Extreme real life story - femdom/findom slavery to a girl addiction - *Possibly triggering story !*

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Kilrunio, Apr 22, 2020.

  1. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    You are right that its worth it, and just do it, postponing it wont help maybe make it harder, and its just worthless to post pone. Doing things now is a lot better.
    Im confident i wanna end it in july now, but it feels way too far out.

    Thank you for saying i deserve better, i think too aswell. This whole slave thing is so stupid and only ruins your health and bad for you.
    Yeah im gonna end this. Im determined. This was a big mistake i regret it all that was my fear i´d end up regretting it all but yeah thats how it is for most i think.

    And yeah if i was like acting tough saying i dont owe you shit, ive done this and that for you, ive helped you with this etc i dont owe crap, then i think too they´d show respect..



    "Sure, that I can agree with. Just cut off from them socially altogether and pay off the damage repair cost. It's just that simple. Treat it as if you were renting a place and you left some damage, then the landlord contacted you on the phone to get paid. Keep it minimal. If you don't wanna wait for a repairperson to give you a quote for the damage, then pay an amount in advance that you can be sure will cover the damage.

    You don't owe them labor, and you don't owe them your physical presence at the house."

    Problem with this i feel is - i dont know what that cost would be you know? Maybe thats first when she moves. Thats why she said shes fine with it all, but then when i said what if they say you owe something when you move well she couldnt promise that..and that was like then im stuck..so thats why when i gave her that money for pedi and spa i made her agree that she wont come and say i owe her.
    because even if im rich then what if im someday poor i dont got enough money im stuck in debt i feel. but ye otherwise its much better, but ye i dont think it will hel pif i pay pay pay for stuff like to soothe my guilt, its like there will alwyas be somthing new.

    Good point about safety. I mean im not worried for anyone attacking me. But for sure its done with all the abuse and hitting , im not gonna take that. Im gonan end all of that, no more shockers either or anything.

    And yeah you´re right about owing. I dont owe her shit. Ive done so much, this was meant to be fun - so what its over. End that shit. Yeah.

    "Will you be able to maintain a strict, healthy, money-free boundary in that?"

    i dont wanna be friends with her or do anything like slavery once in a while. No way.

    I just need to end this..my mind wanna end it in june now. Maybe may i should end it.
    Or here april yeah.

    And thanks the whole thing about friends...truth is i dont really have any friends in real life. One guy fromher i knew was kinda cool but burrowed money off me never paid back, he etxted me when we didnt have contact me and the girl and ddint get back to him its like a year ago soon, almost.

    The most i´d text him to try get the money back and if not doesnt matter.

    I thin kalso thats why if shes not there then theres a lot of emptyness ,no ot girls around me.

    Btw one thing main girl often say or has said when i asked that im not a man...and they often call me a fag idk somehow they like that..her gf though likes to say im a fucking loser too..i tried syaing yay i wanna be a loser, not a man. yay biggest loser.

    I mean how unhealthy is that shit? Im gonna cut all the porn out enough of that shit. And enough with all this crap too with being told im a loser. im not.

    I need good people around me not this shit.
     
  2. WhiteLion

    WhiteLion Fapstronaut

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    Have you always been this conflict adverse?
     
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  3. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    Then that's it. She made an agreement there and you don't owe anything for the damage. Check that off of the list.

    Do it today. I've slayed all your excuses now. Just do it. You'll dearly thank yourself for it when the storm ends. Have some sympathy for yourself.

    With how bad your situation is, I'd be careful not to fall back into the traps of porn and fendom. I'd go as far as living with my parents or one of my siblings for a bit. Or take a vacation and try socializing with other people.
     
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  4. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Its funny you say this...many people including family has said this...I dont feel like i am...but maybe i am? I mean i really like harmony. I guess ye i dont like conflict. I think also because im not physically strong i dont feel powerful. I guess i felt i had to be nice to not get beaten. But what do you feel is the right balance? Maybe not seek conflict but accept conflict is there is but still be strong with self respect but firm?
    You´re right...The agreement is there. Thats it. Same with the other girl. I guess the only thing with her that bothers me is ther sying i ruined her lawn...thats why i sorta wnna give bit money for that then its done.

    Man i can really feel it now. Them out of my life. It feels so free holy shit...like, a burden lifted...dont have to respond to someone..sometimes i feel like im walking on eggshells like main girl can get so easily angry with me and i feel she is so unfair at times.

    Can I ask you one thing?
    Is there not actually a difference between saying "yeah lets try you being cruel and as hard as you can be" and then where its in the fun way where its as hard as she can be..and then downright just unfair and where its like is she stupid or what?

    Like sometimes she has demanded i´d drive her and fix it if i said i couldnt, sometimes i could do it and found a way..but in my mind if i am submissive i want to serve a very intelligent woman..these girls i cant really worship them now...one is a broke ..and the other is..well sounds like shes a broke too...and not too intelligent...more like an annoying brat...like a sister nagging me or something.

    In my mind in bdsm and femdom there is a cruel and hard girl where shes harsh on you but in a fun way - and then theres this where its just like...what a stupid brat...where i lose respect for her.

    Does that make sense? Like isnt there a difference? In my mind there sort of is. You´re not being cruel or hard by just being a brat or not accepting things.

    Also lol last time i was with her right she actually started stomping the ground like a little girl...when i met her at some school stuff i found it funny how she´d act like a spoiled impatient lil girl ot the teachers and it worked. We had good chemistry...i used to able to worship her...but ive just lost so much respect for her. I dont find it cruel i find her stupid sometimes and just unfair and a brat when shes demanding...is there not a difference? Like you have a cruel/demanding woman who doimates you - but is intelligent and still not stupid..and then a girl who just say "no i want my way or i will cross my arms and be a brat" lol to me thats not cruel or dominant..just annoying and i cant be submissive to that shit. I see it more as serving my queen as her knight. Where cruelty is a fun game for fun...not where its actually losing respect...that shit in real life is so bad now with er gf holy shit thats not good.
    All those femdom pon is def fantasy because real life that is just abuse.
    But isnt there a difference with cruel/harsh and then thinking you´re being as hard as you can be but actually just an impatient annoying brat? Sometimes shes been so unfair where im like..well then teach me...you´re not cruel by just being annoyed lol. Just makes me feel you´re unfair but more like unfair as in you´re stupid not as in wow shes unfair and dominates me -- i hope it makes sense. One is a brat other is actually a cruel but intelligent queen so to speak. I feel theres a difference.

    "With how bad your situation is, I'd be careful not to fall back into the traps of pon and fendom. I'd go as far as living with my parents or one of my siblings for a bit. Or take a vacation and try socializing with other people."

    Thank you. Right now i actually live with my parents...i nearly cried today and told them i said a little bit about my situation sometimes ive wanted to admitted all ive done, but i can feel how ashamed i am..how fucked up shit ive done... and sometimes i feel i wanan end it then..nah its ok..then end it..then nah its ok....I can feel i seek comfort...so maybe all that aftercare talk in bdsm is real...maybe all the you´re a loser, not a man and beating has affected me..i asked her once do i come across as not having confidence? and her response was like no quite the opposite i got too much.

    I think many dont get..submissive men arent weak, often i feel they are way stronger than those girls..but we lost our manhood somehow to these onlyfans / findom girls...they dont respect us...time to change it and not take their shit. Be a man. And its time i step up...maybe this can be my story of turning from a loser to a man...no more jerking off to being a loser and loving being rejected...go take whats mine and get happiness.

    I think this is important for life goals aswell. Like maybe make a recording, or write down your goal - so you can read it when you´re mind is like.."just quit"..like mentally prepare like if you go for a run - you know it will be hard, you know your mind wanna keep you safe and happy, so it will tell you to quit. So you remember back to before you started that you knew this would happen and yousaid to yourself back then. Keep going.
    Thats what i need here, but like now its not fun so end it.

    Thank you man for cutting my excuses to the ground. I´m gonna go into action now. Lets fkn go!

    You guys are seriously the best. Im wondering too...how come you´re on here actually? Whats your story if i can ask? Or somewhere to read it on here? You seem super intelligent and like you got your shit together.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 28, 2021
  5. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    You mean that the lawn YOU paid for in the first place didn't turn out to be perfect, so now you feel like you need to pay for correction?
    No, that's bullshit. You don't owe her that. You need to start declining. SAY NO.

    As long as you're able to stop the experiment right at the moment you want, with ZERO resistance from her against your decision, you're not a slave. Otherwise she's in control of you.

    And any woman who doesn't instantly stop the playful cruelty, and/or drags that behavior outside of the bedroom into the actual functioning of a relationship, is not someone worthy of respect in my opinion.

    I wouldn't recommend doing it with parents. They tend to have not just the motive of care, but also that of authority and disciplinary action over their children. It depends on the individuals, but it's hard for most parents to act only like a friend and not like a parent. But honestly, if you have no one else to talk to, I'd say that telling the parents is better than telling no one, unless you think they're too controlling of you and will make you feel more shameful than supported.

    I don't know what context she said it in, but I wouldn't bother with her opinion on the matter. Maybe she wasn't talking about social confidence, or maybe she had a motive to lie.

    Of course it can be a turning point for you. Remember, the greater the resistance, the greater the reward for overcoming it.

    Like everybody else, I got my own shit to deal with as well lol. I'm also making mistakes and not doing the best that I can do. But I'm learning from my mistakes and increasingly embracing difficulty in life that I know I need to embrace in search of fulfilment. You can read my story here: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/comfort-was-the-issue-1-update.304536/

    So, have you ended it yet? Time's running.
     
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  6. WhiteLion

    WhiteLion Fapstronaut

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    You tell us you want to stop and Rationaliser have done a good job countering all your objections, but you still will not end it. This is because, no matter how much you agree rationally, you can not do it because it goes against your fundamental value of "harmony". You see conflict and dissent as negative things to be avoided. You will probably always be this way on some level. That is not a problem inherently, but it needs to be push back against.

    In my religion we have a concept of the Satanic Savior, in which a person that is not in equilibrium needs to embrace things to which they might be naturally adverse. You are so adverse to conflict, so you need to act against type and create conflict. Braking it off with this girl will create conflict, there is no way around that. You need to decide that this is okay.

    You are giving a very Nietzschian explanation for why you are like this and that might be an interesting thing to discuss, but I do not want to get into that right now.
     
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  7. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Is there a short definition of Nietzschian explanation? I tried looking it up but not sure i understood it right. if its too complex no worries.

    I will take this to heart. One thing I´ve definitely decided to do going forward and I intend on sticking to it. Is I will say NO way more often. I will only do what I truly want, like my mum gave me this qoute thing, at first i didnt like it, but recently it makes so much sense and is so right.

    It says something along like whatever you decide to do make sure it makes you happy.

    I totally see also now why they would see me as a not a man and not respect me. I could had put m yfoot down and said - this is meant to be fun (like i did today when i talked to her) and that this isnt fun, if we paint we all paint. Or just say no to it. I didnt even want to be part of it at first...i really should had said no to all this shit...i think i was so focused too on being told i was the best slave..as it was hard to hear...but got it...but i should had said no anyway.
    All i can do is going forward use this. And i definitely will. I need to say no if i dont want to, and i really will. And i will make sure to have self respect, stand up for myself, and i will be very careful with who i let into my lives. If i get a bad vibe or dont like the person, no need to compromise or tolerate them. Get out.

    Also its so right that me waiting makes no sense..it wont make it easier.... i planned on seeing her this thursday, she has some chore stuff...she said she had planned some fun stuff last time. We had a long talk today, it was a good talk. She even had said to her gf about whats going on since i was like this..her gf didnt know but said it was fine between us....
    I told main girl i didnt feel well about all this, and had been down..i nearly cried... then brought up the stuff again....she was being gentle and i mean she hasnt been better than she is now i think weve had our ups and downs, but anyway i kept pushing it again with do i owe you do i owe you..until she finally got really angry and had enough and said if i ask again shes doene with this call..and that she has answered already....

    its crazy how much of a need of validation and approval i have, to hear "no you´re good"... and like she said i wont be put to things im not good at...it makes no sense..even she said that this is like psychotic or something like that...cant remmebr exact word but similiar i think. I really need to relax...i even with her said well with your lawn i hope it fixes itself but otherwise how about i give you xxx and then its done so i dont owe you again i want out...

    its so silly... even now with all your help my mind wants to do it..and give her the giftcard..because that was the LAST spoiling i had planned for her. Ever. for months. that was it...it was meant she got that and i got a fun day or some fun activies - but i dont want those things even.

    But its her gf whos bugging me the most, thats the thing i think about, i see the chipped wood all the time. Like even if i dont think about it but do other things, i feel like its the kinda thing where you got an issue you procastinate so its in the back of my mind..but i need to relax.... i know its not logical..noone will say i owe...its done..ive helped...
    and it makes no sense i should pay for everything or pay whole ew apartment...when i feel i get over it then sometimes i feel well if i had 2 million i´d like to give a ton..then i know for sure its done... its so so stupid. because that mindset i cant relax.
    I will end it..i pushed the date now even earlier... even before summer now i think...im gonna see if i set it up nicely. so maybe one month or so and then end it.

    Yes it wont be easy- but my father said something so brilliantly today. That we dont end things when its perfect...we end it when its not perfect...so yeah...but even if its perfect i need to end it with her here... i no longer have fun... sometimes i feel nah its ok its fun i can keep going... but no..im scared of ruining stuff..she said i break a window ofc i have to pay she would too...i just dont wanna deal with it.

    Her gf when i was at her some itme ago was so annoying how she clearly used it when i asked well do i owe you a new floor? and she was said so.even if jokingly... clearly just using me.

    My father too really felt like wow not a man, like these girls got me by the balls and use me and i let them.
    My plan now is...end it with her...i want to talk to a specific person first about it - and then i will do it. Each day i wanna cut days off. So its really not long now.

    Even without all this guilt or bad episode. Im tired of slavery. I think its also sunk cost fallacy at play - which means iirc i spent so muhc itme effort money to get here..so i feel ime too invested...but yeah i will be ready to cut her off. Have a talk, maybe offer a hug or idk. And say goodbye. Doesnt matter how disappointed she is..this is about my health.

    I just dont wanna want to go back to her... but its def clear i need to cut it off..besides im tired of spending money fluhsing it down the toilet and this slave stuff isnt healthy at all
    Im nearly done with all my porn/femdom porn vids. Im ending it this week. So next week no more porn or femdom vids. Then i wanna go on a none masturbation streak. 1 day 2 days 3 days etc...maybe a week, then two weeks etc... and only cumming to vanilla thoughts. I hope all this will help.

    I think i just need to relax aswell. I mean slavery and bein gher slave how fucked up is that? and its so natural... doesnt matter how good a relationship...i dont want slavery in my life...

    Im not gonna bother you guys with talking more about it... when ive ended it with her, i can reply here and say i ended it.
     
  8. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Also will reply in your own topic Rationaliser. Thanks for the link.

    Whitelion btw thanks so much again man you been here long.

    I seriously mean it, there are good people and then are are the really really good people, like almost hollywood kinda good people in movies. You´re the typejust wish the absolutely best for from the bottom of my heart. Good people, good men.
     
  9. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    I will acknowledge, first, that I've been more pushy in these recent posts than I'd like to have been. I think it's always possible to be tough wuth your words and non-persuasive at the same time.

    Don't you think that sweet talk is one of the reasons you're unable to escape this mess? I don't know if it's her strategy to keep you stuck in the relationship, or if she actually genuinely feels sweet towards you sometimes. I wouldn't assume someone's motive.

    But either way, you can't just keep the relationship going, for longer than you otherwise would, because of the sweet talk. You have to take into consideration the entire thing.

    Instead of just asking her opinion on whether or not you owe anything, give yours as well. Tell her that you disagree. Don't let her anger/frustration halt the conversation.

    It's good to know that you're standing up for yourself and telling her that you need yourself back from her. It's better to be doing it gradually than not at all. If you think you want the relationship to continue with a different dynamic, are you sure that you can make strict boundaries to prevent exploitation, and never let her cross them? Do you think it's wise to continue the relationship like that if you can't guarantee yourself those boundaries? I'm asking because you sound like she's convinced you to stay with her longer than you were going to.

    If you paid for the lawn in the first place, you don't owe her for correction. You definitely don't owe her 3x. Aren't you being a hostage with a price to your freedom?

    I'll repeat myself. Pushing the date further or setting it up "nicely" are delusional ideas. I'm not going to pressure you anymore. I will say that if you can't end it today, you can't rationally guarantee yourself that you'll be able to do it another time.

    I'd pay for the doorframe if I were you, despite the spa/pedi deal you had that the girl said would free you from the responsibility. But again, you don't have to be in social contact with them in order to arrange payment of repair. It's just like dealing with an old landlord. You don't have to have a tea with him everyday. Just arrange a repairperson, pay and leave. I know it's hard to end everything and still have that contact, but it's not impossible to make yourself do it. Again, I'm not pressuring you.

    You're not bothering us. You're posting replies in an open thread that we can unwatch to not get notifications from. We're choosing to help. If you feel like you don't wanna converse anymore until later, you can tell us straightforwardly. Honesty isn't rude in my book. I'll keep replying until you tell me to stop. I'll test you just like the girl. :D Maybe that'll help you start saying no.
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2021
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  10. Long Range

    Long Range Fapstronaut

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    Wow, your story is really quite incredible, I had no idea that anyone would allow a woman to treat them like this. But can I ask did she do anything to reward you sexually? Did you even get to have sex with her? I think that you need to insist that she reward you sexually, and if she doesn't, then that will be a good excuse to break it off permanently.
     
  11. LX065

    LX065 New Fapstronaut

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    Honestly your story was so hot. I mean I probably would not do something like that, because I'm generally pretty good at saving money and would not spend that much on some fun, also I'm generally careful and don't trust others. But other than that, i really enjoyed reading your story. Particular where she ballbusted you, shocked you to the ground, forced you to swim in cold water or when you eat her garbage. And also all the videos that she could use against you.
    However I'm also curious did you ever have anything sexual with her? Did you even see her naked and do you masturbate? Would be really hot if you would be forced to shave her or dry hump her legs.
     
  12. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Nothing sexual. My whole idea entering this was that I felt a lot of bdsm/slave stuff was about sex. People who said they´d do "anything" meant only sexually, if you told them to do the dishes they would be bored. I had people sometimes telling methey´d do anything for me, and I would call them out on their BS. So I wanted to try this pure slavery, no sex, no nothing. Otherwise it´d not feel as real. It´d be more of a fantasy than real slavery. The girl often would say if she was a viking she´d keep her slaves outside with the animals. Also saying shes a queen. So no nothing sexual. And especially these days she has told me i´m not a man/not a real man. I´m weak, and she likes calling me a fag for some reason. Not as in homosexual tho, so but its the best translation. She talks about how i can date but most girls probably wont wanna date me as i drink toielt water and serve her, but she says i can find one in my league.

    So these days its very obvious, she has no itnerest in me, pretty much all respect is gone, i worship her, and she looks down on me.
    I have not seen her naked no or masturbated in front of her or anything like that. She already has a guy she is seeing who she i guess feels is a real man.

    But what Ive realized is i was way too nice, i should had been way more demanding. I let myself get abused and direclty fucked over. I have learned so incredibly much.
    She will just take and take and barely give me anything in return, even if we agree to something where i should get some fun it barely ever happens - again because i´m too tolerant, these days i cant even have her fb or snapchat, i guess shes lost so much respect for me and only sees me as her slave so im not worthy of it or something.
    The financial/money situation is the worst. When I look back down i feel like such an idiot paying for apartment stuff, when i could spent that money for fun things like paying for dates/cohtes stuff trying a cuckold loser slave situation, or directly paid for fun. But i just never wanted to like give 500 dollars for a fun day. No i never wanted that...i´d rather indreictly do it where i maybe pay for 1000 dollars and then she gives me fun because she wants to, because its fun for both of us...but paying directly for it? No..but seems like i should had..or been more demanding saying if i buy you this i get this fun..or said i wont buy you anything before i get my fun..

    Im in more control now. Much more. We barely see each other, she doesnt nag me these days. I finally got a lot of power back and has pulled back and i could tell i think she sometimes missed me.
    But the past weeks ive only counted the days...sometimes sitting like a zombie wasting my entire day..just waiting...counting each day... i am lucky to have people in my life who has helped me and this forum. I actually recently counted down the past weeks...its so close to my final date now and it feels weird, but its amazing. I will start a new life.

    I feel like phoenix coming out of the ashes...I will update this thread when I have ended it most likely.
    I dont recoommend anyone to do this...i have another woman who i do goddess/puppy stuff with and shes the sweetest kindest woman ever. She gives me so much, no money is even needed if i dont want that - its cute videos, messages, shes helped me a lot with these girls too..we are so similiar - its amazing...
    I intend to put this whole life behind me...im already ashamed i supported this whole female supremacy stuff....and im not a loser..im not weak...i feel like i lived a double life... and these days i no longer worship her like i used to... i see her for what she is..just a girl full of flaws.

    I think this has helped me with dating aswell - it has ignited my desire to be a real man, and to not take BS. So I will make sure this whole experience will be worth it because i will use it to motivate me - i will use it to learn not to take bs from anyone. Have a zero BS policy. Girls respect that. Ive learned so much.

    But most of all is that most of all this shit..is just fantasy guys...this slave stuff sounds awesome in your mind but its not that fun in reality...maybe with a girl who loves you, or cares for you and want to make you happy - but then again is it really slavery? maybe it can be if you agree to it - but if you dont got a girl who cares for you - why should she give you fun?if she feels you´re a weak man, a loser. Why would she wanna spend her energy giving you fun rgeardless of what you do for her? Sure a scrap here and there but you see?
    It makes sense...So if one likes this, its etter to have a girl who loves you and have fun but this? This only leads to abuse and resentment... Im able to flirt bck and make her laugh so easily - but thats the "dating" me coming up in me..

    The fantasy of just being a pathetic slave and having a girl fullfill your fantasies? That only works imo if the girls really cares for you like my ex gfs has done where they would fullfill any fantasy i had no matter how extreme or disgusting - because they loved me. If you´re a good actor or can really immerseve oyurslf you def can for a period of time hours or days have it as real as if it was real where you both agree to showing no mercy and her being an extreme ***** -- but i think this only works if you truly truly care for each other, and shes able to also know this is fun for both of you..because if you´re having an extreme ***** treat you like this always...yeah..thats abuse for you.

    I also finally understand why its so hard for girls to leave their abusive bfs/husbands..because i can see how hard it is for me...you sort of get used to it..you miss it... But once you get distance to it you feel like such an idiot.
    I talked to other guys in private too and it seems like i can finally say a lot of these desires come from low self esteem, from not feeling manly enough, if you feel like a man, high testoterone, getting girls, being confident, assertive, not feeling inferior - i think a lot of these desires goes away...these days i think alot more about a sexy girl pleasing me...so i´m in the right direction. And im gonna use this as my "why" power to motivate me. To work out. To be the best man ever.
    Maybe one day even think that the girls i served are losers - sometimes i even think that...

    Lastly - these girls guys, they only have the amount of power you let them have. You´re in control. Its on you, dont be a victim, but take control. Ive seen these girls cry or be nervous/shy/insecure, and their flaws. They aint goddess, or queens or princesses..they are just girls and women full of red flags and issues. Aint nothing special there.
    Theres amazing women out there far better and who will wanna make you happy. And my intention is to spend my energy and time on a woman deserving of me, not on bratty weak girls. And whatever lost time and money i have, i will just work harder and smarter to get that back 10 times, so in the end it was all worth it.
     
  13. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    This was an amazing read. I see it is over a year old now but wow I was very engaged.

    For the first half I am not going to lie I got aroused. But then by the second half it got really sad.

    I don't know what happened to you since and I'm not going to read 8 pages worth of this thread. But if you are still in this situation my advice would be to move. Go as far away as you can. And don't talk to her again.

    At the end of the day she sees you as her slave. And in your mind you are her slave. You will never be her friend. But in reality, you aren't actually her property. Slavery is illegal, and if you went away there is nothing you can do. So I say go far away and never look back. Best of luck to you.
     
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  14. LX065

    LX065 New Fapstronaut

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    Yeah i completely understand what you mean, which is why i never though something like real slavery is hot. (perhaps with some magical creature, but not with an actual woman) I would not even go to a dominantrix, because in reality i actually want control and some form of sex/orgasm. It's much more fun to be in control and decide how you want those scenarios to play out than to do things you actually doesn't really want to do, so that it's feels "authentic" and "real". In the end those things are just in your mind.

    You can also pretend a BDSM relationship, where your actually in control is submissive and real. Also leaving out the sexual aspect, which i can understand from the need of it being "authentic" in reality just makes everything far less satisfying, which is also why most people don't do that. For example i also often though about masturbating after an orgasm (post orgasm torture), so it hurts but i literally never did it, because i always have 0 interest in femdom, when the sexual aspect is gone. Or i try to masturbate to older/ugly woman or cocks, which on the one hand makes me horny, because it's so "pathetic", but on the other hand I'm far more attracted to a young hot woman, so it can reduce the sexual fun. Which is why i sometimes instead use babecock pictures, with a beautiful celebrity i worship and a cock so i feel like a faggot.
    You always have to balance those things out.
    Similar with ballbusting, where only the pain alone is not fun, just like just eating pepper without any other food is not fun.

    Or if it do a celebrity JOIP where you have to do commands (with pictures of celebrities) i actually often do what i want, only do the commands i like and just pretend I'm obedient, because in reality just doing exactly what they tell you like "stroke 50 times to my eyes" is just boring and often leads to a bad orgasm. In general even as a submissive, having more control often means a better sexual experience, because only you know exactly what you want. And this is especially true, if the other person only sees you as an easy way to make money and is not actually interested in satisfying you.
     
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  15. Catholic Austist

    Catholic Austist Fapstronaut

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    Man, I don't know if you still check this thread.
    However if your still living through this, get out.
    You've put yourself into this trap, you can get yourself out.
    It's very simple just get up and leave, it's all that it'll take.
    You not happy, you're miserable. You've said as much.
    Take a break from all this sex stuff, it's ruining you.
    Take a break and really think, be truthful to yourself if no one else.
     
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  16. Long Range

    Long Range Fapstronaut

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    Yes exactly. Don't let women treat you badly, you deserve better than that. Also, you should stop PMO, but if you're not able to, be sure to never watch any cuck porn and stick to vanilla as I'm pretty sure that stuff is really not good for you.
     
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  17. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. You´re so right, and I can sense now when i get distance to all this i will feel free. Its so stupid how i didnt stand up fo rmyself - i never did because i didnt wanna lose her. Didnt wanna lose my "fun". But ever since i came back i still havent gotten my 24/7 fun day, nor much of the fun i wanted..when we started it was like a honeymoon phase and exciting...the one thing i will take away is that despite me making packages and letters and all sort of stuff for months after she cut me off and me wanting to get her back..she ended up contacting me first and clearly wanting me back...but recently and i told her this we have our ups and downs, things are amazing an then shit then amazing and then shit..one day we can eat sandwiches, talk really well, have deep convos and laugh so much and have so much fun, mostly about me being her slave/humiliating me but also me teasing her and mocking her like i´d flirt with a girl..but the next she can be a total B...and just demand stuff..recently i can just tell shes starting to resent me it seems...but now her gf which i already c cut off cotnacted me and shes kidna nice and gcan give me fun...but i already told myself no....two things i keep in mind...she punched me in the favce when angry...and when i used to drive them they would hit me..while driving...i mean only an idiot would do so...slap or not... so amny red flags...now we joke about girls who checked me out who i then made it bovios uto that im a loser so they lost interst..and we joke about going in public and them telling me what to do / say in front of pretty girls and where i have to aks pretty girls out on dates only to get rejected so they can laugh at me my owner and her gf...it sounds fun..but..how unhealthy is that...they love it...and it sounds fun but i kow in reality it´d be boring..maybe i can get some confidence for cold apporaching girls for dating but other wise no..like her gf says if i dont man up or change i wont get a pretty girl..and all girls wil lthink of me as a loser... i have had girls really wanting me being super sweet... i really thought about it... i think i had an eye opening.

    Yesterday i thought about being beaten by 2-3 girls, totally messed up, tied up maybe in plastic film, and beaten and whipped and spat on and degraded...but then...i replaced it with 2-3 girls kissing me, adoring me, worshipping me...and i just realized like other guys have found out.

    This is all about attention. When you´re a sub you get a dominant hot female totally focused on YOU. Its doesnt matter if she degrades you, you got her focus, she gives you special treatment she gives noone else, even if its humiliating. You can part of her if its her items or her smell or spit etc...It truly is a short cut to a gf...if i had one of those sweet girls ive seen wher e we looked at each other...i´d man up - take care of her, be her man - and thrive and be strong...so i need to do that...i need to do that..instead of letting my brain self destruct like other guys have mentioned on this site.

    Its so clear now...and besides most femdom porn online is total fake..they are just acting ofr money they have no real desire to humulkiate men and certainly they dont get turned on.

    But if all goes well, then this is my last week, and then i wanna end it with her..i just have to be strong.

    Sunk cost fallacy is dangerous. We suffer from that a lot in life, whether it being a financial investment we should pull out of, a girl we invested money/time and energy into whe nwe should stop but we dont or it´d be a "waste".

    When we get distance to things we see things so clearly... my brain keeps going on/off between this. But i noted down if i want success in my job i gotta choose. Slavery or my buisness. My buisness is the choice.

    I really appreciate all the help on here. Absolute best guys in the world. And all super intelligent. Its rare to find such a community.
     
  18. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Yeah cuck porn is horrible...and those images with a woman...i used to hate cuck porn, i despised it as i dont feel inferior to men i dont want a man involved...but somehow ive ended up searching the web dry for cuck porn, being told you´re not a real man, paying for dates, clothes, makeup, hair, nails, heels, condoms, being used and degraded...while the woman is worshipped and only submits ot a real man and you´re a loser serving....thats so damm unhealthy...i think my desire relaly isjust i like seeing a sexy girl dressed up...or the deggrading part that you paid and worshipped and worked so hard yet get nothing its so cruel no mercy i love it..but its so unhealthy...brain so messed up. Its probably due to feeling inferior or not good enough. That makes sense ais idolize hot women and the solution is to think of them as ugly/without their fake up...then they are not scary but just girls, and not special at all.
     
  19. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    But isn't vanilla porn just cuckoldry? You are watching another man have sex with a woman.
     
    Long Range likes this.
  20. Catholic Austist

    Catholic Austist Fapstronaut

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    This guy gets it.
     
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