But it feels so much like my last job where i just wanted to quit so badly, thats the same feeling ive had here...really disliking it.

    I wanna see now if i can end it in july already. That would be great.

    Btw does anyone here have experience with findoM/femdom porn online? the last video is so right..im trying to like watch a few vids i have one a list and then thats it...been slowly deleting it all..but feels like if i dont finish fast enough my mind looks for more new stuff, or wants to check out all the stuff..ive tried dleeting lists bu tthen adding some back...

    I remmeber when i played video games i´d be super addicted to a game, i´d feel like i had to play it all the time, to finish my goal...it was an obsession..but after some time away from it if i suddenly had a break...i ´d not really care or be addicted....then if i jumped in again boom right back...im thinking this is the same thing..just need distance to all this bs.
     
  14. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    That's the problem right there, as I explained before. What seems simple today might not be simple in September. Then you'll look for the next "simple" way. If you don't have the courage to end it today, how do you trust yourself with being able to end it a few months later?

    Also note that by that point you'll be deeper into the arrangement. The more time goes by, the harder it might get for you to end it. It's a very good time to end it right now, TODAY. Your money could help charity or help you in building yourself a better life with an actual partner in the future who treats you with dignity.

    If you think you CAN'T leave right now, just admit it. That's another problem and we can have a different discussion about it. I'm just trying to make you realize that you're not in control and that you don't have the courage to leave.

    I might sound harsh, but that's how I'd be talking to a friend of mine in real life if he were in a situation like yours. The truth is brutal but you need to hear it.
     
  15. ankith

    ankith Fapstronaut

    If I'm correct, he will reply saying- yeah you are totally right, but give some irrational explaination that he will stop the next time he meets her (something along those lines). I have seen this pattern over and over, so do you, if you have read the previous posts lol.
     
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  16. ankith

    ankith Fapstronaut

    Sometimes, unless we admit that we aren't control of our situation and unless we get help it is completely impossible for us to come out of this mess....
     
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  17. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much guys. I dont want you guys to feel im wasting your time. I do try my best to listen.

    Im not gonna make long posts after this....but this is a story that happened that has really fucked my mind i feel..im sorry if its long but wanted to be detailed..i hope it makes sense if anyone reads it. This is why im also needing this to end to get peace hopefully.

    One reason why i feel i cant end it now, but have to wait. Is i talked with the main girl about designer stuff i was saving for, so i feel like i gotta give her the money i said i´d save up for that. And maybe some to buy new grass for her garden...which is just extra cost..i can feel it in my mind..its soooooooooooooo much money but its like im numb to it...its just money money money..i just wanna pay to get rid of the feeling you know?

    The second thing is...i´ll try keep it simple...but last year, her gf had to get painted some stuff...wanted help...and i was open to it tho i hate painting...i even tried saying e could all make a fun day main girl and her gf...even tho wasnt sure main girl would like it...anyway the horrible thing that happened was i was helping her gf sort f serving her now too - i never mant it with money but somehow i ended up doing it...hoping to get fun...but didnt get much of what i had planned...anyway we were shopping i helped...the nsame day i was meant to do some 24/7 slavery...but here comes the horrible part.

    They wanted me to paint door frames....all ive said is i had done some research but i meant like quick..not like i was an expert but i thinkthey took me as an expert...when i had texted her gf i remmeber maybe i didnt but i think i told her, no dont trust me with this...dont trust me with paint...no.
    but she felt comfortable...i didnt want this..i should had said no...but what happened was they got my card to buy food delivered and they told me to paint...i didnt prepare with tape or anything...and when i had painted 3 doorframes they didnt like it...they said it was ugly and i had ruined it with clumps of paint...i had alos painted the metal thing..anyway i felt awful i had really done my best...now they wanted me to remove it.

    I was like how...wiht turpentine and a sponge? it´d be hard work....i tried some brown soap but couldnt really get it to work...it was the worst day of all...i couldnt fnd the plastic wrap, even tho it was right in front of me... and main girl was tired...i told her just give me like 10-15 min to go buy plastic and come back so i can do it and wecan go home..but no she demanded to be driven home...so i had to drive her home..then go shopping..drive back..it was now late like 10 pm maybe...i tried my best but i could tell this wouldnt work..tried with the sponge it sort of worked but it´d be tough work...i told her gf i had to go home and i´d come back next day

    when i came home i was exhausted...didnt get 24/7 slavery and i was tired....the morning i went to work shopping and trying to remove it but after 2-3 hours and no gloves my hands were like losing their skin due to chemicals..i got some gloves..but this would take an entire day for one door...her gf had no symapthy...when i was there i was on my knees she was talking to a gf..she slapped me like 4 times - the final one was so hard...i used to lke slapping but htis was no fun....and told me to take my belt off..i didnt tho..we have used belts before to hit.

    I told her and got angry that i couldnt do this...this would be one day per door or something..i even searched for painters but most wouldnt come for so little....all i thought was i wanted out of this shit..you know? just out...i hated this..this was suposed to be about luxury and some humilaition fun..not...this..
    I tried scraping it off but some wood chipped off a small piece or a few and some paper thin stuff... i tried finding painters for her but evnetually she found herself...main girl said to pic kher up so we could fix it....we spent that day painting her apartment but her gf kept shittalking everything i did. everything was bad...even the main girl got angry saying its supposed to be like this like wet at first or something...

    i was so done..entire day...i tried to use some rough paper to scrape too the door frames..i thought just paint again wtf is the problem...
    Anyway had to drive main girl home again...they wanted me to come the next day and i said no i got work..i didnt but i just wanted out you know? they didnt believe me andgot angry but anyway it worked out... i offered to shop a bit
    so next morning i drove main girl to her + had bought bread to them..they didnt ike the bread either..
    i then agreed to pick up the main girl..hoping it was all done and this was over...but what happened was...she was tired..when i came it wasnt just picking her up..i was told to remove paint on the floor and that she had to send me back there then later..and i got kicked a bit too i think... then when iwas gonan drive her to get something done an errand..her gf and some other girl id seen before came too.. i didnt like it..

    Then i felt like i wanted to go home..i hated this... but now it got worse...we were in some shopping mall i just wanted to go home... i also in the car said i didnt owe her gf anything...it was done now...but she was angry and said i hadnt given her shit... main girl was angry because i said the money i had paid for paint and items to help - i didnt need to be paid for that her gf could keep the money...but main girl got angry ais had promised spa for those money..i told her i´ll get it to you..
    Then her gf when i said i didnt owe her shit...she got up from the backseat of my car, and not hard but stilll punched me in the face and called me a fucking faggot.....at that point i wanted to tell all of them to get the fuck out of my car...but i didnt wanna lose the main girl.

    this was the time i foten got slapped...or hit in the head, and if i protected myslef smetimes they hit my teeth and i was told to just not protect myself....i hated it...
    ive before tried main girl slapping me from the backseat WHILE I WAS DRIVING...i got so mad (this is another time) and told her never to do that but then she got angry and i got submissive...
    Anyway i told the girls i didnt have time to drive them around all night...that was not the plan...they got mad again main girl telling her gf canyou see his attitude? or someting like that.

    anyway i dropped main girl off...drove her gf home to her...helped a bit with some dish washing or something..and i tried to keep good harmony... i got home late... i hated all this..
    i did my few tasks of trying to find painters the coming days...until i took a break from her gf..for 2 months...when i came back i deicded to give her a chance...we alos had some good talks and she was sweet and we could talk well... but she felt like i owed her...becuase painters had said it was "ugly"... i ended up paying her some money like bit more than 100 dollars...and we said we´re even..but i had tired offering pedicure too but she said no i already said i´d give that so that doesnt count.
    then i started cleanng her bathroom etc and serving her again...recently i cut her off...i had planned it was the last day...i came to her...i could feel how scared i was for messin gup...gave her money for the pedicure + some spai found to her...i had previiulsy when i felt bad called her and she´d say we´re even...as i felt i owed her..i felt so so guilty.

    What happened was then that day, i went to her... cleaned her bathroom like usual..did some dish washing..and i could see i kept washing the same cup or plate over and over..i was so scared of it not being right or it touching something disgusting..i was so afraid i´d feel guilty for that too..
    i told her some wood had chipped off back then with the doors when i tried to remove it with a metal tool..she knew she said... i gave her the money for spa/pedi... in my mind...sort if i pay for that doesnt that count if i give you 500 but i owe you 400 doesnt that count? i mean i et the money is being spent on something else but still...

    anyway... i had mad a huge list of questions to really ask into if we are even but deicded to shorten it...in short we agreed wére even for everything and that i wont ever owe her for anything ever again.... i said to her but what if the apartment guys come if you move one day or something and will say its ugly and you gotta pay?
    She said well in that case she cant promise... i hated this i dont wanna feel like i gotta stay in contact with her..i want her out of my life...i told her you get this money now can we not say we are even? even if they come and say you owe or have to pay etc? and she was like so because i get spa and pedi i should agree to this?
    i tried convincing her, and she agreed.... she didnt wanna shake hands but i asked if our deal counted as if we did..she said yes... so that i´d never owe her for painting, door frames, bathroom floor no nothing - everything is even between us with aaprtmen tand eveyrhting for ever...

    i went to my car..i felt so happy...shes out of my life..i dont have to feel guilty..this is months ago...but this being even happened last week... i dropped her off somewhere and drovea away teling myself this was it.

    Main girl has also agreed punching me was a bit much..and ive not been slapped or hit in the head since back then months ago..but its still awful..
    i really felt like i owed...then main girl said her door frames are ugly too and i kept asking into it last time..but she too said no i dont owe her and never will...but then said i had ruined her lawn...you see? then i feel i owe again.
    I hate this so fucking much. This is why it gotta end. Ive spent so muhc time thinking about it ,calculating hte money if it can pay for it all..but my mind goes crazy thinking i gotta pay for cleaning ,new metal hinges, new doors, new apartment..hell i asked her gf..its not like i owe you a new floor now right? and she was like..well you know...actually..and i was like come on.... and yeah no.

    But when i said i felt guilty she said it was good..i was like wtf..... but she has finally said its good i got peace in my soul...
    Anyway this is the story that i think has traumatized me..i keep thinking i owe them you know? i feel i havent given enough.... im scared one day they will say i owe them or something..i hate it..i want them out of my life..but i keep feeling like owe them....
    I talked to a very sweet super intelligent woman who also said htis makes no logical sense - that it drives me nuts like this. That i need to cut ties, and maybe get help..

    But i just hate owing people you know? and i keep thinking i ruined it..now i mscared i havent given enough if they gotta pay or get new door frames..and that even if i paid for paint or luxury or designer bags or spa..then its different..that doesnt count...you know? its fucked me up.
    I cant relax..only when i forget - but its like the bad dreams when you keep thinking of it it doesnt go away, wanting to not focus onit doesnt help you just gotta do other stuff...but i feel like i dont know how much i owe..i feel like i owe..i hate it... i dont ever wnna owe anyone...and now i feel its uncertain...i could give a million dollars and feel like i still owed perhaps.. i give money now to satisfy my guilt..money down the toilet...

    This is what ive been struggling with recently... i hope i can get peace.. i need to end it with the main girl too so both are out of my lives..and maybe i can then recover?
     
  18. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    Listen, bro. You're not wasting our time. It's ours to spend and we're choosing to help you with it. Even if we don't succeed in helping, you don't have to feel responsible.
    I need you to realize that you're making an excuse. Don't say that you feel like you "can't" end it. You don't WANT TO end it even though you know that you should. What's the worst that can happen? She screams you a thousand voicemails? She comes to your house and forces you to have to call the police to get her away from you? Answer this in your next post:

    1. What's the worst that happens?

    2. Do you think that your dignity, freedom and well-being is worth enduring the worst possible scenario for?

    I know you might feel like you made a promise and you think you should keep it. I personally don't believe in that. One has the right to change their mind about things in a relationship.

    3. Who's the selfish person: you, breaking the promise to escape her abusive company, or the girl, for having made you promise her to buy her free stuff?

    4. If a friend of yours were in your situation and telling you everything that you've told us, what would you tell him to do?

    I still stand with what I said in the last post. You know that despite all the promises and the incoming backlash, you have to leave.

    And you don't owe them anything. It's a lie that you do. There's no justification for it. There's no reasonable interpretation of the word "owe" that justifies your belief. You can try your best to come up with a reason.

    5. Why do you owe them even a single dollar?

    6. Should one abandon a promise if they feel like the promise was demanded from them in a malicious/abusive/exploitative context?

    7. Why should you not end it today?

    My intent isn't to pressure you. I'm trying to poke the sensible part of your mind that would love for you to listen to it. You don't have to engage in the numbered questions above if you don't want to. If you do worry about your recovery and think that I sound somewhat reasonable, you can consider it.
     
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2021
    Kilrunio, WhiteLion and ankith like this.
  19. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Thank you man for your effort. I truly appreciate it. You´re very intelligent i can tell, and I like you get to the core of it. Thanks also for the way you say it all.

    So

    1) Well i think im just a person who likes harmony, i dont want fights. But like even with her gf, did a good day, and i hope it´d be all even and ropepd her off..then because i responded late to a text about if we should see each ohter she told me to fuck off and all sort of shit...im so sick of that attitude... dont want them in my life..i ust wish i could end it in a nice way you know where noone gets angry you know? but seems like its not always possible...

    2) my freedom and well being is the most important yes.. even if they get mad i dont wanna be part of this...i think what i fear is btw that they will try to guilt trip me..like say "oh the garden isnt fixed...or you still owe me for that"..you know? i hate that so much..but its like theres always new stuff...i want out..

    3) great point..its the girl...whos just like take take take..i´d not be like that... i dont get it...

    4) i think this is the thing about looking outside and in from another situation yeah.. i´d probably tell him to get out and how extremeley unhealthy this is....i know the girl may say "you wanted this"...but its not ok or fun anymore..when the fun stops its time to end it...so i´d tell him to end this...get out.

    5) well maybe i dont... i just hate the feeling if i said i would save up for something then i feel i owe you know?
    How do you see it...like they told me to paint right? the paint was bad, do i then owe to get that fixed you feel? like because i painted maybe some etal that shouldnt be fixed, or some clumps of paint is together...?
    or what like i said i accidently chipped some wood off...i know it may be an easy fix but idk if its been fixed..so its in the back of my mind..first i feel shit do i gotta fix this before ican cut her off? or do i gotta pay for it to get fixed? but i dont know the price..and if not now it may be much later..i dont want them to come later...or i willgo to he extreme and feel i need to pay for a whole new door frame..or an apartment...

    if you painted something and it got bad...would you feel you owed a painter or to remove it? they thought you culd do it because you gav ethem the impresses you could..would you feel guilty?
    And would you feel guilty about accidently chipping off a bit of wood of a doorframe? i feel lie oh shit do i owe to pay a new now...thats what im struggling with
    how do you see it? if it was you?

    6. that can be justified i think yeah, i guess it all depends..

    7. you´re right.. the feeling of it being over is so nice to me..well if i end it..how would you do it? do i text her or go see her?
    she wants me to sell a giftcard for her i gave her...i feel like i cant escape before its sold..but if its not that then its her windows or something else..

    Even today she texted me and i was so sick of her attitude...im so sick of her. How would you end it? i was thinking maybe arranging a meet up with her?
    But i need to be prepared for all scenarioes like what to say/do if

    - she say i still owe her money/or need to do a task for her thats undone?
    - say i cant quit before X date due to some stuff she needs for me
    - she gets angry saying i said i´d do this longer and m a liar and she gets very angry
    - she doensnt accept it?
    - if she suggests being friends or just doing slavery once in a while?

    What i need is to cut her off completely. All contact after that. I need a strong mind or i will change my mind.
     
  20. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    That's good, at least you're owning up to reality more.

    Your current situation isn't harmonic. No one likes confrontation but it's often necessary if you don't wanna be a pushover.

    If I were in your situation, I'd actually end it in the hardest way possible, not the easiest one, to test and build my character for the rest of my life. What if you, in the future, encounter a situation (not with that girl) in which the time window of confrontation opportunity is very small; you only have one chance to do it and you know that it's certainly going to create an explosive reaction from someone. What will you do then? Just let it slide? You can't find an easy way out because there isn't one.

    Your decision in this situation isn't just about this situation. It's about building your character in life overall as well. You need to be able to do stuff like that.

    And as I said before, you don't know how hard it's gonna be. It might get 10x harder later when you've postponed it already. And no matter how hard it is to end today,]
    IT
    IS
    WORTH
    IT
    You're not valuing yourself highly enough. You deserve more than how she treats you.

    I know how hard it is to escape the guilt trips. I grew up in a culture where everybody's tripping over everybody to gain control. It was hard for me to break those strings, but not impossible. You know exactly what you have to say to all of that. Tell them that you don't owe them anything.

    Sure, that I can agree with. Just cut off from them socially altogether and pay off the damage repair cost. It's just that simple. Treat it as if you were renting a place and you left some damage, then the landlord contacted you on the phone to get paid. Keep it minimal. If you don't wanna wait for a repairperson to give you a quote for the damage, then pay an amount in advance that you can be sure will cover the damage.

    You don't owe them labor, and you don't owe them your physical presence at the house.

    I'd go easy on myself there. Being able to end it today with a video/voicemail/message is better than taking a few days to gain the courage to say it in person. Your well-being is the first priority, not the way it ends. If you can't do it in person, do it in an easier way. But do it, today.

    Just ensure your physical safety above all else. If ending it via the phone is safer, do it. The worst case scenario, call the police if she becomes destructive or invasive to your property. You have NOTHING to worry about, at least not rationally.

    You don't owe her anything. It's as simple as that. It's time that you start defining the word "owe", not her.

    Will you be able to maintain a strict, healthy, money-free boundary in that?
     
    ankith and Kilrunio like this.

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