Extreme real life story - femdom/findom slavery to a girl addiction - *Possibly triggering story !*

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Kilrunio, Apr 22, 2020.

  1. Catholic Austist

    Catholic Austist Fapstronaut

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    Man I know that you're emotionally attached to these women, but they'll draw you back into these self destructive ways. You need to break it off, cold turkey. If you don't it's so easy to fall back into, just like online porn.
     
  2. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    Hello, people. I don't think that self-awareness (or the lack of it) is the OP's issue. He's aware of everything we've told him. I had a long conversation here with him not so long ago. Telling him what he needs to do seems futile here since he already knows what's the ideal thing to do.

    The real issue here is being trapped helplessly in his patterns. Us telling him what he should do seems to only put pressure on him that creates a burden of accountability and disincentivizes him from being more outspoken and active than he would otherwise.

    I might be wrong and I'm not putting down anybody trying to help. I just see a pattern of helpful folks encouraging him to put an end to his patterns and then him leaving indefinitely saying that he'll definitely end things and return later for an update.

    I'd feel pretty shameful as well about failing to live up to the suggestions and the encouragements every time and having to return and explain.
     
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  3. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    So what is your solution then to help him?
     
  4. Rationaliser

    Rationaliser Fapstronaut

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    I honestly don't have any in my mind. I'm just talking about what I know hasn't worked here. I can only think of being a passive reader and only answering questions that he asks. That's what I'll do, at least.

    Again, I might be wrong and I'm not telling anyone what to do with their own posts. I've learned what to do from my own interaction with him here.
     
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  5. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    I see. Well I hope he figures a way out.

    I haven't read all the posts in this thread but I read a lot. I get the sense from him that although this is very stressful and sometimes he hates it, a huge part of him truly loves being a slave to women. Perhaps he needs to find out why that is.

    @Kilrunio I need to ask you, what is it about this lifestyle that appeals to you so much? It seems you are miserable but you keep going back. Is it just that you're used to it? Or maybe it comes from a true deep love for women.

    I ask because I think that is why I like femdom porn. I think it comes from an absolute love for the female. And it goes to an unhealthy level. I think it is possible that you also have this, and is why you can't seem to escape this lifestyle. Just a though, but maybe it is something you can think about.
     
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  6. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Rationaliser, I appreciate your posts as always. Only I can end it yes. And right now I´m just sticking to my plan. Its following me home. I´ve become very demanding to her now as i didnt use to do that. Ive put the foot down, i am able to say no to financial stuff now, im only seeing her when i want to see her, and i only do what i wanna do. I just should had done this a long time ago.

    I made a longer post but i´ll skip ir ot save it for later, or maybe as an end thing. I have learned so much.

    We can discuss this openly, usually people have PM´ed where ive talked about it and found some clues.

    Let me ask you
    1) Do you feel unmanly or inferior to other men or women? Like you´re not good enough?
    2) Have you been bullied?
    3) Do you overvalue women where you find them to be perfect and want the best for them? And putting them on pedestals?
    4) Do you have low self esteem, or had femdom tendencies before porn?
    5) Have your femdom porn escalated? Like mine started with feet online on youtube and went to toilet slavery, extreme japanese beatings (those girls are crazy), executrixx videos, extreme financial debt, cuckolding (i used to hate it same for findom) and total ruin and destruction. Same for garbage/trash fetish, and anything gross or cruel you can think of.
    Simply due to dopamine cravings, and the need for something new and exciting.
    6) Are you able to be turned on by vanilla sex or girls? I.e ive had girls begging me to invite them on dates but i couldnt care less. Ive had girls where i had the eaisest sex but i only could get hard by wanting to be degraded or worshipping them.

    To answer your question yes I do have an absolute love for the female. Not only tits or pu..ss..y..But their smooth pretty feet, their silky smooth soft legs, their butts, their beautfiul backs in a pretty dress..their shiny shoulders, or the girly moves they do with their legs or shoulders..their eyes...lips..i love makeup, lipstick lipgloss..nailpolish..feminine hands..nails..hair smooth long silky hair..i love it all... i loved giving body massages and worshipping girls. Divine feminity, female supremacy..wanting to give the best and feeling like i used them if i was in control

    But women are the happiest with a real man whos in control, triggering their female sex drive...Ive got a friend whos getting so many girls and he dominates them and they love him. He and I often talk about how to get girls - and I do know a lot about how to do it and trigger and flirt...but i am submissive a lot, and i feel its wrong to use such a fragile female...while theres something so sexy and cruel about a feminine girly petite woman having full control over a strong man, being able to bering him to his knees by her mere words or click of her fingers...a girl snapping or being bratty and bitchy is like a rush to me.

    Its very unhealthy all of this... And its not good to be so polar opposite where the women is pampred and treated like a goddess, while you´re treated like absolute garbage, she gtes luxury you get poverty, she gets pretty, you become ugly from beatings, she gets comfort, you get to be uncomfortable all for her amusement...

    Femdom can be done in a much more beautiful way. But tbh again the girls ive been with are the happiest when i am in charge, when i make them feel protected, loved, secure, and they see me as the real man.

    Every woman seeks a more dominant man...i only love the humiliation in cuckolding..i dont actually think another man is better than me...

    The problem with femdom porn is that its mostly fantasy, unrealistic, and like the younggoddess guy said most women are not dominant nor know what to do. And they are not turned on by a submissive man.

    I hope and plan on trying to become the best and strongest man I can be, and i plan on dominating girls when flirting and in general, and i hope i can rewire my brain..because this self desturction is so scary....even girls who serve tell me how can i talk about myself like this...like i can go to the most extreme and just be like yes yes im not a man, im a loser, im a total garbage bag, use me, break my heart, degrade me, i will worship you, and serve you...

    Meanwhile i have my buisness, my friends. And im totally opposite... this is not.... me...this is some messed up product i need to fight... its all sexual...as much as i say i wanna do slavery none sexual...i love jerking off to it...its not good.

    Hopefully in time - which was my pplnai ve tried it all so im so tired of it..but like people onthis thread said...your brain keep making new scenarios and idas for that high...a dopamine detox, distance and becoming a real man not feeling inferior and realziing yes these ptretty girls love you and want you - that may fix the need to be submissive to pretty girls... I had a couple pretty girls where i realized they aint special...i can be the man and they will worship me.

    I think a lot of my femdom stems from bullying, being inferior, rejection (aka now being turned on by rejection) and the dopamine cravings of and taboo.

    I think femdom and findom is just a shorrtcut to a gf..because i dont know about you..but hwen i think about a sweet pretty girl? I lose all interest in femdom..i know i´d be much happier i na fullfilling loving relationship with a girl who´d love me and please me...sure i´d adore the female, and women. But it´d be much more natural.

    Like when i got my fantasy of seeing a women get her hair done, nails done, makeup, dress, lingerie, desigenr red bottom high heels...for anotehr man..thsats just hte degradation and humiliation aspect..and my shortcut for a girl to make herself look nice..even if its not for me..i settle...i love paying for it...serving.... but i know deep inside, i´d be much happier if i was in control. Because these girls and all this is a fantasy and it only has the power and control we give it.

    From what i see all males and men in this femdom bs suffer and want out...and findom too...but i think most fight it wrong..We need to feel manly. Show ewe can get pretty girls to love us and worship us - if we do that i think we lose interests i nthe degradation aspect...because i think it really is about attention..being tied up by a pretty girl is like her holding us...i remember that since school where girls would tie me up and fight over who could "hold" me like a dog. I felt "close" to them, just like when i eat a girls makeup wipes or gets spit in the face i feel "close" to her.

    Its all about attention and the feeling of being inferior - i feel like im getting to the core of it. And i will win this fight...but i know i gotta make a sacrifice and say no...because my brain will never let me go of this girl... i need to just cut the ties...and put distance and stick to my rule... the whole scoiety is attacking men these days, and empowering females, so no wonder more and more of this is happening.

    Maybe we need to love ourselves, so we dont worship women to an unhealthy level.
     
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  7. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    1. No
    2. When I was a little kid I was. But I used to beat other kids up, including girls. I think some kids were afraid of me to be honest.
    3. I have in the past. Usually after watching a lot of femdom porn.
    4. Not that I can remember to be honest.
    5. Yes for sure. It kept getting more and more extreme. What started as simple humiliation pov turned into chasty slave hypno for example.
    6. Yes and no. It really depends. I know that some days I can only get hard with femdom. But as I go on longer streaks I get more into vanilla fantasies. I am a virgin though so take that with a grain of salt.

    This got me aroused.

    Yes this is a problem indeed. Don't worry about your friend. You don't need to treat girls like crap. But you don't need to be treated like crap either. Just treat them like a friend. I saw from your original post that that is what you wanted anyways yes?

    How can it be done beautifully?

    That is all you love? Do you think this was caused by porn?

    Yes. I think your first step is to do nofap for a while to rewire. Try not to do anything sexual. Good thing you are here.

    Yea it is possible. I honestly don't know

    I think this turns me on too but for different reasons. I'm turned on because of jealousy and rage. I hate the fact that a woman would do this for another man and not me. And I just have to sit there like a beta. That is a real turn on in a sick an twisted way. But the longer I do nofap, the less this stuff turns me on. In all honesty, if I read this several weaks ago it might have caused relapse. Now, the idea just makes me angry, not horny.

    There is no healthy way to worship women. And I don't want her to worship me either. Humans aren't worthy of worship. We aren't perfect, only God is perfect. We have our faults and we need to accept those faults I think.

    I really appreciate this response. It was very insightful and well thought out. Thank you.
     
  8. Superfighter

    Superfighter Fapstronaut

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    Bro don’t let anybody control your life. don’t let porn control you life. Don’t let anybody control your life. Focus more on your religion, focus more on yourself like working out and focus on your working career like if you have a business focus on that. Find a girlfriend that is very loving and caring. She should be able to treat you with respect and you should treat her the same. I understand your fendom addiction bro but trust me I also was going down that bad path but trust me it’s not healthy at all. I am currently trying to overcome pmo and I’m starting a full on hard mode for 90 days. Best of luck bro
     
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  9. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    "Yes this is a problem indeed. Don't worry about your friend. You don't need to treat girls like crap. But you don't need to be treated like crap either. Just treat them like a friend. I saw from your original post that that is what you wanted anyways yes?"

    Well partly, I could had gone that route. I just wanted like respect, more than just slavery as that will likely just be abuse or not fun. Overall really i think i´d rather want a sweet pretty loving gf. So thats what I should go for instead of all this stuff.

    "How can it be done beautifully?"

    I just mean like with love and respect, where its for fun like kinks and if you do some extreme stuff its again consensual and with mutual understanding. Like just play fun. I feel like you can say you can still "serve" by being the man, because the woman is the happiest this way, if you look around its like women are the happiest when tye wanna please their man and make him happy. Ive noticed that aswell where i had to sort of accept that a girl wanted to care for me, make food etc. It made her happy, and it makes sense a woman is more happy that way than when she has to be the man and in charge. Its hard work being in charge. But i feel you can serve by being in charge aswell. Like i´ve before been the leader, and taken care of buisness, but with the girl acted like a puppy, she´d be insecure but i´d create a safe place for her and me, where she oculd have fun and be in charge. Thats what i mean like use submission or servitude in a way where it still promotes your manhood. Best example is a knight to a queen, a king serving his people perhaps.

    "That is all you love? Do you think this was caused by porn?"

    I didnt mean like cuckold was all i was into my bad..i had hfemdom tendencies and ideas before porn, but porn certainly opened a new world...i wanna quit porn for good.

    "Yes. I think your first step is to do nofap for a while to rewire. Try not to do anything sexual. Good thing you are here."
    Excellent advice. Thank you man.

    "I think this turns me on too but for different reasons. I'm turned on because of jealousy and rage. I hate the fact that a woman would do this for another man and not me. And I just have to sit there like a beta. That is a real turn on in a sick an twisted way. But the longer I do nofap, the less this stuff turns me on. In all honesty, if I read this several weaks ago it might have caused relapse. Now, the idea just makes me angry, not horny."

    I heard this from others aswell, men finding out their partner cheated, and they get turned on. And other cucks who talk about this jealousy. Yeah i think i got that too, the anger, the jealousy, and that she doesit for someone else...adding to that that you perhaps give money, paying for all her beauty and clothes, oyu work for her, help her, housework, help her get ready..yet you get NOTHING out of it, another man reaps all the rewards and the woman still looks down onyou despite you doing more than a boyfriend...its weird its like we crave it..i think its due to attention...but what you say about jealousy and anger i till think that sort of sounds like it fits with the feeling of inferiority.

    Imagine you had a girl, dream girl making herself ready for you? Loving you? Do you not lose all interest in cuckolding? I feel like i do at least most of it...i totally see yeah...i just want a girl to do this for me really.

    "There is no healthy way to worship women. And I don't want her to worship me either. Humans aren't worthy of worship. We aren't perfect, only God is perfect. We have our faults and we need to accept those faults I think."

    True. Worship is never get good probably, extremies are no good.
    I see many mention God on here, and i can see how that could help. Im not religious, but im open to there being something, whatever that may be. Religion and the belief in God can have many benefits tho as many people have shown. And whatever helps especially when we need it. But maybe religion is some sort of worship too whcih may not be good. Anywya thats irrelevant for this topic ofc.

    We have faults but we also can improve, we dont have to stay where we are.

    Thank you for the reply and effort, i really apprciate you having taken the time. And you´ve said some excellent things. Thank you so much again. And i wish you the absolute best.
     
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  10. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    Honestly, I think you should go some time without sexual stimuli before getting yourself into a relationship.

    That makes sense. I wonder though if it can ever just stay in the bedroom or if it will inevitably bleed out into the real world.

    This hits the nail on the head! Especially the part where you said you get NOTHING. I got turned on right there to be honest. I guess I still have more rebooting time to go.

    I don't have to imagine. I once loved a woman and she got engaged to another man. She didn't end up marrying him but while they were engaged the thought of them together didn't turn me on at all. It just made me sad.

    I think I am more attracted to the idea when no actual emotions are involved. Like in porn scenarios, at least the ones I would watch, there wasn't ever a man actually in it. She would just talk about going out with someone else, or maybe be covered in semen (just got back). And obviously I didn't know the women in reality.

    Maybe you are right. Perhaps I do have a sense of inferiority that I didn't realize. Though I do have to say, I think there was an element of porn induced fetish because at first I HATED this garbage. Then going down the femdom rabbit hole, I grew to like it.

    Yes my faith helps me a lot. I'm actually a Muslim and this Ramadan that just passed is a huge part of the reason I am on day 37. I get that you don't believe in God. That's fine. But when you go to worship a woman, try asking yourself what you are actually doing. Is she worth this worship? You've been a slave to many of these girls so you know first hand they aren't perfect

    You are welcome. All the best to you as well.
     
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  11. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Late reply. But no you´re right, shes not worth the worship. And yeah I´ve really opened my eyes to how pretty girls just aint perfect, which is obvious, but its easy due to the halo effect to be effected by it.

    Im pretty much not seeing her or doing any slavery anymore. Had a few fights with her, but overall the more respect i demand, she may be angry at first, but seems like she calms down. Im completely and utterly done financially with her. I just lost all desire, and that feels really good. That was hard to overcome but i no longer pay for groceries or random items, i no longer pay for her beauty expenses. Nothing. Ive stopped it. Its my money and i decide. Im just done with it all.

    The thing is - last year at this time i lost contact to her, so a whole summer without contact which was hard as that was a time it could be very fun. Yet that time has passed so going into the summer now, i told myself i was sure i´d end it early summer.

    But apparently now shes been open to a few of my fantasies like being wrapped in plastic wrap, and be all helpless. Sh e talks about surprise 24/7 slavery, and the biggest of yet. Shes having a grill party with her girlfriends, and want me as their slave serving them, driving them home, and i had the ide of using my two shock collars to show off. One on each leg, one to zap me if i am to come and one for when i am meant to be quiet and leave. This way she could show off by letting them press it and see how well behaved i am.

    Its sort of like my femdom dreams come true. Serving a whole lot of girls? Being their slave? I mean its my dream come true. I can have so much fun this summer, and my relationship wit h this girl is going up and down but overall its very good but theres also plenty red flags for why i should end it - i even noted down to myself the redflags.

    I learned from an earlier girl i chased so hard that the solution to the near impossible task of being with her and dating her was....to leave...it was first yearslater i realized instead of fighting for her with so many guys, i should just had left. It would had shown more value, and i´d been more of a man.

    Its important not to fall in love with a girls´s potential, but see and judge her for who she is now, not for who she could be.

    I am determined. Ive had my set date in mind for months and months. i also told myself i can first end this when i have got some work done ive procastinated...so this has made me work hard. My plan right now and i wanna say it public so i can come back here and say im done is this.

    Next week will mostly be work for me, then the week after i will see her and maybe do the fungrill party who knows - whatever i will do with her will be there..then the week after that...thats time to end it... everyone say i can just shoot a text, or maybe call her...i feel i should see her in person yet im almost scared shéd be one of those crazy girls and hurt me or try to make me feel guilty or like how i cant stop being her slave or not take me seriousy...this is why i thought i just need to use family as reason like i gotta focus on that ,or job, or just other things. I´d like to keep it brief.

    But my whole idea about eating some food together like a sandwich, then hugging and saying goodbye...yeah no that wont happen... I feel im being mean by ending it so fast...ive always...well truth is ive always sucked at ending things..i will always make the other person hate me so they do it for me...i thought that was nicer than me doing it because if they hate me they wont miss me..but obviously if they hate you, you hurt them somehow.

    I dont know how i can do it gently...all i know is i got a buisness to work on, passions i wanna focus on, and maybe find a sweet girlfriend...its like two conflicting systems..even if i only see this girl when i want to, and even if its only once every second week for a few hours...its the mental thing..the whole "im her slave"..i realized i quit things when im 99% theres, when im at the finish line...whether that be a jobs, school, buisness deals, workout goals, gaming goals..whatever...somehow i do all the work but when im 99% there or got it i stop....its a characther flaw and i need to finish what i start...

    That said there is no downsides to not having her in my life and moving on....yes maybe now i can finally do all my fun things...maybe i could turn this into a very healthy thing with her with mutual repsect - it works it seems when i put her in her place and dont accept her BS..because girls may get mad but they respect that....i thought i had a dream about paying for her hair, her makeup, her red bottomdesigner shoes, maybe even buy her condoms...and pay for her date and serve her and her bf..

    But i think my cuck fantasies are gone...i think i beat it..i cant believe it...but i realized now i had the chance to do it...its the fantasy i love...not the reality...doing it in reality would be nothing more than me feeling like its a challenge and achievement that i complete..

    I also feel the money it´d cost which is like 1000-2000 dollars if shes to be totally shined up..i do got that money...i just feel like i spent enough on her andi watsed that money buying gorceries or paying for her bills or stuff like that...i should had done it on this...

    All in all - i am proud of what i have accomplished, i think i suffer from scaricty mindset, that i got this thng and i wont getit again, or fear another slave will come.

    But i know every successful person in life had to make sacrifices - so a way for me to look at is - i will sacrifice this, on my specific end date regardless of what fun i can have - in order to fully focus on my other project. Whatever fun i want with this girl i have a couple weeks left for...or i had my chance... ishouldnt had messed up last year, i had a whole summer there...its like i finally got close, this girl didnt want me in her hme at first i coudl tell..hell she didnt hvae a home not her own really...i wish hse did so i could had jumped in from the tart..maybe found a routine and slaved for her for a year and paid for heabtu yexpenses..tahat could had been fun..

    but now we´re here...and like someone told me -- you dont end it when its perfect...but im happy if i can end it when everything perfect here...i dont wanna end it when shes angry..if i can end it on a good note - or at least tell her we´re done, when she thinks all is well..then it doesnt matter heher reaciton..

    i told myself the day after i will go for a shower...

    The next post i make on here. I will write.

    "Its over, I ended it"

    i wont write here before.

    Thank you to all who supported me and been with me in this journey. My week seems to be work, one last week of slavery (aka maybe seeing her one or so) and then week after end it...how i will end it i will see...i wanna make it short and brief and then let that be it....
    Im stubborn, so when i decide something i stick to it usually. So im confident when i ended it thats it. And im pretty sure she may try to tease me withall the fun we could have...but no...I will afterwards focus on my other projects.

    This whole post is more of a blog for myself. I know what to do. I will re-read this entire chat through before i end it - to get strength from everybody who helped me. it will be weird being a "free" man again.

    I at least know 100% all this BDSM romantic domme sub stuff...thats NOTHING like real slavery..these subs and slaves have no clue what its like...i do know howeverl ike i told my friend how fake online femdom is..the vids are so fake..its not realistic..aint no hot girl spending time watching a loser jerking off in a toilet calling him a loser...no she´d simply ignore him...so femdom really is fake...its like younggoddess blog said, its acting...and if one is to indulge in bdsm do it with a lover, or some gilrs you´re friends with or something, then its all fun and healthy...much much better...i could see myself doing that...where its with care and love...maybe theresa tiny bit of care in the thing i got with this girl...when everything is good..but its so werird..one day everything is fine and we lauhg and have such a good chemistry and we truly have so much fun and just "fit"..the next i see redflags and problems.

    Anyway I feel i can fimally also help others with this due to my experience. And def wont recommend this to anyone, stay away from this stuff. Much better to invest in yourself
     
    Last edited: May 30, 2021
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  12. TimeToQuitNow

    TimeToQuitNow Fapstronaut

    @Kilrunio

    If you are serious about what you said then I'm going to hold you to it. I'm not sure if you went to the party yet but it seems troubling to me to be honest. It is hard to believe you really have moved on if you are still doing things like this with her and getting really excited. But if this is your plan then we can just put that to the side. But don't be like "well after the party she asked me to do x, y and z and I said yes because it sounds fun". Stick to your word and be done with it after the party.

    I'll come back here in the future to see if you really are a new man. Best of luck.
     
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  13. BlueBallsOG

    BlueBallsOG Fapstronaut

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    That was a long story, do you still like this fetish?
    'I'll just try this and then I'll stop' that often means your addiction is taking a turn for the worse. May I know this woman's name, your situation sounds familiar...
     
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  14. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    I like parts of it. Like if it is with the woman who i have a fantastic connection with, who really cares about my mental health, and who I just click so insanely well with, like we´re just perfect for this - then i´d be fine with it, because she even told me to stop spending money on her, and always would ask, and shes helped me so much and its like we´re friend sand have a close connection.

    Do I have a fetish to serve a random girl like this? No. Its hell. Its not fun. Last time i was with her i spent hours busting my ass doing her laundry, cleaning, re-arranging her closet, and like she said i got a lot of tasks now as per my own request...but despite me begging for funishments...i barely got anything...its like its always been..i bust my ass..i spend thousand of dollars (though now i spend 0 except like a sandwich or coffee etc, as i stopped it and said no) but yet i get not even 2 minutes of fun....i had to beg her to try something with her cigarette butss in my mouth and ducttape..had to beg her to wrtie degrading names on my t shirt i always have to wear she loves that i made

    and i had to beg her for some toothpaste spit...i got like less than 1 minute to lick it up from the floor..and despie hours of work and being useful...thats all i got....its never like now we do 30 min of funishments..no....i had one time where i was suprirsed..but otherwise its always work work work...or money money money...or im told i had my chance but its all BS...like this time she siaid she had a surprise 24/7 and i could had bene with her on the beach..but its just funny its always when i cant...and i f i want fun i gotta do more work then we have more time she says...thats bs too...we have plenty of time...

    When i look back now - even seeing her once a week or every second week for a few hours is torture...in the past i sued to drive her 24/7, do errand,s and spend so much time..but like i told her last time - to be a slave like that...and to two girls? you cant have a job...its literally 24/7....just driving forth and back and picking them up can easily be a 3-4 hour day..just driving...its all such a waste.

    I also regret all the money i wasted on fun thignsi hoped to happen that didnt..us playing playstation..wathcing tv...sleeping at her place..buying a cage but sh ewont let me use it...so may things..its like its only if she feels shes losing me as a slave or i truly demand something i get it...thats not what i want...theres so so many horrible episodes...like when iwas in the forest on my knees and she was mad i had spent money on her gf and her gf wsas there too and i was told to be on my knees..and i got kicked because i smelled because i had eaten the disgusting smoothie they had made to me that was meant to be really disgusting.

    You dont get treated with respect...sometimes we have amazing talks and fun and its like we´re friends....but the day after she can be so different....its so scary...and she doesnt wanna give me fun..i know that now...i wish i had spent some of the money and demanded much more....or demanded my fun before i spent the money..or done some 50/50 or said if i dont get my fun i wont spend more..or something....i kinda like the idea of taking her to the hair saloon, clohtes dresses, makeup, nails done...to prepare for her date and pay for it...and drive her..but now its been a while since i spent money on her...i realize how much it is....so while 15000 dollars went like woop ti do in such a short time...now its like 1000 dollars seems like a fortune...and i also see my mother struggling....and yet i spent all my money on a woman who doesnt desevre it when i should give to my mother who gave me life...

    its all so F up...

    No..i dont like this...its all a fantasy...femdom vids online? its a fantasy..i know that now...girls telling you you´re a loser and to kiss their ass? thats sexual - no way would a girl do that with a "loser" so already there its fake..acting..or they like the guy...like icould do it with the woman who cares for me....

    if a girl has no desire to make you happy this wont work..and why would they if they think you´re an unmanly, faggot loser whos weak? they dont its like in relationships...lose respect..lose attraction...lose love...

    You´re right man..if you think "just one more time"..you´re foooling yourself...no...i have lost myself in this...this is not what i planned...and she cant stand evne having me on social meida it seems...idk whats going on..but i need her out...and if she wanna give me my fun i dont care..its onlyto keep me....

    I will use all this as a learning lesson...but yes when i get horny its hard not to seek into the "please destroy me and just F me up...beat me up..take all my money..degrade me like never before..." yes...i get that still...but i hope i can rewire my brain or find a sweet girl to focus on instead of all this..im trying to level up and move on from all this shit.

    I know now that pretty girls aint shit.,.they are full of issues and flaws...its funny though if i look at a picture of her i think like when i contacted her..i wanna pay for her hair..i wanna serve her..but when i see her in real life i see the real her...i dont wanna pay...its just a fantasy...but what i hate is i spent a fortune...yet i didnt even get my fun...i wonder if i could had done extreme stuff like eat her shit if i paid like 10000 dollars... i mean i spent the money...but now i didnt get that experience...and im not gonna spend that money again and nor would other girls do it..its also disgusting...itd not be like my fantasy....but its just stuff like that...i spent the nergy, time, effort, money..but didnt get my fun...because i fearloed osing her..because i wasnt demandig nenough..and her gf just resents me...shes open to all this stuff now and its so natrual to her.....but again its boring...and its not like the fantasy of the cruel girl...no...its just girls...and its not fun...its a fantasy...

    So no its not fun, and i dont have a need for this anymore. Its like im just dragging a dead horse a long these days. I jut focus on my other stuff in life now.
     
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  15. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

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    I hope you succeed in quitting
     
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  16. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    Thank you... Mostly im wondering if i should send a text or call or se her..i dont want to make it a big deal i dont want questions..and i know she takes rejwctions bad...if i dont respond she sometimes calls me like 20 times, phonecall,whats app facebook, she tries so hard....but most girls cant stand being ignored or rejected

    im thinking of just calling her and say i gotta focus on other stuff....a text is maybe a bit meh unless she doesnt stop after i tell her its over

    maybe i need to see her but i dont wamt a big deal or drama..i got afeeling she will,think im hoking or wont accept it.

    self care is so important
     
  17. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    I nearly got caught now again like, talking to her, talking about doing fun stuff with her...no no no..its all sexual for me and my brain wqanting to jerk off to this shit....she wont give me my fun..shes got me by the balls like a woman said...ive seen it before - it wont happen...its BS...
    Now she talks about having that dinner grill party with her girlfriends next week and said she could introduce me as her servant - as she say im sensitive and sometimes get sad - and its up to me if i want to be introduced as her slave.

    Then i start talking about degradations, and she want me to lsice meat and make drinks.... its not like i imaigne it - it wont be girls with focus on me...it willbe a lot of work...and wont be fun...shes always talking about serving her not me getting fun...sure she will shock me or have me drink tolílet water or makeup wipes as my treats but nothing new...if i suggest stuff shes open to it but it usually doesnt happen..i have to pressure so much.
    Ive talked to some friends and put distance to her - and ive realized..there are 0 downsides to that. I feel free, i feel happy...with her again get pulled back in like a double life...

    Im nearly done with some work i planned - and nofap has been put in action. I found out if i jerk off before talking to her i lose all desire to serve her - this is a great way to fix it....i told myself spend this week finish my work (personal work) then next week see her and then give her a phonecall that im done. That seems like a good plan.
    The only other difference i´d be willing to do perhaps is see her for her party -- then cut her off.... or maybe see her for the party and see her once more where i cut her off

    but the issue is everytime i see her its garden work, house work etc... i dont care about my 24/7 sleep over i could have or fun things like being tied up..
    I really know now i should focus on being a man - be strong - get out of this findom femdom bs - and find a sweet girfriend - this is the way to trhrive for me - and if i wanna do kinky stuff with her sure i can do that - but be a man and i hope i can do vanilla sex and enjoy it...
    I realize this really is just a quick - cut her off - and put distance to it - because every time we havent spoken for a while i feel really good - i feel happy i feel normal...then my urges and fetishes pull me back in..but this doesnt fit in my life..last year i could work all the time for her...now seeing her is dreadful..

    And its summer now...

    Ive not used this for a long time...but if i say it ive always kept it...im gonna do this right now..
    I PROMISE myself and say it here that before this month is over - i have ended it. This is the only way for me to keep it i think - i wont break my promise. and hopefully much sooner...

    i already decided..i dont wanna see her this week i´ll cancel it so i can finish my work and then end it next week..that sounds like a plan..then move on and finally close this chapter and get some distance to it and let time do its thing..thats the plan.

    It doesnt matter if i feel guilty or feel like i should do more or its not the right time and all this shit..thats OCD and addiction... i will end it by the date ive planned...even if that means just giving her a phonecall. I have so much other stuff to do and focus on - this has to end...whatever fun i can have now should had been last summer when i had messed up where she had cut me off...i could had done many things differently and done many fun things....

    Shes open to my ideas now, and i can speak so freely aobut all this - do that to most girls and they freak out, but this girl just find it funny even tho she thinks ima it frekay or weird, its normal talk and fun and we can have long phonecalls..but i have to stick to my plan...

    I will do one final read of this whole thread of everyone who commneted - this should help me, then i will do it...for now i wont see her..now until my work is done..thats decided..then i will see her one final time...and then..i will end it..phonecall or by seeing her(okay thats 2 times but thats only to say bye - nothing else.) thats my plan.

    In less than 300 hours from now on I want this to be over. I want to have said im done. Then i think i will take a nice hot shower, and when i wake up the next day i want to start my new life away from all this.
     
  18. todolist

    todolist Fapstronaut

    Why not end it now?
     
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  19. Kilrunio

    Kilrunio Fapstronaut

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    I would like to...bit im not sure how to end it. I feel a text is a bit insensitive maybe?
    A phonecall? Or maybe ask to see her and say to her i got something to tell her?
    Im not sure how to do it.... i dont want questions about why

    i feel she will ask why and say why do i change and whats wrong and say all the fun we planned im now losing out on and how im her slave and cant stop or something..she used to joke that i had to pay 3000 dollars or so to be free


    Im so bad at ending things...ive never been able to end relationships or friendships..i usually make people hate me so they end it thats easier for me...i know i need to man up...but how do i end it without having to answer questions or having to justify myself? I just wanna be free...tell her hey its over..and then tommorow i wake up i can be free and move on...its over...but how to end it? I know she will ask why amd all sort of stuff

    Maybe ask to see her quick and just say it as it is and say some private stuff i have to do or something happened so nust lost my desire...idk i feel its unfair maybe to her...id wanna know why too...i just wanna do it simple but how to end it without feeling like a jerk?
     
  20. takeaction21

    takeaction21 Fapstronaut

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    You don't owe her anything. It seems like all she does is make you miserable, just text her and get it over with otherwise you might be stuck in this cycle of manipulation forever.
     
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